Burned by Rejection (Book 4 of Wolves of Milano )

12.In hiding

Allegra knows a Youth hostel that is less frequented. It’s basic, but they take cash and no wolf lives close to it or works there. It’s a safe place for her. And more importantly, it’s cheap. She is dressed in jeans and a sports jacket and her backpack can pose as a travel pack of a student out to explore the world. She takes her braid apart and ties her long hair into a ponytail. Changing her appearances is important. If she looks the part, nobody will take notice of her.

She walks in the front door and smiles at the girl at the front desk. She decided to try with a mix of English and Italian. She will play a tourist. She heard that they didn’t ask for any documentation, now she hopes that is true. She doesn't have anything to identify herself with.

“Buona Notte.” She greets. “Hope you speak English? I need a bed for a few days.”

“Sure.” The girl nods. “You travel alone? I can’t give you a single room. We don’t have those.”

“That’s fine. I hope to make some friends, because mine bailed on me and went home early.” Allegra lies through her teeth. It’s easy with humans.

“Oh.” The girl scoffs. “Too bad. Well, the stay is twenty for the night. If you want breakfast, it’s twenty-five.”

“Nice. Rome is much more expensive.” Allegra smiles brightly. “Two nights with breakfast. Please.”

“Fine. Second floor, room six. Your bed is by the window. The bathroom is down the hall at the end.” The girl smiles. “Breakfast is at eight.”

“Do I get a key?” Allegra inquires. She has never stayed in a hostel before, so she has no idea how this works.

“The rooms don’t lock. I advise you to take your backpack with you wherever you go.” The other girl shakes her head. “You get a card from me. That will get you breakfast in the morning. That’s all, darling.”

“That’s fine. I wasn’t expecting much. I’m saving all my cash for galleries and museum fees.” Allegra chuckles. She takes the card and pays for her board. It’s a hideout nobody will suspect, so it’s perfect.

She drops down on the bed by the window and looks out. The city lights are bright, but there is a curtain she can close. She sighs deeply and tries not to think about Elio. It was a shitty move from her, but she had to set him free. She caused him enough trouble as it is. It pains her greatly, but it’s for the best. She is a mess and he deserves a better mate.

‘Will he be alright? What do you think?’ Allegra asks her wolf.

‘I don’t know. I miss him already.’ Her wolf whines. She is sad, so sad, and it hurts them both.

‘Was I wrong to do it? Should I have stayed?’ She wonders. She saw the hurt in his eyes when she rejected him. ‘Is it true that we’re mates? Or was he just saying that to make me stay?’

‘It might be true. It hurts more than when Alessio left.’ Her wolf answers, but Allegra thinks there is more to it. What is the animal keeping to herself? What is it that she feels like Allegra shouldn’t know?

‘What are you holding back? We are a team. Talk to me.’ She prompts.

‘If he is our mate, we are both screwed. I can’t live without my mate. You are strong enough to get rid of me and run away. I know the gods can get it done.’ Her wolf says quietly.

‘What are you talking about? I can’t get rid of you! That’s impossible. I hate taking the meds because it separates us.’ Allegra yells at her wolf.

‘The gods can take away a wolf from the human part. I will only drive you mad, because our mate is not with us.’ The wolf explains to her.

‘I don’t accept that. If they can take the wolf away, can’t they take this stupid mate bond?’ Allegra inquires.

‘I don’t know. Ask Vesna.’ The wolf sighs. She curls up into a ball and thinks of the blue of Elio’s eyes.

The wolf is a lost cause. All her plans for a single life and a career in fashion have been replaced by those eyes. Is that really a wolf’s destiny? You meet your mate and bam! Goodbye free will and plans you might have had. All you see is your mate and his needs. She doesn’t want that kind of life. She doesn’t want to give up on everything because of a man. And she certainly doesn’t want to lose her wolf. She would rather die if she couldn’t have her wolf. Maybe it will all come down to it if her wolf drives her mad? She can just end her life and hope for the best in the next one. If the gods are real, so the thought of reincarnation can stand as well. She refuses to believe that there is nothing after you die. And Fate can’t be such a b***h to punish her this much twice.

