when we both are a mess

On P.T time, I heard some girls saying about her. Actually, I am searching a good place to sleep. I am not searching about her. I just heard it when I passed through those girls. I think they know well about her. They sound undoubted when they talk about her. I know those girls. They asked me to f**k them. "I heard her dad beat her. My mom said he was a drunk." Said by the blond and I can’t remember her name. But I do remember something. She used to annoy me during s*x. "Really? It could be true because the time when she took out her hoodie in the change room…. I saw the papules pouches on her body. " The girl next to her agreed her statement. And I quickly without notice take a place near to those girls. "I thought she never would use the change room." "Yeah, that girl only used the store room to change. It is like her hiding place." What was that? It sounds like familiar. Is that Nora? I hoped it is not because I don’t want to meet her again. She knows me but not well. I don’t like to meet with someone who knows about me. they can’t see me and I can’t see them as I turned my back to them. "How do you know, Nora?" "I just check her. I feel she is hiding us something. And she really is hiding something. I just knew form the old friend of mine back in the old school. You know, HARKIN ACDEMY?" Shit, it is actually her. WHF! And she proudly said the name of her old school. Of course, I know that school. I was in that school. Nora is my senior and she too knew well about how our old school was like. She shouldn’t proud of it. "OMG! It’s that the scholar academy?" "Yeap!!" And yes. People don’t know about that fact is just a lie. The thought of my old school is heating my head. I used to be bullied in that place. "It was such a good school!" Of course, she could say like that. She had never been through like I had to. I don’t pay attention to the details about they are saying. They split from the origin conversation and now, start to say about their boyfriends and lots of stuffs. God! Why you gave women the ability of gossip???? I waited patiently but they didn’t come back to the point I want to hear. So, I just fall asleep. When I weak up, I thought they were gone. But fortunately, I guess, in the lunch break, I met them back in the cafeteria. As usual, there’s people stuck everywhere. But they never lowered their sound. I can hear what they were saying form even further. They said her family is horrible and locked her in the room; never let her to meet her friend. She has friends???? WOW, that surprised me!!!! Suddenly, their heads get closer and voices lower. Then, all of them expect one screamed. Nora stops her girls not to make a noise. I assumed she was the reporter and didn’t want people’s attention or spit the news because I can sense the concern and sorrow on their faces expect Nora’s. Their heads turned towards Liza. I haven’t notice Liza is sitting there and reading a book but no longer when she notices the gossiping girls. Of course, as she always does when she wants to sob or something, she is ready to run out from the place. I think she has already known what the girls are saying. But she doesn’t get her chance. The blond I f****d joined and her friends told her the news they just heard. She seems frightened when she received the news so she let out the words form her lips. "WTF!!! Liza got raped……..!!! By a s*x-addict???" "Shah……" But before she can finish the sentence, the rest make her mouth shut. Her face changed into a lot of worried one. I know she just speaks out loud to pretend like she is frightened. But she can’t fool me. I can know well who is acting and who is not. "Come on, guys. She is just rapped by a s*x-addicted asshole." And there is someone who is not acting. It was Nora. It is clear in her tone that she doesn’t give a f**k to anyone like she always does. This is the fact that annoys me. Nora turns her head around to find Liza standing in the middle of the room. People nearby are now watching the show as the blond spit the news. But Nora smiles when she finds Liza’s almost sobbing eyes. She smiles widely and almost laughed. She is humiliating Liza. I know she is a total b***h but she shouldn’t act like this anymore, not in this new school! I searched the sign of Liam. Liam could stop her. They aren’t dating but can handle each one. But there’s no sign of Liam and the rest in the cafeteria are now talking about how Liza got raped. At that moment, Liza runs out form the show. "It’s not true." I wished that was my voice. But it wasn’t. "Don’t waste your time with this stupid rumor." It was Mako’s. It wasn’t mine. I think maybe I don’t understand of humanity or LADY FIRST THINGS. I admit I was not a gentleman to a girl who first made my heart on heating. But Mako, he is not like me. He is really a gentleman type. Mako clears the news and runs out, too, to fallow Liza. I, too, without even knowing myself, stood. "Nora, shut your f*****g mouth or Liam will with his dick." The atmosphere is filled with laughter. Liam and Nora are now speechless. Liam just got a seat but he heard what I said. They both fought me back. "What the f*****g are you talking!" "I saw you two having s*x in the boys’ bathroom." "WOW!!!!!" It might be a strange thing for the rest of the students but not for me or Nora or Liam. "So, what? Is that matter?" "I thought you guys never date." Lio, my cousin, brother to Liam make a burst. "No, we are." Nora wrapped her arms around Liam’s neck and she starts kissing. I don’t know what’s between them but I do saw them having s*x. For me, that’s not a strange thing. I just used that fact to distract the crowd. And I think it works. The coward makes noises as the couple kissing in the public. As I don’t get people’s attention, I walk out form the room just to find Liza or Mako. Though I want to eat the pie i got from the junior boy I bullied, I don’t want to anymore. And I don’t want to hear the horrible things Nora is going to talk at Liza.   "Rapped by a s*x- addict." I don’t know who did that thing to her. But it reminds me of the old time, the old me, the boy I used to be, the weak one. I thought of past, my life in the HARKIN AXDEMANY. And I dare not want to face Liza’s sobbing face now. I made my way to somewhere but away from her. I don’t know what I would do if I see her. I would definitely feel guilty. That HARKIN SCHOOL changed me. My asshole uncle sent me to that f*****g school and that is not even a school. People from that place treated me in the same way Liza is treated by those girls or may be worse. It was hilarious when I remember that I was still hoping for good changes even though I knew I was in an academy for s*x-addicts. Well, it actually is not full of s*x-addicts. There are some good and innocent and normal kids who had been wrongly sent by their parents. But who care!!!! My cousins were like kings at that place. No one, none of the good people greeted me. They expected me to be just like my brothers. But i wasn’t like them. They didn’t that fact. All I need was friends but they too, rejected me. So I have to end up with those s*x-addicts. And from that horrible place, I learnt how to f**k and how to bully. That place changed me and made me into this, this disgusting boy. What if my parents are still alive! They never would let me to be like this. They would protect me away from the horrible things. But my uncle didn’t. He just let me go to that f*****g school and let me to be like this. It is the first reason why I am f*****g hate my uncle. And you know what the worst was! I lost my virginity to an innocent girl because of a stupid bet. I raped her. And still, I keep blaming my uncle for being an asshole. But I never noticed I was the one too. Now, the guilt I used to surfer in the past is taking inside my chest. Did the girl I raped look like Liza? Of course, she might have been. Is she still like that? Or did she recover from that horrible thing I did to her? Who I am joking? I am joking to myself. I am such a fool. With too many thoughts about past, I completely forgot about the present, the time being. Oh, I was lying on the grass and leaning against the tree trunk. I was in the school’s backyard. I haven’t noticed how I made into this position in the first place. I was supposed to find Liza or Mako! Great!!!!!!!! It is almost night. It might have been a lot of hours. The sky is now red and I can hear the sounds of the birds calling each other. Even the animals have each other.  And I have nothing but a horrible and miserable life. I hate my life. But all at once, I feel guilt. Liza and the girl I raped could have been worse then me! The guilt starts torturing me again. And then, I can’t help but fall into another helpful sleep.