Our Last Hope

My First Hunt

I was finally able to cleanse myself and I started to feel rejuvenated. The bathroom was still a little steamy by the time I stepped out onto the plush bath mat. I needed to wash my face and brush my teeth, with an actual toothbrush. I grabbed a nearby hand towel and wiped the smog from the mirror. A small gasp escaped me when I finally saw my eyes for the first time since the change. My eyes were still glistening from their newfound color. They were equally stunning and fearsome. They weren't just red, they were a deep, rich ruby. They were darker than I thought that they would be. They somehow looked different than William's, which I found peculiar. I knew that if I didn't focus on what I needed to accomplish that I would end up staring at myself all afternoon. 

I glanced down at the counter and reached for my face wash and exfoliator brush. I felt renewed when the Luke warm water splashed across my face. I loaded my toothbrush with the minty paste and got to work on my teeth. By the time I was finished a whole new sensation had set in. I had a subtle burning in the back of my throat, almost like strep. It hurt to swallow and I felt my mouth begin to dry up. Vampires hardly ever got sick, our immune systems were used to fighting off any illness, to keep us immortal. I knew that this had to be the next step in the transformation. 

My stomach suddenly turned into knots, I knew what this meant, I had to feed, and quick. I rushed back out into the loft and ran to the suitcase in front of the dresser. I flung it up on the mattress and reached for the zipper. I tossed the lid back and grabbed the first pieces of clothing that I could comprehend. A pair of black leggings and an over-sized hoodie would have to do. 

William must have sensed my panic. He met me at the top landing of the stairs just as I slipped the sweatshirt over my head.

"Win? What's the matter?" It took him a second longer to read my mind. I heard him sigh, "I know that you're nervous baby, but it's the way of life."

I stopped in my tracks and glared at him. "I'm sorry, but I guess I just have more humility than you. I don't understand how our kind can be okay with taking innocent lives like that. Can't we survive on other sources?"

William strode over to me and wrapped his arms around me. I rested my face just below his ribcage. I felt like a small child at my modest 5'9" to his statuesque 6'3". 

"You know as well as I do, that can only get us so far. Especially now, that you are carrying something that will only strengthen our kind."

I rolled my eyes against his chest. How were we even sure that was true. Although, with the endless f*****g, I would say that our chances were pretty good. I pushed away from him, but he was quick to grasp my shoulders. He looked down at me with those deep red soul snatchers and I knew that I wasn't going to win this one. 

****

I pulled down on my strings in frustration as William surveyed our own section of the Appalachian Trail. 

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. I don't want to do this.

I know you don't Winnie, but your complaining is not going to change anything. 

He was right, I would have to do this. William caught a distant scent wafting in from the East and I saw his muscles tense. I could smell the sweetness too, it was almost like sweet apple pie, cooling on the window ledge. I knew that there was someone nearby and the inevitable was about to happen. I couldn't watch it, despite the burning in my throat, I knew that I couldn't go through with it. I turned slightly towards the West and caught a more subtle scent, definitely a large animal. 

I didn't wait for William to read my mind, I took off towards the smell until it was right under my nose. I came up behind a large boulder when I heard some rustling in the distance. I felt my muscles stretch and I became more agile, I knew that I was shifting into hunting mode. I closed my eyes and enhanced my senses, I had smelled this scent before. Black Bear. Except I wasn't hunting when I came across it the first time, it was more of protective situation. 

I was out jogging in the woods when I felt the air shift around me. I heard a low growling coming from the right of me and knew fight or flight would kick in. At the time, I didn't know what I was capable of. Now I was about to get a crash course. 

I turned my head up towards the sky and felt the large predator drawing closer. The smell became stronger as I heard a twig snap next to me. I decided to let my body take over once again, it knew what needed to be done. I opened my eyes and leaned further against the rock. I turned my head slowly and saw the large bear out of the corner of my eye. The bear stopped suddenly and turned it's head towards the sky, it could sense me too. Now was my chance, eat or be eaten. 

I threw my inhibition's to the wind and pounced. I rammed my shoulder into it's ribs and it went down easier than I thought. I felt my strength and muscle tone as I tackled the large animal to the ground. It let out an echoing growl as it tried to fight against me. Surprisingly, I echoed that growl as I pushed his head further to the ground. Here it was, the moment I was dreading, taking a life, human or animal will f**k you up for life. I couldn't turn back and I couldn't let go, this thing could rip me to shreds. I took a sharp inhale and bared my fangs. I closed my eyes and sunk my teeth in. 

