THE DANGEROUSLY SEXY MAFIA KING’S WIFE

CHAPTER 1

“Thyra, do you have anything to contribute?” The voice came, trying to be polite, yet you could hear the stick about to snap with the tone corrected just as the words slipped off the tongue.

My eyes flickered, sighing as I forced myself to sit up. It was not that I did not want to say something on the subject, it was not that I found the budget speech which was being analysed boring. I was actually really interested in stating my take on it, it was just that…..it was just that I could not talk. I could barely sit up and my head felt as heavy as a hammer made of gold, if only.

I blinked, my eyes lazy, just taking in the faces as a breath escaped me. It was late, for four hours we had been sitting there, around a small table, feet occasionally brushing each other under the table. No, it was not an intimate scene, just that the table was tiny. The library was packed, most trying to keep their voices under wraps, yet all together it was like bees just buzzing in my ears, having my head pound even further.

I closed my eyes only to open them, realizing that it was futile, me just sitting there was an absolute waste of time because I could not utter a single word.

I swallowed, barely even seeing anyone. Suddenly, the faces were blurry before me and all I could do was take a breath and refocus.

“Uhm.”I tried to speak, my throat killing all hopes with how dry it was. I licked my lips, swallowing again to wet them, just a little. Water was not doing it for me anymore, I needed more, I needed something else.

“I….”

Deep breath Thyra, I told myself.

“I am not feeling well, I am sorry, I promise to write my part and come with it on our next meeting, it will be done and ready to go, I promise.” Just speaking was taking so much of me as my head hung only to pick up. I was sweating, sweating from nothing but pain. No matter how much you can try to convince yourself, you can never be numb to it, never be its friend, for every day it was the same yet different in a way. I was not a stranger to it, my whole life just bathing in nothing but pain.

They stared at each other, three boys and four girls. They were all ready to work on the project all night long, flasks with tea and coffee which they would sip now and again when their throats got dry or if it got a bit chilly. It was not a time to slack off and I knew it. I was smart but just not enough and with the pace I was going at, I would flank again and this time there would be no way I would hold on to my scholarship. I was hanging by the thread and those fibres were snapping away one by one.

“Uhm, okay Thyra, but we are…”The girl hesitated, lowering her head as if to sympathize. She did, she really did. Everyone knew about my situation, they knew I was not sick, but they could not help, so they just went on with it. Once upon a semester my story was on everyone’s lips, thanks to Becka—my dormmate, whispering to each other every time I walked past. They had helped at first and I was not proud to deny all that was given to me, yet with time people get tired of giving, they start to get irritated and just like that I was starving again.

“Why doesn’t she get a job?” They would ask, of course, not to my face at first, but then they got bold and asked me straight up. They were giving me food and money, and at some point they felt they owned me.

I did not blame them anyway, I was actually really grateful. They had all helped me in my third semester and I was able to get my grades up. Working and learning had proved futile for me. I had never failed so hard in my life and at a point I just had to choose whether I wanted to keep my scholarship and finish my degree or quit school and just work full time, but who would hire me in their right mind? There was nothing good waiting for me out there with my high school certificate. As soon as they saw which school I had attended, they swallowed, pulled away and promised to call when they knew they wouldn’t.

“The deadline is just in a week and we can’t keep doing all the work.” Therese finally said out all her words, my head nodding and bowed in shame.

“I know, I am sorry, I will be done with my part by tomorrow.” I said to her and the whole group with them sighing and nodding uncomfortably. It was not their fault, I was the way I was, it was not their weight to carry and I was just dragging them behind, which was why they had not wanted me in their group in the first place.

I picked up my books, feeling them heavy in my arms and, with all the energy I had, I took one last breath, standing up to walk out of there.

“Bye.” I said lowly, my voice barely audible. My hair covered me, walking away with my back arched. I felt as if that way the weight was eased off my legs, if that made sense.

