Shepard

17 - Blink and the time is gone

Lynette

Five Years Later...

It’s crazy how quickly the years fly by. Blink, and they’ve gone. Shepard and I are stronger than ever. We became the proud parents of another little boy, Max, four years ago. We planned for him; I didn’t want VJ to grow up lonely. I wanted him to have a baby brother or sister he could be close to. My baby boys are so close they hate being without each other.

Shepard is terrific with them, and they love their daddy. He tucks them into bed each night with a story, and they listen intently to the silly voices he makes for each character. I sometimes watch them from the boy’s bedroom doorway with a smile on my face, my heart light. They giggle and chuckle while getting so into the story I fear they’ll never fall asleep.

But they do; as soon as Daddy is finished with the story, they lie back in their beds, in their motorcycle-themed room – yeah, my husband thinks VJ and Max are future bikers – close their eyes and let Daddy stroke their hair until they fall asleep. Good job; their beds are close together; he’d need arms like an octopus otherwise.

My Willow, my beautiful daughter, isn’t a little girl anymore; she’s eighteen, dating boys, and doing well in school. A remarkable young woman who is my best friend.

We talk about everything. Well, not everything; there are some things a mother should never speak to her young daughter about.

Jett is now twenty-one, huge, and the biker we all knew he would be. Even though we celebrated his birthday with a huge party, I knew Shepard’s heart was breaking because it was also Nova’s sixteenth birthday. He kept it together the whole day because he would never show his sadness to our children, but when we were alone, he cried. I held him close to me like I do every birthday, telling him that one day she’ll be home and everything will be perfect.

Of course, we tell VJ and Max about their big sister and how she’ll one day be home with us all. They don’t even know her, yet they love her so much. My boys are special. Something about them tells me they’ll one day be great men, strong and powerful like their father and big brother.

I’ve added to my ever-growing tattoo, the one I had for the kids. Attached to the Willow tree, Jetplane, and Supernova is a small red racing car for my Maxy because that’s what he wants to be when he grows up, a race car driver, much to his dad’s annoyance. For my VJ, I have a small motorcycle, a Harley Davidson, because that’s the bike he wants when he’s old enough. That boy is his daddy’s double, and I know already that VJ will be a Snakes Henchmen before he’s twenty-one.

Jett is now a fully patched-in member of the Snakes. His grandfather didn’t want to wait, wanting to keep the club in the family as much as possible. I am so proud of Jett; he’s a good man who is always there for his siblings and ensures Willow is safe. He even beat up a guy who took her on a date and made her cry.

When I say beat up, I mean pulverized. Jett’s only lucky the guy didn’t die and kept his mouth shut about who attacked him when he came around a month later. Yes, Jett put the young man in a coma that lasted a month and a few days.

I was proud of him for looking out for his sister but ashamed he’d go to such lengths because a boy said a few mean words to Willow. Of course, I want to protect my daughter from everything in this world, but I’m trying to teach her to stand up for herself more. Jett can’t always fight her battles, and she wouldn’t want him to. Willow is not weak, and no man would ever get away with hitting her, but she lets these jerks talk down to her. I hate that.

Now, it’s no secret that my Willow was once a little chubby, wearing braces on her teeth and looking a bit frumpy for her age. I have to admit Jett and Tank have beaten many a kid for bullying Willow, making her feel not good enough, not as bad as that one guy, but still.

There were times between the ages of fourteen and fifteen that I thought I’d lose her. She was depressed, and I couldn’t bear it. So disheartened by the taunting and constant bullying that I feared she’d take her own life.

I was so scared that I wouldn’t let her out of my sight for months. I sat with her every night and talked about anything she wanted to talk about. We would watch movies, dance, sing, and do anything she wanted. We did so many things. Then we had a heart-to-heart where I let her know that she should never believe the mean words of others.

Sure, it was easy for me to say I wasn’t going through it, but I wanted Willow to know that if she ever felt like things were too much, then she was to come to me because she was and is everything to me. I wanted her to talk to me and never think the only way out of her sadness was to take her own life.

Luckily for me, Willow was stronger than that. But she wanted to learn self-defense. Not because she wanted to hit out at people but because she’d heard it was an excellent way to let off steam, get out her anger at others for what they would say to her, and give her more confidence.

Then she turned sixteen, found makeup and clothes more age-appropriate, removed her braces, and lost a little weight thanks to the self-defense training. Now, Jett and Tank spend more time keeping guys away from her because they might want more from her. Willow is never short of admirers of late.

Hammer even told her she was beautiful and should never change for anyone. The only trouble with him telling her that was the fact I realized she was crushing on him. Shepard has warned every man in the MC what he’ll do to them should they so much as look at Willow with lust in their eyes.

It made me laugh a little. Willow is growing up, and I will never allow anyone to choose the men she dates. I’m not the kind of mother who would force her daughter away from any man she might have strong feelings for. I believe we each have the right to fall for whom we want. As long as he doesn’t hurt her, of course, but if he does, in that case, the boys are free to kill the little fuc.k.

Hammer is eight years older than Willow, and right now, I don’t think she even really knows what it would mean for her to be with a man like Hammer. It’s not the age gap, Vince is ten years older than me, and I’m not a hypocrite. I think my little girl needs to grow into herself a little more before she thinks about settling down.

She’s babysitting for me tonight so Shepard and I can have a much-needed night out with our friends. My husband made sure VJ and Max were asleep before we left the house; we’d never have gotten out unless we did. They love Willow, especially Maxy, but VJ misbehaves if Shepard isn’t home, and Maxy cries nonstop if I’m not, and that upsets me no end. I hate when he cries for me, it’s so heart-wrenching. For me, at least, but then I am his mother.

What mother doesn’t get upset when her child cries for her?

Shepard says I shouldn’t let it get to me. Max will be just fine, and I should know that. That’s easy for him to say; he didn’t carry Max inside him for nine months!

Does it ever get any easier?