If This Is The End!

The Reason.

Stone’s POV.

Mickey paces Hawk’s living room. One by one, everyone had left. Hawk is curled up on his bed clutching a pillow. We’ve all tried to talk to him, but it’s like he’s in a deep meditation, he’s not responding to anyone.

“We should go,” I say to Mickey.

“I’m not leaving here, not until he comes up with a plan to find my cousin,” he huffs, continuing his pacing.

“Hey,” I step in front of him, stopping him from tiring himself out any more than he already has. He’s stressed, and I hate seeing him like that. “Eyes on me Mickey,” I demand. When he gets worked up like this, he needs me to be firm and demand all his attention to stop him from getting lost in his spiralling thoughts. My good little witch brings his eyes to me immediately, which makes me purr in satisfaction. I love it when he needs me like this. I don’t like to see him so worked up, but I love that he needs me to take control and take care of him. ‘Mine’ my wolf growls at me as Mickey’s striking eyes look at me with a silent plea for help. I am absolutely obsessed with this sassy little witch and head over heels in love with him.

“You need to rest, you look exhausted,” I tell him, stroking his cheek with the back of my hand. I don’t know how we got back to this place. Where he lets me touch him so freely again. I remember bits of interactions with him, but I guess his cousin wiped a lot from my memory.

“You’ve forgotten a lot, huh?” he asks, as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking. He always has this way of guessing my thoughts, that’s how he broke through my barriers and dug his way into my heart, where he’s remained ever since. Before I met him I was ridiculed for my s****l orientation. I’d known from very young it was men I was interested in. My own family viewed that as a weakness, like something that I should be ashamed of and that made me less of a man. At first, they’d tried to get me interested in women, basically flaunting the females around my age in front of me. They’d arrange pool parties for me and my brother, but they’d only invite girls. At one particular party, I’d seen my parents having a hushed conversation with a girl from my pack. I’d watched as she agreed to something and then sauntered her way over to me, she’d straddled my lap as I’d laid on a lounge chair. When I’d asked what she was doing she had leant down and kissed me, grinding her pelvis against mine. I’d pushed her away with a growl and everyone laughed. My father had stopped training me as the next Alpha after that, he’d focused instead on my younger brother. Essentially giving him my title without ever explaining it to me. I had thought he was satisfied I was trained enough and that my brother needed more guidance to keep him in line. I’d been proud at the time. It only became apparent on the day of the Alpha ceremony. When my dad finally decided it was time to retire. I’d been excited that day, ready to take over as Alpha and show my pack that I was no less of a man, but when he’d called out my brother's name as the new Alpha instead of mine, he’d crushed me. None of the pack seemed shocked, not even my own mother, only me. I’d been stupid to not see what was happening. I’d fled that same day, never submitting to my brother as my Alpha. I’d wandered, pack-less for months until I’d arrived here. Hawk had heard what had happened and agreed to take me in until I figured out what I was going to do. I’d been a shell of myself by then, until Mickey came into my life like a whirlwind. He was like a little ball of energy that would never tire of trying to get through my defences, chipping away at my hard exterior with every interaction. He’d saved me that day I met him. Not from death but from myself, I’d been headed down a dark path, my thoughts filled with revenge plots and ways to show my old pack that I was no less of a man. With him, I became happy for the first time, I knew what it was like to love and be loved, and then I’d broken his heart when fate threw a female mate at me. From the moment I’d laid eyes on her, my wolf had gone insane. Before I knew what I was doing, I’d marched across the street to her and claimed her mouth in a possessive kiss. She was mine, my wolf knew it and wasn’t wasting any time in making sure she knew it, but inside I was screaming. How was I going to explain this to Mickey? How was I going to get him to accept her too? Because there’s no way I’d be leaving him by choice. Then I’d had that choice taken away from me when I’d finally gained some control and pulled back from the woman who had enticed my wolf, because Mickey had witnessed the whole thing. I watched as his heart broke along with my own. He’d fled from me, never allowing me to explain or try to work this out. Holly had held me through that grief, she’d worked through all my issues with me. When my wolf had been fighting me to claim her, all I’d wanted was my Mickey, my sassy little witch. I’d almost gone insane like my soul was split in half. The amount of times I’d had to be sedated or physically restrained to stop me from going to him was ridiculous. In the end, we'd had to move up the mountain, where there was no chance of me catching his scent or seeing him. I don’t know if he knows about that.

“Taking a trip down memory lane?” Mickey interrupts my thoughts.

“How much have I missed?” I ask him.

“Quite a lot, I can kick your ass now,” he smirks.

“I don’t believe that,” I laugh.

“Do you want a demonstration, little wolf?” He mocks me, his attitude sends a thrill straight to my c**k.

“Hmm, I’d love one,” I growl, placating him. A sudden gust of wind pushes me back, knocking me to sit on the couch. In my confusion of what just happened, I’m not prepared for my little witch to pounce on my lap.

“How was that?” he grins at me.

“s**t, Mickey. How? When did this happen?” I laugh, not sure what I want to know first. “You are f*****g amazing,” I add, pulling him to me to kiss him.

“I wish I was amazing enough to find Derry, we really need her back,” he sighs, leaning against me.

“We will find her,” I reassure him, rubbing his back in soothing circles. My wolf lets out a low purr of satisfaction at the contact with Mickey, which stops abruptly when he tenses in my arms. “What’s wrong?” I ask.

