Chained Desire

Chapter |2|

C A I T L I N ' S P. O.V

It's the same dream again.

I'm back home, safe in the confines of the old rehabilitated mansion that my brother and his wife rebuilt.

I swing on the same hammock he installed just for me. It oversees the entire garden that spans wide, a huge swimming pool to my left, so close that if I reach down my fingers skim across the cold water.

It ripples out like tiny waves, a beautiful pattern created by me.

This was my favourite place in the entire world.

Home.

Then the nightmare strikes.

It wrenches me from the idyllic peace to draw me back to that god awful day I'll spend my life regretting.

I'm high - as usual. My entire body feels like it's electrified, jittering so much that I accidentally knock Aaron's bottle of scotch onto the floor.

My reaction is to laugh, so I do. Boisterously enough that the baby rips a cry into the air.

I groan as footsteps rush downstairs, stumbling as I try to make my way towards the wine.

"Caitlin, what the f**k?" His voice is grating and loud.

Clasping my hands over my ears, my purse drops causing my phone to smash on the tiled floor. I groan, kicking it aside and reach up on my tiptoes to grab the bottle.

"Stop." He tries to snatch it from my hand, but I yank it back.

We ensue into a tug of war over it but I cling onto the bottle neck like my life depends on it.

"Give it." He's starting to piss me off now, and being high just amplifies all the unfiltered rage that is buried down.

"Caitlin, you're 18 years old. I'm not letting you drink yourself to f*****g death."

"I've been drinking for a long time now Aaron. Hate to disappoint."

My heel jams into his bare foot, and he relinquishes the bottle. He breathes deeply, matching my smug smile with a lethal gaze.

If I was anyone else, I would be dead.

Murdered by the infamous mafia leader, Aaron Romano.

Sometimes I wish he really just killed me. It would have saved the both of us the heartache.

"What's wrong? Look, you can tell me anything."

Now he's trying the empathic approach. Kiara normally masters that but right now I'm so out of it and broken inside I just want to drink.

"I hate you, there, is that what you wanted to hear?"

His face breaks, splitting my heart into a million tiny pieces.

I don't mean it, I never do. He's one of the only people in my life that still care, but it's that care that requires expectation, promise, and I'm so utterly worthless that I would just hurt him more if he still loved me.

Swallowing hard, he masks his face beyond a layer of emptiness. "You need to sober up."

I shrug him off. "I don't want to yet." Twisting the cap off, I spit it out into the sink and chug straight from the bottle.

"Aaron who is...oh," I ignore Kiara, but as the one year old on her hip continues to scream, my head scrambles into a frantic mess.

I settle the bottle on the counter and grip my ears, "Uh, get her to stop!"

It's piercing, making my head throb from the unrelenting sound. "Caitlin, if you weren't so loud, she wouldn't be crying." Kiara is trying to placate me, calm me down.

What pisses me off more is that they are still trying to fix me? How much of a lost cause do you have to become until people realise you're beyond saving?

"Are you high too?" Aaron grips my chin, forcing my enlarged pupils on him. Shrugging him off, I move to take a swing of the bottle again, but he snatches it, dumping the liquid into the sink before I can stop him.

"What the f**k did you do?" He switches on the tap, forcing me to watch as it circles the drain.

Jamming a key into the cabinet lock, he shuts me out of the only pleasure I have left. I slam my palm against the glass, trying to break it. My knuckles bruise but the pain is nothing compared to the thought of being sober.

"Caitlin stop," Aaron's encircles my waist, drawing me into his chest. I try to hit him, flailing my body in a desperate attempt to let go.

Kiara places Isla in the makeshift crib near the kitchen counter. "Caitlin just take some deep breaths okay, you're safe, we have you." I swat her hand away, ignoring the unbroken parts inside of me screaming for me to just take the hand.

"Please stop," It's the break in his voice that forces me to stop. To find what little sanity I have left and use it not to destroy my big brother.

"I'm sorry," I break. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Fat ugly tears stream down my cheeks, burning as they hit the ground. I feel my heart cleave again, unsure of how far I can go with only tatters barely strung together.

Aaron encloses me in a tight embrace, Kiara's petite frame wrapping around us, and I almost feel safe from all the demons that plague my mind.

This is almost enough to let me be free.

"I'll have a shower." I croak out, stumbling towards the doorway and gripping onto the frame. Turning back, I feel my bottom lip tremble. "I really am sorry."

I leave, only realising I left my stupid purse and phone in the kitchen. Embarrassment creeps up in a flush, knowing I have to face them again, only the tiniest part sobered up. I stop when Kiara speaks, the sound of broken glass being swept away echoing out.

"We need to look into that facility again."

"I'm not sending her away." But the defeat in his voice is evident.

"It's not sending her away. She's an addict, barely 18, and we both know the dangers of living this life like that. I'm scared that one day she won't come home, and we won't even know how to find her, where to look. You're her brother, not her father, but right now, she needs tough love. She needs the people that care to give her the help she might not want, but she needs."

I hear his voice break as heavy guttural sobs fill the air. "I'm scared, princess. I love her so much and she's just wasting away. She's becoming the monsters we used to be,"

That one word brings down everything. Monster.

