Shepard

14 - Showtime

Lynette

How could Shepard do this to me?

He walked away without even saying goodbye to me. I understand; Shepard wants to fix this mess and keep our family safe. But he could have at least told me he was going and wouldn’t be around for a while.

God, I feel so fuckin.g lost without my husband. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not wallowing or lying in my bed, unable to function; I have three kids to look after. Haiden is here with Tate, Willow, and me. Haiden doesn’t say much; he stays in his room most of the time, but at least he has Tate to talk to.

Willow sleeps in bed with me each night. Even though I put her to bed in her room, she soon taps my door each night. I know it’s Willow without even having to ask. When I open the door, she rushes into my arms. My little girl crawls into bed with me, and I hold her close. She knows she’s safe with me, and her daddy is trying to make everything right so he can come home to us.

I think that’s what’s wrong with Willow; she misses Shepard. She asks me every day when he’ll be home. I tell her the same thing each time, ‘He’ll be home soon, sweetheart,’ not really knowing if he will be. I just pray that he does come back to me, alive and not in a pine box.

It’s not just my kids and me that are here; the other wives and girlfriends are here too. All of us are stuck in this huge safe house. For our protection, so BlackJack told us, just until those who murdered Hillary and Titus are dealt with. Most of the men come by each night or early morning to check on their women and kids if they have them.

Mine?

Not once.

Taylor and her baby boys are here with me. They keep my mind off what’s going on most of the time. Especially little Dominic, he’s such a funny little guy. He’s always smiling for everyone, cracking jokes, and making us laugh.

This big old house on the hill, surrounded by electric fences, is like fort-knocks. No one can get onto the grounds without the correct key code for the massive iron gates that keep the world out. The place is impregnable, and we’re all safe here. I know that much. It puts my mind at ease to know my babies are safe.

However, I miss my husband so much that I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t show sadness to anyone, though, especially not my children. I don’t want them to know how much it hurts me not knowing where their father is, what he’s doing, or whether he’s safe. They miss him just as much as I do, and seeing me upset will only upset them. So I keep myself busy and keep on smiling.

It’s what we women do: put on the mask to hide what we feel inside from the world. I’m just not sure how long I can keep mine from slipping.

The only bad thing about being stuck in a safe house, even one the size of a stately home in England, is none of us women are allowed to leave. Groceries and supplies are brought in daily by one biker or another. They'll get it for us if we need anything for the kids.

The older kids are starting to get restless. They don’t want to be stuck all the time indoors. Even though they have the grounds to wander around, it’s not the same as being able to meet up with friends or go to school. Homeschooling them to ensure they don’t fall behind is all well and good, but they need a social life.

The oldest kids here are CueBall’s daughter, Lorraine; she’s seventeen. His son Calum, who’s sixteen, Haiden, also sixteen, and Tate, who’s fifteen. Then there’s my Willow, Dante, etc. They should all be in school with their friends. The younger kids aren’t so bothered; they have each other to play with. I imagine this place kind of feels like a prison for the others.

Regardless, we all know that we’re here for the foreseeable, and nothing we say or do will change Apollo’s mind about us being here. At least I have my mother-in-law here to help with things. I do love her; she’s fantastic. Moreover, she’s been in this life longer than I’ve been alive; Myra knows how it goes and what to do when needed.

She told me once or twice not to look at the negative side of everything because the good times will always outweigh the bad. This situation is temporary; soon, it will be over, and we’ll be as safe as we’ve ever been.

She also told me that if I love Vincent, really love him, then I’ll make myself stronger and harden my skin to the bad things because there are always bad things. Whether your man is an outlaw biker, a lawyer, or even a hotdog vendor on the street corner, there is always bad just around the bend. There is always something that could come along and destroy what you have.

You can never change that, so why sit and wait for bad things to happen when you can enjoy the good things while they last?

When I sat and thought about it, I realized she was right. Every person who walks this earth could one day step outside their house and find that day to be their last. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. You could walk out your door tomorrow and get hit by a truck; you wouldn’t have seen that coming.

So why in the hell live in fear of what if?

Don’t get me wrong, I will never feel one hundred percent safe living in a world of outlaws, but I won’t live in fear either. For all the bad things, there is so much better.

My husband is a good man at heart. Yes, he’s a criminal; he’s a killer, a dangerous man not to be messed with. A man I have seen beat another literally to death for his club.