*****

The whole ordeal was a blur. I must have blacked out, I woke up covered in blood and my sweatshirt had huge gash marks across the front of it. The burning in my throat had vanished and I felt strength that I have never felt before. My muscles felt stronger, my mind felt clearer, even my senses were heightened. 

I heard rapid fire footsteps coming towards me and opened my mind even more. I zeroed in on the path in front of me. It was almost like a hallucination, nothing was in focus but the pounding of feet got louder and clearer. 

WINNIE! EDWINA KATHERINE BRIGHT!

So he was already calling me by my new name.

Over here!

I refocused my eyes just as William came into view between the trees. He was covered in blood and had scratch marks on his neck, they weren't made by claws, those were fingernails. I shuddered as I took in the sight of him. He even smelled like a woman and I wanted to puke. 

"Thank God, there you are." 

He came charging towards me with his arms out, he was going to try and hug me covered in a woman's blood. I instinctively put my hands up and the anger fueled inside of me. 

"Don't you f*****g dare! I can't right now. I can't even look at you!"

William dropped his arms immediately and a hard scowl set into his features. 

"Who do you think you're talking to like that!" he bellowed.  

I was so overwhelmed with rage that I couldn't be here anymore. I knew that this was coming, it was just a hard pill to swallow. I felt more than energetic with the black bear in my system, I don't understand why Vampires have to kill humans. It's not their fault that we are who we are. They don't deserve to be taken so callously. I couldn't help picture the woman's life that was just taken. Who she was, where she's from. What about her family? Who is she leaving behind? The whole thing made me sick. 

Most females would cower when it comes to their mates, but I couldn't back down, not about this.

"Do you even care about her? Look at yourself! You are covered in her blood and you know nothing about her!"

"Who are you talking about?" 

I couldn't believe that he just forgot that he murdered a woman. I grabbed at my forehead and started to pace in front of him. 

"The women that you just murdered! Tell me, how does it feel to be selfish?"

"Selfish? Are you hearing yourself? This is our way of life Edwina, why are you acting so disgusted right now?"

I scoffed at him, he really didn't see anything wrong with this. I stopped pacing and squared off with him. He took a couple more steps closer to me, and that made me gag. I could smell her calming aroma, it smelled like nature, it was the smell of wet pine needles from a fresh, spring rain. 

"You smell like her Will, it's the only thing that I can focus on. It makes me want to kill you, it makes me furious, it makes my heart break. She had a life, she had a family and friends. What if she was a mother? This is going to tear her family apart!"

I couldn't help the emotions that were coming up, tears sprang to my eyes and I knew that I couldn't cry in front of him again. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. 

"I need to clear my head. Please go home and wash up. I will not come home until you do."

I didn't give him a chance to answer. With my sternness in my voice, I knew that he would take it as an order. I ran in the opposite direction. I ran until I found a nearby lake. I needed space and to wash up. 

I stripped down as I walked up to the water's edge. I stared down into the water and for once in my life, I hated myself, I hated who I was. Why did this have to be my life, why couldn't I just be normal? 

My tears started to flow freely and I couldn't stop. My body collapsed when my toes touched the cold water. I started pounding the ground in anger, rage, frustration. I couldn't control my emotions anymore, I loathed this whole life, I loathed who I was. I whipped my head up to the sky and screamed as loud as my lungs could take it. I heard the distant echo of my scream making it's way back to me. I stood shakily and stepped into a small wave and slipped further into the crystal blue water. I sunk down under the water and got my curls wet. I hadn't noticed by there was tried blood in my bun. I popped up quickly and tore the scrunchie out of my hair and tossed it near shore. All I had to wash was my fingers. I frantically tried to wipe the dried blood off my skin and ran my fingers through the mangled mess on top of my head. It was no use, I would have to shower again when I got home. 

It's funny. Home. That place isn't home, I wish that I felt drawn to my new dwelling, but I hadn't made up my mind if I wanted this life. I could run away and start somewhere new. I knew that I wouldn't get very far. William would always know where I am, he would always find me. We felt the pull even before we were officially mated, I can only imagine how strong our connection is now. We haven't really gotten to stretch our legs on the matter. 

