Chapter 9 - Butterflies

2484 Words
....... Elle ....... I put my phone on the table and plop on the couch after talking to Zara, my babysitter. She and Alaric went out for a walk. It’s now six months since my father passed away. It still hurts, some days worse than others, but I’m keeping on. I have to; I have a little person who needs me at my best. I cannot let myself fall apart like I have nothing to live for. After Lucah and I spoke that day, he permitted me to use his studio if I wanted to. He was trying to make me feel better, and it worked. I took his offer three weeks later, and it's helped me a great deal. The amount of love and support they continue to show me, I can never put into words. I’ve been making strides at work too, and Luna’s been very helpful to me there as well. Today was a long day, though, and I’m exhausted. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about this industry, it’s that even though there're perks of attending events one would only dream of, it’s very demanding and requires a lot of hard work too. I slip off my shoes, groaning, “These shoes are not comfortable,” I mutter to myself, leaning down to rub my toes. They hurt like hell. I moan, enjoying the sensation caused by my fingers, but just then. A deep unfamiliar voice speaks behind me, causing me to halt my movements and hastily sit upright before turning my head to look at the source. “Hi,” I respond, looking at the tall, handsome stranger in front of me. His face’s familiar, but I can’t recall where I’ve seen him before. “Hi, I’m Evan,” he says, extending his hand. My lips stretch into a polite smile, finally recognizing him, and I extend my hand toward him as well. I expected a handshake, but he raises it to his lips and leaves a kiss atop it before winking at me, making me blush. I can immediately see why Lucah never approved of him dating his sister. He’s got a total bad boy vibe, but then again, so does he, and he’s not a bad boy. Luna told me their story after I asked her about the name engraved on the baby's court. “It’s nice to meet you, Evan. I’m Elle,” I introduce myself, and just then, Luna walks. “Evan? What are you doing here?” she asks, putting her bag on the couch, her face immediately turning into a frown, and on that note, I decide to give them some privacy. I ask them to excuse me and head to my room. I change into a pair of leggings and an oversize shirt and head to Lucah’s studio. I want to finish what I was busy with, so he can have his studio back, but I get startled when I hear a scream, and I quickly turn around, heading in the direction it’s coming from. “Lucah! Stop! please!” I walk in to find Evan getting up from the floor with a bloody nose while Luna stands between him and Lucah, trying to push Lucah back. I contemplate helping hold Lucah back, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea. He looks really scary. “Get the f**k out!” he screams, pointing at Evan. “He’s leaving. Please, stop this, Lucah!” Luna cries out with a broken voice, tears streaming down her face. Evan stands upright, raising his hands in surrender, before picking up his jacket and heading to the door. Luna falls back on the couch, looking exhausted suddenly, and I rush over to her and hug her. “What the f**k was he doing here, Luna?! Why was he here?! Lucah screams at Luna, making me flinch. “I don’t know!” “The hell you don’t! Why are you letting him do this to you? Have you no self-respect?!” he spits the last part, causing Luna to break down. “Lucah!” I exclaim, shocked by his words, as Luna cries in my arms. How can he speak to her like this? “She’s telling the truth. She was just as surprised to see him here,” I add and notice how taken aback he is by my tone, but I’m just as shocked. The pain in Luna’s eyes triggered something in me. I’ve never seen Lucah like this. He’s literally shaking, and I breathe a sigh of relief when he storms out of the room. When Luna’s crying comes down, I get up and fetch her some water. “Thank you,” she says as I hand her the glass. “You know, I don’t know if I’m crying because of what Lucah just did or if I’m crying because he showed up here. He left me when I needed him the most, Elle, and now when I’m finally healing, he shows up here, telling me how sorry he is. I don’t know if I’m crying because no matter how hard I try, I can’t hate him. I should hate him more than Lucah does for doing that to me. For making me go through the pain of losing my baby by myself. He hurt me so much, Elle. He hurt me to the point where I wanted to die. I was losing my mind,” she says, tears coming out of her eyes again. “I’m sorry,” I whisper as we hug again. “Lucah’s right. I must have no self-respect,” she mutters as we pull back from the hug. “Hey, that’s not true, and he knows it. He’s just angry; he doesn’t mean that.” “Then why am I not angry? Shouldn’t I be?” “Maybe or maybe not. You loved him, and sometimes love does that to us. It disarms us. You cannot hate yourself for not being angry just because you’re expected to be. You are you. You deal with things your way, and that is not wrong.” “I… I want to be alone… I’m going to go lie down,” she says, getting up from the couch. “Okay,” After Luna goes to her room, I decide to check on Lucah. I walk up to his room and find the door ajar. I knock and hear a low come in. Upon entering, I find him standing by the window. He looks at me as I come in but quickly looks away again, and I find myself not sure if my presence here is a good idea. Just because he was kind enough to talk to me when I was grieving, it doesn’t mean we are friends or that he likes me or approves of me being here. But I’m already here, so here goes nothing. I gulp, “Are you okay?” I take slow steps toward him, but he doesn’t reply, so I stop just a few feet away. This is definitely a bad idea, Elle. “Uhm… I’m sorry.” I speak again after an awkward moment of silence and turn around, deciding to get out of his room, but he calls me, causing me to turn to him again. “I’m sorry,” he says, turning around and rubbing his hands on his face in frustration. