Atonement (#2 of the Spike pack)

the girl and the past

Bree’s P.O.V.

My life was running in front of my eyes like a movie, a very horrific movie. But all of a sudden, angels had started to sing, the sun had started to shine, and once I had locked eyes with a wolf who had busted inside this house to save Lana, maybe even to save me, I had felt it. This wolf, this dark brown wolf who was standing in the doorway, was my mate! I knew the feeling, I had felt it before, but after feeling that particular feeling for the very first time, that feeling had only brought me pain and sadness.

I remembered that day as if it was yesterday. My 18th birthday, a day that I had been looking forward to for months. The idea of finding my true mate, the one I would spend my life with, get pups with, was so special. I had been nothing but nervous giggles and pink cheeks, the last days leading up to my birthday. And as a romance novel would have it, I had found my mate, right on my birthday, as fate would have it.

Unfortunately,

That was where the romance portion had ended abruptly.

My mate, my true mate, had been Robert, the son of the Alpha and, therefore, soon to be Alpha himself. Did that bother me? Not really, there were a lot of girls who secretly loved Robert, he was very handsome, and the role of being a Luna, maybe, could be something that I could grow to learn over time. I, after all, was just a simple Omega myself. I wasn’t highly ranked and nobody special really. My parents had died, and since being a toddler, I had been living with my aunt ever since. But surely, that couldn’t matter. But the thing that I had feared was the fact that rumors had been going around inside the pack, rumors of Robert having a human girlfriend in the big city. And as the weeks passed, these rumors grew, now telling us that Robert wanted to make this human girl his chosen mate, his Luna.

But surely, there was no way he could just walk past the mate bond? How dumb had I been… He had just looked at me, and where I had hoped to spot love and adoration for finding his true mate, I spotted disgust as he looked at me.

“Mate.” I had called out to him, when he had walked inside the laundry room, where I was working, and the two of us were all alone. And once I spotted the look in his eyes, I knew something was wrong, very wrong. And my happy smile had faded away, fast.

“No!” He had simply growled, with so much hate, I had stepped back and had hit the laundry machine, as it was pinning me into place, unable to run away from him. And I couldn’t help but wonder.

Why?

Why was he so mean to me?

Why did he look at me, as if he hated me?

Did I do something wrong?

“Why wasn’t I able to sense you, up until now?” He had asked me, and I had to swallow hard, as I heard the intensity of his voice again.

“It’s my 18th birthday today.” I had brought out, sounding nothing more but a whisper. And once again, his face was flushed with hate, disgust and anger, all pointed towards me, while I had done nothing wrong, not that I knew off anyway.

“What is your name?” He asked me, each word covered in anger.

“Bree…Bree Anderson.” I had been able to get out, already feeling deep inside of my heart, what was about to come next. I had heard stories about it, but never in a million years, could I have ever imagined that I would be ‘one of those girls’.

One of those who weren’t wanted.

One of those who weren’t good enough.

And I braced myself against the washing machine, as I watched how my true mate, the man that the Moon Goddess had made especially for me, lifted his chin in the air and opened his mouth to speak.

“I, Robert Grey, future Alpha of the Grey pack, hereby reject you, Bree Anderson, as my true mate and future Luna of this pack.”

I sobbed once, feeling how my heart broke under his harsh words, how the bond got severed on his part. And I looked at him, seeing how Robert, as well, seemed to be in pain because of the words that he had just said out loud.

If it hurts you that much?

Then why do it at all?

But I needed to be strong. My mother had raised me to be strong and independent. I thought about her, and the parts of her that I could still remember. Her smile, her gentle eyes, and the love that she held whenever she looked at me. It was all that I needed, to make me feel a bit stronger again.

If he doesn’t want me

He doesn’t even deserve me at all.

So, I took a deep breath, ready to face my demons.

“I, Bree Anderson, accept your rejection, Robert Grey, future Alpha of the Grey pack.” And once again, a strong bolt of pain flashed through my body, making me unable to keep standing, as my hands grabbed for the washing machine, feeling how the mate bond broke between us, and how one whole, became two loose ends once again. I looked in front of me, seeing how Robert was sitting on his knees, looking as if he was in pain. He looked up at me, and I could have sworn that I spotted some regret in his eyes. While all I could feel was pure pain. My heart was broken, lying in a thousand pieces inside of my chest. I couldn’t stand to stay in the same room, to stay here with him, so I ran past him, out of the pack house, and I didn’t stop running, until I was back home, where I had crawled into my bed and I had cried for hours, until all I could do was sleep.

