Fighting For Family: Summer and Jordan

Chapter Three

Summer

I left. I can’t believe I just left. I am the shittiest person in the world freaken world to do that to him. How does that say I love you? It doesn’t, but I do love him and I will need to explain myself when Jordan and I get some alone time and who knows when that is going to be. I’m truly terrified right now and it’s bringing back some terrible memories that I have refused to relive. I see myself in her and it's not a good feeling...

I know leaving was wrong but anyone with a right mind and half of 20/20 vision can see that Ellie is Jordan’s, or Finn’s, or Archers, damn it. You can’t really tell. They all have brown hair and two of the boys have blue eyes, one has brown and the other is green and I don’t know what this woman looks like. f**k. I don’t know, something inside my gut is telling me she is his…and I don’t know what to do.

I’m terrified. What if the baby is his? What will happen with us? We never talked about it, but seeing Ray and Dylan with Eliana and Trey is giving me as some major baby fever, I mean, kind of? I guess. I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense, does it? I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. I can’t help but think of the possible situations that can come from this. I mean, if Ellie is Jordan’s, I could be the best mom in the world and she could take to me like we were a natural family, but in reality, kids don’t really like me. I never knew how to take care of a baby until Ray had the twins. I was never around kids. But my fear is what happens when he finds out who the mother is and goes looking for her and they decide to try to be a family.

I’m never usually like this. I have a straight head on my shoulder and I know what I want in my life, I always have ever since I was a teen, and when I mean straight head on my shoulder, I am talking about always looking forward. Growing up the way I did can f**k anyone up and I know it messed me up pretty bad.

When I was about two, apparently my dad left me and my mom and moved to Florida. Mom told me, when I was about nine, it was because he was cheating on her and decided to abandon us and start a new family with a new wife and kids and that he didn’t want me and I believed her, I mean, I didn’t know better. My mom was all I knew; she was there and he wasn’t so what else was I supposed to believe? I was heartbroken and I went through my teen years rebelling against everyone and everything. My mom was absent so I acted out, worse than most teens. I was arrested numerous times for stealing as well as breaking and entering, but that’s a whole other story. I can say that I was proud I never did any drugs, alcohol, yes, but that’s it. She had guys coming in and out so I avoided home as much as possible and filled the void with guys. When I turned sixteen, my mom kicked me out of the house when she caught me upstairs with a college guy who was nineteen. Instead of helping me or realizing there was a problem, she dropped me off in a town I haven't been in since I was little and left me with nothing but the clothes on my back. I didn’t have anywhere to turn, so I ended up living with an old friend of my parents who found me. She knew both of them growing up and she found me sitting on a park bench in the pouring rain and brought me home and I didn’t look back ever since that day. She got me the help that I needed.

What hurt the most was when my mom came back when I turned eighteen. She wanted to mend our relationship and me, being the stupid person I am, believed her and let her back in. At first, it was great, but then, things turned.

When I turned nineteen, I found out that my mom was the one who cheated on my dad and lied about it. She got a restraining order against him for who knows what reason, I couldn’t find out why, but because I lived with my mom at the time, I was included in it. I could not explain how pissed off I was that I missed out on years with my dad. The only reason why I found out was because my dad’s sister came into town looking for me. My dad finally came clean about what happened and she hopped on the first plane to Texas.

Well, let’s just say that I haven’t spoken to my mom since the day I found out about everything. I was visiting during Christmas on college break when mom was arguing with my aunt on my dad’s side about me visiting. I overheard the conversation and was blown away with the details.

It was that moment when I looked right in my mother’s eyes and realized she was dead to me. She lied to me about everything and I missed out of the sense of family that I craved. I hated her and I never wanted to see her again. So, I packed up my bags and went to Florida with my aunt to see my dad for the first time that I could remember.

He was living with my aunt. He had no one else, just him and I knew everything my mother told me was wrong and I felt like s**t for not reaching out. So, I made a promise to him that I would go down there for a couple of weeks at least once a year. I was scheduled to go out during Thanksgiving break with Jordan but now, I don’t know what’s going to happen. It all depends on this whole baby situation.

I walked home in the pouring rain, hands in my pockets, drenched hair and damn, it was cold. My phone was going off with his ringtone and I hit ignore. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to him, I just couldn’t right now. I didn’t know what I would say. I just needed a moment to myself, to breathe. Ultimately, I was scared of what he would say. On the outside, I look and act like the most secure person, but on the inside, insecurities, I’m telling ya.

A car pulled up next to me and slowly moved forward with every step I took. Ray rolled the window and I instantly heard Ellie crying. How do I know it’s Ellie? Easy. I know Eliana and Trey’s cry from the moment they start.

