Once Upon an Island

Chapter 1 “You care about him, Neil. You know you do,” Janet Logan said. She sat on her brother’s bed in the bedroom of the apartment Neil Logan shared with his good friend Jordan Dennison and watched him pack. “I do. I do care about him—very much. But I just don’t feel the same way Jordan does about us,” Neil responded without looking at her. “So, you’re just going to run off without tell—” Exasperated with this conversation, he threw several pairs of socks into his suitcase. “I’m not running off!” Neil said in a voice bordering on a shout. “What would you call it then?” Neil took a steadying breath. “I’m leaving to take a summer position,” he said, his tone more under control. “Okay, you’re leaving to take a summer position, but you’re not going to tell him how you feel?” Janet asked, looking at her brother, her expression disapproving. Neil sighed. He made eye contact with his sister. “Yeah, I think it’s better this way. I like Jordan. He’s my best friend, and I don’t want to hurt him.” “Tell me again—just how is leaving without his knowing you don’t feel the same way about him as he does about you such a great plan, and how that’s not going to hurt him?” “Well, to begin with, I’ll be twelve hundred miles away. I think that with time Jordan’s feelings for me will cool, and both of us will just move on,” Neil said, trying to be patient with Janet as he folded a shirt and put it into his bag. “You both will just move on?” Janet shook her head. “Y’all may have graduated magna c*m laude from vet school, but you’re a flunk out in the school of life.” Neil stopped packing and looked again at his sister. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped, irritability overtaking his attempts at patience. “Ever heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder?” “Ugh,” Neil grunted, “that’s just some old proverb like…a stitch in time saves nine or…don’t count your chickens, blah, blah, blah. They don’t mean anything.” “They’re based on truth. Besides, you’re only going to be gone for seven months. You guys have been together for more than six years. You really think seven months is long enough to erase feelings he’s developed in all the time you’ve spent together?” Neil shrugged. He didn’t want to hear stuff like this, stuff that might undermine his determination to carry out his plan. He couldn’t see any other course of action. Why couldn’t she see this was the only way to keep from hurting Jordan? Why did she have to be so…so…reasonable? “I still think it’s a rotten thing for you to do. Jordan’s a good guy. Y’all are gonna regret this.” Janet got up and walked to the bedroom door. “Call me when you’re ready to leave for the airport, and I’ll come over and ride along with you guys,” she said over her shoulder as she left the room. Neil watched her go. He sat down on his bed and heaved a sigh. Neil met Jordan at Texas A&M University where they were undergraduate pre-vet majors. Neil found the man to be witty, smart, and compatible in many ways. He also found Jordan to be very attractive. The attraction proved to be mutual, and they soon began a relationship that lasted for all of their four years in veterinary school and through their year of internship. To Neil it was a wonderful friendship with benefits. Neil was not a player, and to be good friends with a handsome young man who met Neil’s physical needs as well, suited him just fine. After finishing his year as an intern, Neil was going to stay in College Station for an extra year of postgraduate study in advanced equine science and then add an extra semester to get his hoof and leg specialist certificate. Jordan, a small animal major, had taken a job as a vet in a practice in Dallas. That was when Neil began to realize Jordan had a different perspective on their relationship than he did. Out of the blue, Jordan had announced that he’d taken a job at a local veterinary hospital, so he and Neil could be together while Neil did his year of postgraduate study. Neil thought back to that afternoon. He remembered it very well. It was two weeks before they were to finish their year as interns. Jordan was all excited as he burst through the door of their apartment. “Neil, I’ve got a surprise for you.” Neil had looked up from his studying, “What’s that?” “We won’t have to be separated when we finish our internships after all!” “Jordan, what the hell are you talking about?” “You’ve got a vet job in Dallas and I’m staying here. I’m not planning on commuting. Are you?” “No! I won’t have to commute. I decided not to take that job in Dallas. I saw an ad for a position in an animal hospital right here in College Station!” “But I thought you said you’d exhausted the possibilities of a vet job here. There are too many vets in the area because of A&M vet school being so close.” “You’re right, but they needed a vet tech. So I took the job!” “What? A vet tech! Why would they hire you? You’re over-qualified.” “I told them my mom needed me. I said that she was sick, and I needed to stay in town to care for her.” “You’re mother lives in Wichita, and she’s not sick. What did you tell them that for? Jordan, you’re about to get your DVM. You’ll be a full-fledged veterinarian! Why would you lie just to take a job as a tech?” a bewildered Neil asked. “You jerk,” Jordan had said, walking across the room and pulling Neil up from his chair and into a hug. “Don’t you get it? It’s because being with you is more important to me than working as a vet right now. I’ll get a job as a vet next year after you’re done with your postgrad, and we decide where we’re going to live. Neil, I’d do anything just so we don’t have to say goodbye.” Neil shook his head, letting the memory go. He got up and went back to packing. How had he missed the fact that while he thought of their relationship as a great friendship, Jordan seemed to be on a different page? I shoulda done something about it then, he thought to himself. But I was so freaked, I had no idea he had feelings like that for me. I didn’t know what to do. But I shoulda done something. Neil recalled how later that same night, when he and Jordan had gone to bed, Jordan initiated what he’d called celebratory s*x—s*x to celebrate they wouldn’t have to be separated. The s*x was spectacular, and while it was in progress Neil came to the realization that the great s*x he had shared with Jordan over the years wasn’t only because of the excessively active libidos of two virile, young men. It was passion that was emotionally driven. What Neil had thought of as two horny guys having passionate s*x, Jordan had viewed as two lovers making passionate love. Neil turned from his suitcase and went to the bathroom to gather his toiletries. Hell! It’s not my fault, Neil thought defensively as he put his toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and a razor into his leather overnight case. Jordan never once actually said, ‘I love you’. We never made any kind of verbal commitment to each other, so how was I to know? Was I supposed to read his mind? Hell, I never even realized Jordan’d planned on us living together after my extra year in postgrad was finished. Going back into the bedroom, he let his mind return to that night once more. After they’d finished having s*x, Jordan had snuggled against Neil, prattling on about how great it was that the two of them were going to be able to stay together after all. In a little while Jordan fell asleep. Neil hadn’t been able to sleep, however. As he held Jordan in his arms, he’d tried to put a positive spin on the situation. Jordan was handsome, they had great s*x, and Neil already liked him very much. He and Neil had lots in common: both were vets and loved animals, both loved the outdoors, both enjoyed sports, and both liked the same kinds of food and movies. Neil knew he could do a lot worse than Jordan. Was it such a stretch for Neil to go from liking Jordan to loving him? Why not just let it take its natural course and let the relationship develop? But it didn’t develop, Neil thought as he sat down on his bed, looking at his half-packed suitcase. There was always something missing—some spark I always thought would be there when I met that special man. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As Neil’s extended postgrad went on, it became increasingly clear that his feelings for Jordan weren’t changing. Jordan was a great guy, but Neil wasn’t coming any closer to falling in love with him. On one level he did love Jordan, but not in that special way that Neil had envisioned he would feel for a life partner. However, Neil had let it go too far. Clearly, Jordan was oblivious to the fact that his feelings for Neil were not being reciprocated. Jordan was totally content and happy. He continued to talk of what they would do after Neil’s studies were completed. Jordan never seemed to notice that Neil never invested himself in those conversations. Neil didn’t see any way out of the situation without hurting Jordan. Then one day while reading a professional veterinarian journal, a possible solution presented itself. It had been a rainy, Saturday afternoon. He was reading The Journal of Equine Veterinary Science. While paging through the journal he passed the classified section and an ad leapt out at him. It was for a summer position as an equine veterinarian, and it was on an island hundreds of miles away from Texas. He suddenly had a thought. Since neither Jordan or I’ve never actually said I love you, maybe if I go away for a while, it will all cool off. Jordan will find someone and move on. Neil had gone to his computer and found the site listed in the ad. He immediately filled out the application for the position and, without hesitation, clicked on submit. Remembering that moment, Neil got up from the bed, went over to his dresser, and picked up a letter that was lying there. It was from a Dr. Turner. The letter informed him he had gotten the job he’d applied for—the job that would take him away from Texas and Jordan. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. I sure hope this works, I can’t think of any other way to do this. Neil turned back to the bed, put the letter in his backpack, and finished his packing. He looked around the room he’d shared with Jordan for over six years. He heaved a sigh. He felt guilty. Jordan was a great guy, just not the guy for him. Neil had a fleeting feeling that this might not be the best way to change the complexion of their relationship, that he was taking the coward’s way out. Maybe Janet was right. Maybe he should just come clean before he left and be done with it. He’d had that opportunity when he’d gotten his letter of acceptance from Dr. Turner. He’d told Jordan about the job on the island. Jordan had looked stunned that Neil would apply for a job that would take him away until late fall, especially without telling him. Neil explained it was a great opportunity for him, that he would be getting tons of experience. He apologized for not telling Jordan sooner. Jordan relented and had immediately brightened, saying it was only for a few months, that would go by quickly, and he and Neil would be together again. Neil had let the moment pass. No, this is the best way. I’ll just go, and it will die a natural death. He’ll get lonely and find someone else. When I come back he’ll have moved on, and we can still be friends. Neil took one last look around the room, picked up his suitcase and backpack, and walked into the living room to wait for Jordan, who was to drive him to the airport after he was through with work. An hour later, Jordan came in the door. He’d picked up the mail on his way in. From the expression on his face it looked like he’d just gotten a draft notice from the army. “What’s wrong?” Neil asked. “Crap,” Jordan said, looking up at Neil from the piece of paper in his hand. “What’s wrong?” Neil asked again as he got up from where he was sitting and walked over to Jordan. “I was hoping I’d have a big surprise for you,” Jordan said, holding out a letter he’d apparently opened on his way up to the apartment. Neil took it and read: Dear Dr. Dennison, Thank you for your interest in a veterinary position with Island Tours. I am sorry to inform you that both our summer veterinary positions have been filled. We will keep your application on file and, should the need arise, we will contact you. Sincerely, Brian Turner, DVM. Director of Veterinary Medicine Island Tours. Neil looked up at Jordan. He didn’t know what to say. Finally he managed, “You…you applied for a job on the island, too?” Jordan misread Neil’s reaction. “Yeah, I’m just as bummed as you are. I really wanted to surprise y’all and come in and say, ‘Hey! Guess what? We won’t have to say goodbye for the summer. I’m coming with you.’ Maybe I shouldn’t have told you I applied. Now you’re gonna leave all disappointed that I can’t go, too. Don’t feel too bad, ok?” Jordan put his arms around Neil as if to console him. “Maybe I can come and visit.” Neil returned the hug. He felt relieved but at the same time even guiltier. Jordan had cared enough for Neil that he’d taken a job as a vet tech just to be near him during Neil’s year of post grad study, and now he’d tried to surprise Neil by applying for a job that would keep them together over the summer. Neil steadied his resolve. This was the right thing to do. He’d dodged a bullet—Jordan’s surprise had fallen through. Neil’s plan would go forward. It was all for the best—best for them both. “Yeah, bummer,” he managed to say as convincingly as he could.