Months had gone by, and I tried to keep up a good façade to the outside world. During the day, I would work and act as if everything was normal. But at night, that was when the tears would come, when the dreams would come. And I knew, staying here, living here inside the Grey pack, being forced to see Robert every day, it would slowly kill me. To know that soon, he would be bringing his human girlfriend here, and I was about to watch that, watch them… every single day? No, I wouldn’t be able to survive. I might have been strong, but I was not that strong.

And as I kept working inside the pack house, I did spot Robert sometimes, and seeing him each time, felt as if my heart was being pulled out of my chest once again. Sure, the mate bond was gone now. I wasn’t 'drawn' to him anymore. But my mind was playing tricks on me, fantasizing about what could have been, if he would have accepted me. Another reason for me to decide that I needed to leave this place. I just had no clue about where to run too.

One night, while I had been working in the laundry room and was on my way to the kitchen to get myself something to drink, I had seen him. Robert had looked at me with an expression I had never seen before, and once I wanted to walk past him, he had grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall. I had gasped, surprised by his actions.

He didn’t want me!

He had rejected me!

What the hell was he doing?

He had stepped up, pinning my body between his own and the wall, and I felt it, his erection pressing against my lower stomach, only raising more questions in my head. I had felt how he had pressed his nose into the crook of my neck and the way he had sniffed, before he had kissed me on my skin. Sending shivers down my spine. Not the good kind, but the evil one. This man had hurt me to the core, he had made it very clear that he did not want me. Then what the hell was he trying to do here? Was he just toying with me? Did he want to hurt me even more? And with all of my strength, I had pushed him back, pushed him away from me.

“No!” I had told him, knowing that now, I needed to be strong. I needed to stay strong.

“I’m sorry.” Robert spoke, and once again, I saw it, the guilt, the shame. And it was so apparent, I needed to stop myself from laughing about this whole mess.

What?

Did he finally come to learn that the mate bond is much stronger than when mating with a human?

Did he finally realize that his choice had been the wrong one?

This whole situation was just one big joke!

But apart from that, after all that this man had put me through, I knew one thing for sure. I was good enough, and I would never be someone’s ‘sloppy second’. And seeing him like this, in front of me, made me f*****g livid!

“You made your choice. You broke my heart, Robert. And I know you have… someone in the human world. It destroyed me, it almost killed me. But I will not let you use me like a toy, to be played with whenever you feel like it. You rejected me, now you have to live with that.” I told him, feeling proud of myself to be able to stand my ground. And with grace, I turned myself around and I stepped away from the hall, and away from him.

After that, I did not see Robert anymore. And by the sounds of it, so had no one else inside the pack. Robert had just vanished into thin air. And slowly, my life inside the pack picked back up again. And after a while, I even started to feel calm again. Days could go by, when I would be able to sleep without having any nightmares. I could go days without crying now, and I felt as if, finally, I was starting to heal from the rejection. And maybe, just maybe, I would be able to live a normal life.

One night, when I was almost done with my work and I was about to leave the laundry room, I had felt it. Eyes on my back, and once I had turned around to see what it was, there he was again. Looking at me like a predator would look at its prey. And before I even had the chance to say or do anything, he had stepped over to me, grabbed me, pressed a wet cloth against my mouth, and everything around me had gone completely dark. And when I had woken back up, hours later, I was here, inside this filthy, old house. I had looked around, seeing that Robert was in the room, he seemed to be waiting for me to wake up, and as my head still hurt, I tried to sit up straight, seeing how I was lying inside a dusty old bed.

Once I had groaned, reaching for my head, which felt as if it was about to explode, Robert had turned himself around to look at me, and the asshole even had the audacity to look happy.

“Where am I?” I had asked him, looking around and wondering what the hell had happened to me.

“You’re home.” Robert had answered me, making me look around the room again.

This was not my home…

This wasn’t even anywhere inside the pack house…

When I groaned again, Robert walked over and handed me a glass of water. While I held my face in both of my hands.

“What did you do to me?” I asked him, feeling how my head was about to explode.

“Just made you sleepy, but you’re home now, so…” He shrugged, making me look up at him.

“This is not where I live.” I told him, shaking my head. He had never been to my aunt’s house, but surely, he must have known that not one house inside of our pack looked like this dump.

“Well, it is from now on.” He answered me, staring at me with a gaze that made me afraid.

“Why?” I had asked him, while a thousand questions soared through my mind.

Why?

Why me?

Why are you doing this?

Why do you keep tormenting me?

Why can’t you just leave me alone?

Why can’t I get a f*****g break around here?

“Everything will be clear very soon, Bree.” Robert had smiled at me, as he cupped my face and used his thumb to caress my cheek. He kept looking at me, and then I saw something click in his eyes, before he slowly leaned in, and I knew that he wanted to kiss me. Without second guessing, I pulled away from him. I didn’t want to kiss him, not after everything that he had put me through, he had hurt me in the worst way imaginable. I was not kissing this man! And when he saw how I rejected him, a growl came from his throat, and I knew I was in deep trouble.