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I’m just not in the right state of mind right now,” he adds, sitting on the bed, taking his face in his hands. “It’s okay,” I respond, walking back to him. “May I?” I ask, gesturing to the bed, and he nods, so I sit next to him. “She told me what he did, so I understand your anger,” “I’m just…” he starts to say but stops mid-sentence, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “She went through hell after she lost her baby. I had to sleep in her room because she would get up and run around the house, calling out for her dead baby in the middle of the night. Saying she can hear him crying. After that, she became a zombie. She’d be looking at you but would not respond or show any signs that she’s aware of her surroundings. And that's not even the worst of it. When she got better, he broke her heart, Elle, and sent her back to square one. He’s a sociopathic narcissist, and I won’t let him back into her life again.” he says, his body starting to shake with rage again — almost making me change my mind about what I'm about to say, but someone has to. “I get where you’re coming from, Lucah, I do, but-” “I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s her decision to make. She can hate me all she wants, but I’m not allowing her to let that piece of trash back into her life again. I’m not watching her go through that again,” he cuts me off, and I gently place my hand on his back reflexively, realizing that arguing with him is not the way to go. I feel his body relax a bit under my touch, but I quickly remove my hand, feeling like I overstepped. I understand him; he's only trying to protect her. He has her best interest at heart, but Luna should still choose if she wants to see him or not. My heart breaks for both of them, having spoken to Luna already. I can tell this will not be easy. “What did you want to talk to me about this morning?” he suddenly asks, turning his head to look at me. “Oh, no. It can wait. It’s not important.” “No. Tell me. I need to think about something else before I decide to hunt that bastard down and take his pathetic life,” he says the last part through a clenched jaw, his eyes turning ice-cold. And for the second time since I’ve met him, a shiver runs down my spine, looking into his eyes. But he couldn’t possibly mean what he's saying, could he? “Yo-you’re kidding, right?” “Yeah, of course, I’m kidding. Now tell me,” he assures, his eyes softening as he shifts on the bed, crossing his leg over the other, facing me. “Well, I wanted to say thank you for lending me your studio and for all the support that you guys have shown me,” “You’re welcome.” “I also wanted to let you know that I’ll be moving my stuff from the studio. I’m just waiting for my painting to get dry.” “Why? Don’t you enjoy the studio?” he asks, his brows furrowed in confusion. “I do, but I’ll continue in my room,” I explain, but he still looks confused. “Didn’t Luna talk to you about it?” “No,” he says, lightly shaking his head. “I asked her if I could turn part of my bedroom into my little studio. I wanted to ask you too, but she said it’s fine, she’ll talk to you about it.” “I thought you said you enjoyed my studio?” “I do, a lot, but I assumed it wasn’t a long-term thing,” “Do you want it to be?” “Uh… yeah, but….” I trail off, not sure how to put it. How can we share a studio when he can barely be around me? “But?” “I don’t want to be in your way.” “You’re not.” “Lucah, you…” I try to say, but trail off again, casting my eyes downwards, but he takes me by surprise when he puts his hand under my chin, gently lifting it, causing me to look into his eyes. “I’m what?” he asks, his voice coming out soft. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” I reply, with a breathy voice, getting lost in his ocean-green eyes. “What makes you think that?” “Lucah, please, I-” “-You?” he cuts me off, still looking at me intently. “You haven’t been in the studio once since you allowed me to use it.” “That’s not quite accurate. I was there this morning,” he says, finally letting go of me, also leaning back a bit, and I internally breathe a sigh of relief. “But I wasn’t. Look, I don’t mean to be funny, but we both know the truth. You know what I’m talking about.” “Repeat it to me then,” “You don’t like me, and I-” I blurt out, getting tired of this back and forth. “Elle, that’s not-” he tries to cut me off, but I won’t let him. “-It’s okay, Lucah. You don’t have to explain yourself. I understand; I truly do. You don’t trust me-” I say, getting up, and he follows suit, cutting me off again. “-That’s the furthest thing from the truth,” he says, but we both know it's not. He just doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Maybe he thought I didn't notice. “Yeah, okay. Look, as I said. You don’t have to explain yourself and… I have to go,” I say, turning around to leave, but next, he catches hold of my hand. “Luca-” I try to say, turning to look at him, but the words die in my throat as his lips crash against mine. I freeze, firstly because the kiss took me by surprise and second because of the million butterflies in my stomach. I find myself placing my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as he attempts to pull back, probably due to my unresponsiveness. His tongue swirls in my mouth, making my knees weak, and I’m glad when I feel his arm slide around my waist, supporting me. We pull back, breathless after a long moment, and he cups my face, looking me in the eye. “I'm sorry. Please, forgive me. I shouldn’t have done that. Elle, I act the way I do around you, not because I don’t trust or like you, but the opposite — and it scares me cos I have never felt this way before about anyone other than Bella,” he tells me, looking me in the eye. I open my mouth but only to close it again, not knowing how to respond to that. “I-I need to go,” I mutter, stepping back before turning around and rushing out of the room, leaving him standing there. What the hell just happened? What have I done?
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