Perfect Promise

Charlie

Once I had finally run out of tears in the bathroom, Maia suggested we go back to the mansion, and take Melody and Azalea with us. Before we left, Maia went to go tell everyone where we were going. Normally, I would've gone in with her, but I didn't want to see or speak to anyone.

The only reason I was okay with Maia and Blaire was because they knew what was going on, and they didn't judge me for it. Blaire had immediately guessed what was going on earlier that day. I let Blaire tell Maia because, out of my four friends, Maia had always been the motherly one. Maybe it was because she was the oldest, but whenever we had a problem Maia always knew how to fix it. I wanted her to know, but I didn’t want to be the one to tell her. Admitting it out loud would make it true, and I wasn't sure if I wanted that. At least not yet.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maia offered as we walked in the door of the mansion.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Blaire brought down some blankets from our room and put them on the couch facing a flat screen TV. Maia made me some of her delicious apple pie. Azalea and Melody decided to head to the mall, which helped give me my space. I cuddled with Blaire and Maia on the couch while we watched a funny movie.

Jordan, Amber, Erys, and Rudy came in as the movie ended. I looked around, but no one followed them in. Noah wasn’t with them. I had an all too familiar feeling take over me.

“Where’s Noah?” Maia voiced my concerns.

“She went to Gavyn’s,” Amber confirmed my suspicions.

“Charlie, are you okay? You look like you’re going to cry again,” Jordan pointed out.”

“What’s going on, Charlie?” Amber pressed.

"Nothing, I'm fine. It's okay, really," I rushed, not ready to let anyone else in on this secret.

“Really?” Jordan wasn’t convinced.

“Yeah, just that time of the month, you know?” I lied.

"Exactly. That's why we came back to the mansion," Blaire jumped in as Maia nodded in agreement.

We spent the rest of the evening watching movies and eating junk food. It was nice to take my mind off of things. I knew I would have to face them sooner or later, but I actively chose later. Maybe I would regret it, but in that moment I didn’t care. Facing my fears was something I was never good at, and I wasn’t about to start then.

Rudy inevitably wanted to talk to me in private. I was nervous, but I let him lead me to his bedroom. We sat together on his bed. I could tell Rudy was genuinely concerned for me, which made me feel guilty. It made me sad to know that I was making him sad, just by dealing with my own struggles. I also knew that telling him what was going on and letting him in would only make him feel worse. It was a lose-lose situation. Either he watches me suffer and doesn’t know why or how to help, or I tell him and break his heart.

“Charlie, what was wrong today? We were getting ready to record, and I turned around for one second, but when I turned back to you, you were running out of the room in tears," he said.

"Let's not talk about it. I'm okay now, I promise," I lied.

"I really care about you." 

He was doing all of the right things. Rudy stroked my hair gently. He then kissed my lips lightly. I let him kiss me. I let him move his hands from my hair to my inner thigh. I couldn’t deny that it felt good. I also couldn’t deny that it felt oh so wrong. I should’ve been so excited. The version of myself that I had known the day prior would have been so excited. Now, all I felt was disingenuous to who I really was.

“Are you ready to take this next step?” Rudy breathed into my ear softly.

“Yes,” I didn’t mean it.

Rudy continued to kiss me. His kisses grew more and more passionate. His hands trailed my body, as though they were looking for treasure. As he undressed me, his body found what he was looking for. He was too excited to undress himself fully. He pulled his pants and his boxers down to his knees; he didn’t even take off his shirt. His curls were stuck against his hot cheeks. When he entered it me, it was swift, but painful. I let him. I let him do whatever he pleased. I could tell that he loved every moment of it. I followed through the motions with him, said all the right things to please him. When he reached his climax, he fell beside me and fell asleep.

I pushed myself up from the bed and hurried into my room as soon as he finished. As I let the tears pour out once again, I knew I couldn’t avoid this truth any longer. I let Blaire comfort me as I processed what I needed to do.

I had to break up with Rudy.

I had to break up with Rudy because I was in love with someone else.

I had to break up with Rudy because I was in love with Noah.