Deadbeat Mother

~Evan~ I swear there’s never anything to watch on TV late at night. I continue to flip through the channels, getting more and more discouraged. I wish I could find something to leave it on; I want to drown out the thoughts swirling around in my mind. After I put the child to sleep, I have nothing left to do but think, and thinking can be dangerous. I finally put it on a movie I’ve seen a million times. Maybe I can get lost in the background noise, but chances are I will be lost in my thoughts instead. I mute the television to listen for any noise. I hear nothing, knowing that he’s settled into sleep. I unmute the television and settle back on the couch. I hate nights, especially nights like this. It doesn’t take me long to go back to the past; I seem to live there. I try each and every day to let things go, to move on with my life. The issue is the quiet, the calm. The later the night, the quieter my surroundings. There’s nothing to distract me from my thoughts, and my thoughts always go back to her. I always see her smile in my mind, her dark brown eyes on mine. I remember how she sounded when she laughed or how we would stay up all hours just talking. I remember how her lips felt on mine, on my body. I can still feel her fingers as they caress my jaw and chin. I can feel the tears gather, and I sigh. I shift on the couch and try to bury my head in the cushions. I hate this, every f**king day, almost. I hate thinking about her, thinking about what we used to have. I hate thinking about the pain she put me through. ⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈⥈ “Daddy? Daddy……wake up.” I can feel hands shaking my body. I open an eye and look into that handsome face I love to look at. He’s not looking at me, so he can’t see that I’m awake. I quickly close my eye back and start to breathe heavily. He continues to shake me and call my name. I want to laugh out loud, but my surprise will be ruined if I do. “Dad, come on.” I pretend a bit longer before I grab his arm and pull him onto the couch under me. I tickle him up and down his sides, making him scream laughing. I slide off the couch, lay my head on the seat, and look at him. I can see her in his face, and some days it really hurts. Today, this bright morning, I love what I see. He is big brown eyes like her and a slightly tanned skin tone. He has a head full of curly brown hair. She may have left us, but he is almost a spitting image of her, so I’ve never really been without her face. “Morning, Cooper. How’d you sleep?” “Good, dad. Why’d you sleep on the couch?” I sigh and turn to sit up against the couch. “I’m not sure, kiddo, but don’t worry about your old dad. He’s just great.” I stand up and stretch out. “Ready for breakfast? We need to get you to school. Go get ready.” “Okay, dad.” Cooper hops off the couch and runs past me. Another day, another dollar. I guess it’s time to get into parent mode. There’s no point in thinking about her right now or any time. She’s not here, and I need to focus on our child. He needs to have one parent who’s involved in his life. ~Neela~ I walk into the studio and nod to those I pass. I sit in the chair with my name on it and take off my sunglasses. I lean forward and look in the mirror. Thankfully, I have no blemishes or any other issues. This will make everything go a lot quicker. My stylist comes over with my makeup artist. I smile at both through the mirror before scrolling through my phone. I don’t ask questions or interfere in their work. They are the experts, and I look to them to handle everything for me. I just show up and do what I’m asked. “Neela, love! How are you feeling?” I look up, and my assistant is looking at me. Mia is a great girl. We’ve been working together for about four years now, and I’d be completely lost without her. I smile at her and go back to my phone. “I’m good, Mimi. What’s on the agenda today?” Mia looks down at a tablet that’s in her hand. “The photoshoot today is with Weamus. He wants you to model a few of his new pieces for his upcoming line. We have that charity dinner tonight, so I will be sure to get that information to Steven. Oh, and next week, you have a shoot and a show. We have to travel.” “Where to this time?” Sometimes I hate to travel. If I could decide, I would stay local. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been able to visit some of the most beautiful places. I’m just not really one who likes to travel so much. It can get cumbersome. “It…..it’s at the request of Nokio. He totally requested you! He’s coming stateside, and it is supposed to be an entire event that spans some weeks. I’m super excited that we finally get to work with him.” Nokio is a big deal. He’s a designer from overseas, and he’s taken the fashion world by storm. The fact that he’s coming here to do an event is major. He doesn’t really work in America, and he asked for me out of everyone. My excitement was cut short when I realized Mia hadn’t answered my question. I look at Mia through the mirror and watch her look around at her surroundings. She’s making it a point not to catch my eyes. “Mimi, I asked you where we would be going, not who we’d be working with.” She continues to look around and then down at her tablet. She’s starting to fidget. “Where, Mia?” “Cwseblsla.” What?! I stare at Mia through the mirror, making sure my gaze was making her as uncomfortable as possible. She clears her throat. “California.” I stare at her, a lump forming in my throat. “Sa…San Francisco, CA to be exact.” S**T!