Jett

9 - I don't want this

Maria

I feel like a naughty child. My brother moved me back into his house and even took my phone away. I have a twenty-four-seven guard. I’m a prisoner, and I am not allowed to mention Jett under any circumstances. The only thing Draven told me was that he didn’t kill Jett and that he only let him live on the understanding that he stays well away from me.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Draven hardly talks to me. He’s so ashamed of me. Avery hadn’t been willing to speak to me until I begged her to please come and see me and that I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling.

Okay, so I emotionally blackmailed her and told her that she should understand how I’m feeling right now. She sounded upset over the phone and told me she would be right over.

Avery came alone. She left the baby with his father so she wouldn’t be interrupted while talking to me. She walked into my room as I sat on the edge of my bed. I looked up at her and instantly burst into tears.

“Oh, babe,” Avery sat beside me, her arm around my shoulder. I rested my head against her shoulder and cried. She let me and didn’t stop me once. I cried my heart out until I had nothing left to cry out.

I wasn’t crying because I couldn’t be with Jett. I was crying because I didn’t want to be forced to marry a man I didn’t know. I was terrified of what would become of me. Though I knew I couldn’t change a damn thing.

So, where would crying get me in the end?

I pulled away from her and grabbed a tissue to wipe my eyes and snotty nose. “How did you do it, Avery? How did you cope?”

“Sweetheart,” She stroked the hair away from my face. “I didn’t cope. I tried in the beginning. I thought I could make Draven see how much I loved Ghost and that he was a good man who would take care of me. I even threw in the fact Ghost is Italian by blood. I thought that would make a difference. The truth is, nothing I said made any difference to Draven; he’d made up his mind to kill the man I loved, and he was determined to show me who the boss was.”

“I never realized how much pain you must have been in back then.”

She smiled at me. “It was the worst thing I have ever been through, and that includes losing my dad.”

I looked at her, not really wanting to remember the awful time I almost lost her because of what she did to herself, but not able to forget either.

“I know how much this hurts right now, Maria. Being forced to marry a man you neither know nor love, but, sweetheart, you’re not in love with Jett either.”

She knew nothing. I spent one night with the man, and I’ve never been able to forget him. I ache for him, and I don’t understand why.

How can I feel so strongly about him?

Is it just because of the baby?

“Maybe not,” I told her. “But I feel so much for him, things that I don’t understand, Avery. My heart aches so much. I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t stop thinking about my baby or the lies I’m going to be forced to tell him or her. I don’t want this, Avery. Why is Dray doing this to me?”

Tears fell from her eyes. Avery knew how I was feeling. She’d been through it all before. Yes, her experience was much worse than mine; she was in love with Ghost and couldn’t cope without him.

I’m not so low that I would hurt myself, but my brother is slowly killing me. Of that, I am certain.

The trouble is I know I need to pull up my big girl pants and push through it. I’m stronger than I’m making myself out to be.

“I wish I could fix this for you, Maria. Because I don’t want to see you so sad and lonely. I don’t want to see you so afraid. I don’t understand why your brother is forcing you to do this, but I suspect the Famiglia has something to do with it.

“Draven got so much shi.t from the council over me, Maria. They questioned his position. Why would the Don allow his cousin, the daughter of the previous Don, to marry a biker? Then there’s the fact he claimed Hammer as his brother. That went down like a lead balloon.”

I knew all of that. The council wasn’t happy with my brother at all. My brother is the head of the family, but the council are the ones who set the actual rules. They’re the Elders, and it’s their job. That is the way things have always been.

However, Draven listens to Draven, no one else. The council used to consist of six older gentlemen. Two of those Elders went against my brother when he claimed Hammer as his brother. Those Elders have never been seen since.

Everyone is afraid of my brother and the power he holds. He’s an intelligent man, a brilliant man. The Elders plotted against Draven. They wanted to overthrow him. My brother found out because he has very loyal men, plus, he knew those men were acting differently toward him. My brother always says he can read a man by the way he lies. He can wheedle liars out in seconds. He allowed the two Elders to think they’d gotten away with plotting, allowed them to think they’d soon be rid of him.

They were wrong, and I’ve often wondered if they begged for their lives before they died.

How do I know all of this?

I heard Draven and Tony talking one night. I’d come over to speak to my brother about something – I don’t even remember what – and heard them through his office door. My heart sank, and I left. I hate what my brother does. I’d rather be ignorant of his world. Well, as much as I can.

I doubt very much the council will question my brother again in that way, and that’s why I don’t understand why he’s doing what he’s doing to me.

Why can Draven claim our biker brother and bring him into the family?

Why was Avery allowed to marry the man she loves and have his child?

Is there something wrong with me that means I’m not allowed to be happy?

Jett does terrible things. I will never say otherwise, but so does my brother. But that doesn’t make him a bad man where it counts. I believe the same of Jett.

“Draven has bigger plans for you, Maria. He wants to honor your mother by ensuring you marry a good man. He wants to make sure you follow tradition.” My cousin continued.

“So, he wants to turn me into my mother? A woman so unhappy in her marriage she dies?”

Avery sighed. “That’s not it at all, Maria.”

