The sun peeked through my blinds, casting golden slivers of light across my bedroom. I blinked awake, feeling the sheets tangled around my legs and a warm glow inside me. The events of last night flooded back in vivid detail. Homecoming. Mark. Our first time. I smiled, my cheeks flushing with a mix of excitement and embarrassment.
It had been perfect—or at least, it felt perfect in the moment. Mark had been so sweet, so attentive. We’d danced, laughed, and then we’d gone back to his place, and everything fell into place as if the universe had meant for it to happen that way. The awkwardness, the nervous giggles, and the shared intimacies—everything had felt right.
But I couldn't shake the nerves that fluttered in my stomach. It was as if a shadow lurked behind my happiness, a feeling I couldn't quite place. Maybe it was just the gravity of what had happened. s*x wasn’t just a moment; it was a step forward. A step into something deeper with Mark.
I hopped out of bed, quickly grabbing my phone to text him, but then I stopped myself. Was it too soon? Should I let him text first? I stared at the screen, biting my lip before tossing my phone aside. I could wait. Today was going to be perfect. I’d walk into school with that post-homecoming glow, find Mark, and we’d share that secret smile—the kind that only two people in love could share.
After showering and getting dressed, I felt good. No, scratch that—I felt incredible. The outfit I picked out wasn’t my usual jeans-and-hoodie combo. Today, I wore a simple, flattering dress that showed just enough without being too much. I wanted Mark to see me—really see me.
But as I walked into school, there was an odd shift in the air. Whispers trailed behind me, hushed conversations that stopped as soon as I passed by. My heart raced a little faster. What was that about?
No matter. I’d find Mark and everything would be fine. I walked through the crowded hallways, searching for him in the usual spots. When I finally spotted him near his locker, my heart lifted. There he was, talking with his friends. The sight of him alone made my chest warm.
“Hey,” I called, walking up to him with a soft smile.
Mark turned toward me, his expression hard to read, and my heart faltered. He didn’t smile back. His friends exchanged glances, and something cold slithered down my spine.
“Mark?” I said again, my voice a little less certain now.
He turned to face me fully, his jaw tight. “Mattie, we need to talk.”
The tone of his voice stopped me in my tracks. The world seemed to tilt slightly as I took in his face, the lack of warmth in his eyes, the way his friends lingered as if waiting for something.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to smile but feeling it falter.
His gaze darted around the hallway before settling on me. He let out a breath as if bracing himself for something. “Look, I’m just going to be straight with you. This… us… It was never real.”
I blinked. The words didn’t register at first. “What do you mean?”
Mark crossed his arms, looking uncomfortable, and for a moment, I saw a flicker of something in his eyes—maybe guilt. But then it was gone, replaced by something cruel and careless.
“It was a bet, Mattie,” he said flatly. “I only dated you because of a bet.”
The hallway suddenly felt very small, the walls closing in around me. “What? No… That’s not true.”
Mark’s expression didn’t waver. “It is true. I mean, come on… pizza face girl?” His words hit like a physical blow. I winced, instinctively raising a hand to touch my cheek, feeling the remnants of the bumps and scars that had once been so much worse.
“You actually thought someone like me would be into someone like you?” His voice dripped with disdain, the mockery sharp and biting. “I only did it because the guys dared me to.”
The world around me shattered. I could hear the laughter from his friends and see the way their eyes gleamed with amusement. Everything inside me went numb. The girl who had been on cloud nine just minutes ago was crashing down to earth in a fiery blaze of humiliation.
I turned around without saying a word, pushing past the crowd that had gathered to watch. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes, but I couldn’t let them fall. Not here. Not in front of everyone.
I needed to get out. I needed air. I needed—
Ryan.
I almost didn’t see him standing near the doors until I nearly crashed into him. He grabbed my shoulders just as I stumbled back, his eyes widening in concern.
“Whoa, Mattie! What’s going on?” he asked, his voice laced with worry.
I shook my head, unable to form words, my throat tight with unshed tears. I felt so small, so worthless. The look on Ryan’s face softened as if he understood something terrible had just happened. He didn’t press me for answers. Instead, he simply pulled me into his arms, holding me tight as the first sob broke free.
I clung to him, burying my face in his chest. The scent of his cologne, the warmth of his embrace—everything about him felt safe. But I was anything but safe. The walls I had carefully constructed around myself had come crumbling down, and I had no idea how to build them back up again.
When I finally pulled away, I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eye. “I—I have to go,” I whispered hoarsely.
“Mattie, wait,” Ryan said gently, reaching out to stop me. “You don’t have to do this alone. Let me—”
“I just need to be alone,” I cut him off, my voice cracking. “Please, Ryan.”
He hesitated, clearly torn, but after a moment, he nodded. “Okay. But I’m here if you need me. Anytime, okay?”
I nodded stiffly and ran, not stopping until I was far away from the school grounds, far away from the whispers, the laughter, and Mark’s cruel words. I didn’t even know where I was running to. All I knew was that I couldn’t stay.
* * *
The next few days passed in a blur. I didn’t go back to school. I didn’t need to. I had enough credits to graduate early, and I had already been accepted to Cambridge University. There was nothing keeping me in that place anymore.
My parents didn’t ask too many questions. I think they knew something had happened, but they also knew better than to push. I spent most of my time locked away in my room, trying to piece together the fragments of myself that Mark had shattered.
Ryan visited a few times, always checking in on me, always making sure I was okay. He never pressured me to talk, but he was always there, quietly offering his presence when I needed it. He was the only person I could stand to be around, the only one who didn’t make me feel like I was about to break.
It was during one of those visits that everything changed again.
* * *
It was late, the moon high in the sky when Ryan showed up at my house. My parents had gone to bed, and the house was quiet. I let him in without a word, grateful for the distraction.
We sat in silence for a while, the air thick with unspoken words. I could feel the tension building between us, the weight of everything I hadn’t said pressing down on me.
“Mattie,” Ryan finally said, his voice soft, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but… I hate seeing you like this.”
I swallowed hard, looking down at my hands. “I’m fine, Ryan.”
“No, you’re not,” he said, his voice firmer now. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to be fine.”
I looked up at him, and for the first time in weeks, I felt something stir inside me. It wasn’t the sharp pain of betrayal or the cold numbness that had taken over my heart. It was something warmer, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Why do you care so much?” I whispered.
Ryan looked at me, his eyes full of something I couldn’t quite name. “Because I’ve known you since we were kids, and I can’t stand seeing you hurt like this.”
His words hit me harder than I expected, and before I knew what I was doing, I was leaning toward him, closing the space between us. The kiss was soft at first, tentative, but then it deepened, and suddenly, I was lost in him.
Everything that had happened with Mark, all the pain and humiliation, melted away in that moment. All that mattered was Ryan—his touch, his warmth, the way he made me feel like I wasn’t broken beyond repair.
We tumbled into my bed, our bodies tangling together in a desperate attempt to feel something—anything—other than the emptiness that had taken root inside me. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t something I had thought about, but in that moment, it was what I needed.
Afterwards, we lay in silence, the weight of what had just happened settling over us. I stared at the ceiling, my mind racing.
I didn’t know what this meant. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. All I knew was that I wasn’t ready for any of it.
And so, the next morning, I left without saying a word to him or anyone.
I was ready to start a new way from all the years of