Of Gods and War - Book 3

Chapter 2

Kaiya – 16 years old

“Kai, are you ready,” my dad called from outside my bedroom door. I struggled in front of the mirror to get the zipper up on the back of my gown with zero success. 

“Hey, dad, can you help me?”

He opened the door with his head turned in the hallway, “are you decent?”

“I need help with the zipper is all.”

He slowly peeked in my room and when he decided I was decent enough for him, he breathed a sigh of relief. Ever since…that night…he has been awkward around me. Treads lightly. He thinks he’s protecting me that way, but whatever makes him feel better, I guess. “Are you sure you want to go tonight? We could stay home and order some dinner. Don’t you like that Italian place that delivers?” He’s telling me this while he’s winning the award for slowest zip-up job ever. A sloth could have done it faster than him, I swear.

“Dad,” I turned around when he finally finished. “We need to support Cal as the next Alpha and be there to celebrate his coming of age. Plus, you all have sworn my entire life he and I would be mates. We owe it to you and mom and Darrin and Rose to be there.”

My dad froze and I watched the tick in his jaw flex and unflex. “Kai, you don’t owe anyone anything, sweetheart. We all are happy that you’re—”

“Dad,” I turned to face him, “let me do this for me, okay? I want to go and Katelyn’s actually coming for part of it, so I can spend time with her.”

Dad sighed and dropped his shoulders. He always looks so handsome in his tux. Kel and I take after our mom mostly, but I see so much of my father in my brother. “Well, if at any point tonight you feel uncomfortable or want to come home, tell me. I wouldn’t mind sitting with you and watching a movie or something over a good bowl of pasta. I’m not into these fancy catered dinners anyway.”

“Dad, the catered food is pasta.”

“Yeah, but pasta tastes better when I’m sitting on the couch with my food watching whatever trash television you kids watch.”

“Mom would throw a fit if you ever ate on the couch.”

I watch his playful grin build, “I can handle your mother’s fits just fine.”

“Oh, gross!”

“Dad! I need your help with this,” Kel walks into my room without knocking. Holding his bowtie in one hand, he ruins, yet again, another good moment I’m having. 

“For crying out loud, don’t you know how to knock? This is my room and you were interrupting something.”

“Yeah, I heard. Dad was talking about getting laid and you were grossed out. Great.” He turned his attention to my dad, “Dad, can you help please?”

“Sure, let’s go out in the hall,” my dad lays a chaste kiss on top of my head and follows my brother out.

My phone dings in my clutch and I’m sure it’s Katelyn. Pulling it out, I see there’s a message from her, but there’s another one from Cal. Ever since my brother and I kind of stopped being actual friends and more enemies, Cal and I sort of don’t talk that much. I mean, he practically lives here, but he sticks to my brother for the most part. It’s like a nasty divorce where I ended up with the cat and my brother got the dog. That sounds gross, now that I think about it. 

I kept my countdown to Cal’s coming of age, even when he made me think we were mates. I wasn’t sure if we were, and after the way things turned out, I’ve prayed to the goddess every night that Roman isn’t my mate. If it turns out Cal is, not only does it take that worry away, but it would be like one of my wildest dreams coming true. 

Cal’s grown up handsome, and for an Alpha, he’s not some arrogant douchebag like some others. His father has been teaching him to listen first and make wise decisions. 

Aside from getting to actually be with the guy I’ve fantasized about since I was thirteen, it would be nice for the nightmares to go away. My fears of being with Roman would be put to rest.

Cal: Are you coming tonight?

Kaiya: Dad’s trying to talk me into staying home to watch a movie.

I can hear my dad lecturing my brother to stay away from Katelyn and me tonight and not trying to start another fight. If they only knew what happens when they’re not home. Whenever my parents are away, we get out all the repressed anger we held in. Kel and Cal bring their conquests over, they leave, then Kel and I fight. Sometimes I can go to Katelyn’s, but on the nights I can’t…my brother and I fight until Cal breaks us up.

My phone dings again.

Cal: Movie sounds better than some stupid party.

Kaiya: We owe it to our parents to stand there at midnight and find out, don’t you think?

Cal: Is that the only reason you’re coming? You don’t have to just for that. Stay home if that’s what you would rather do.

