Can The Caged Bird Sing?

---Evelyn's POV--- Everyone has had multiple life changing moments that effect them all in one way or another.. changing how they think or act as it literally changes their entire life as they know it, to where it will never be the same no matter what you do.. There's no going back.. Sometimes these events will affect others around you just as much, if not more than what it has affected you.. But no matter what results, you cannot change the past no matter how hard you might try.. but maybe you can take what's happened and learn from it. Plenty has happened to me in my life that I have been forced to learn so much whether I wanted to learn these hard lessons or not.. Which incidentally made me grow up probably way too fast for any young shewolf.. But that's my life right now and how I will come to find out it will always be.. No matter what expectations I may set, or how hard I will work to try to make it as best as it possibly can be.. It won't matter, because that's just my life and luck in a nutshell. I feel as if my life has been set in stone and that there is nothing I can do to change what has and will happen to me.. because someone out there dispises me.. whether it's the moon goddess or not.. it's not for me to say.. but all I know is that someone out there has a bad taste in their mouth when it comes to me.. because I can't catch a break in life and I don't think I ever will.. I'm not trying to be pessimistic just being honest with myself at this point.. This has and will be happening from the day I was born to today, the day I actually turn 22.. 22 years of straight hatred filled chaos that makes me wonder how I ever survived this whole ordeal.. How could I have possibily made it this far? Your guess is as good as mine, because I have lists full of situations that could have taken me but somehow didn't.. I can't tell you if that's a good thing or not that I didn't die from it. I would like to say it was good that I've survived this much, from being bullied to tormented on a regular basis and beat every single day.. but I think I would be lying.. Is surviving those situations, just to slowly die inside, any better than dying all together at once? I don't know just yet. There are only some things I know for sure and here they are.. Two things happened to me the moment I was born.. My mother died a painful death birthing me, because I caused complications as I was told. Too many complications that my mother's body couldn't take it and died from the pain.. but I guess, luckily for me I survived the chaos. Maybe not as lucky as you would think because my family grew a hatred for me in that moment that none of them will ever be able to get past.. I'm a killer without even meaning to.. but that doesn't matter to any of them.. it's still my fault no matter what I try to say. The second thing that happened that day was the moment my father layed his eyes on me he was filled with disappointment and rage that was passed down to my brothers as if it was inherited from him.. and maybe in a way it was. Female Alphas.. according to my father who actually is the Alpha of the Full Moon Pack, are only good for what they can get the pack in return.. that's it.. The female Alpha cannot carry on the family name which is very important.. and she cannot lead the pack because this is a very sexist world we live in.. So in this small minded town I will never be anything more then cattle to sell. My father is hoping that I will eventually find my mate just so he can charge him an arm and leg for me.. knowing he probably would pay it to get his mate.. well that's if he doesn't reject me first.. Because the love of a mate is hard to come by, come to find out. So my father the supposedly kind Alpha he is, says he can't wait for me to find my mate so he can sell me, getting rid of me once and for all.. but I shifted at 16 and things didn't work out with my first mate like any of us had planned.. or at least not that I had planned.. I didn't tell anyone about what happened that night, but I think they all know.. I think they know what happened to me and just pretended like it didn't happen or maybe it just didn't matter to them like it did me.. but nothing has been said about that night and I don't think anyone will ever talk about it.. but since then I have done my daily duties, day in and out.. Just in hopes to eventually find my second chance mate and it still hasn't happened.. It's to the point of 6 years later and still no signs of him.. I'm starting to question if he even exists, starting to lose the little but of hope I did have.. It's gets hard to hold onto any idea of happiness for my life when all of my life had just been torn to peices one moment at a time but continuously happening my whole life.. I don't know how I got this false sense of hope of something better for myself.. but the idea of that, gets smaller and smaller as time goes on.. It's sad to think but if something doesn't happen to change my life and soon I'm going to lose all hope for anything to come. I'm honestly suprised I even have a sliver of hope left in my heart.. but the only one keeping that light in my life is my amazing best friend and wolf Myra. Without her I would have died long ago.. she has kept me from killing myself time and time again.. always talking me back from the edge.. she always knows what to say to make me feel better and I honestly know she is the only reason I have to live for.. without her I'm nothing. I make sure to do as much as I can to help her out because she is the only positive influence I have in my life. So we run a lot in her form when I have the time.. which is mostly late at night or early morning leaving me with not much sleep but the time I needed to calm as much as I can, from the everyday life. Who really needs sleep.. because at this rate I can get the much needed sleep when I'm dead. But my life sucks and I just wish everyday to be anywhere else but here because anywhere else has to be better than here.. right? Let me start from the beginning.. the day I came into this world.. the day I have never remembered but will never be able to forget because those moments defined my life to come after. So what I was told from a very young age.. is that my three brothers were perfect births, being everything a mother dreamed making them easier than ever expected births.. which isn't suprising because they are just the perfect sons an Alpha could have ever asked for all around. But not me.. I couldn't have that luck.. I gave my mother a hard time.. the whole time.. from morning sickness, to never holding anything down at all causing malnourishment, to hernias, spinal pain and back labor pains.. which apparently are the worst labor pains a woman can get. She had an awful time being pregnant with me and couldn't wait to get me out.. Same for my father since he had to help her the whole time along with my brothers.. they were supposedly mommy's boys, so they dedicated as much of their time to helping her as they could. But like any labor that I have heard of, the baby never comes when they are suppose to, just when they want to. So of course I had to come at the worst time adding another nail to my already made coffin. The day my mother went into labor was on a hike far away from the packlands just having a fun family time like they did often as I was told.. They said you couldn't see a cloud in sight, just the perfect day.. until I decided to make my way into this world.. and with me I brought the awful weather that no one expected.. which to them is a bad omen, they didn't need more reason to hate me but here it is anyways.. So because of the bad weather I apparently brought with me, they couldn't leave the area nor have enough time to get back to the pack lands to aquire any medical help for my mother.. so she had to give birth right then and there.. in a cave they took cover in. My father has spoke many times of the pain she went through that day for me.. she screamed in so much pain making the ground shake as I just tore her insides up supposedly. She screamed and screamed pushing me out of her, until I came into this world, making myself the most hated in my family in just a seconds span. She picked me up and into her arms without hesitation.. my father was astonished by the fact that she could smile at me after all that I had put her through.. but she did.. she smiled and said her last words to me, "Oh my beautiful Evelyn." She hugged me and her body gave out in that moment as she held me tight in her protective hold. She named me and cursed me all in the same action. The moment her heart stopped was the same moment that my family lost any love they might have had for me. My father told me he almost threw me off the side of the cliff she had me by.. even thought about leaving me in the cave alone.. I will never know why, but my brothers talked him out if it.. he even had to talk himself back from the edge just because of the fact that I could be some use to him.. eventually. That's right you heard me correctly.. he only kept me around to use me for what he needed.. free labor in other words. Because that's all I'm good for according to him. Since the moment I could walk he has been getting me to do anything and everything.. Same with my three brothers.. I have seen and heard about brothers who love and cherish their sisters so much that they would do anything for them.. but sadly that's not the case for my brothers, they have picked on me and tortured me in so many ways since I can remember.. I have been hiding from them since I figured out how to hide.. which ends up being at a very young age as well.. sadly enough. I don't know how I can wake up every morning.. but I do.. and I will, with my wolf and that little sliver of hope to hold onto that maybe today will be a better day.. just anything to take me away from this world that I have come to hate so much over the years.