Jett

16 - The night before

Maria

I can’t stop thinking about him. Jett. After sneaking into my room, the other night and fuckin.g me against the balcony windows, he’s been back every night since. Each night, he makes love to me. Each night he takes me away from here to a place that only we’ll ever know, even if it is just in spirit. It’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t be sleeping with a man my brother hates in his house, but I can’t stop myself.

It’s risky that Jett comes here, and it frightens me that we might be caught. But I don’t think I could get through each day and the plans I’m forced to be a part of if I didn’t see him. I don’t know how he gets past my brother. No one has ever been able to do that before, and I am scared for him each time, but I’m selfish in my need for him.

It’s not just se.x that Jett comes here for, we talk. A lot, actually. We talk about our dreams and what life would be like if we could be together. It sounds like such a beautiful life. The house we’d share and the big garden where our child would play with the medium-sized dog we’d get so our little one wouldn’t be lonely.

I’m happy while Jett is here, or at least I keep that mask firmly placed. When he leaves, I cry myself to sleep. My heart aches to be with him all the time, and it hurts so much to know that I never will be.

When did my life get so out of hand?

Sneaking around each night with my baby’s outlaw biker father and spending my days organizing a wedding I want no part of but have no choice in attending. I feel like I’m living a double life!

I wish I could go back to work. But my brother refuses to let me go back to my accounting job. I now have no job and no home; I’m just a prisoner in my brother’s house until I become a prisoner in my husband’s.

Draven has made everything beautiful for the wedding, I’ll give him that. He’s picked the most beautiful Church for Jovanni and me to get married in, and I have a stunning white dress, mermaid style, custom-made for me by one of the top designers in the world. It has diamonds all over the bust area, and they’re real, tiny diamonds, hundreds of them. Draven insisted on them.

Everything is as Draven insisted.

The car that Lorenzo will drive is a beautiful cream Bentley. There will be ribbons attached to the hood of the vehicle. My flowers are a bouquet of white roses because they were my mother’s favorite, and I always said that when I got married, that’s what I wanted in my posy.

Our family will be there, even those who still live in Italy have flown over for my big day. Of course, my father won’t be there because he’s not welcome with the family and hasn’t been since I was thirteen.

I’ve sat back several times and asked myself if my father would be doing this to me if he was in Draven’s position.

Would he be forcing me into a loveless marriage with a man I can’t stand?

Then I realized he’d do just that; anyone in my family would. The family is everything, and outsiders aren’t welcome. My father would force me to marry Jovanni, and he wouldn’t be as nice about it as Draven has been. I would not have been allowed to complain because my father would have knocked me out for daring to say such a thing.

As for my baby?

My father would have beaten the child out of me. I may not remember much about him, but something deep inside tells me that is the truth.

Then I wonder, how does Hammer fit into the family?

I know Draven loves Hammer and would do anything for him. Draven even fought with the family about them accepting Hammer, or he would kill them.

I know Draven loves me, too, and he’s only doing this because he thinks it’s right for me. I love him for that. He did the same thing with Avery. I just wish he could see this from my point of view. I wish he could see how much pain I’m in.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t cry in front of him, and I don’t make big scenes in front of people, I would never do that. I’m polite to the guests that have been around for the past few days. I wouldn’t want to embarrass my brother. However, it’s hard when I’m alone to think of anything but the sad, lonely life that will soon be mine.

I know I have to suck it up and deal with things. No matter what Jett keeps telling me, there is no way out of this. But I don’t even know Jovanni well enough for this. Okay, I don’t really know Jett either, but we have a connection. One that makes it feel like we’ve always known each other. Jovanni and I have nothing in common. I don’t feel any connection with him; honestly, he makes my skin crawl.

What the hell are we supposed to talk about?

What happens on our wedding night when Jovanni wants me to fulfill my wifely duties?

What will he do when I shrink away from him?

