Crossroads

Chapter 1 Caleb swallowed salt water and then spit it out in disgust. He lifted his head above the water; he knew his head had to be above the rolling waves. His arms burned from exhaustion. His legs churned to keep him afloat as he tried once again to swim parallel to break the undertow of the riptide. But no matter how hard he swam, he still couldn’t escape the sea’s grasp. It was as if the ocean wanted to trap him. He glanced at the shoreline. So close. Yes, so close. His surfboard crested several yards away, its leash underwater. If he ever reunited with his board, he’d have to check to see if the fin had cut the tether. Thunder rolled in the distance. If Caleb didn’t make shore soon, he’d be caught in a Florida lightning storm. He moved again, taking long rhythmic strokes, but when he stopped swimming he hadn’t progressed anywhere closer. In desperation, he slapped the water. He eyed the shoreline again and then swam when the next wave came, pushing himself—no, willing himself to the beach. He swallowed some water and spit it out, but his body was heavy from exhaustion. Something pulled him down underneath the waves and he instinctively closed his mouth. Bubbles escaped his nose. His body slacked. He willed his body to move, but it didn’t respond. “Caleb, wake up. It’s just a dream.” He spun his head around to follow Sebastian’s voice. “Wake up honey,” Sebastian said again. Caleb startled awake. His eyes fluttered open to see the alarm clock, his wristwatch, and wedding ring on the nightstand. Sebastian had squeezed Caleb’s arm then dropped his hand away from Caleb. “You had another bad dream. Was it the same one?” Caleb nodded. “Go back to sleep,” he voiced hoarsely. Sebastian didn’t have to be told twice because in a few minutes his breathing took on a deeper tone. Sebastian snored. Caleb still had some packing to do before his flight left in a few hours but he didn’t want to get out bed. Sebastian intertwined his legs with Caleb’s, then shifted closer, forcing his head against Caleb’s arm and using it as a pillow. Caleb inched closer so Sebastian’s head now lay between the crook of his arm and his bare chest. Caleb kissed Sebastian’s forehead, the same forehead that several hours ago had been furrowed. On Sebastian’s nightstand were the pamphlets Sebastian had brought home. They were brochures from the local Big Brothers, Big Sisters organization and from an adoption agency. The last couple of hours before they’d made love and gone to bed had been about Sebastian advocating—no actually pushing—to adopt and to volunteer at Big Brothers, Big Sisters. It had gotten so heated that Sebastian had called Caleb selfish for not even entertaining any of his ideas, only to apologize later after Caleb walked away from the conversation. The idea of volunteering didn’t scare Caleb, but the thought of becoming emotionally invested with a child, or a teenager did. And adopting? Just the whole premise of taking care of someone else other than Sebastian terrified him. Not to mention the financial drain. Caleb’s modeling contract was up for renewal and there were no signs from Tom about renewing it. Sure, Caleb had stashed some money away from the ad work for the cologne and watch adverts, but without more revenue coming in, they’d probably have to leave New York in three months’ time. Maybe that’s why he kept having the same nightmare over and over. Maybe the universe was telling him something. Caleb’s father showed no interest in having Caleb come back to race. Sebastian worked hard to get freelance jobs, but the money he made didn’t pay for the apartment they were renting in the city, much less the mortgage Caleb was still paying for their condo back home in Florida. And money problems were only the tip of the iceberg. He and Sebastian had just recently started their married life together. He wasn’t ready to share it with a child or two. He wanted to share it with Sebastian. He didn’t know why Sebastian wanted to rush having kids. Caleb kissed Sebastian’s nape. Wasn’t this enough? Sebastian mumbled in his sleep and moved his head back on Caleb’s arm. Caleb tenderly fingered Sebastian’s hair. God, can I just stay here and not catch that flight? Life wasn’t perfect, but it was perfect enough. Why have kids and mess it all up?