The Soldier Who Gave Him Acceptance #4 The Soldier Series

Chapter Six – Everyone Has Fear’s

Chapter Six – Everyone Has Fear’s

Cigs placed the hood back onto Haley’s head and guided her back to the side of the compound before removing it once more.

“Tomorrow we are abseiling out of the helicopter. I know you are not comfortable in them, just switch off your mind, you will get through it.” Cigs whispered to her.

Haley took a deep intake of breath, her brother was correct, she did not like helicopters. She was fine with heights, but after the time the chinook she was in had to make an emergency landing, when she was being transported to the theatre of operations during the war in Afghanistan, she now hated them.

“I will be okay, everyone has fears. Mental strength.” Haley whispered out, more to herself than to Cigs.

“That’s my girl.” Cigs nodded his approval at her attitude.

Haley walked back to the tent, anxious about what tomorrow would bring, hoping her paralyzing fear of being inside a chopper did not take root in her mind. Closing her eyes, she refocused herself, then thought of Stan, and the image of a leech sucking on his knob made her chuckle again, that would get her through tomorrow, and she wondered if her brothers in arms had deliberately told her about his permanent blow job, to help give her something else to focus on.

“NUMBER 5” Cigs bellowed into the tent.

Ben stood up from his bunk. He did not fear any of the exercises this process would bring, nor the effort required to complete the process. He welcomed the distraction it would bring.

Ben hoped doing this show would bring some sort of peace back into his life so that he could return to work, sooner, rather than later. What he did fear though, was the interrogation room, where he would need to tell the staff his story, why he was there, to open up the pandora's box, and discuss the incident that haunted his every thought, the reason he was not fit for work.

Cigs placed the hood and goggles over number 5’s head and led him into the interrogation room.

Ben adjusted his eyes from the pitch black, his black hair stood at all angles through having the hood pulled off, his blue eyes scanned the room, to see Tank and Kermit sitting behind a desk.

Without saying a word, they stared at him. It was a little unnerving as he waited for them to speak.

“Number 5, tell us about yourself.” Tank finally opened up the conversation.

Tank could see clearly the eyes of a haunted man. His sister had not been wrong in her assessment of him. He knew he was not a military man, they were not accepted past cadet stage for the show, but he recognised number 5 was fighting his own personal battle, which both him and Kermit needed to address to get a better understanding of where he was coming from.

Ben took a deep breath and looked between Tank and Kermit.

“I am a fire fighter” were the only words that would come out of his mouth.

Tank and Kermit both nodded and sat forward, understanding washed over them both, PTSD was not just for the people who served in the military, but also for the emergency services, the heroes that worked every day to help and save the general public.

“Why are you here?” Kermit asked, his eyes never leaving number 5’s.

“To try and give myself something else to focus on. So, I can get back to work,” Ben truthfully answered.

Kermit nodded his understanding, no words were needed, something had clearly happened to the man in front of him.

“What happened?” Tank’s voice became soft, full of understanding.

This man needed to talk to face his demons, in order to get free from what was holding him back in his life.

“It was a shout, not unlike many others I had been on. A home was on fire in the dead of night. A neighbour had called it in. We got to the scene and the fire was hot. Flames engulfed the small house, licking out the roof of the building. There was not much hope for the occupants. I was first in the building. To rescue the victims, I checked every room, but then went into the last room. A mother and her two children were huddled together. It was too late, they were burnt beyond all recognition. The policy is that even if they look to be beyond help, we still take them out. I gathered the two little ones into my arms, and began to make my way towards the window, to pass them to a colleague on the ladder outside.”

Ben took a deep breath as he relived the horrors of that day. Tears stung his eyes. He bowed his head, as he gathered himself, before looking up at the two soldiers sat before him.