I walked out of the library, walking to my room, which was far. The corridors were quiet, just a student passing now and again. The time had surely hit past midnight. How would I know really? I had no phone whatsoever. I could not afford bread, so how could I afford a phone? My legs were shaky as always, a whisper of wind made my eyes stare all around me, darkness so thick I could cut it. I took a deep breath, my heart drumming and seeing shadows cast on the walls. The lights lighting up the way were not as bright, just dim, doing little to show all that was around.

I hugged myself even more, thinking of all the terrible things that could happen to me. I could not die, I still had not lived, I still had many things to do because I knew that, no matter what, my life would not be as pathetic as it was then.

My block came into view and a breath I knew nothing of holding escaped me. I rushed, taking much energy I did not have. My feet carried me up the stairs and at that point I was sweating so much, for just a flight of stairs was a tremendous work out for me. My heart drummed, clinging to my books, which got heavier and heavier with each step, but I made it. A smile crept onto my face. I was never one to give up in life. I would never give up. The key was slipped in and turned, the door swinging, knowing Becka was asleep. The room was dark and the bright light would hurt her eyes, so I walked in without turning the lights on. The room smelt so nice, it was her candles which she lit up before she slept. Nothing but envy filled me as I watched the bulging form on the bed which was on the right. I placed my books on my desk before pulling the curtains so the light from outside could light up the room just a little for me. My head turned again, seeing dark hair spread on the satin pillow case. Her body was under a large and very beautiful white bed cover which she would change at the end of the week. She could not sleep with the same sheets for more than one week. It was unsanitary, she had said.

I tore my eyes from her, blinking my thoughts away. I was not angry or anything, Becka was actually a nice person, but as I said, people get tired of always giving and the more they help you, the more their respect for you slips. It was that case with nearly a lot of my classmates. I wrecked my hand through my hair, not knowing what to do. My stomach was killing me, I could not even remember when I last had a meal. All I survived on was water, yet now and again I would buy an apple or a cookie to keep me going. My body lowered, sitting on the mattress that was covered in a grey sheet and a thin blanket which Becka had kindly gifted to me. I lay back, kicking off my flops to roll back on the bed. My eyes drifted to the white ceiling, the tree leaves from outside dancing on the ceiling too. I just stared at it and for a time I could not feel anything. It was as if I ceased to exist, it felt like I was not even breathing, but at some point I had to blink. I had to pull in a fair amount of air with everything coming back. My whole body ached, complaining about the neglect it was facing, but what could I do, what could I say to it? I had never thought a person could be this poor but there I was. I had nothing, I had absolutely nothing, I had no food or anything. You would not think that someone could go about a whole week not eating, yet there I was.

I wanted to cry yet I did not have the tears and even that hurt. Through all the hard times, I had needed relief, to just cry all my feelings away yet nothing. I would blink and blink yet my eyes would stay dry.

As exhausted as I was, there was no sleep coming for me. I was feeling too much pain to sleep.

My upper body shot up, dread washing over me because I hated begging, I was tired of begging. There was nothing nice about asking over and over again until you did nothing but irritate people. There was nothing as dehumanizing as asking on and on again when you knew people did not want to give anymore, when they did not care to watch their words anymore, because to them you had reduced to something so far less than them.

My body lifted up, swaying from side to side for a second, yet I held my ground and began moving again. My feet moved across the room to the other bed. I stood there watching over her,feeling nothing but dread. It hung over me all the time.

“Becka.”I called out, politely with my voice low, sure she had not heard, but I could not talk any louder, my throat too dry, my voice cracked.

“Becka.”I called again, heart drumming, and I swear I felt the urge to cry, yet the tears never came, while in my heart I was weeping out loud with my face left stoic.

“Becka.”I called again, seeing her shift to move away from my call.

“Becka, can I please borrow your laptop?” I asked like I had so many times. My hand brushed her creamy skin, feeling it as if laced with cream every single day.

“No.” The voice came back strongly as she turned and tucked herself nicely with her stuffed animal hugged in her chest.

“Becka please, I have two assignments due tomorrow, please.” I begged like I always did, my heart drumming, already thinking of what I would do. The computer lab had been closed for two weeks, them upgrading the system, which left nowhere for me to type and do my research.

