I don't want to die.
Abril was sitting on the bed, hugging her knees. The cold winter was piercing her bones like sharp thorns. She tried to cover her small and delicate body as best as she could, but the abandoned palace where she had been sent to live didn't provide her with the comfort she needed.
Abril was the first daughter of king Venobich, a cruel and ruthless man who saw all his children as mere tools.
In the kingdom of Laios, the heir to the throne was always the firstborn, regardless of the child's gender. However, the king didn't want a small and sickly girl as his heir, so he sent her to the most remote part of the palace to die in silence.
Abril held on to life with all her might, even though she only received one meal a day and didn't have the proper conditions to survive. She never gave up and clung to life admirably.
In silence and through tears, she repeated over and over.
"I don't want to die, I don't want to die." "God, if you're listening, please help me." "I don't want to die."
Abril repeated those words over and over daily. No one could understand why such a weak and unfortunate being like her kept holding on to life.
One day, the maid who brought her food once a day asked her.
"Why do you keep wanting to live?" "Wouldn't it be easier to let yourself die?" "That way, all the pain and suffering you're feeling would disappear."
Abril was twelve years old. In her short life, six years had been a living hell. But she refused to surrender to the claws of death that whispered in her ears every day, telling her to stop fighting.
As she ate the thick soup greedily, Abril replied.
"Why don't you throw yourself from the highest tower of this castle?"
"You're crazy!" "If I did that, I would die."
"You see, just as your life is valuable to you, my life is also valuable to me, so stop asking me to die because I won't."
She continued eating in silence, and when she finished, the maid took the tray with the empty plates. She hadn't left a single crumb, she had finished it all.
After the maid left, Abril looked out through the window. Outside, the snow had started to accumulate. She raised her gaze to the sky and said her little prayer again, with her hands joined together.
"I don't want to die, please God, don't let me die."
Abril continued saying the same prayer for three more winters. On the spring of her fifteenth birthday, the servant who always brought her food brought her a beautiful dress, beautiful jewelry and decorations for her hair.
"Why have you brought all these?" She asked curiously.
"His Majesty asked me to bring all these, to make you look beautiful." "He wants to see you." The maid replied.
It had been nine years since Abril had last seen her father. She still remembered the hurtful words he spat at her which she silently rejected within her the last time she saw him.
"I don't need a lame daughter as my heir, so just die already." Those were his words.
"Do you know why he wants to see me?" Abril asked.
"No, he just told me to hurry." Replied the maid.
The servant gave her a cold bath. Abril's whole body shivered as the cold water was poured over her thin body. She wished it would all end quickly, but that wasn't the case. It was a long and painful bath since she had to be very clean.
After bathing, the servant helped her get dressed. She put on a beautiful, pristine white dress, then placed two flower ornaments on each side of her long red hair. Next, she applied light makeup, and lastly, she adorned her neck with a small teardrop-shaped sapphire necklace.
The maid told her to look at herself in a broken mirror that was in a corner of the room. She looked beautiful, despite not having lived in proper conditions. April had become a beautiful young woman with reddish hair, white and pale skin like flour because she almost never received the rays of the sun, since she was always locked in that cold palace. Her golden eyes shone like the sun, and her red lips, like mistletoe, looked beautiful and delicate.
While Abril looked at herself in the mirror, the maid placed the final ornament in her hair that was at the bottom of the box she had brought. It was a fine veil. When Abril saw it, she realized what was happening. She was going to get married, since death never came into her life, her father wanted to get rid of her in another way, hence the marriage.
Abril didn't say anything, she just wished that wherever they sent her, it would be a better place to live.
"Everything is ready now, please follow me, His Majesty is waiting for you."
Abril walked casually through the palace corridors. Everyone who saw her whispered as she passed by, wondering who she was, and where she had come from.
She had red hair, a unique feature of the royal family, which is why everyone was so surprised to see her, as no one remembered that she was the first princess of the kingdom of Laios.
Abril continued walking, completely ignoring the murmurs of the people. She was taken to the throne room, where she didn't bow or greet the man who looked at her with coldness and contempt in his eyes while seated on his throne.
Nevertheless, he said to her, "My dear daughter, I see that you have grown beautifully."
Although the words of that king seemed sweet, they felt like an insult to April. Her father smiled maliciously and said to her,
"Today you will be sent to the kingdom of Cosset. Due to the constant wars, I have decided to send my most beloved daughter to form an alliance of peace."
Abril didn't complain or say anything. She simply stood listening to her father's words, hoping that it would all end soon because the dress she was wearing was heavy and uncomfortable, the shoes she wasn't used to wearing were tight and made her feet hurt.
"Dear daughter, I hope you have a good life with your husband." He said mockingly.
The king signaled to some guards wearing white uniforms. They certainly were soldiers of the kingdom of Cosset.
"Escort my precious daughter carefully." Said the King.
The guards approached April and said to her, "Please follow us, a carriage is waiting for you."
Abril didn't say goodbye to her father or bow before leaving, she just turned around, ignoring the fierce looks of her brothers, and followed the guards.
As she watched her back, her father spoke for the last time.
"May the light of Airon be with you."
Those last words seemed affectionate to the guards escorting her, but only those belonging to the kingdom of Laios knew the meaning of such words.
May death come to visit you soon, was the meaning of those words.
Although Abril had lived her whole life confined without receiving any education, she had learned to read before being locked up. In her confined space, she occupied herself by reading, so she knew that her father's last words were a death wish for her.
Abril didn't turn around, she walked with her head held high, ignoring everything around her. As she left the palace, she saw a huge white carriage with decorations made of gold waiting for her at the entrance. One of the guards helped her get into the carriage.
Abril looked through the window of the carriage, from there she watched as they left the palace behind. She thought she would feel something upon leaving her place of origin, but no, she felt nothing, no sorrow, no joy, no sadness, no emotion overwhelmed her.
She closed the curtain of the carriage window and said to herself.
" I hoped that my life in the kingdom of Cosset would be better than it was in this place."