“Get in the car.” She said sternly towards me. I paused my step, closed my eyes and tilted my face towards the night sky, letting the rain drench my face.

“No.” And I started walking again.

“You’re going to get sick.”

“I don’t care.”

“You’re being stubborn.”

“I’m always stubborn.”

“Actually, you’re not being stubborn. You’re being a class A b***h and you are putting Jordan in a terrible position.”

“He's in a terrible position?” I paused my step and looked at her.

“Exactly! He is! He might have a child and the person he decided to spend the rest of his life with walked out and walked away from him. How is that supposed to make him feel right now? He is literally freaking the f**k out!” she screamed at me. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes to calm herself down before looking back at me.

“You don’t understand.”

“Of course I do! I’m in the same position. You don’t think I’m freaking out that Dylan might have another child with someone else? That I would have another mouth to feed and someone else to take care of on top of the crap that’s going on? But seriously, please. I’m on your side here. I’m on your side because I get it. Now, get in the car, we will go to the store and get some things Ellie needs and we will go back to your place after we drop her off at mine, okay?”

“You mean your place because it’s not mine. But whatever. Will you get me a bottle of wine with your rich people money?”

She hesitated for a moment before she gave me a smile. She never hesitated before and she always went along with the jokes about her being well off. I mean, I don’t use her for her money at all if that’s what you’re thinking. In actuality, I always pay for myself. I refuse to let her pay but we would joke about the money because for some twisted reason, it made her feel better. “Yeah, come on.”

She unlocked the car and I hopped in the passenger seat and she made a U-turn and headed to Walmart. I turned the radio off. I didn’t need it right now. “What are you going to do if she’s Dylan’s?” I asked quietly playing with my fingers.

“There’s really nothing else I can do but be there for him and help raise her. If she is his daughter then she’s mine too.” She shrugged like it’s no big deal. I wish I could be strong like her.

“Does it bother you that she could be his?” I looked over at her and for the first time, I was glade she couldn’t look at me. I could have called and Uber to get home but the reason why I walked was so I could let the tears hide in the raindrops, plus we live right down the road. It would have been a waste of time and money.

“Of course. I mean, I hate the fact that he was ever with anyone else. I’m not naïve. I know he was with a bunch of other girls. Two years ago he was going through some rough moments with his rehab and alcohol and who knows what he did. You know how it is. We’ve had plenty of nights where we don’t remember what we did. But because of that, she could very much be his. It doesn’t help that all the guys look creepy similar in their own way.” She chuckled making me roll my eyes. I hate to admit it, but she’s right. “Do you know anything about his past relationships?”

“He said he hasn’t had anything long term like this. Some short term girls, but no one he was seeing a future with. But I mean, that’s how we started. We were never supposed to end up engaged. What if she is Jordan’s and he goes and looks for her mom and he finds her and realizes that he loves her and wants them to be a family?” Holy f**k, what is wrong with me?

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes at me. “He loves you otherwise he wouldn’t have put that ring on your finger. He worships the ground you walk on and puts up with your crap. Now, what are you going to do if she is his?”

“I don’t know…I don’t want kids right now. I’m not ready to be a mom. I just…I can’t think about that right now.”

“Okay. One day at a time right now, okay?” I nodded my head, “Plus, it will be a few days before we get the results of the paternity test and we have other matters to worry about.” She said softly.

Something else was clearly wrong, but I didn’t continue the conversation. We made it to Walmart and as Ray carried Ellie, I pushed the cart and we instantly went to the baby section. I never realized how the cute clothes and baby stuff there were. Ray started to put a bunch of stuff in the cart and I just kept looking. “Come on, help me. You know you want to.” She grinned. Damn it, shopping is my vice, especially when Dylan hands me that magical black card. Hey, I might not use Ray’s money, but I have no issue using his. Just kidding, kind of.

So, I went for it. I grabbed some clothes, shoes, socks, these cute little head bands, sippy cups, bowls, blankets, diapers, wipes, anything you could think of, I grabbed. I was going through the racks and came across this shirt and I couldn’t help but chuckle and feel the tension in my chest at the same time.

“We should get this.” I held up a purple shirt with black letters that says, ‘Daddy’s Girl.’

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Eh, why not. It makes me laugh a bit and I need something to make me laugh.” And I put it in the cart. “Can I hold her?” I surprised myself when I let the words come out. Ray gave me a weird look while she handed her to me and when I brought her to my hip, she clung to me and I held her a bit tighter. I couldn’t be mad at her. This wasn’t her fault. Her mother abandoned her out of nowhere and it was her mother’s fault that she didn’t tell whoever the father was, that he was a dad. He missed out of the first year and a half of this beautiful girl’s life. Who would do that to a person and why?

