Hot as Hell

2. Cade

2

Cade

Cade mindlessly trailed behind the guys as they would their way towards the firehouse. He hadn’t thought seeing Lily would jar him so much.

Sure, he knew she worked at Wilde’s because of her LinkedIn profile that he stalked. It was the only covert way he knew how to keep track of her without her knowing.

But Cade thought popping in would be a fun little way to fire up his return to Salem. He didn’t know Elijah would be there, too. Or that seeing Lily like that, her face flushed from the ovens in the back and the way her chest pushed at the buttons of her crisp button up shirt would instantly turn him on.

Damn, it had been awkward having an erection while Elijah welcomed him back.

Cade was used to the girls in the Montana college town, the i********: models who looked like perfect plastic Bratz dolls online but tired and haggard in person. Lily was different.

He’d always known that, even before what happened between them. However, she’d flourished since he’d been gone.

Cade couldn’t get over it. In the bakery, without a whit of makeup on, she looked at home.

And hot as hell.

The last summer’s freckles scattered across her nose and that dark brown hair that whorled in imperfectly fantastic peaks. Those nearly indigenous cheekbones highlighted her heart-shaped face, and it took all the strength he had to look at her eyes instead of that pout with the sharp cupid’s bow.

Or those t**s, he thought as he pulled into the firehouse.

Fuck. This is Lily, he reminded himself. A sense of shame washed over him. If either of her brothers had any idea what I was thinking... Hell, if they had any clue that he’d been with her once, they’d beat me within an inch of my life.

Cade still couldn’t forgive himself for what he’d done the morning after he and Lily were together. He’d gazed at her, trusting in sleep beside him, and just couldn’t believe it. She’d chosen him. She could have had anyone, and it was him.

Then you went and screwed it all up, he said as he shook his head. In just a few moments he’d destroyed any chance of them ever being together for real.

That, and the fact that Elijah and Aiden would love pounding him into the pavement was enough to have him running for the hills—literally. When he’d driven to Montana, across the rolling hills of eastern Oregon, he couldn’t move fast enough to outrun the guilt that stuck to him from back home.

He thought three years would be enough. But he was wrong. Even now, at the bakery, he’d struggled to find the words. Any words, something to tell her that he was sorry, but they got stuck and messy in his throat.

Cade shook his head at his past self as he pulled his gear together.

If I’d known back then how precious life is, maybe I could have stopped thinking with my d**k for a minute and either not slept with her at all. Or … or maybe I would have made her mine.

Cade paused, one hand on his duffel bag. Is that really what I want?

“Stop it,” he said aloud.

Lily made it impossible to think straight. He’d been in a non-stop tailspin every since he’d left. And it didn’t help that something about what had happened made him wonder. It wasn’t just how tight she was, though he got hard every time he thought about it. There was an innate innocence to it that almost made him stop right there in the moment.

Was she a virgin? But no, she couldn’t be. She’d just broken up with a boyfriend of three years. Plus, she was at one of the biggest party schools in the state.

It had to just be how vulnerable she was given the circumstances, right?

Yeah. And that makes you even more of an asshole.

“Get it together,” he whispered. He needed a clear head, a head free of Lily, before he walked into his new job.

“Get lost out there?” Elijah asked as Cade walked in. “I know it’s been a few years, but it took you long enough.”

Cade shrugged. “Where’s the fire?” he asked.

“Haha,” Aiden said as he tossed Cade’s new standard issues at him.

Cade looked around the firehouse. It had been six months since Elijah and Aiden’s dad had died in the unprecedented Eagle Creek fires that raged through the Columbia. He thought the firehouse would have taken down his official Captain’s photo by now, but it still hung on the walls.

“You get used to it,” Elijah said softly. He approached Cade and put his hand on his shoulder.

“It’s not just that,” Cade said.

There was something about the firehouse that he guessed would always be familiar. It was the same scents he grew up with, that certain cleaning solution that had wormed its way into his hippocampus. The same wooden benches worn smooth after decades of use. But it seemed smaller now. The ceilings felt lower.

Is this just how it works? he wondered.

When he’d been a kid in the foster care system, he’d lucked out when he befriended Elijah. Cade just didn’t know how lucky he’d been at the time. Elijah’s whole family had accepted him as one of their own.

One of his few good memories as a child was stopping by the firehouse after school. Elijah’s dad hadn’t been the fire Captain then, but he was clearly one of the most respected men on the crew. It was the closest thing to a father figure Cade had ever known.

“How’s, uh, how’s Crane as Captain?” he asked.

“Eldon?” Elijah gave a short laugh. “You’ll see. He’s an old fucker, that’s for sure. Like in his sixties! But doesn’t look or act it. Come on, I’ll show you your locker.”

Cade followed Elijah to the back and tried to hold it together. Being back in that firehouse made him feel like a kid again. He didn’t know why. After all, he’d been a recruit here with Elijah right after high school. But those weren’t the memories that were seared into his head.