He had grabbed me, and he had hit me, using both flat hands and fists. And all I could do was cry and try to shield my body away from him as best as I could, while I tried to fight him off. And after two long minutes, which seemed to last a lifetime, he had stopped, stepped back, and simply walked away from me, leaving the room and closing the door, hearing how he locked the room from the outside. And he just left me, all alone, back with my tears and my nightmares. And that’s what I did, I cried. Knowing that there was nothing else I could do.

Hours went by, maybe even days. And Robert never came back. I needed to go to the bathroom so badly that my stomach felt as if it was about to explode. I was so thirsty, that I had started to search the room, hoping for a drop of anything, but finding nothing. So all I could do, was pee in a corner of the room and wait for the time to pass. I knew the basic rules of survival. The magical ‘rule of three’. You could survive 3 minutes without having air, 3 hours in harsh weather such as extreme heat or cold, and 3 days without any water. Now the first two rules didn’t apply to me, but I did wonder from time to time, when I would hit that 3 day mark without anything to drink. And as I waited for something, anything, I thought about my life a lot. I thought about my parents, the things I could still remember about them when they were still alive. After their deaths, my aunt never spoke much about them, so I needed my memories to help me remember. I thought about my own life, and somehow, it had felt short. I hated the work I did in the pack house, I hated living inside that pack as well, I had zero friends and, worst of all, I had absolutely no one who loved me. Meaning that also, there would be nobody who would come and look for me. Nobody would miss me, I simply didn’t matter to the outside world.

So, what did I need to do here? Was I about to do anything, in order to stay alive? Would I be able to actually live here? With Robert? To let him use me like an object? Only to get beaten up when he doesn’t get what he wanted from me? Was that even called a life? Was that worth living for? Or would he drive me so far, to the point where I would simply call it quits and find a way to kill myself? There had to be more to life than this? There had to be some reason why the Moon Goddess had created me, other than this? She couldn’t have just made me for a life filled with pain and sadness, could she? Was she really that cruel?

I had been woken up by the sound of the door, and I opened my eyes, seeing that Robert was back, only this time, he had another girl with him. She wasn’t from our pack, I knew that for sure. She was beautiful, with dark brown hair and grey eyes. But as I saw her, I knew she was looking just as scared as I was. She didn’t want to be here, just like me. We were in the same boat here.

“Who…?” Was all that she was able to say, as her eyes remained glued on me. Robert just laughed it off, as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Well, baby, I want you to meet someone.” Robert smiled at the new girl, taking her hand as he pulled her with him, closer to me. And I wondered why he treated her so nicely. He was treating her the way that he should have been treating me, once we had found out that we were mates.

“Stand up!” Robert growled at me, making me shiver in fear, but I still did as I was told.

“Baby, I want you to meet Bree. She is my true mate.” Robert smiled, waving at me. And that’s when it all clicked for me.

He called her ‘baby’?

Is she the human girl?

Is she his girlfriend?

Everything around me just passed by in one big blur… And in the distance, I heard Robert speak.

“When I found her, I rejected her, because I already had you. And I chose you because f**k Lana, you are just picture perfect. Bree is just too normal to be a Luna, really.” Robert stated, and even though our mate bond was broken, his words still hurt like a knife being slowly pressed inside of me. Hearing how he really felt about me, why he didn’t want me. And I couldn’t help it, as I felt how a tear rolled down my cheek.

I am useless

Nobody wants me…

“But the Moon Goddess played a f*****g trick on me, because I can’t seem to get over her, I am still drawn to her. I can’t f*****g stay away from her.” Robert laughed, feeling how he was running his hand over my hair, and I slowly felt how my soul seemed to be leaving my body, blocking everything off to prevent me from trauma.

“So, by rejecting her, it turned me so f*****g mad against you. And then you left me.” Robert spoke, pointing at the new girl, Lana, his human girlfriend.

wait!

What?

She left him?

What the hell happened?

“I rejected her for you, and you just f*****g up and left me!” He then screamed at her.

“And then when I thought, f**k it, I am going back to Bree, this little one had the audacity to turn away from me. Now, that was a big mistake on her part.” Robert laughed, sounding like the devil himself. And I wondered if this was the night where I would die.

“So, then I knew. I didn’t want just any of you, I wanted the both of you. I needed to have the both of you, this was the Moon Goddess’ plan for me.”

What?

He can’t be…

He can’t be serious!

Can he?

But still, it was true, that was Robert’s plan for Lana and I. But in contrast to myself, Lana did have friends, she did have a family, she did have someone out there looking for her, and they appeared right on our doorstep. And I had to hope that maybe, just maybe, this madness would finally be over.