We made it to the checkout and Ray tried taking her from me, but I couldn’t let her go. I wouldn’t let her go. “You know, you will eventually need to give her to me.”

“Why?”

“Because Dylan and I are going to take care of her until this whole thing is figured out.”

“Are you sure? I mean, with Eliana and Trey and now Ellie…”

“It’s not like we have anything else to do right now.” She said softly, so me being me, decided to push a bit more.

“Well, what about your lesson plans and getting things set up for the new school year in rhe next couple months? You have the same kids as last year right?”

“Yeah…about that…” and she told me what happened.

She told me about the state and how they cut the funding to public schools and how they were being affected. She told me about how they wanted to raise school taxes and we all know that would just piss people off. She told me about how they can’t even buy new school buses and how they stopped all plans for the reconstruction they had going on, including the football stadium even though the team brought in a lot of money from winning states last year. She told me about cutting the art and music program by a third and taking away all sports and laying off a bunch of teachers.

“They can’t do that! Do they know that the extra curriculars that are offered in a school help keep children rounded and keep them out of trouble? It helps boost their social skills as well. What the hell are they thinking?”

“Oh, we agree. Trust me, we feel the same way. Jordan, Dylan, Archer, Jo, even you and I are just some of the few examples. Without those, who knows what would have happened.”

“Well, Dylan would be an axe murderer. Archer would be the getaway driver to some weird ass robbers. Jordan would be a male stripper. Jo would maybe be an escort and you and I would be lesbian lovers. Duh.”

“Do I ever tell you that your way of thinking is just plain weird?”

“All the time and you wouldn’t change me for anything in the world.” I grinned. “So, what is the school planning to do? A budget vote or something?”

She sighed as she put the bags in the car and I buckled Ellie in the back and handed her a new elephant stuffed animal we bought for her, “So, Dylan and I decided to donate the needed funds to keep the programs going and everything that needs to be done.”

“Okay…if you don’t mind me asking…how much did you guys donate…”

“32.” She sighed.

“Oh, that’s not bad.” I shrugged, “Thirty two thousand is like nothing to him and his family.”

“Yeah…not thousand.” I took a moment to really think about this. Once it came to me, holy crap. I can’t believe they did that, “Yeah, and worst part is we had to resign due to conflict of interest or something like that. And on top of that, and you can’t tell Jordan just yet because Dylan needs to tell him, he lost his job too because of how close we all are.”

“Oh…wow…” was all I could say.

We made it back to her house and I was nervous, antsy and I don’t know what else. So many thoughts were going through my mind to the point I couldn’t think straight. On their porch, the boys were all standing there as well as Jo. The twins must be in bed.

Ray went to get Ellie out of the car and Dylan walked over to us. “Is she asleep?”

“Yeah, the car ride knocked her out.” Ray smiled up at him as she held her. “Let’s get her to bed and we can figure this all out in the morning.” She turned to look at me, “Go talk to him. As much as you’re freaking out, he’s freaking out ten times more.”

They went inside and the others followed suit, just leaving Jordan and I standing outside. At least the rain stopped and I was somewhat dried. I walked up to him and grabbed his hand, but I couldn't look at him in the eyes.

“Hey…” he whispered.

“Hi…” I said back, looking at the ground. I didn’t want to look at him but at the same time, I needed him.

“Can we talk, please?” You could hear the urgency in his voice and I instantly felt bad. How could I be so selfish? I nodded my head and he walked forward and grabbed my hand and we went to the backyard to Dylan’s porch. “What’s going through your head?” He asked as he pulled me down to sit next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and I laid my head on his shoulder.

“I'm scared Jordan. What if she’s yours?” I mumbled, “I mean, yeah, I know you’ve been with other girls, but the thought of you possibly having a daughter with someone else, I don’t know, it just bothers me.”

“I can see your point.” He sighed out, “Whether she’s mine or not, I can promise you this, no one compares to you. If she’s not mine, then we support whoever the father is, whether it’s Dylan, Finn or Archer, which if it’s Archer, then we are going to have a very serious conversation.”

“We need that conversation anyways with him.” We both chuckled a bit and went silent.

“And if she’s mine, I’ll step up. I don’t really have much of a choice, I just hope you decide to join that journey with me, but if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

I didn’t know what to say. Was I ready to join that journey with him? I said I do, but did that also mean I do to his secret child?