“So, you know how you lost some memories? Do you think it’s the same for your wolf?” He asks nervously.

“Well, yes, I’d assume so. Why?”

“Does he want to bite me again?” He chews his bottom lip, a clear sign he’s worried.

“What do you mean again?” I demand, pulling at his collar to check for bite marks. He brushes my hand away.

“You didn’t bite me, but it was very close. You shifted and pinned me down. Derry and Holly stopped you. I spoke to your wolf afterwards, and we came to a truce of sorts. Now I don’t know if he’s still okay, or he’s back to wanting to chow down on me,” his eyes search mine, looking for any hint that I might be a threat to him. The knowledge that I’d almost done that to him is terrifying.

“What do you mean you spoke to my wolf?”

“It’s a long story. Maybe now you can hear my thoughts. I can give your memories back to you. Want to try?” He suggests. A part of me wants to say no. I don’t want to know how I almost hurt him, but I need to know. I need to know how we got back to this place in our relationship, I need to know what the situation is between him and Holly and I need to know if I’m a danger to him. I nod. I watch as my little witch closes his eyes, his cute little frown indicating he’s concentrating. Then visions play out as if I’m seeing his memories with my own eyes. I tense as I see my wolf hunting him, intent on biting him. Holly is there, trying to defend him. It makes my heart swell at how much she cares for him. Then I see another woman, who must be his cousin. She commands me to shift and I do. She’s truly a force and I can understand now how she had the power to take my memories. Then I see the moment that Mickey communicates with my wolf and then they play together. My little witch knocking me to the ground multiple times. He’s amazing. There’s more of the same, but Hawk and another wolf are there now too, as we all play in the grass. Then lunch with an older lady. It ends with the moment the Luna erased herself from our lives. There’s so much I’ve lost, and it’s all been thrown at me too quickly to process.

“Who was the lady we had lunch with?” I ask. Mickey grins at me, obviously happy that his little trick worked.

“That’s my gran, she insists on you coming to visit her with me every day,” he rolls his eyes at that, but the knowledge fills me with warmth. His grandmother accepts me as his mate and has even possibly been helping me to win him back.

“And what’s the situation with you and Holly?” I hate to ask, but it’s still not clear and something I need to know. Mickey tenses and screws up his nose.

“There is no situation between me and her, she’s your mate. I’m just your… I don’t know, your sidepiece,” he huffs and tries to get up. I hold him to me. I can’t help the disappointment I feel. I knew it was a very small possibility he’d accept her, but I’d hoped.

“No Mickey, you will never be my sidepiece. When will you understand how much I love you? How f*****g important you are to me?” I growl out.

“Oh I know, I’ve read you, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is female, and I’m gay. I can never give you what you want, Stone. It’s just not going to happen. All I can do is have moments with you when you are not with her. I don’t know how that will play out in the long term,” he sighs. I check my bond with Holly. She’s worried and upset. She knows I’m with Mickey and it hurts her.

“s**t,” I rub my hands over my face. What a mess this is.

“She’s not doing so great, huh?” Mickey asks, yet again guessing what I’m doing. I shake my head.

“Go to her,” he huffs, moving to get up from my lap. I let him this time.

“She’s working at the clinic,” I sigh.

“Then go home, Stone, just go away from me and put her at ease. I’ve had more of your time the last few days than she has. I don’t know what this is between us, but one thing I do know is I never want anyone to feel the pain I felt when I lost you. I won’t do that to her, even if I do sometimes feel like she deserves it. I won’t come between you two,” he walks away into the kitchen. I follow him, he has his back to me, preparing one cup of tea. I step up behind him and wrap my arms around him, dropping my face to his neck and breathing in his leather and smoke scent. The distinct smokey scent of his magic is much more potent than it once was.

“Mickey, don’t shut me out again,” I beg, “I’ve only just got you back. I can’t lose you again.”

“Just give me some time to work all this out. I need to focus on finding Derry and you are a distraction. Once I find her and everything is back to normal, we can work out what our future looks like.”

“Okay, I’ll go, but let me take you home first. I need to know you are safe,” I hold him tighter. I respect his decision and understand his priorities, but if this is the last time he will let me hold him for a while, I’m going to squeeze out every second.

“I’m safe here. Hawk won’t hurt me. I can defend myself if I need to, but he believes me now, and he doesn’t know it yet, but he actually does like me,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, I saw that when we were play fighting in the field. Let me help you find Derry.”

“You can help by checking the town, the B&B, my place, the clinic,” he flinches as he says the last suggestion.

“Do you really think she will be here in town?”

“No, but it would be stupid not to check. Imagine if she was hiding right under our noses, and we never even looked. If you do find her, pretend you have no idea who she is. Call me but keep eyes on her,” he instructs.

“Okay, little witch. I’ll look for her for you. Can I see you later?” I ask.

“I’ll be here, I need to try and get Hawks memories back. I’ll text you later,” he promises.

I leave with a heavy heart. Both of my mates are hurting and it unsettles me. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I have to fix it. I’ll find the Luna and give Mickey his cousin back, and I’ll reassure Holly. The problem is that every time I reassure one mate of my feelings, I hurt the other. What a mess. There’s nothing I want more than to have them both in my arms, together. I want them to love each other as fiercely as I love them. If only Mickey would give us a chance. I know I can make them both happy.