It scared me, of course. I wasn’t supposed to be there. But I’d walked into that bar looking for a friend I’d been out with for the night. She’d left me an hour previous to go looking for her boyfriend. He frequented this particular bar, and I thought that’s where she’d be.

I was wrong.

The bar was full of bikers and rival gangs, all fighting. I recognized Snakes Henchmen instantly. It’s hard not to notice them; they’re huge and dangerous, and each one commands a room when he enters it. Each one will melt your damn panties with one look. They have that air about them.

Who the hell doesn’t love a bad boy?

I should have left. I should have turned around and run like hell as I knew I was supposed to. However, I didn’t; I was paralyzed where I stood. My eyes were glued to the powerful man straddling another, fists pounding down on his face like a wild animal gone rabid. It seemed like a good name for him at that moment.

His eyes met mine, a smirk played on his lips, and I knew right then that I loved him. I wasn’t afraid. I wasn’t disgusted like I should have been. Maybe I was with the carnag.e around the room, but I wasn’t looking at anyone but Shepard, and I was turned on and in love with the man who killed to protect everyone he loved.

When it was over, Shepard approached me, took my face in his hands, kissed my head, and told me to go home where it was safe. He’d come to talk to me about what I’d seen later, but I wasn’t to tell anyone what I’d seen.

It didn’t take long for Shepard to come to find me. He asked me not to speak to anyone outside the MC about the night's events. The little I knew of them, anyway. I promised on my daughter’s soul that I never would. Shepard smiled and kissed my head. He trusted me, and that meant everything.

Shepard told me that if I ever needed anything, then all I had to do was ask. The club would take care of me, and so would he. I wasn’t even part of the club in any way, but the brothers seemed to have adopted my little girl and me because of Celia and Shepard.

The Snakes have been my family ever since, and I will always remain loyal to them, no matter what.

I miss Shepard so much right now. It’s been days since I saw or heard from him. Hearing that he’s okay from some of the other guys isn’t the same as hearing it from my husband.

I miss his voice. I miss his smile. I miss his blue eyes and how they sparkle with love for me. Never did I think he’d be mine. I dreamed about it all, the fact Shepard was mine, and he loved me, but I didn’t honestly believe that dream would ever come true. It did, and I couldn’t be happier.

However, this isn’t easy for me right now. We’re days away from the birth of our baby, and I’m scared that Shepard will not be here to see it.

What if he’s not back for weeks or months to come?

Would Shepard really miss the birth of our baby and its first weeks of life? I know in my heart that Shepard wouldn’t want that, but I also know that he’ll do anything if it means keeping us safe. If that means staying away until the threat is over, he’ll stay away.

I try calling him again from my seat beneath the massive window in my bedroom. I know he won’t answer, he never does, but it somehow comforts me to hear the ringing tone on the other end of the line.

I was right; Shepard doesn’t answer. I sigh audibly and set my cell on the dresser next to me. I lean back in the rocking chair, close my eyes, and smile when my unborn baby kicks me. I rub my stomach, my eyes still closed, with a smile on my face. It won’t be long before I meet the little monster in my womb.

Actually, I’m a little more uncomfortable than I usually am. I know that’s not unusual, being almost nine months pregnant, but this is different, stronger. I’ve had a baby before, but that was nearly thirteen years ago, and I was sixteen. I remember everything about my labor with Willow, but I don’t remember the actual pain as such or how much it hurt.

“Mommy, are you okay?”

I open my eyes and smile at Willow. She seems so grown up these days, always wanting to help around the house. Always asking me if there’s anything she can do for me, get for me. It won’t be long before she’s thirteen, just a few more days. The years seem to have flown by.

I take Willow’s hand in mine, and she smiles when I place her hand on my stomach, which tightens painfully.

“I think your baby brother or sister is ready to come say hello.”

“Oh, my gosh!” Her eyes bug out, making me laugh. “Are you sure?”

I nod, still smiling, even though all I want to do is cry. I’m going into labor, and my husband isn’t here with me like he should be. However, I won’t cry in front of my daughter; I don’t want her to be scared; she’s been upset enough over the past few days with her dad not being here.

I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it softly. “I need you to do something for me, baby girl.”

“Okay,” She smiles.

“Now listen carefully. . .”

Showtime.