Book Of Unknown

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

Bellia’s Point Of View

We’re sitting on the basketball court while I’m holding a cup of chocolate coffee, mayroon akong tuwalya na bumabalot sa aking katawan dahil sa panahon ngayon na tag-ulan. Tahimik lamang kami nang mapag-usapan namin ang tungkol sa binintang sa akin, sinabi ko na sa kanya na huwag na lamang muna siya magbigay ng komento tungkol doon.

Biglang tumunog ang aking cellphone na nasa bulsa ng aking uniporme, kinuha ko ito at saka tiningnan kung sino ang tumatawag.

Sumulyap ako sa kanya at saka ipinakita ang screen ng aking cellphone ko kung sino ang tumatawag. I can see his face went green when he saw the name’s calling on the screen, he just nodded as if says I should answer it.

Pinindot ko ang answer at saka tinutok sa aking tainga. “Mum.”

“Oh, Belli, what in the world are you now? Ano itong balita na natanggap namin ng daddy mo? Why were you in the station earlier? Did something just happen? Tell us, anak.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya. “Uhm, mum. It’s hard to explain, and it would be hard for you to understand. We’re working on it, okay? I’ll reach you out when there’s an update and if something happens, ‘kay? Don’t worry ‘bout me, mum.” 

“You’re working on it? With someone? With whom, darling?”

He crossed his arms as he leaned his back on the back of his seat, his eyes still on me, why couldn’t he take his eyes off of me?

I took a deep breath.  “Gabriel, mum.”

Naging iba ang tingin ni mommy kay Gabriel simula noong umuwi kami rito sa pilipinas, inisip ni mommy na mayroong poot si Gabriel sa kanya dahil sa biglaang pagsama nila sa akin sa California, noong umuwi kami ay iba nga talaga ang binibigay na tingin ni Gabriel kay mommy. Sa California nila ako pinatapos ng elementarya at high school, sa kadahilanan na mas maayos ang pagtuturo ng mga propesor doon kumpara sa mga propesor dito sa pilipinas.

Hindi rin naging madali sa akin ang biglaang pag-iwan ko kay Gabriel sa mga oras na ‘yon, dahil nasa Grade 4 pa lamang ako nang lisanin ko siya rito. Walong taon kong hindi siya nakasama, mayroon akong naging mga kaibigan ngunit mas komportable akong kasama siya dahil siya’y kababata ko.

“Gabriel? Your childhood friend? How is he?”

“Yes, mum. He always doing fine, we’re now here at the basketball cour—”

“Darling, haven’t you decided yet? If you chose to stay here with us, it would be better, you’re in the right world and hands, wouldn’t you? And aside from that, Keegan wants to see you, he missed you, anak.”

Keegan. Keegan Pierre, he was my classmate back then from elementary to high school, he’s nice, and he always says nice things to me. He and my mum were very close, and probably until now because she just mentioned him. She likes him to me— compared to Gabriel who is my closest friend.

“Mum. We’re in the second semester, okay?”

“Okay, anak. I’m sorry if I mentioned it. Your dad has appointment, he told me to reach you, kung wala lang siyang appointment baka siya ang kumakausap sa ‘yo ngayon. But, anak, if you need something, let us know.”

Tumango ako at saka ngumiti. “Yes, ma. Expect me to reach you later on.”

“Sige, anak. I’m hanging out. Take care of yourself, okay? I love you.”

I smiled sweetly. “Tell daddy that I love you both.”

Ramdam kong ngumiti si mommy sa kabilang linya dahil sa kanyang paghinga. Binabaan na ako ng telepono at saka ko na inalis ang cellphone sa aking tainga, in-off ko ito at saka inilagay muli sa aking bulsa.

“How is she?” Biglang tanong niya sa akin nang umayos ako sa pagkakaupo. “You didn’t let me to hear your mum’s voice.”

Napangisi ako sa sinabi niya, tampo ‘yan? “Hmm, she’s okay, maybe.” I respond as I fixed the towel on my back.

Umalis siya sa pagkakasandal at saka ako tinulungan sa pag-aayos ng tuwalya sa akin, “Let me guess, she wants you to get back there? Bakit hindi ka pumayag? Nasa isang malaking private college school ka na sana ngayon,” aniya habang hinihila ang dulo ng tuwalya para mabalot sa aking balikat.

“No. I don’t want to. Para saan pa, ‘di ba? My happiness is here, and you are here. At kung babalik naman ako roon, mamimiss lang kita at mamimiss mo lang ako, bakit pa ako papayag kung ganoon lang din naman ang mangyayari? And, if they will force me to go back on there, I want you to come with me, hindi ako papayag kung hindi kita kasama roon.” I adduced.