“Suddenly there was movement in my arms, one of the little girls was still alive. I rushed forward, but as I did, a beam from the ceiling fell, trapping me and both girls on the floor. I removed my mask, to try and get oxygen to the little one who had moved. My alarm went off, but I was completely trapped, the flames all around us. My colleagues came to get us out, and they managed to drag me, but the little girl who had wiggled, she died, in my arms trapped by a burning beam, underneath me.” Ben said, the tear he tried so hard to stop from falling escaped and ran down his cheek.

“I spent three months in hospital, the burns on my back were severe. However, they are healed enough, physically I can return to work, but mentally, those scars are worse than my gnarled skin on my back, and so they will not sign me fit, until I can stop being haunted by the guilt of not getting that little one out.” Ben sighed.

Kermit nodded in understanding, the brave man before him was existing in a permanent hell. He had been there, sometimes he. still was, in the dead of night, but finding his beloved wife Kyla had helped him slay his demons.

“I used to be chatty, outgoing, the life and soul of the party, but now, I find it hard to even talk to people, every time I close my eyes I am back there. I came on this show to try and do something that would hopefully help, to push myself beyond my limits, and hopefully refocus my mind, and let me have some peace. I wanted to go back to work, being a firefighter was everything, it was all I wanted to do from the moment I saw Fireman Sam as a little boy on the TV. But until I can get a handle on this, they will not sign me fit for work. I feel like I let that little girl down, I feel like I am letting my mates at the station down, and that just makes the whole thing worse.” Ben sighed, his tears now flowing unchecked down his handsome face.

Kermit sighed, shaking his head, platitudes would not work, he had heard them all before, when PTSD ruled his life.

“I am not going to give you any bullshit number 5. But what I will say, you, being here, will help, of that I am sure. You focus on each task, learn to trust yourself again. The PTSD may never fully heal, but with time, and a refocus of your mind, you will be able to control it, rather than it control you. Opening up is the first step, mate.” Kermit encouraged him.

“What is your fear?” Tank asked.

“That I will continue to let people down. That people will think I did not do enough to save the girl.” Ben answered immediately.

“You did all you could, as for letting people down, we all do at some point in our lives, but you have not let anyone down with what happened. Everyone has fear’s number 5, but this process will help give you the mental strength to carry on regardless of it.” Tank advised.

Ben nodded his head, there was no judgement from the men in front of him, and that is what he needed, to start to heal his emotional pain. He knew he would carry the mental scars with him, just like the burns on his back, but he wanted to have it under control so that he could carry on doing what he loved to do, his job.

“Keep going, Number 5, we have full faith in you.” Tank added, then shouted for Cigs to take Ben back to the tent.

The sound of the rota blades whirred above Haley as she sat in the helicopter, memories of the pilot shouting “Brace, Brace, Brace.” Echoed in her mind. Her heart began to race, the fear almost consuming her, as she wanted to get out of the aircraft.

Breathing slowly, she began to control her mind, not allowing it to focus on what was beginning to terrify her. As they hovered above the water, Kermit demonstrated how to abseil down the rope, then dropped off the end of the line into the water below.

One by one, the contestants attempted the exercise. Haley watched on, as Number 5 did a perfect and quick abseil out of the helicopter, landing perfectly in the water beneath. Soon it was her turn, and shaking slightly she moved to the side of the helicopter. Tank and Cigs attached her to the rope, her brothers understanding her fear, they nodded wordless encouragement, as she got into position.

Stan stood on the bank, watching as the contestants each abseiled from the helicopter into the water below. He anxiously waited for Haley. She had told him of her biggest fear, and he found his heart beating faster, hoping she would be okay.

“Come on Haley, you can do this.” Stan whispered his words of encouragement into the air.

He held his breath as Haley hung out the side of the chopper, then she began her decent. As she abeiled down the line, he knew she would be okay. Her fear was not the exercise, but rather sitting in the helicopter, and now she was out, she would be perfectly fine.

“That’s it Haley, my strong beautiful friend.” Stan whispered again as, with a broad smile on his face, he watched her drop from the line into the water below.

Then he readjusted himself once more, not because he was turned on, but because the leech on his bits was really annoying him and for the first time, ever, he wished something would stop sucking his c**k!