Shepard

12 - Losing my best friend

Lynette

“What’s going on?”

“Sit down, Jett.” He slowly, with narrow eyes, takes a seat on the couch. My husband is about to deliver some devastating news to our son. News that I’m finding a little hard to get my head around. I actually feel empty in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I keep Willow’s hand clutched in mine. She shouldn’t have to hear this, but Vincent thinks we should tell the kids at the same time. Not that I’ll be saying anything; I seem to have lost the power of speech. I don’t know what to think or feel right now, and the pain inside me is excruciating.

My heart breaks further as my husband explains to the kids how our best friends, Hillary and Titus, were killed last night. They were shot dead in their car as they drove toward home after their dinner date - shot down like animals!

Our son breaks down, crying and asking why this happened to his best friend’s parents. Vincent is trying to get the words out, but he’s struggling. There is no rhyme or reason for what happened, but the Snakes won’t stop until they find out why.

Who would do such a thing?

I know the Snakes have enemies, they’re outlaws, for f**k’s sake, but Hillary never hurt anybody in her life. She was my friend!

Her poor sons.

God, what will happen to them?

Hammer has the club; he’ll be fine; they’ll take care of him.

But Haiden – Tank – who’s going to take care of him?

Neither Hillary nor Titus had any other family. All that boy has now is his brother.

I’m going to take care of him. He’s fifteen; his brother can’t take care of Tank the way he needs to be taken care of. I can do that for my best friend; I can take care of her boy.

I know Vincent will take care of Hammer. That boy might go over the edge without my husband’s help. Hammer has a lot of people who care about him, all of the brothers, to keep him on the straight and narrow.

“What about Tank? Dad, he doesn’t have anyone but Hammer.”

“I don’t want you to worry. Tank will be coming to stay with us. Both Hammer and Tank will be for a while. They’re going to need us.”

I let go of Willow’s hand and scrub my hands over my face. I’m beyond tired; my stomach is cramping terribly, and I’m getting a migraine. I can’t afford to get sick right now; there’s too much to do.

I kiss my daughter’s head before getting out of my seat. I know she’s upset, but I have to get out of this room for a moment. I’m too hot and don’t know what to say right now. Hilary is gone, and I have no idea how I’m going to come to terms with never seeing her again.

These bikers have a closer bond than most blood brothers. They live, love, breathe, and even die for each other. Their wives, girlfriends, old ladies, we’re as close as any sisters could be. No matter the age, we’re always there for each other.

Like Taylor, Hillary was my best friend; the three of us were sisters in every sense but blood. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. I’ll miss Hillary’s smile, crazy wild dark hair, brown eyes, and thick Southern accent. I’ll miss the way she loved her children, the way she loved her husband and the way he loved her. I’ll miss my best friend for the rest of my life. Not a day will go by when I don’t think about her.

I will never be able to sit down with Hillary and Taylor, drinking coffee and bitching about anything and everything again. She’s never going to meet my unborn child, the child she couldn’t wait to meet. Nothing is ever going to be the same without her. I know I’m not the only one grieving; the whole MC is. Tank and Hammer, my husband, son, daughter, and friends. But right now, I’m heavily pregnant and hormonal, and I can’t bear this pain inside of me.

The tears come thick and fast, the sobs rip through me forcefully, and I fall to my knees on the kitchen floor, clutching my chest.

Arms encircle me from behind, pulling me against his big chest. Shepard tells me, “It’s okay, baby. Everything will be okay.”

How can everything be okay?

Our friends are dead, and none of us even know why!

What if I’d been in the car with them like planned?

What if my little girl had been?

All these things keep swimming through my head. All the what-ifs keep going around and around, and I know it’s stupid to think like this.

But how can I not?

I was supposed to go with Hillary and Titus; they were going to give me a ride home. I declined because I wanted to stay at Taylor’s and finish helping figure out party plans for Dante’s birthday next week.

After a while, my kids wrap their arms around me. I have a child on each side of me, and my family crowds me. I feel their love and support. I’ll get through this with them by my side, but I have to be strong for them.

I hug my kids to me. I just want to know they’re safe.

How can I keep them safe from the monsters out there that will do anything to hurt the MC, even if that includes killing women and children?

I kiss each of their heads in turn. “I have to keep you safe,” I mumble to myself.

I feel like I’m in a world of my own. Nothing is making sense to me right now. All I want is to keep my babies safe. They have to be safe. They’re so excited to meet their new baby brother or sister. The three of them will be close, and I will keep them safe.

“I have to keep you both safe. I can’t let anyone hurt you.” I would rather die than lose my children. I won’t let anyone hurt them. I won’t!