Tumigil siya sa kanyang ginagawang pag-aayos sa tuwalya sa aking balikat at saka ako tiningnan sa mata, “If I were you, sasama ako— nang hindi kasama ang matalik na kaibigan dito. Your future is on the California, Belle, at nandoon din ang mga magulang mo, it would be better if you are on their side— growing up.”

My mouth sniffed because of what he said. Why does it sound like he’s forcing me to leave him again? What’s the purpose, then? “What’s your point, Gab? I want to know, and tell me what its purpose is.”

He took a deep breath and removed his hands on my shoulder, “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let my mouth spill that. But, it’s true, it would be better if you are on their side, Belle.” He said.

Kumunod noo ako at saka inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya, inilugar ko ang paningin ko sa sahig ng basketball court at saka inilayo ang sarili ko sa kanya. Nagiging magulo kami minsan, madalas ay hindi na nagkakaintindihan, hanggang kailan kami ganito?

“So, the CCTV control room just crashed? It is unbelievable, aight? You’re not the suspect, at panigurado ang tunay na suspect ang may kagagawan no’n. They can’t say that you’re the one who crashed the control room, you were with Mr. Director all of sudden, huwag nilang subukan na sabihin na ikaw ang gumawa.” He adduced as he avoid his sight on me.

I just listened to what he said. “And also, may nakita silang hidden mic sa ilalim ng lamesa sa control room, Belle. Do you think someone set it? Someone was watching us all over when we’re at the control room, Belle, it heard what we’re discussing.”

Tumingin ako sa kanya at napatingin din siya sa akin, “Who do you think would be?” I asked.

He frowned and gave me his no-idea-look, “I don’t have an idea with that. We don’t have the right to dictate someone. Belle, stop giving your interest with these, it’s nonsense, something might happen to you. Itigil mo na ‘to.” I can feel his sincerity.

“They dictated me, Gab, they dictated me! Of course, sabit na ako rito! It is easy to say to them that I am not the suspect, but it’s not easy for them to believe! Why? Because my name is now filthy! Do you want me to elaborate on it? Do you?” I stared at him for a second and then covered my face with my two hands, “H-how could you not understand me, Gab? Why can’t you understand me? Why can’t you just support me with these things? I just want your support and to always be right here on my side.”

“Support? What’s on you, Belle? Do you want my support with these? Belle, I’ve always been right there on your side, always, though I didn’t protect you for the first time. Please, hear me out, stop this, Belle, I’m worried about you, madly, can’t you see? Hindi ko makakaya kapag may nangyari sa ‘yo na hindi ko ikakagusto.” He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Please, let’s go back to normal.”

I looked into his eyes. They’re ain’t sparkling. What’s this, Gab? You’re not sincere. You didn’t mean those words that came out of your mouth, did you?

I sniffed my mouth for a second and held his arm, scanning his beautiful eyes, lie. “I wasn’t informed that you’re a brainwasher now, Gabriel. You are brainwashing me, don’t you? Stop that kind-acting, Gabriel, answer me, are you brainwashing me? Your eyes can tell the truth, you can lie to me, but your eyes can’t.”

He tried to remove my hand on his arm but I didn’t let him, hence I tightened the hold. Ngunit sa mga segundong lumilipas ay hinahayaan niya na lamang ang mahigpit kong hawak sa kanya, hindi na niya ito pinupuwersahan na alisin, bagkus ay hinawak niya ang kamay kong nakahawak dito at saka hinihigpitan ang hawak upang mapahigpit din ng kapit ko roon.

I felt that he’s hurting me, anger? No. Worried? Disappointment? Hell, yes.

Inilapit niya ang kanyang sarili sa akin, ilang kilometro lamang ang layo namin sa isa’t-isa, kung gagalaw ‘man ako ay baka maramdaman ko na ang kanyang mapupulang labi sa aking sariling labi.

His two eyes traveled into my eyes, searching for something, “What do you think the reason why I’m like this? I wanna know. We’ve been through many years, Belle, let me test you, do you really know me?” His breath, there was no nervousness.

I can feel my tears now flowing— wanting to drop, he probably noticed it. “I am literally disappointed. I am, really. Why? Because you didn’t choose to be silent. I was convincing you to be silent, why did you not listen? Doon lang sana, I’ll be thankful if you just listened to me because it was the first time of all these years that we’d been through. Ano ngayon ang napala mo sa pagbibigay mo ng mga interest sa mga bagay? You just let your name be filth by anyone. Alam ko kung saan na naman ‘to mapupunta, after these words came out of my mouth, I meant to spill ‘em, do not get me once wrong, Belle.”

He unheld me and then he stood up, he stared at me, but seconds after he left the court, he left me. Gusto ko pang magsalita, but something just forced me not to utter a single word in front of him, why did I let this happen?

I just stared at the exit, expecting him to come back inside to pick me up, but he didn’t. Maybe he’s tired— tired of understanding me, tired of being my tail all the time and around. He is now in need of time and space, don’t worry, I’ll give you those, Gab.