It made me think about how I don't even know who I'm bonded to. I know that our arrangement was planned, despite it feeling organic. But it was a political play, this was my dad's way of inheriting another son to take over for him one day, he wasn't doing this for my safety or well being, it was all a game and I was just a pawn. 

I reluctantly got out of the water and scooped up my clothes. I took one more deep breath and prepared for the long night ahead of me. We had so much to talk about that it made my head spin just thinking about it. 

I held my bundle of clothes to my chest and took off towards the cabin like my life depended on it. I slowed down my pace just as I reached the back gate of the garden and opened my senses. I could hear him shuffling around in the living room, he was tending to the fire. I could smell the embers as he stirred the flames. Fresh rain and ocean mist filled my nostrils, he was back to normal. I could feel the tightness in my chest from his frustration. Everything that he was experiencing was now taking over my body. He was just as angry and anxious as I was. 

I opened the back gate with a squeak and knew that could sense my presence. He met me at the back door on the other side of the living room. 

"Feeling better?" He leaned against the door jam and crossed his arms across his chest. His muscles were tense with rage. 

"Mhmm."

William straightened up as I neared him. "Is that really all you have to say? That wasn't even a response."

I pushed past him and tossed the remnants of my clothes into the fire. I grabbed onto the throw blanket on the back of the couch and wrapped myself in it. It would have to do. If I went upstairs to change, I knew that I would never come down. I plopped down on the ottoman and leaned forward on my knees. William huffed and closed the back door before walking over to me. 

He sunk down to his knees and tried to level with me. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I felt guilty because this conversation probably wasn't going to go anywhere productive. 

He broke our silence, but there was a new tone to his voice. One that sounded more patient and understanding. 

"Winnie, I know how you feel. The first time I had to take a life wasn't easy for me either. It took me a while to realize exactly how normal that it had to be. I didn't have the family that you did. I didn't have the love and affection that you did. That is clear by the sight of my brother yesterday. You know as well as I do, that family is everything to our kind. My brother didn't see that until it was too late and he found himself exiled."

I looked up briefly to see the pain in William's face. I knew that he was telling the truth, I could see how our way of life effected him too, for a moment I thought that he felt the same way that I did. It soon faded when I saw the stress lines appear in his forehead once more. I took a deep breath, it was my turn. 

"I'm sorry for being such a brat. But this is all new to me. You're right, I didn't need to do what was necessary to survive until now. My parents gave me blood, but I never had to get my hands dirty. I guess I didn't realize the weight of the situation until I was thrown into it. I can't stop thinking about all the human lives that have been lost because of our way of life." 

William leaned in and pressed his forehead against mine. "Winnie, it's not healthy to pin that on yourself. This has been going on for centuries, and it won't stop any time soon. This is just who we are, and we can't stop it or slow it down. 

I pulled back from him, and looked deep into his blazing eyes. "But I feel more than enough strength from that bear, is there really that big of a difference?" 

William mulled over what I was saying and thought about his response carefully. 

"I see where you're going with this Win. And the truth is, that the effect will be the same, but it won't last as long as you think it will. This baby is going to kick your ass my love, and you need all the strength you can get. Pregnancy on females is never easy and I've seen it go terribly, terribly wrong. That's how I lost my mother."

I stopped for a second to let that last bit sink in. I had no idea that he lost his mother, no wonder he's pushing me this hard. He doesn't want that to happen to me. I felt compelled to grab his hands and stroke his knuckles with my thumb. 

"I had no idea, I'm sorry. I would have approached the whole situation differently if I had known." 

That seemed to satisfy him for a split second, but he knew what I was thinking. I was going to try and tell him that it could be different for us. 

"Winnie, I'm getting really tired of you fighting back. We are not special in our community. We are not going to be the ones who try to introduce change. Do you know what happens to those vampires? They are sacrificed for the greater good. We are a very fickle kind, one that doesn't do well with innovation. I cannot have you put us through that. If that means that I have to be harder on you, then so be it." 

The edge returned back into his voice, he was actually scared for us. I stood suddenly, taking him off guard. I started pacing in front of him in silence. I didn't know how to process my thoughts after that. I could feel myself losing this battle and I wanted so badly to fight for what I believed in. I felt trapped with no way out. It's not like I was in a terrible situation all together, I should feel lucky to have the mate that I have. I have heard horror stories of young girls in similar situations than me, and it doesn't end well for them. I wouldn't be able to bend so easily, it would take some time to adjust, but for now, I had had enough of this conversation. 