My whole body shook, bending over slowly with my head level towards her sleeping form.

“Becka please.” I begged, even my voice shaking.

“Thyra, please just leave me alone, please, in two weeks I will be moved out from this dorm, so please just keep away till then. You are stressing me, it’s not my problem that you are poor, that your father killed your whole family. Just leave me in peace please. Why do I have to be the one suffering because of you? If you cannot afford university, then drop out and work in a shop somewhere. Lord, just leave me alone.”Becka shot out, her body having jolted from the bed with her face now staring at me as she screamed at my face. I blinked, swallowing all the words one by one, as if the largest pill on earth. They all hit deep yet all I could do was blink. My head would dip back each time her face got closer. I was afraid she would slap me. She had one time, she had found me eating an apple which had been sitting on her cabin for weeks. The thing was wrinkled yet still I had been wrong. I should not have taken it but that day, I had never felt such hunger, it had been vicious, raking at my belly and my period pains had also just been adding a hand.

“I am sorry Becka. I am so sorry. I know I ask too much, I know I am a burden and stress to you. Please, just please, can I borrow your laptop, just this last time. I beg you Becka.”

“You are an absolute horror in my life. Your side of the room is so terrible it makes me look bad, you sometimes have a bad odor, I can’t even breathe, you take my things and you keep on asking and asking. If I were you I would slit my wrist already.”

Her words knocked the breath out of my mouth, just frozen there as everything rang all around me. I shook so much I thought I would shutter and, for the first time in a long time, I felt my eyes swell with nothing but fat tears. I felt them pool, ready to fall, yet I blinked them back, clenching my jaw with my nails digging into my hand, sure to draw blood. Something dark washed over my body, such hurt, it tore me apart, but I swallowed, unfolding my hands. My face remained blank, swallowing everything away as if nothing had been said at all. Becka’s eyes wrecked over me with distaste, before she shook her head, telling me she was done, she had said her piece and now was ready to go back to sleep. I just crunched where I was, still there, not moving because I could not even move. My feet were rooted where I was.

“Take it, but this is the last time, I don’t want you touching my things anymore.” The words came, relief washing over me as I bowed my head in a way to get all this pain I was feeling at bay. I wished I was immune, wished nothing could affect me anymore. With all that had happened, you would think I would be immune, but I guess not.

“Thank you Becka.”The words slipped from my lips with my body rising up. I slowly went to her desk and picked the laptop up, taking the charger too. I was careful to carry it because the last thing I needed was to have it slip and fall on me. I could only breathe when it was placed on my study desk. I plugged the charger into my wall plug but did not connect the laptop itself to the charger.

The laptop was stunning, expensive of course. Becka was from a comfortable family and her father did everything he could to have her get the best university experience ever.

The room lit up and I was quick to lower the brightness before Becka woke up and took her laptop away, saying it was hurting her eyes. My books were opened, reading through my notes before I created a new document and began typing, but I just could not. No matter how much I tried, my mind seemed to be on vacation. Becka’s words kept echoing in my head with my eyes closing, my pounding head lying on my free hand.

My eyes opened again, pulling my heavy head out because I had to write my two assignments or I could just forget about passing Economics.

My fingers quivered, my eyes sensitive to the light no matter how dim it was, but there was nothing I could do. I wrote, my eyes as if bleeding, yet I continued writing, knowing that at that point I was writing crap because my brain was too tired to cooperate and how could I blame it? It surely had the worst host ever.

Morning came and passed. I had not finished both assignments and ended up submitting unfinished work. Each day I hoped my life would get better. Every day I dreamed of a better life, yet it only got worse, especially when Becka moved out. She took her blanket and sheet. I was left with a hard mattress which had nothing I could cover it with. I sat on it at night, rocking my body back and forth, the room literally empty and as stubborn as I was, as thick-headed as I was, at some point soon I had to give up. I had to let go of this dream and settle for the hand life had given me.