Ghetto Love Bird

Out Of The Hood

I stood against the wall, looking goofy with my jeans down to my ankle.

If I was white, my face would be the shade of a damn tomato. What the hell just happened?

After fixing myself, I stared in the mirror, and wondered why Roman just bailed pre-f**k?

I knew I looked good, and I smelled even better, so it couldnt have been me that was the problem. Even with that justification though, I couldnt help but leave the bathroom, in Hope's that I would bump into him and find out what in the world was going on with him.

On my way to the backyard, I bump into Tera who had Sorayah in her hands.

"Mommy!"

I gasp, lifting her into my arms.

"Hey Bestie," I giggle at her, and she cheesee, "I missed you so much!"

"I have a boyfriend!" She announces and I raise both eyebrows.

'Excuse me?"

"Girl, your child has been going on and on about this boy that she met at her school," Tera elaborates, "I don't know what magic he did, but Sorayah was hooked like a fish."

"Oh gosh," I bent my head back, bouncing her in my arms as she giggles, "I thought I had a few more years."

"I don't know sis, it may not be all that bad, he's a whiteboy."

My mouth dropped open.

"Are you serious?"

"Deadly."

"This is too much to process," Tera laughs and I couldnt help as a chuckle escapes me.

"Hey, did you see Roman in the backyard?"

"Roman?" She raises an eyebrow, "west coast? No, I did not. Is he supposed to be here?"

"Well he was here already. I guess he left."

Tera looks like she was waiting on more details and I roll my eyes.

"I'll tell you more, later."

"Ugh," she groans, "fine."

The get together went on for another three hours before Sorayah began to whine. I knew she was tired. And once her tummy was filled, and her daily play meter had reached it's peak, it was f**k everybody.

"Hey Joe, great party but I've gotta head home. This little one is ready to be tucked in."

"Oh sure," he chuckles, patting my back, "thank you so much for coming. You know everything tasted amazing."

"I know," I joke, praising myself.

"And thanks for bringing along Roman, I hadn't seen him in so long. It was nice to see that he's doing alright," I nod in response and he clears his throat, "and also, I just want to put in a good word for him –"

"Joe —"

"Listen, Roman's father was a good man, and Roman is even better. If you give him the chance, I know he'll take care of you."

"I don't need anyone to take care of me though, Joe. I'm doing good on my own."

"I know you are, I can see that. But everyone gets tired once in a while, everyone. Even you. And I know when you need to rest you head down, no one can provide that luxury except for someone who's committed to taking care of you. You see, friends, friends have working hours, they have times when there can help you, and times when they've got their own thing going on. But a person who's dedicated their life, and being to you, is forever. You call them, and they're right there. Don't miss up on your opportunity, trying to be 'good on your own,"

I swallow my spit, before nodding, "thanks Joe."

I turn to leave, but he gently takes my hand.

"And that hurt you feel, thatbhurt that swallows you everytime you even think about letting another man in, it goes away. I promise you that."

#

"That's some weird s**t," Tera says, sitting on the swing chair I had on my porch, "he really had your fine ass in that position, and just walked away?"

"I was appalled."

"And he didnt say anything after that?"

"Nevermind, you good," I mock and she snickers.

"Sis, I don't know what was in your bootyhole —"

"Girl shut the hell up." We both had a laugh, but If I was being honest with myself, I was still unsettled by what Joe said. He was one of the few people that knew what happened between Me and Sorayah's sperm donor.

It's not something that I spoke about, and well, I always tried to push it deep at the back of my mind.

"Do you remember when we were younger," Tera begins, settling into the cushions and I turn towards her, "my mother had this huge board in the living room, and everytime we wanted something, something really important to us, she encouraged us to write it down on the board."

I nod.

"And we never stop writing on it, we were 14, 15, 16, and we kept going," she continues and I look away, already knowing where she was going with this story.

"One day you stopped writing," she says quietly, "and I wondered why, but I never pushed, I just wrote for you."

"And then Sorayah came along." I finish for her and she nods.

"And then I understood why you stopped writing . . . You just gave up. It was like -"

"I had nothing to wish for."

"But I know it's different now, and all I want us to do is make it out of the hood. We always hoped for the bigger, better things in life, and now we can make it happen. I truly can't wait for us to boss up and leave this place behind . . . for you to leave it and all of it's inhabitants behind."

I stay quiet for a moment before rubbing my face.

"I don't know, Tera. I'm scared," I sigh, "this is all I've known, this lifestyle, these people . . . What if when I move, I'm not good for anything else? I can't find a job and —,"

"You need to stop thinking about all these what ifs, because ain't nothing good for you, for us, for our babies here. I'll be damned if I let Eastern grow up around these good for nothing men who think that carrying a gun, and terrorizing the corners are what it takes to be a real man. And I'll be damned times two, if I let you raise Sorayah in a town where men don't know how to value, and love women, do you hear me?"

I wipe the tears that had fallen from my eyes and Tera sighs.

"Look, I know you scared but you're so strong, Honey. I know that you'll be okay, and Imma be standing right beside you through it all. We gon figure it out together."

Tera embraces me before, while I find comfort in her arms. She was right. This was the last place I wanted Sorayah to grow up in, I wanted her to have a childhood she could look back on and smile, not burst into tears. And I couldnt provide that for her here.