She lays down on the bed and looks up at the ceiling. Counting cracks in the plaster is as effective as counting sheep. She can’t close her eyes and sleep. There is too much going through her mind. And she misses Elio so much. He comforted her and wanted nothing in return. He can calm her even better than Alessio. Is that a mate thing? He fell for her, just as she did for him. But she can’t have him. Even if, by some miracle, her parents and Uncle Vito let her out of this arrangement they made without her, she can’t have him. She would only bring him pain and more sorrow. It was better to end things now.

Allegra needs a plan. She can’t go home. She can’t go to Vesna’s because it’s too far away from college and work. Maybe she could ask the goddess to portal her to classes? Is that a privilege she could have? Dare she ask for it? She will have to ask for a full-time job to get some more money. And she needs to solve this hiding spot situation. She can’t live in a Youth hostel for long. What other option does she have? She can’t endanger her friends. She has no money for a decent rental. She wouldn’t like to live with other people. She has a wolf that needs her space. And she has other weird habits that might not go over well with roommates.

Grazia offered her the apartment above the garage! Can she risk it and call her? Would she even answer? Alessio should be completely healed by now, so getting one of them on the phone might be possible. That apartment is perfect. She can easily get to college and to work. Her city bus card is prepaid and not tied to any name. With the clothes she has now, nobody will even notice her. She can get a baseball cap in one of the many gift stores to further change her appearance. Splurging for a Chanel No.5 perfume might not be a bad idea either. She can go invisible for a while. Hopefully, Elio won’t look for her. She has no idea how good his tracking skills are. He found her quite easily today, but she damaged their bond by rejecting him.

‘You acknowledge the bond?’ Her wolf asks her. Is that hope Allegra hears in the animal’s voice? She is afraid of what her wolf might force her into.

‘I ruined it. If the bond doesn’t go away,we have to make it.’ Allegra scoffs. She is not negotiating this with her wolf.

‘I don’t think he’ll give up.’ The wolf tells her.

‘Can he find me? I can’t let him ruin his life. I will tell him everything if he finds me. He won’t want me then.’ Allegra shakes her head.

‘You can try. I have the feeling that he will still want you. It’s just the way the mate bonds work.’ Her wolf smirks. ‘I still want him. I know you do, too.’

‘I do, but it changes nothing.’ Allegra admits. She will not give in.

She walks down the hall to the bathroom. The room is basic, but nice. Nothing is broken and there are even small shampoo bottles for her to use. She locks herself in to get a shower. The shampoo doesn’t smell like anything she is used to, but it will do for now. Going through the motions on autopilot, she contemplates calling Grazia. That is her best chance of dropping off the map for now. Plan made, she steps out of the shower and there is a blitz of silver in her peripheral vision. She leans down to pick up a straight edge razor from behind the small trash can.

A small cut can’t hurt. She needs the pain to think. She slashes down her left arm to watch the blood drip into the sink. She never made a mess with this. She only cuts deep enough to feel the pain. Her healing takes over almost instantly, so she makes another cut. The flow of blood is oddly calming. The white of the sink gets the blood red marble effect. It looks like art, she thinks. One more s***h down her arm and she hisses in pain. She cut over the freshly healed skin.

Allegra watches the wound close and she rinses the razor out. She cleans the sink and wraps her hair in a towel. The razor goes into her small cosmetics pack before she gets dressed again. She didn’t plan this far ahead, so she doesn’t have her pyjamas. She will sleep in the sweatpants she packed. There are two more girls in the room when she walks back in. She greets them and climbs onto her designated bed. It’s late and nobody is talking, but they are all still awake.

She must have lost track of time in the bathroom. So she texts Grazia instead of calling her. An immediate response was not what she expected.

- I can try and get to you tomorrow. We are in Iceland with Marco and Morrana. Grazia

- I wouldn’t ask, but it’s an emergency. Please! I need the keys to your apartment. Allegra

- I will let you know tomorrow. I can ask Morrana for help. She is actually very nice. Grazia

- Thank you. I will owe you for life. Allegra

One little part of her plan is set into motion. She hopes that Grazia can get to her. Asking gods for favours is not the wisest thing one can do, but she can only hope that Morrana wouldn’t say no. Can she get at least a few hours of sleep tonight? She is not used to other people sleeping in the same room as she is. She closes her eyes and breaths slowly. Meditation was never her thing, but she can try to empty her mind of all thoughts and maybe fall asleep. Her wolf seems to be resigned to whatever Allegra decides. The animal is curled up into a tight ball, with her paws over her head. Is she asleep or just faking it? Maybe she should stop thinking and try to sleep?