"Are you going to say something, or are we going to spend the rest of our lives in silence?" 

I stopped my pacing in the middle of the living room and tried to hide my giggle. William slowly rose to his feet and held out his arms for a hug. 

"I can tell that there is more on your mind, but I need a hug first." I nodded my head and walked over to his awaiting arms. He held me for a couple minutes until I could smell the must coming off of my body. 

"I think I need a bath." I felt William smile and he nodded his head.

"Come on, we'll do it together." 

*****

William and I sat in the hot bubbles in comfortable silence. I felt like were back to normal, as normal as we could be. I was mindlessly tracing circles on my sternum as William stroked my thigh under the water. He buried his face in my wild curls and nipped at my ear. 

"So what else is on your mind?" 

I exhaled loudly and sent bubbles into the air. It was now or never, and I needed to know more about him.

"I just feel like there is something missing between us. I know that we both feel what we feel, but I don't know you from Adam."

William nodded his head against the side of my face. "I knew this was coming Winnie, you know I have nothing to hide."

I prepared for the worst, I knew that his personal story was going to end in tragedy. I didn't really care for the trivial side of it, I just wanted to put my own selfishness aside and be there for my mate. 

"My upbringing was rough. It was the kind of story that falls in line with most Shakespearean plays. My father and my mother had an arranged marriage, similar to ours. Except my mother had already found her mate. She was faced with so much inner turmoil that she was never truly happy. That is until I came along. My father had once told me that he had seen a cosmic shift when I was born. She looked more alive, she was more loving and caring. But my father was still not the greatest mate. He too had a mate before they were matched. He would parade other vampires in under my mother's nose, and the worst part is that my mother didn't care."

I could feel William's muscles tense as he recalled the pain from his childhood. "Growing up, I wasn't surrounded in love. I was surrounded with hatred and the loathing my mother felt for my father. The whole coven pretended not to notice it, but there was no way that you could miss it. My mother became pregnant again and the whole court was shocked. Everyone seemed to believe that my mother had had an affair. My father became outraged and beat her over and over again, hoping to end the pregnancy."

I couldn't help the tears that began trickling down my cheeks. It was only about to get worse. "My father would starve her and beat her daily. She and my brother almost died from my father's cruelty. My father continued to poison my brain with lies and falsities to make me despise my mother. Despite the torture that my mother endured, she delivered my brother by herself. She died shortly after giving birth. I was 9 years old. By that point, I hadn't spoken to my mother in well over a year. I was overrun by guilt that I couldn't stomach to look at myself in the mirror."

I suddenly turned around to face him and hooked my legs over his hips. I placed my head on his chest as he continued, how was their still more?

"My father realized his mistake when he looked at Gregor. He was clearly his. He put my mother through all of that for nothing. He drove himself mad with grief and guilt. It wasn't until Gregor was 8 or 9 that he realized what really happened to our mother. Gregor was furious and decided that father couldn't live any longer. When Gregor turned 10, he decided to act. He beheaded my father as he slept and set father's bedroom on fire. Hundreds of our coven members lost their lives in that fire and I was left to try and rectify everything. It was incredibly hard to banish my brother, but the alternative was execution. I wanted so badly to throw myself onto the pyre for him, but I couldn't. The whole coven would have crumbled into ruin. I regret throwing him out everyday of my life, he deserved so much better. His mother was murdered and his father and his brother turned their backs to him."

William began to cry as he clutched me to his chest. I felt his pain enter my heart and a piece of it broke off. I knew that he had a troubled past, but I didn't know how truly terrible it was. William started to stroke my hair as if a small child soothing himself. I propped my chin up on his sternum and his lips met mine. I have been so selfish, I wanted to beg for his forgiveness. 

"It's alright Winnie, you didn't know." How do I keep forgetting that he can read my thoughts? William kissed the tip of my nose. "Come on baby, let's get out. I think we've had enough excitement for one day."

 I nodded my head as tears continued to flow from my eyes. 

We cuddled up in front of the roaring fireplace wrapped in each other's arms. Tomorrow was another day, but I already felt better about our future. I guess we'll just have to see where this will take us from here.