Because there is no way I can have him touch me like that. Just thinking about having se.x with him makes me vomit, and I do mean literally. However, I won’t be able to fob my husband off indefinitely. It will be expected of me to make my marriage work.

What if he forces himself on me?

The very thought makes me shiver. It’s not a thing to think about another person, but I can see Jovanni forcing me to have se.x with him. He won’t care if he hurts me because he knows I won’t be able to run to my brother. Draven will expect me to say something, but Jovanni will put a stop to it.

I'm scared, and that’s the truth. I’m afraid because I know Jovanni will pretty much rape me on our wedding night. It’s required that we consummate our marriage on the wedding night. It doesn’t matter that I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. I’m going to have to lie there and let Jovanni take me and do whatever he wants to my body, but there is no way on earth I will ever do anything but lie there. Never will I make love to him.

Draven can tell me as many times as he likes that I’ll learn to love Jovanni; I know I never will. This isn’t a fairytale where the guy takes the girl and forces her to love him, and, in the end, she really does fall for him because he turns out to be everything she ever wanted. Fairytales are bullshit!

Then there’s the fact I have no clue how we’re going to get around the point I’m already five months pregnant. No one within the family yet knows I’m pregnant. But it’s becoming pretty clear that I am. I don’t care what others think of me, but Draven clearly does.

Am I to have my baby and hide it from the family?

Will Draven allow them to know once my child is three months old?

Claiming the baby had been born two months early?

How would that even work when the child would be massive compared to a baby born eight weeks early?

Oh, I don’t know! This has been driving me crazy for weeks. I do know one thing, if that man touches me without my permission, I will kill him. Fuc.k the rules!

I sigh to myself and take a drink of my orange juice. A few of my cousins and friends are over tonight, each drinking and laughing the night before the wedding.

Me?

I’m sitting with my feet under my ass on my brother’s couch, wearing leggings, and an oversized sweater shirt, when I should be dressed elegantly like the rest of them. But I’m not like the rest of them anymore. I cannot dress like them because I can’t allow anyone to figure out that I’m pregnant.

“Why are you so quiet? This is the night before your wedding!” Bella, a cousin around Draven’s age, squeaks in that annoying voice of hers.

Bella arrived from Italy a couple of days ago and tried taking over the rest of the arrangements with her mother, Aunt Nina. Draven told them it was all arranged, and there was nothing for them to do. They pouted but accepted it. It’s not like they can argue with him. He’s the head of the family, and they do as he tells them.

“Yeah, I know.” I try to force a smile for them all. I can’t let them think I’m unhappy about my wedding, and I definitely can’t tell them I’m pregnant. I would never hear the end of it.

Isn’t that what this is all about?

My family not knowing I got pegnant before I was married?

“You’re going to be a beautiful bride, just as your mother was.” My Aunt Fia coos while cupping my cheek like elderly women do, like a grandmother would.

I miss my mother right now. Fia is my father’s older sister, his much older sister. She looks like him, as did Uncle Vinny. Avery also looks like them. I sometimes wonder if Aunt Fia misses them, misses my father. But she was close to my mother and loved her like a daughter rather than a sister-in-law.

Mom died when I was too young. I needed her. Then, with my father gone, Draven was the only person I had. I never really had any female influence because I wouldn’t leave my brother. Fia would visit every now and again and give me tips on how to be a lady and how to dress.

I used to love spending time with her, shopping, dancing, and doing all the things a girl would do with her mother. I, in no way, felt like I was replacing my mom with her sister-in-law, but I did need that female bonding time.

When I look at Draven, I see my mama so clearly in his brown eyes. It hurts sometimes, but I feel like I still have her with me somehow when I look at him.

I bite my lip to stop the tears from falling and wrap my arms around my aunt’s neck. I just need a hug from someone who won’t make me feel like a bad person.

“Mio caro, whatever is the matter?” She soothes in her thick Italian accent.

“I'm just so happy you're here,”

“Oh, my tesoro, I will always be here for you.”

