Out of time

Memory Lane

23rd February 1979

It had been two weeks since James’s death; I was still alive - unfortunately. It always seemed to work that way, the less time I had known him for the longer my inevitable end would take, I preferred when we passed away together but those times were rare and we would never die at precisely the same time, always him before me, even if just a millisecond, long enough to ensure that I had suffered the loss. That was the design of our particular curse for no two were the same and ours had been sentenced to us by a particularly nasty and powerful witch.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, when I opened them I looked around my small apartment. It was almost empty I had donated most of my furniture and belongings to charity knowing I wouldn’t have much time left and not wanting to burden my family when the time came. It was just my two older brothers and I now, our parents passed away in a car accident a few years back – death follows me around like a foul smell. I felt bad knowing soon my brothers would have to bury me too. At least they both have families of their own to help them deal with the grief. I had only kept a few small essentials and home comforts to keep me going; knowing when the time came my brothers would be useless at trying to sort through my things – the thought of which brought a much needed smile to my face. One of the items I had decided to keep was my uniquely patterned claw foot arm chair, it was a dark grey with lots of different faint pale grey faces printed all over it, the feet gold and matching coloured studs ran up the arms to finish of the design. I sat curled up on it by the radiator, most of my friends had thought it creepy and had said on many occasions they didn’t like that the faces were looking at them no matter where in the room they sat – another smile threatened to creep onto my face. For me however it reminded me of a past life living in a country estate sat in front of an open fire, during a cold winter, leaning on my then fathers’ knee happily as he read to me. Although my previous fathers chair had not been blessed with this particular pattern it did have the same design and structure, which I think is what had drawn me to it. It always made me marvel how trends would come back into fashion just with a bit of a twist fitting to the time.

As I was lost in thought over pleasant memories, I clutched my leather bond journal that possessed all my secrets, this was in fact one of many journals that I kept, having lived too many lives to contain to the pages of just one book. I had recently retrieved it from a safety deposit box that I owned, wanting to add any memories from this life that I wished to take over to the next. When you’ve lived as long as I have had to, you tend to forget the minor details and only remember the big stuff but the little details are where the happiness in life truly resides. The things you take for granted everyday; that cup of tea he made you even though he was running late for work; the note he left you on the fridge reminding you to have a good day even though every time you protest that you won’t; the way tingles shoot down your spine when he uses little names for you that no one else uses, making you feel special.

James had called me Penny, his little name for me – his lucky penny he would beam nothing but admiration on his face. It had all started in a coffee shop I had seen him from across the street and recognized him instantly; no matter how many lives we lived we always looked the same. Maybe a slight difference here or there a different hair line, slightly different coloured eyes or a slight difference in height never anything major just an imprint of the genetics we had been randomly born into this time. My heart stopped then rapidly started to speed up, it was like I’d suddenly woken up from the daydream I had been previously living. I eagerly crossed the street desperate to talk to him; it had taken so long for me to find him this time - an agonizing six years. I had to be careful however, not too much too quick, unlike me he wouldn’t know who I was – not yet any way. As I walked into the coffee shop, I saw him just in front and I joined the queue behind him raking my brain on how to start a conversation. I had done this a thousand times but was still just as nervous as if it had been the first. I grabbed my purse out of my bag preparing to order; perhaps I could drop it and he would offer to pick it up? Or I could ‘trip’ and bump into him.

‘Sorry sir you’re a penny short’ I looked up to here the server say. 

‘Can’t you just left me off a penny this once, I’ve no more change’ he protested, before the server had a chance to argue I shifted the change from my purse in my hand producing a Penny, this was my opening.

‘Here I’ve got a penny you can use’ James turned smiling to say his thanks but paused when looking upon my face, I smiled and looked down knowing what he was thinking – the feeling of déjà vu

‘Ermm ... Thank you’ he finally managed to stutter out. I smiled at him warmly and told him he was welcome. Once he had paid he lingered at the door unable to leave as I waited for my order. The look of confusion evident on his face as he tried to deduct where he knew me from. Once I had my coffee I walked over to him, 

‘I’m Maggie’ I held out my hand for him to shake it.

‘James’ he answered back as he took my hand in his, the moment he did the tingles of his familiar touch shot up my arm and through my body and by the look on his face I could tell he felt the same as I did. We chatted for a while before he declared he was late for work and had to go but not before giving me his number and asking if I would meet him later. Which I of course accepted without hesitation. Later that night he told me about how his annoying older brother had ambushed him with a blind date, he’d never usually shown much interest in dating but the relief he had felt to have plans with me and not have to go was something else. It had taken his brother by surprise but was beyond happy that his little brother had finally found someone that interested him.

‘If it hadn’t been for you giving me that penny today who knows what god awful date I could be on now, my brother has terrible taste in women’ he had joked. It was then that he declared me his lucky penny and the nick name had stuck ever since. At that point only I had known how wrong he was and to have met me wasn’t luck it was fate, the terrible twisted fate we were both sentenced to.

I clutched on to my journal once more trying to stay caught up in the memory and not come crashing back down to the realization that I was still in my living room sat on my favorite claw foot chair. I sighed in frustration knowing that as blissful as it was, floating down memory lane with James wouldn’t help. With that thought I closed the journal having written everything about this life that seemed worth remembering and looked to the much older book that lay on the floor at my feet. I had taken to doing this throughout my last couple of lives, whenever I had suffered through my punishment I used whatever time I had left to study my old journals, looking for any clue on how to end this nightmare. The Journal I held now was the first one I had started, after living two or three lives I had started to forget small details and had thought it best to write them down for safe keeping. So unfortunately this was my least accurate recalling of my lives, written fifty or so years after the actual events. I opened the first page and began reading my own history hoping I would recall a memory previously forgotten.