Angel POV
The light in the darkness fades until there is nothing left, no breath, no hope, and not even sadness. Death is at your doorstep waiting for you to come in. - Paula Gallegos
Angel POV
The beats are slowly fading one by one. The calmness around me is unnerving. I’m waiting for the storm to fully impact my entire being like it has done before. Any second now it’s going to hit. My body is ready for the fight. With each passing second nothing. My walls are beginning to falter around me. I want to fight to exert my strength to its full capacity. I don’t like the calm before the storm, its too quiet. I thrive on the chaos, destruction, and rage. I want to destroy everything in my path and leave no stone unturned like the strongest tornado. I want to spit burning lava from my mouth and condemn those that have wronged me. I’m laying waiting for the chance to act instead of laying here with my thoughts. My mind is its own worse enemy constantly wreaking havoc. My heart is a treacherous organ that has played me for the last time. Why must I feel empathy and compassion for those that would do me wrong in a heartbeat given the chance. The beats of my heart are loudly thundering in my ears. My breath is quickening not in fear, never fear. I can taste the metallic flavor in my mouth as the adrenaline is pumping through me, and the blood lust is rising in my veins like a fountain ready to burst. My body is shaking with an uncontrollable rage, my chains have snapped and the beast within me is free. Heaven can’t save me now and hell can’t hold me in either. My demons are free, and my heartbeats are none. No more feelings, just darkness that has settled within me.
My name is Angel Velasquez, I don’t understand how my parents can give me the name Angel; I am far from being an angel! I am 26 years old, 5’3, covered in tattoos and I’m rebellious as f**k. I don’t give a f**k about what others think of me. I have seen my fair share of bullshit that this f****d up world has to offer, and I don’t need that in my life. I moved out of my parents’ house as soon as I turned 18, because I couldn’t live there anymore. My dad was an abusive son of a b***h and would beat me any chance he could get. My mother always said that I was a mistake and that I wasted years of her life and that she regretted carrying me inside her body. Can you feel the love these two had for me? Around that time is when I met my boyfriend Emiliano. He decided that it would be a good idea that he moved in with me to supposedly protect me. For the first couple of years it was good until the abuse started. He was just like my dad and I tried to kick him out of my house, but that motherfucker refused to leave. I currently live in Southern California, and even though I like it here, sometimes I just wish that I could leave. When I was living with my parents my dad would beat me, and my mother would verbally tear me down. I was always a submissive child and was terrified to talk back in fear that he would beat me even more. Only to live in the same situation until one day Emiliano humiliated me in front of his friends, he was calling me a w***e and slapped me in the face because I talked back. His friends laughed about it and said that he needs to teach me to be more respectful. He came home drunk one night with some of his friends and dragged me out of our room by my hair kicking and screaming. I tried to claw his hands to get them out of my hair. He said that I had to do my duties and entertain him and his friends. He wrapped a rope around my neck and tied me down and that night his friends beat and raped me repeatedly. I cried and screamed so much that night that my throat was hoarse, and I couldn’t scream anymore. I made a promise to myself that I would kill them all and after that I blacked out.
The following morning, I came too, and I was still on the floor and my body hurt so much. I could feel someone near me, and I looked up and I saw Emiliano looking down at me, he just laughed at me and said I was a good w***e last night. I told him that he will regret what he did, and he grabbed my hair and lifted me up and I grunted in pain at the way my body reacted. I was in so much pain down there and my legs were unsteady. I refused to cry in front of him anymore. He told me to not be talking back to him or he would beat me again. He yelled at me to get the f**k out of his face and let go of my hair after slapping me again. I fell back against the sofa and grabbed my head in pain. I looked down at my naked body and I can see the dried blood on my legs and my body was filled with bruises. I had bruises on my thighs and bite marks on my breast. I tried to get up so that I could go take a shower and every time I tried to stand up, I would fall back down. After the eighth time I was finally able to stand up and had to hold onto the wall and make my way to the restroom. I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t hold back the sob that came out of my mouth and I broke down. I had two black eyes, my lips were busted, my cheek bone was bruised with a cut on it. My throat has blue and purple hand marks and my arms were bruised badly. I had hickies all over my body as well, I was f*****g disgusted with myself and I felt so dirty. I was so f*****g angry and I wanted to kill them so badly. I couldn’t believe this happened to me. I was looking around in the restroom cabinets, and I found some scissors and I looked at myself and I grabbed my hair and I started cutting it. My hair was down to my waist and I loved my hair so much but at that moment I needed to do something. So, I cut my hair down to my neck. After I was done cutting it all off, I looked at the mirror and I started laughing and then crying. f**k I think I am losing my f*****g mind! I dropped the scissors and went into the shower and turned the hot water on and started to scrub my skin until it was red. I slid down the shower wall and hugged my knees and cried on the shower floor. Everything was hitting me all at once and the realization hit me full force that my boyfriend the one that was supposed to protect me beat and raped me and he allowed his friends to do the same to me. I wish that I could remember who hurt be because last night was just a blur and I couldn’t remember everything. I remember Ernesto, Chino, and Beto were there and Ernesto, was trying to help me and Emiliano wouldn’t listen to him. Ernesto ended up leaving. I think that it is for the best that I don’t remember because it was a f*****g nightmare. At least I do remember who was there because I will f*****g kill them.