The One

08

I WAS running but I did not know where to go. I only ran as far as my legs could take me until I was out of breath and stopped in the middle of a forest park. It was behind the building where I had lunch. My throat was dry and I was sweating so much because of the heat and I never run unless I needed to so I had low stamina but nothing hurt more than what I was feeling in my heart.

I did not understand.

I only knew Zhenya for almost a month, how could I fall for him enough that it made me want to cry because my chest felt so tight and it hurt so much. It was so bitter that I felt my throat closing as I tried to stop myself from crying.

I must like Zhenya. He was a man but I had feelings for him.

I crouched down, hugging my knees as I leaned my forehead on top of it and organized my thoughts. But all I could think of was Zhenya's bright smile and that kiss with another girl in the parking lot.

It was a first for me to experience something like this and I did not know what to do. So this is what it feels like to like someone and get hurt.

I stayed in that position for a minute as I recomposed myself before standing. I wanted to laugh for acting like that. Zhenya and I were only friends. We only hangout once at the noodle shop then had small talk every time we saw each other on campus. Maybe I read his gentle eyes and sweet smiles incorrectly since he was the first stranger to treat me as if I was special. As if I really mattered.

I was feeling down the whole day and sometimes I would find myself staring blankly and then the next minute I would have the urge to pound my head on the table.

I was exhausted by the end of the day in school as I slowly walked to the station when a familiar car parked a few meters ahead on the side of the road where I was walking. My heart was pounding when I saw Zhenya stepped out of the car and walked towards me. On the outside, I looked like a statue but on the inside, I was flailing and wanting to hide but Zhenya's sharp eyes were locked into mine as if they were chains preventing me from running away from him.

"You did not bring your phone today?" He asked

I blinked as I breathed in and out. "I... I did." I said avoiding his eyes, and staring at the people passing us by.

"You didn't read my texts and answered my calls."

"Oh." I fumbled my hands to the sling bag I was wearing and fetched my phone.

I had two messages and five missed calls from the same person.

"I'm sorry."

Zhenya smiled and held my hand. The weather was cold but his hands were warm. My mind was telling me to snatch my hand back but I couldn't.

"Why are you sorry? I heard you were looking for me during lunch so I tried reaching you." He said as he dragged me to his car since we were standing in the middle of the road.

"Yes." I scratched my nape.

I could not look into his eyes without recalling what I saw at the parking lot and it made my chest hurt.

"Lee." Zhenya pulled my hand but my eyes never left the ground.

"Lee." He called again and this time, he cupped my check with his other hand and tilted it up.

It was the first time I saw him wearing a serious expression and I was scared that he might let go and stop talking to me.

"I know I might be moving fast but can you come with me? I want to say something."

I could say no if I wasn't looking at his eyes but we were staring at each other.

ZHENYA TOOK me to a high place. It was so quiet and I could see the city lights below. It was a hill and it looked wife because there were no trees, only plain grassland and it would look beautiful during the daytime.

That place seemed like a portal to a different place, the other face was the city lights and the other one was dark side with mountains and tall trees. I never knew such a hill existed.

Zhenya has been holding my hand since he opened the car door for me, as if he was afraid that I would run away. I mean, the place was dark and I did not recognize the way there so there was no way I would run away.

Zhenya faced in front of me him a few inches away and held my other hand free hand and it made my stomach twitch in a weird feeling and I could not stop my heart from pounding. I don't know what Zhenya was trying to pull by bringing me into a quiet and dark place with not a single soul around. It was just us.

Will he kill me here?

I cracked at my thoughts. Maybe I read a lot of suspense novels.

"Lee." He called and my breathing hitched. His voice was husky as if he was holding something in. He never sounded like that.

I never swallowed that hard before until now. My heart was beating so loud and my hands were sweaty on his hands that I wanted to pull it back. It was so embarrassing.

"This may sound crazy but... damn." He groaned as he pulled my hands and he leaned his head on my shoulder making me gasp.

Zhenya was leaning on me. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. It was making me dizzy as my body went stiff and held my breath.

"This never happened to me before. You've always been in my thoughts ever since that day I broke your phone. I tried to give myself time thinking I was maybe thinking too much but I had a week of you haunting my thoughts."

I stayed rooted as Zhenya poured his words out. I mean, what was he talking about?

He sounded as if he was confessing.

Does he have feelings for me?

What?

How could something like that happen?

"You don't know how much I was worried when you didn't reply to my messages and calls. I thought something happened to you."

I might have a heart attack from how my heart was beating so fast. There was no way that that moment was real. No one has ever confessed to me. I closed my eyes and felt a headache coming.

"Lee, say something." Zhenya squeezed our hands and nudged his face closer to my neck, his soft lips touching my skin making me bite the inside of my cheek.

"How about that girl at the parking lot?"

I wanted to bite myself to death when my voice cracked and I sounded like someone jealous. Well, I am.

Zhenya pulled from my shoulder and stood straight in front of me. His eyes seem like smiling making me feel confused.

"She's my cousin. I'm sorry but I didn't kiss her, she was the one who kissed me and there's no meaning behind that kiss. I told her about what I was feeling towards you and she thinks this is only a fleeting moment. That I would be back if I didn't see you often and that I would start seeing anyone again but no. I tried, okay? But I couldn't do it. She tried kissing me thinking it might change my mind but it made me feel so disgusted that my lips were swollen from rubbing it."

I was dumbfounded. Zhenya talked like bullets were raining on me. It was making me dizzy.

"You kiss your cousin?" Was all I could ask. I mean, were they that close?

"When we were pups."

I frowned.

"When we were little. She's the crazy kind, I tell you. The kiss had no meaning at all. Were you avoiding me because you saw that?"

Zhenya cupped my face and gently brushed his thumb on my cheeks. His face was so close and I had never seen anyone so handsome. I could feel my face heating up and I was praying that my blushing face would be concealed by the dark surroundings.

"I accidentally saw but it wasn't the reason."

Okay, I know it was weird kissing your cousin but my mind just wouldn't function well in front of Zhenya.

Zhenya smiled.

"So you're okay with me liking you?"

I blinked. "How could I not be?" I blurted out then realized it when Zhenya chuckled.