I know that to be true, and I know if I told Fia the truth, she’d tell me to leave with her and go to Italy, that she’d take care of my baby and me. But I don’t want that either. I want Jett. I want to be his wife. I want the life he could give me.

I don’t care that he’s part of an MC. I don’t care that he’s a killer, I don’t even care that he hurts people for a living. My brother has done the same thing, worse, actually, all his life. All of the death that surrounds me is normal to me. No matter how crazy that sounds, it’s just my life. It’s all I know.

All too soon, the night is over, my family leaves to get some rest ready for tomorrow, and I take a shower and change into my nightwear. I need beauty sleep, apparently. However, as I stand in front of my floor-length mirror, looking at myself, I don’t see who I’m supposed to see. I’m supposed to see a strong, independent woman, a bride-to-be with a wonderful life ahead of her. But all I see is a sad, lonely, scared woman with no way out of the life she must now lead.

Tomorrow, I will become Maria Addario when I should be Maria Jackson. I stroke my stomach gently without taking my eyes from my mirror’s reflection. I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I’ve lost even more weight, I have dark circles under my eyes, and my skin is pale.

I can’t afford to lose weight, I’m pregnant.

What the hell is weight loss doing to my baby?

I swear to God above that is not intentional.

Maybe it’s normal? I don't know because

I’ve never had a child before.

Maybe it’s stress?

I will need a ton of makeup to hide the darkness under my eyes and even the paleness on my face. I hope.

Is this as good as it gets?

Am I ever going to have anything to smile about again?

Well, of course, I am, my baby,

But what kind of life will my child have stuck in a house with a mother and father who don’t even like each other?

Jovanni is old-school Italian, and he’s going to Lord it all over me. Me, the little wife. Staying home daily to cook, clean, and care for the child or children. Undoubtedly, I’ll be forced to have more to keep his family name going. He’ll want a son of his own, they all do.

“You should be in bed.” I heard him knock, but he entered before I told him it was okay to do so. I could’ve been changing!

However, my brother seems to know these things, and I very much doubt he would have walked in here if he thought for a second that he might see me naked.

“I know, big day tomorrow.” I smile slightly while turning to look at him.

My brother shoves his hands in his trouser pockets, rolling his shoulders simultaneously. He’s not wearing a jacket or tie, so I’m guessing work is done for today.

“When am I going to see you smile again, Principessa?”

“I don’t have much to smile about.” And that’s the truth. I fold one arm around my body and clutch my hip while I tuck my hair behind my ear with the other.

“Have I really made you this unhappy?”

I don’t answer him. It’s not like protesting about the wedding again will do me any good. I’ve done it a hundred times already, and it’s gotten me nowhere. I won’t say anything to ease his mind, either. I’m not going to tell him what he wants to hear.

“Is there something you wanted, Dray? Only I need to get to bed.”

“I feel like I’m losing you, Cura dell’orso.”

Despite myself, I chuckle. “Draven, I’m not a child anymore; you can stop calling me Care Bear.”

He began calling me Care Bear when I was a little girl due to my love of Care Bears. I was obsessed with them!

He laughs, and I find myself smiling at him. Draven is a handsome man, a very handsome man. Every woman wants him. I know that’s primarily because of who he is, but how he looks helps.

“You’re going to be a beautiful bride, Maria.”

And... my smile vanishes. For a split second there, I’d forgotten about the wedding. I was me again. I’ll never be me again after tonight.

Draven hugs me to him tightly. I might want to scream at him for making me marry Jovanni, but I know his heart is in the right place. So, I hug him back tightly.

“Everything is going to be perfect. You’ll see.”

If only that were true.

Once Daven is out the door, I climb into bed and cling to the pillow that still smells like Jett. All the time, the tears fall as I wish he could be here to hold me tonight. But I have to harden my heart and remember, I have to face the fact that he’ll never hold me again.