It was the countless hours hanging out here as kids that he remembered. He could still recall all the stories the old crew told. The valiant rescues and the brave measures they took to keep people safe.

There were certainly remnants of those long-ago years, but there were also some major changes.

“Look weird?” Aiden asked from behind him.

Cade nearly jumped.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Dad had remodeled the whole place six months before … well, you know.”

“Remodeled it?” Cade asked. He slung his bag onto one of the benches as Elijah opened a locker with a flourish. “How’d he get that kind of funding?”

“Dad had been badgering the state for years for a facelift,” Elijah said. “Then, of course, when some i***t kid goes and lights the whole Columbia on fire, even more emergency funds came rolling in.”

“Damn,” Cade said. “Looks good. But it’s just, you know, different. Where’s the rest of the crew?”

“Special training in back,” Aiden said.

“Yeah? Then why aren’t you guys there?”

“We had it last week, jackass. We were just picking up sustenance for these guys. Before you randomly popped up at the bakery, that is” Elijah said. “Oh, s**t, the pastries! You think they’ll care if they don’t get dessert?”

Aiden shrugged. “I think one of the guys brought in doughnuts this morning,” Aiden said.

“Yeah, but you know how they get about Lily’s desserts…”

A loud bark rang through the firehouse. Cade braced himself as a massive dalmation barreled towards them. The dog immediately buried its nose in his crotch as it checked him out. Elijah laughed.

“That’s Sparky Number Six,” Aiden said. “Or, you know, just Six.”

Cade held out his hand for the dog to inspect. “You all get Stranger Things questions from civilians now, naming the fire dogs like that?”

“Sometimes,” Elijah said with a shrug.

“So, Five, she …”

“Last year,” Aiden said.

There was a quiver to his voice. They weren’t supposed to get attached to the dogs, but Aiden had always had a particularly rough time with that rule.

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Elijah said with a sigh. “C’mon, let’s go meet up with the Captain.”

As the three of them headed down the hall with its new, crisp white coat of paint, the alarms started to go off. Cade felt the jolt of excitement sizzle through him. Even after all these years in a firehouse, there was something about that alarm that always reminded him of why he did this.

They started to move faster as an unfamiliar voice crackled over the intercom. Captain Crane calmly announced the address, turnout time, and apparatus for the call. Cade could hear the crew as they flew into the firehouse and the truck rumbled to life.

Elijah and Aiden were instantly in rescue mode.

“What a way to start a shift,” Aiden said.

“We’ll pick this up when we get back,” Elijah called to Cade. “Damn, Commercial Street,” he said to Aiden.

Cade smiled as their backs retreated.

Change or no change, coming back here is like coming home, he thought.

He nodded at some of the crew that charged past him. A wave of emotion washed over him, and he felt wet pricks at his eyes. Cade blinked away the tears, grateful that the call meant nobody would pay him much attention.

It was stupid, getting emotional over the station, but he couldn’t help it. Ever since the Montana fires had taken three of his crew right in front of him …

Cade wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

“Can I help you?” The deep voice startled him, and Cade looked up at the grizzly new Captain. The man had blue eyes that pierced straight through him.

“Captain Crane, hello, sir,” he said. “I’m Cade—”

“I know who you are.”

Cade took in the older man, grayed but in peak physical condition. The Captain offered a small but kind smile that wrinkled his eyes and softened his face. “Come on back, we have some paperwork to take care of.”

Cade settled into the straightback metal chair across from the rich wooden desk.

“I’ll need you to affirm a few details about your company in Montana,” Captain Crane said.

“Sure, I—”

“It’s where three crew members died, correct?” the Captain interrupted.

Cade nodded, a lump in his throat.

“I’m real sorry about that. It’s a terrible thing. I’ve lost some good men in my twenty years of service,” the Captain said as he made some marks on a thick stack of papers.

Cade nodded again.

The Captain pursed his lips and glanced up. “Don’t take this personally, but you’ll need to get checked out by the company psychologist.”

“What?”

“Since I’ve taken over here, every man and woman on this crew is my responsibility. To ensure that everyone is capable of doing their best, I’ve brought in Dr. Hersh. Sometimes it’s just good to talk to someone when you’ve seen some of the stuff we see every day.”

“So I’m going to see a shrink instead of fighting fires?” Cade could hear the judgment in his voice, but he couldn’t help it.

“Hey. Take it easy,” the Captain said.

Cade clamped his mouth shut.

Don’t give him a goddamned reason to send you to the psyche ward, he admonished himself.

“It’s my understanding that you haven’t been on active duty since some of your crew died. I just want you to talk to Dr. Hersh tomorrow before you go rushing into a blaze, that’s all.”

Cade glowered, but stayed quiet. His crew had died, with him watching, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.

But I’m sure as hell not going to let it happen again.

The Captain handed him a ream of paperwork. “Why don’t you get started with this today?”

“Yes, Captain,” he said, and stood up.

“Close the door on your way out,” the Captain called to Cade’s back.

Cade stalked towards the break room. A dark cloud hung over his head.