“I don’t know if I can do this, Avery. I’m not strong enough.”

Avery took me by the upper arms and turned me to face her. “You listen to me. You are a Vidal. You are strong. You were born strong, Maria. All of this you’re feeling right now is just your hormones. They’re all over the place. You’re confused. It’s understandable.

“You have feelings for Jett, but they will fade in time. I wouldn’t be saying this if you were in love with the man, but you’re not. This man Draven has chosen for you will be someone you’ll grow to love.”

She didn’t have a clue.

“Draven would never force you to marry a man who would hurt you. He will have done extensive background checks on the guy, Maria. Any sign of physical violence against a woman and Draven wouldn’t choose him.”

“But shouldn't I be the one to choose my husband? I’m going to have to sleep with a man who might give me the creeps! I get it; Draven is doing this for my own good. Whatever. I’ll do what he wants, but I won’t be happy about it. I should be able to find my own husband or at least have a say.”

She sighed deeply. “I get it, Maria, really, I do. However, Draven has made his mind up. You must do this for the sake of the family and your brother’s honor.”

She was pissing me off!

I got to my feet, anger boiling in my veins.

How dare she sit there and try to make me feel like I had no choice?

I didn’t have a choice, but I wanted my cousin to make me feel a little better, not worse.

“Is that what you thought about yourself? Or did you not care as long as you got to be with the man you love?”

“I wasn’t thinking, Maria.”

“Yes, I know. Because all you were really thinking about was yourself!”

Avery blinked, shocked at my outburst, but I’d had enough.

“You couldn’t be with the man you loved. You couldn’t save his life, so you tried to end your own! Don’t you think that brought shame and dishonor to my brother and the family?

“I may not be in love with Jett, but I would have married him regardless because he is the kind of man I could fall in love with. But I’m not allowed that chance, am I? My baby isn’t allowed that chance. My brother is taking away my baby’s chance to know its father!”

“First off,” She got to her feet. “What you said about me was harsh, Maria. I know what I did was selfish. I fuckin.g know that!”

My lip quivered as tears fell from her eyes. I’d hurt her, and I didn’t mean to. I’d been selfish in only thinking about how I was feeling.

“But I was lost, Maria. I was so lost. I tried everything to save Ghost. I literally begged on my damn knees at Draven’s feet, begging him not to take the man I loved away from me. I told him that I would do anything just as long as he didn’t hurt me that way. Draven wouldn’t listen. He forced me to watch while he beat the crap out of my man. Do you have any idea what that was like?”

I shook my head.

I remember when my brother forced Avery to watch as he attacked Ghost. Avery came home so broken, and I had to hold her in my bed all night long while she sobbed. It scared her and rocked her to the core so much she was literally shaking as she cried.

“When Hammer took me to Snakes Henchmen clubhouse and allowed me to see Ghost one last time, I honestly believed it was the last time. Then Draven found me, and I honestly thought he’d killed Ghost then and there while I waited in his car.

“That night, at dinner, I don’t remember what was going through my mind. I don’t remember dragging that blade over my wrists, and I don’t even remember how I got to the hospital. But I remember waking up and feeling like a failure. Then Ghost was there, and I knew I’d be okay.

“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, Maria. If I could make Draven see that it would be better for you if you were with Jett, believe me, I would, but I can’t. I can’t do anything because he won’t listen to anyone. Draven made his mind up that you’re marrying one of his men, and that’s that.”

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

At that moment, I knew there was nothing I could do to stop the inevitable. I had to marry whomever Draven told me to and forever live a lie.

“I’m sorry, Avery, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

She wrapped her arms around me, and I let her hold me, stroking the back of my head the way I did for her when she was so lost and alone.

“It’s going to be okay, Maria. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I promise it will all be okay. Don’t let this ruin you. Hold strong. Never give up. I love you and will always be here for you and this little baby inside you.”

“I love you, too.” And I do love her. So very much.

She was also right. I had to hold strong and never give up. Marrying a stranger isn’t what I want, but I won’t let it break me.

Whoever the guy is, better not think he can grind me down. I am no man’s doormat, not even my brother’s. I’ll marry this man because I have no choice but to do so, but I won’t sleep with the pig, and if he forces me? I'll kill him.

No man will ever force me to sleep with them and live.

I wouldn’t be able to tell Draven if anything was happening in my marriage; that’s not how things are done with people like us. A union between a man and a woman is sacred and private. It wouldn’t matter if the man was beating the shi.t out of his wife and raping her every night, you don’t talk about it.

I think I’m more scared that my “husband” will resent my baby and hurt it because it won’t be his. I don’t want my child to grow up in a home where their stepfather is a bully to us. I want my child to grow up in a house filled with love.

I guess that’s why I know deep down this baby would be better off with Jett. I saw the love between Jett and his family at Avery’s wedding. That’s what I want for my child.

I know my brother would never allow me to hand my child over to its father. That’s why I know I’d have to somehow set something up legally. Hand over my rights to my child to its father without Draven finding out. My brother wouldn’t be happy about it, but it would be my choice.

You’re overthinking things, Maria. Don’t give up so easily.

I don’t see it as giving up but as putting my child first.

Isn’t that what mothers do?