Finding The One Box Set

Chapter 2: Freak in a Veil

Chapter 2: Freak in a Veil

2015

What on earth are you wearing? What will Gus say when he sees you? What were you thinking? I can’t believe you’d embarrass me like this. You’re a freak.

Luca stood wide-eyed and frozen and stared at the door his mother had slammed when storming out of the hotel room. Her hateful words echoed in his mind. The ache in his chest made it hard to breathe, and he struggled to fill his lungs with air.

“f**k,” he mumbled and clenched his hands into fists. “f**k, f**k, fuck.”

This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life. The day he was going to marry the man of his dreams and finally get to call Gus his husband. But right now, all he could think about was the words his mother had spit out when she’d opened the door and seen him.

Freak.

He turned his head to look at his reflection in the mirror. The modern white tuxedo showed off some skin and was provocative, but not slutty or improper. Unless someone thought bare collarbones were sleazy.

Pinned to the lapel was a pale pink calla lily wrapped in a white silk ribbon and decorated with a Swarovski crystal. His hair was long and curled at the ends as usual, but he’d styled it so it wouldn’t fall on his face. Much. He didn’t want it to cover his eyes when he said, “I do,” to the love of his life.

But none of those things had upset his mother. It was the soft white veil draped over his head that had set her off. The veil he’d seen in the window display of the bridal shop he passed on his way to work every day and had fallen in love with instantly.

The sight of it stopped him dead in his tracks, and he stared at it with his mouth hanging open. He walked up to the window and pressed his hand against it like a little kid who’d spotted a new shiny toy in the window display of a toy store. He couldn’t believe the beauty of it.

It was pure perfection: soft and delicate instead of stiff and unyielding like regular tulle. It flowed from the mannequin’s head, down her shoulders, and all the way to her hips. But it was the crystals that caught Luca’s attention. They were sprinkled all over the fabric like tiny stars in the night sky, and they glimmered and shone in the window.

“Wow,” he whispered. He walked into the shop and asked the assistant if he could try it on.

“Certainly, sir,” she said without batting an eye. She helped him put it on, draping it over his head as carefully as if he’d been a bride. “It looks good on you, sir,” she added and sounded like she meant it.

He stood in front of the mirror with tears in his eyes, imagining how well it would go with the tuxedo he’d already bought. How well it would go with…him. There was no doubt in Luca’s mind: he wanted the veil.

He winced at the price when the assistant rang up the purchase, but handed over three hundred dollar bills without regret. He smiled at her and thanked her for her help, and she wished him luck with his upcoming marriage. He managed to refrain from skipping out of the store but walked around with a smile the rest of the day at work. The regulars at Books & Coffee asked why he was so happy, but all he did was smile even wider and say he had his reasons.

Not once had he worried about Gus’s reaction to the veil. Gus had never said anything negative about the feminine cut of Luca’s clothes, and every time he wore lip gloss, Gus attacked Luca’s mouth like he couldn’t live another second if he didn’t get to kiss him immediately.

The first time Gus had asked him to go with him to a formal hospital function, Luca had decided it would be best if he wore something traditional.

He put on the only normal, boring suit he owned, the one his mother had bought him and that, until now, had hung unused in the back of his closet. He skipped the lip gloss and tried his hardest to tame the wild hair. When he was ready, he glared at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t happy about the strict lines and clean face, but he didn’t want to make Gus uncomfortable in front of his coworkers.

When Gus came to pick him up, he studied Luca’s appearance with such intensity, Luca fidgeted. Gus frowned, grabbed Luca’s hand, and dragged him into his bedroom. They stopped short in front of the closet where Gus turned to him, cupped his face, and looked at him with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

What was going on? Had Gus changed his mind about bringing him to the event?

“Why are you wearing this?” Gus asked.

“I thought…I don’t…I was gonna…” Luca had no idea how to articulate his feelings. Most people weren’t so open and accepting of his choices as Gus, and all Luca had wanted was to be respectful.

“Oh, Luca.” Gus rose up on his toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Wear whatever you want.” He ran his fingers through Luca’s hair, messing it up and freeing it from its tortured tameness. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” Gus continued, “but I want you to be comfortable. I want you to be yourself. I happen to like you just the way you are.”

Luca’s eyes burned, and he turned away in case he wouldn’t be able to stop the happy tears from falling.

He hurried into the closet and changed into another suit, still appropriate for the occasion. But this one was tight; it accentuated his thin waist and showed off his ass and long legs.

As a final touch, he applied Gus’s favorite gloss.

When he was ready to go, Gus stared at him with eyes blazing and a silent promise of what was to come later. Giddy inside, Luca strutted past Gus, making sure to wiggle his ass and put some extra swing into his step.

“Hurry up, Mr. Spock, or we’ll be late,” he called over his shoulder with a wink.

When they’d gotten back after the event later that evening, Gus had jumped him. He’d pulled off Luca’s clothes with eager hands and kissed every inch of skin the moment the door closed behind them. They’d spent the entire night making love, and Luca still looked back on it as some of the best s*x of his life.

So he’d never had any reason to worry. Not about the veil or the tuxedo jacket that clung to him like a second skin. Nor the fact he’d been crazy enough to forgo a shirt on his wedding day. He wanted to feel attractive, like himself.

Luca had insisted they not see each other until the ceremony. People were surprised when they learned Luca was the traditional one and not his fiancé, the doctor. But when he finally was able to get married, he wanted what all straight couples always had taken for granted. He wanted, craved, his relationship to be equal to everybody else’s.

He’d never thought he would get married, convinced their backward state would never legalize same-s*x marriage. But when the Supreme Court ruling had made it legal for everyone, Gus had gotten down on one knee, Luca had screamed yes, and just like that, they were engaged.

And Luca had wanted the traditions. A veil was traditional, right?

“Maybe not for me,” he mumbled.

But even if Gus would be surprised at the sight of him in the white gauzy fabric and glimmering crystals, he had been so sure his fiancé would love it. It had only taken a few well-chosen words from his mother to erase all certainty, to crush his happiness like a worm under a shoe, and make him feel worthless.

“You’re a freak.”

The words had cut Luca to his core. They were the exact same ones she’d screamed at him when she’d found out he was gay. He shuddered at the memory of that horrific day, forever etched in his mind. He couldn’t stand the word ever since, and it triggered him, no matter in what context it was used.

And what if she was right? The last thing he wanted was to embarrass his husband-to-be. Several of Gus’s coworkers from the hospital were attending the wedding. What if the veil was too much? Should he take it off, forget it existed?

He stared at himself in the mirror, watched as tears trickled down his face but made no attempt to brush them away. The indecision made his heart ache, and a distraught sob escaped him.

Before he could think, he walked over to the door, opened it, and started running.

He ran through the hallway, down the stairs, and out on the street. He hesitated a second outside the entrance. Then he turned right and ran, the beautiful veil sparkling and billowing behind him.