I've loved her since the first moment I laid eyes on her. Not with the burning passion I now feel, as we both get older. Back then in the beginning what I felt for her was softer, gentler, like a flower blooming under the full rays of the sun for the first time and coming into its own.
I can still remember the feeling, that rush of excitement, the sense of knowing, as my eyes followed her across the schoolyard that first day. Still remember like it was yesterday, how it felt to fall head over heels in love for the first and what has now turned out to be the last time.
I was fifteen and she a mere thirteen when I first became aware of her. That spring day when I went looking for her to see what all the fuss was about, I never expected to find my heart. I thought she'd just be more of the same, but as it turned out, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and still is to this day so many years later.
It was like being struck by lightning as clichéd as that sounds, but that's exactly how it felt to that younger me. Like an electric shock to the system. I remember losing my breath and being stuck in place for a few seconds, with my feet seeming to have suddenly turned to lead. I couldn't have moved then if my life depended on it so I just stood there taking her in.
She had no idea that I was watching her as she laughed and played around with her friends; head thrown back as her light blonde hair flowed down her back; beautifully free. It was easy to see why everyone was talking about her, she stood out among all those around her.
It was strange to that younger me, because the other girls were obviously wearing make-up and were dressed more feminine than she was in her overalls and boots, while her face was bare, natural, and yet she outshone them all.
My young heart could barely stand the strain. She was like something I wanted to reach out and touch. The sensation was overwhelming, and that need to get closer made my hands twitch and my lungs burn as I struggled to make sense of what was happening to me. She was just a girl after all; and it's not like she was the first to catch my interest either.
But that was the first time I'd ever felt anything like it. I was smart enough to know that what I felt that day was different; significant in a way that none of my other fleeting boyish conquests had been up to that point.
But although I had a sneaky suspicion of what was going on, it seemed way too farfetched for someone my age. I noticed too that none of the others with their whispered admiration that had led me there had seemed as struck as I'd been.
After that first day I made it my business to learn everything I could about her. I found out who she was, where she lived, what classes she took, and most importantly that she was the daughter of one Colton Lyon.
Someone everyone in our little town pretty much knew or had heard of because of his reputation as a badass who didn't suffer fools easily. At least that was the word around town.
I might've turned back then, given up before I even tried. I'd heard enough about this guy to make me s**t myself, and at fifteen I wasn't even remotely close to wanting to deal with someone like him.
But because I wanted so badly to get close to her, I half convinced myself that he couldn't possibly be as bad, as hard as everyone kept saying. Silly me!
No matter who I asked, whether it was a kid at school or one of my parents' friends, even the guy at the local arcade, they all said the same thing; he'd kill you if you even look at one of his kids cross-eyed. Especially her; everyone seemed to know the man had a crazy soft spot for his eldest daughter.
I heeded their warnings well but still they weren't enough to deter me. I couldn't stay away. I was already hooked and we hadn't even shared the first hello. Besides, I was just looking, admiring her from afar with my teenage hormones going out of whack.
Every afternoon I'd find myself searching her out, standing back in the shadows just watching her and falling deeper under her spell; she was just so cute without even trying, that everything about her drew me in.
You can learn a lot about someone when they don't know you're there. Not in a stalker creep kinda way, I never felt anything that dark where she's concerned. It was all pure, young, innocent, but with enough intensity to make me lose sleep at night.
I never discussed her or what I was doing with my friends when they asked where I kept disappearing to in the afternoons, and by then I'd stopped listening to the others when they brought her up.
It was hard not pounding my fists in their faces when they talked about how hot she was and what they'd like to do to her, with her; but I didn't want to give anything away, not yet, not until I'd made her mine. Then I'd stomp their asses into dust for talking s**t.
I warned myself early on to keep watching her from afar, to hold off on making my approach. I knew I needed to give her time to grow up before making my move, but I was damned if I was going to let anyone else get there before me, so I kept her in my sights while secretly getting updates on her, on what she was up to. Mostly I wanted to know if she liked anyone, if I had any competition.
That's how I learned that she was being bullied by this overgrown asshole who'd been left back so many times he could apply for a job as custodian. He wasn't new to me; we'd crossed paths before but never got into it because he knew better.
I hated his guts just on principal alone and we didn't hang in the same circles so there was never any need for us to be in each other's face. He was known for picking on anyone he thought was weaker than him, and no one seemed willing to check him on his s**t, not even the teachers who were supposed to. Until the day he went after her and I ended his reign.
I guess I have him to thank for our relationship getting off the ground much sooner than I'd had planned. It's because of him that I'd come out of the shadows so to speak.
I'd been more than happy to wait, to watch and bide my time from the sidelines, but on that day she became mine whether she knew it or not and I've been glad ever since that I didn't wait like I'd planned to or I would've missed so much.