My Bodyguard Is My Ex Boyfriend

Chapter Ten: Am I Broken?

Brandy

“Are you okay?" Nate asked turning to look me over only after ensuring Axel and his partner were gone.

I nodded numbly, pushing away Nate’s roving hands, not wanting to be touched. I heard Nate grumble something before he leaned me against a desk and took my bag, dropping it on the floor at our feet. He pinched the bridge of his nose as if he was trying to keep himself from losing his s**t, taking a step away in the process. "Why didn't you indicate you were in trouble?" he demanded, his fingers gently tracing the bracelet on my wrist. I heard the disappointment and worry in his tone and tried my best to ignore it and how it messed up my insides.

He didn't care about me, I reminded myself. He was doing his job and, at the most, this was all just a ruse to get back in my pants and rip the rest of my heart out. It was nothing more.

I shakily took a breath and had to wonder why I hadn't used the emergency button. It had been stupid of me not to. I understood that, even if I did hate Nate's guts. Though, I had to admit it was this part of me--the part that hated how I was now so reliant on his protection--was still bitter about our present situation. Especially after what happened last night. "Brandy, this is no time to let old emotions, hurt and anger cloud your judgement," he scolded softly in my silence. I despised how spot on he was and stubbornly remained silent. I kept my gaze to the floor. "You could have been in real danger. Hell! In my opinion you were!" He exploded at my continued silence. "That was Axel Ross, Brandy! And you knew that," he snapped as he ran a hand through his hair in agitation before his hands landed on his hips. "What were you thinking!?"

"I wasn't thinking, okay!" I snapped back, the panic, the confusion, the hurt rising in my chest. I was on my feet and I pushed his chest in my outburst. I caught him off guard and he ended up taking a few steps back from my shove. "I-I was frozen, Nate!" I shouted, the tears pricking my eyes at the truth in my words. I had frozen. Just as I always freeze when my father gets in my face. It was my reaction to being threatened like that. It was my body’s response to just shut down.

The only thing was, Axel wasn't my father. So, why had I done nothing? Nate was right, I should have done something. Yet I hadn't. Had Axel elicited a traumatic response? "Am I broken?" I whispered, breaking down. Had I wanted Axel to hurt me? Or had I gone into survival mode?

Nate's heavy sigh drew my attention back to him. "May I?" he asked, opening his arms.

Did I dare let him touch me again? Let alone hold me? My heart thundered in my chest at the prospect, because it wanted nothing more than to fall back into him and his tainted love because he was familiar. He felt safe, even after everything he had done to me. I had always felt protected and loved in his embrace, even though he had betrayed me in the worst possible way. My mind, however, wasn't so willing and I hesitated.

Though, seriously, what could a few moments in his arms really do? There wasn't anything he could do to me here other than hold me…

Slowly, I stepped into his arms and allowed him to wrap me up safely against his chest. I closed my eyes tightly and inhaled him deep into my lungs, even as I stubbornly kept my arms at my sides. Tears leaked out and stained his vest and shirt, but I knew he wouldn't care.

"There is nothing wrong with you, blackberry," he cooed against my temple. "And anyone who says there is, is the one who is broken."

I wanted to argue, but I couldn't give Nate such a personal look into my mind, heart and past. Otherwise, he might just change his stance and drive me straight to the insane asylum.

"Tell me what he said, Brandy," he commanded gently. Initially, I shook my head. However, as the minutes ticked by, I knew I would eventually have to tell him. This seemed far too important to just keep to myself.

Taking a shaky breath, I told him what Axel said to me. "I don't think he was lying," I stated softly in the silence that followed.

Nate huffed exasperatedly. "They are all very good liars, Brandy. And your father is included in that group which you already know. They have to be in order to get away with the s**t they do." As he stated this, his voice drifted off thoughtfully.

"Don't tell anyone what happened here," I blurted suddenly, pulling just far enough away from him to look into his eyes desperately. Fear gripped my chest hard, yet I didn't understand why.

"Why don't you want me to say anything?" he asked curiously, though his expression gave nothing away.

Why didn't I?

My heart started pounding again, but in a panicked frenzy. I immediately dropped my gaze as my body started to shake and I felt the cold sweat take over. I forced the scary, unwanted memories away. "I-I think there is some truth to what Axel said," I whispered, my gaze not quite reaching Nate's. I was afraid to look him in the eye, afraid he would see what I so desperately tried to keep hidden. "About my father creating a smear campaign." I couldn't know for sure, not until I had the opportunity to talk to him directly. Until then, I didn't want him to get tipped off to what I potentially knew or didn't know.

I didn’t want my father to get any bright ideas about using me to get close to Axel, and in turn get close to Senator Ross. I wouldn’t put it past my father to hold money, Timmy and my very livelihood over my head in order to control me and force me to help him on this quest of a smear campaign. While I may not have been sure father was indeed running for the senators seat, I wouldn’t put it past him to stoop to such lows. Lows that included framing Senator Ross for my attempted murder…

"Have you guys looked into who the hitmen were? And who could have hired them?" I suddenly asked.

"No," Nate stated gently. "Why are you asking, Brandy?” His tone was stern. Serious.

I couldn’t tell him. He would think I was crazy!

“Brandy?” He pressed.

“Just drop it, Nate.”

His fingers caught my chin and tilted my head up so he could hold my gaze. “Do you think your father could have sent them?” He asked.

If I answered truthfully, would he believe me? I licked my lips and chewed on my bottom lip nervously. I was afraid no one would believe me. That he wouldn’t believe me because of the impeccable mask my father had created. "I don't know," I whispered as I numbly stepped out of his embrace and picked up my bag. Taking one last deep breath and locking every last emotion away, I looked tiredly up at Nate and stated, "I'm ready to go home."

***

Nate

I saw the shift in her.

I felt her withdraw.

All of her emotions being chained and pulled far within. I saw the heartbroken pieces of herself she tried to hide behind the emotionless mask.

This wasn't the Brandy I knew.

Something had changed her. Someone had made her this way, and I doubted it had anything to do with her mother's death. Perhaps it all started with that—and me—but this wasn't the result of that.

I had seen the panic in her eyes when I asked if her father could have done this. I recognized the signs of a trauma bond and response.

There was something else going on far beneath the surface. Something that was happening within the walls of her very own home.

What had happened? What had her father done to her? I had my suspicions, though I prayed I was wrong.

"Okay blackberry, I'll take you home," I responded gently. As much as she may have wanted space, I couldn't just leave well enough alone. I tucked her under my arm as we walked in silence to my car.