The way I’m reading these sounds like he doesn’t want me to come. That wouldn’t make sense. I mean, we aren’t close, but we’re still friends.

Kaiya: Are you un-inviting me?

Cal: No, just wondering if the party would be too much for you. Don’t want you to be overwhelmed.

Kaiya: If I feel like it, I’ll leave, okay?

Cal: It’s really not that big of a deal tonight. It’s just a stupid party.

Kaiya: I hope you don’t say that at my coming of age.

Cal: No! Of course not. Yours will be…memorable, I’m sure.

I shake my head not understanding what his deal is. Instead of feeding into whatever weird headspace he’s in, I check Katelyn’s message.

Katelyn: Mom’s home sick tonight, I have to stay in. Please hug Cal for me and tell him I said happy birthday.

Well, at least they won’t have to hide the wolf stuff tonight. She was the only human that was going, so everyone can be themselves now.

After a small confrontation in the hallway, in which, my brother proceeded to be an ass, yet again, I undid all the work on his bowtie and left him cursing in the hallway. He muttered something under his breath about Katelyn but I just ignore it now. 

I know that on our birthday he’s going to realize she’s his mate. He’s going to regret pushing her away all this time and it’s not going to be pretty. She acts meek now, but he’s the only one who can get her riled up, and that’s exactly how it will be. Fire fighting fire.

“You kids ready?” my dad asks when Kel finally comes back down, having decided not to wear his bowtie.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I turn to my dad, “oh, by the way, Katelyn isn’t coming, she has something going on now.” I know Kel’s listening, and he proves it almost immediately.

“Why not? What’s she got going on tonight?”

I glare over at him, “none of your business since you decided you want nothing to do with her.” Dad escorts me out the front door and over to the car so we can drive to the meeting hall. They set it up outside so everything looks beautiful outside and inside. Mom’s been helping Rose put everything together. 

When we arrive, my brother heads over to find Cal, while I mingle with some of the girls in the pack. It’s kind of hard, since practically everyone knows my business with Roman. There isn’t another ranked female in the pack and the other girls my age are kind of clique-oriented. They’re not rude, just intimidated, and almost all of them have slept with my brother…which is why I hang out with Katelyn only. She isn’t intimidated by me and hasn’t slept with my brother. 

 “Kai, you came,” Darrin greets me with a smile and a hug, “you look gorgeous.”

“Thanks, Alpha, the party looks amazing.”

“Yeah, I’m glad Rose and your mom actually like putting these things together. They always do a great job.”

“Right,” I scan the hall, “is Cal around? Want to wish him a happy birthday.”

“Oh, sure,” Darrin tries to hide that smile on his face but I saw it. “He’s out by the pond. Said he wanted to be alone to think for a bit.”

I look over to the pond and when I see him I can see him staring off into the distance. He looks like he’s in deep thought, so maybe I’ll just find him later…

***

Hours pass and I’ve danced a few rounds with my father and Darrin on the dance floor. Darrin seems like he’s in a good mood and my father is exactly the opposite—stressed. I asked him what his deal was and he claimed he wasn’t ready to find out if Cal really was my mate. Though he’d be happy about it, the idea of his daughter having a mate apparently bothers him, since he thinks I’m still a little girl.

No one seems to get that the chances are slim, anyways, but that it’s better than the possible alternative.

Rose heads up to the stage they set up outside with a remote calling everyone to come count down to midnight. Cal looks angry for some reason, as he walks up to the stage. I still haven’t had a chance to talk to him, like he’s avoided me all night. 

She starts the countdown and I can’t help but feel those butterflies again, thinking about the possibilities. I’ve had to promise myself for years I wouldn’t make myself fall in love until I knew for sure, but in fifteen seconds, maybe I can let myself fall. Goddess knows I’ve waited all my life to find out. 

I stay in the back, and notice all the other girls whispering and snickering, hoping maybe one of them would turn out to be his mate. God, would that be hard to watch. I mean, I would get over it eventually, right? Still can’t help but feel jealous about that idea.

Turning back toward the stage, I catch Cal’s eyes point right at me. His gaze is hard, but he looks like he’s holding something back. Maybe it’s just nerves. Understandable, he probably doesn’t like the attention.