Fuck is that really what he thought of me? Is that what I was to him?

I wanted that in the end I suppose, but now that's happened...there's nothing else left now, all I can do is what I've planned for so long. Sobriety is not an option, and I've hurt them enough.

Tomorrow, I'll leave. Who knows, maybe it'll be the best goddamn thing I've ever done.

***

I wake up, choking on a small d**k that's trying to shove its way down my throat.

Pulling back, it falls out, barely standing into an erection. "Hey b***h,"

I look up, vision blurring slightly as I adjust to the light. The same pale grey man that I had to service last night looms over me, his face screwed up into an ugly scowl. Flashbacks of last night come flooding back in waves: Geneva, Saph, Leah and the f*****g coke I did.

Shit, all that pain trying to get sober and I f**k it up again for this.

I catch a glance at his gross d**k again. Actually, I'm glad I don't remember that inside of me.

"Time is up. Pay for another night if you want it, but I'm leaving." I snatch the money from the nightstand, stuffing the bills into my bra that's still tightly fastened around my chest.

My panties are nowhere to be found so I ditch them, shrugging my cover dress over my head, grabbing my purse and I gef the hell out of there as fast as I can.

It takes me an hour to get back to the apartment, three separate buses and a three mile walk. My stomach incessantly growls, and I curse myself for not taking something from the buffet at the hotel.

I pound on the door, too exhausted to dig for my keys. "Saph open up,"

There's a rustle behind the door, and then it opens. I push in, dropping my jacket and purse and make a beeline to the bathroom.

Bile spews into the toilet, further emptying my stomach but I'm desperate to get the drugs out.

"What happened? Hey," She holds me in her arms, cradling me as if I'm a child all over again.

I shouldn't be the one breaking. Not again.

I'm supposed to be responsible for Saph, to help her stay clean.

"Geneva's made me an escort. I'm supposed to service at least two clients a week."

She pulls back, "What? Is that where you were last night?" Nodding, I bury my face into my arms, ashamed. "Was it because of me? Did he use me?"

When I don't reply, she gets off the cold floor, storming into her room. Grabbing her phone, I know who she's about to call before I can stop her.

I snatch it from her grasp. "Don't. It'll make things worse and it's not so bad, I promise."

"You've got bruises." I look down, finding the faint marks that litter my forearm. "And you took drugs, didn't you? That's why you were trying to throw up."

A half hearted laugh leaves my throat, croaky and dry. "You got me all figured out, Saph. I'm weak, I failed you. I should have held out but the thought of feeling his hands all over me..." I recoil at just the thought, my inner thighs still sticky from last night.

"It's okay, it's just a slip up."

"You can't call him. He'll drag you into this too."

"I'm not a kid, and you're my friend. We take care of each other and I'm not letting you do this just for me."

"Please, the debt is nearly paid and we'll both be free soon. I'm the oldest, you have to listen to me."

"You might be the oldest but definitely not the wisest." I half smile, as she lets the phone go.

Hopefully, this will be it for now and we'll ignore the subject, though unlikely knowing Saph.

Her soul isn't as blackened as mine yet, and ensuring Saph is safe from the demons I fell

victim to, is what gives me reason to live.

I sink to the carpet, knees up to my chest. The carpet is itchy and matted. Buying her a new one is first on the list for house maintenance. After bills, we barely have enough to scrape for food.

I didn't realise how good I had it before coming into this life.

Saph sits beside me, resting her head on my shoulder. Her frame is so petite that I always forget she's 19. "Caity?" She uses my real name, which brings a strange sense of familiarity back. I barely hear that name anymore, almost didn't recognise it.

Lilliana is a stage name and I f*****g hate it, but it also protects me. If Geneva ever found out the truth about my identity - f**k, it would just be a s**t storm I can't deal with right now.

"What's up?"

"Promise you won't do anything like that again for me."

"I can't promise that."

"Why not? It's reckless and stupid, I don't want you hurting yourself like that for me again."

Sighing, I fold my legs beneath me and force her chin up. "Remember how I told you about my brother," She nods. "Well, he would have done anything to help me, to save me. Even though he wasn't my father, I wasn't his responsibility, he was always there, and honestly, yeah my life is f****d right now but it would have worse without him. I need you to have someone like that in your life, I need to be that person for you. Everything I do is to help you, help us, but I need that to keep sane, to keep me clean. Please, just let me take care of you."

"Okay," She murmurs, settling her head back onto my shoulder. I hold her tight, finding that in so many ways she's my anchor that is planking me to Earth and reality.

"No more drugs, okay."

Sobrietry was f*****g hard, but there was no way I could work in the club and keep on a constant high. It would have killed me. Getting clean meant that I could help Saph do the same. We had more money to get this shitty apartment and I could work more nights to pay off the debt.

"No more, I promise. Hey, eight months down and we've already covered a third of what we owe him. In two years, we'll be free, and we can go anywhere we want."

"You know where I think you should go?"

"Where?"

"Home. You should go see your brother, I bet he misses you." The thought of going back is too daunting to even consider right now.

"One day," I just didn't know if I would live long enough to make it to then.

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A/N: Hope this chapter cleared up some questions about Caitlin's past!!

Lemme know your thoughts in the comments!