His eyes don’t leave mine for the entire countdown and when everybody reaches zero, and the time officially changes to his actual birthday, he keeps still with his eyes on mine. 

I’m starting to freak on the inside. Maybe he feels it. All this time, all the fantasies of being with him, being his, it wasn’t a waste. His face contorts into something else, more pained, and he breaks eye contact right as I start to step forward. 

“Sorry to disappoint, my wolf doesn’t sense my mate anywhere. Guess she’s still out there,” he storms off the stage and disappears into the hall. Rose gets the music started back up, and tells everyone to enjoy their evening.

I think I must be in shock, because I could have sworn he was watching me like he felt something there. Once the realization hits, those butterflies in my stomach turn to bile threatening to come up. It’s like believing in something and wanting so bad for it to be true, and then you find out it’s not. 

He has a mate somewhere out there and it isn’t me. 

He’s going to fall in love with someone else and it won’t be me. 

My teenage crush turned out to be only that—a crush. 

I made my way out of the party and into the woods. Hanging my dress over a low hanging tree branch and setting my shoes beside it, I decide to shift into Sarai.

I need to get out of here.

As we sprint through the forest and dodge trees and rocks, we find ourselves at the cave. It feels bittersweet, but Sarai led us here. When we make it to the waterfall, I shift back after making sure no one is here. Only four of us would be here and two are at a party and one is at home with her sick mother. I’m safe and alone.

Since I don’t have to worry about anyone coming, I jump in, not caring that I didn’t actually bring extra clothes with me. Underneath the surface of the water, I let out a scream I know no one will hear.

Trying to block out all the thoughts that are hurting.

Cal isn’t my mate.

Roman could be my mate.

Cal will only ever see me as a friend.

I could have another mate out there.

But most importantly, I realize I did let myself fall for him, even though I told myself not to. I made a promise to myself to keep those feelings locked up until I knew it for sure. But I guess that’s the thing about feelings. You can’t control them. This feeling I have now, like my world is falling apart, hurts more than it should. I can only imagine what things would have been like had we been able to feel the bond. 

Coming up from under the water, I gasp for air and jump backward in the water when I see him over by the waterfall. “Cal?” He still has that hardened look on his face like he’s angry. He flinches when I swim over toward him. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here, Kai? It’s late.”

“Just wanted to go for a swim,” I hope it doesn’t sound so f*****g pathetic like I feel right now.

“You come here in the middle of the night often? That’s dangerous, Kaiya.”

“I’m fine, Cal. Why aren’t you at your party?”

He looks away, “didn’t feel like the party mood.”

“Are you mad you didn’t find your mate?” Are you as disappointed as I am?

“Something like that.”

We sit in silence for a while before he clears his throat. “Kai, if you found out Roman was your mate, would you forgive him for what he did to you? Would you let yourself love him if he sincerely regretted what he did?” His eyes look like he’s scared. He has no reason to think about Roman and me when he has his own mate out there to go fine. 

“I’ll never forgive him, Cal. He’s a monster.”

“Monster,” he scoffs, “yeah, that he is.”

“There’s no room in my life for someone who treats women like that.” His jaw ticked and I saw a flash of anger before he buried it. “Cal, is there something wrong? You seem really off today.”

“I’m fine, Kai. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“Well, I mean, I am. You act like someone kicked your puppy or something.”

Cal chuckled and shook his head. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

“Whatever, Cal.” You deserve everything. I hope she cherishes you, whoever she is.

“You should probably get back home, it’s late and your dad is probably going to be worried about his miracle surprise child.”

“Goddess, I hate that nickname,” we both chuckle. 

“Yeah, but your dad is sentimental and cheesy. Let him have the name.”

“Whatever, I guess I’ll head back. You wanna race back?”

A small smile finally, finally makes its way to his face and he agrees. If anything, I’ll have moments like this to remember us. The Cal and Kai that is just us as friends. He doesn’t have to know how I’ve felt about him. He might pity me, especially if he finds his true mate. “Sure. First one back gets to pick a movie to watch tonight.”

“You’re coming over?”

“Everyone is gonna be at that party all night and I’m not going back there. We can watch a movie until your parents get back or whatever.”

“Okay,” I can’t hold back my smile.

“Ready…set…”

“Go!”