Risen from the dark

My life

“ Wake up, Miss Sunshine.” His voice brought her out of a deep sleep. She was curled up under the fluffy thick blanket. He was right when he said it was severely cold there. And for seconds ,she wondered where she was until the bitter truth dawned on her.

Why did she allow herself sleep? What got into her? She was meant to be on guard, with a bottle of soft drink close to her. What time was it? She felt like yawning but pressed the urge.

“ Good dawn.” He said. “ Prayer time.”

He said and it seemed he had already performed ablution.

“I hope you have not forgotten where the restroom is.”

She said nothing. She uncovered herself, making sure her body was well covered, then went into then walked towards the restroom.

“ I have a new toothbrush for you. I was wise enough to have three. I only used that one like twenty times, when I had a mouth disease.”

“What?” She paused, alarmed.

He giggled.

“ So she talks at dawn.” He said, spreading the praying mat on the floor. “ I was just kidding. I have two extra and you will be the one to tear off the pack. It is new.”

She sighed then went in. As she  brushed her teeth, she heard him praying.

She performed ablution and came out. She waited for him to finish. He left the praying mat for her and set aside for azkar. She prayed silently while he supplicated. After the prayers, she sat on the mattress and covered her body with the blanket.

“ How was your night, Miss Sunshine?”

“ Praise be to God.” She replied curtly. “ Do you have an update on the curfew?”

“ It is just a few minutes after six o’clock. The minister has not called me yet.”

“ Can’t you be serious for once?”

“ I am serious. Who could be more serious than someone who is asking about the update of a curfew that was imposed yesterday, early in the morning?”

“ I am just so uncomfortable here.”

“ I know. I am too.” He said and looked at the empty park of rice. She  quickly took off her eyes. She thought he was going to make fun of her.

“ So you pray, and must have Monotheismic knowledge, yet you do the things you do.”

“ Yes. I am not perfect so I am prone to goofs. I have my weaknesses though I try to avoid major sins. I am not justifying my actions but the essence of prayers is to take you away from them. Zikr ( remembrance of God) cleans the heart. I would not say because I have my faults. I would not pray. What would I have been doing if I didn’t pray?

Sometimes you are plunged into a sin, a route that will lead you to  a major sin and your prayers will bring a way that will bring you to senses. What matters most is recognizing your goofs, accepting and never going back to it.

We all goof. I don’t know about you. But I do but I try never to go back. There was a time I never used to perform prayer. A dark era of my life.”

“ I am not perfect too.”

“ I have bread and tea.’ He said. “ For breakfast.”

“ Talking about food so early.”

“ You don’t know the value of food because you have never been without it.” He said. “ It has always been just an inch from you. All you needed was to need it and it was there. And you always had options, choosing what you want to eat.”

Did he have a history?

“ Did you fall into a situation?”

“I am sorry, I don’t talk about myself.”

“ Yet you claim you love me. You have been saying that.”

“ I was just blabbering.”

Why did she feel bad when he said it? It was not like she liked him but telling her it was a joke hurt her.

“ Why such a joke?”

“I am sorry but I thought you knew because you always chased me away. Besides, I don’t know what love feels like.”

“What do you mean?”

“ I don’t know what love feels like. I have never been loved, and I don’t think I know love. How can I know love when I was forced onto the street since I was nine years old? No parental guidance of love. ”

“Oh my God!  You must have had a hard time, What about your parents?”

The question seemed to have erupted a wave of pain in him. She saw an expression on his face, a type she had never seen on him. There was a glint of sparkle that flashed from his eyes, like he was accumulating tears which he quickly submerged.

“ I am sorry. I don’t want us to go into this.”

“ It seems you have never shared with any one. And that makes the pains more excruciating.”

“Share? I have been alone all my life and I don’t trust anyone. Nobody loves me and I don’t think I have love for anyone. I told you, I don’t know love. I know how my friends treated me because I wanted food from their houses. I was like their dog. They would send me on errands because I wanted food. I would be chased like a dog.

They would say they were not around when I visited because I was seen as a food monger. I had no home and no one took me in. Nothing was given to me pro bono. Who can I trust? Who can I love? What is love?”

She was silent. There was a lot going on in his mind. There was a lot encapsulated in his heart. How could ever guess this carefree, loud mouthed guy had a sad side?

“ Maybe the love has been on its way. Maybe it had always been there but you were too paranoid to give it a chance. You can’t be independent. You have to share. I am not saying with me. But with someone.”

He was sitting and resting his back on the wall. He had revealed anything about himself to anyone before. She was making him talk too much.

“ Don’t talk about parents…….I never had parents.” He bowed his head.

She was now touched.

“ I saw your picture.” She said calmly, wondering when she learnt to sound so caring and calm.

“ What?”

She nodded.

It was the picture of a man carrying an infant in front of a wasteland.

“ I was found on a waste land.”  He said with a heavy heart. “ And taken to the police station. I was later adopted by a family. And I was given to a maid for nursing. But immediately I was four, I realized there was no love for me. Can you believe I still have vague memories of those days? When the wife of the man who adopted me would not let me come close to them?

When the children were playing and I tried to join them, they would start shouting, like an alien just appeared and the mother would come out, spank me and chase me away.

I would watch them play with toys, go for family outings, eat snacks and I would go and pick the empty packs to get crumbs. I would lick the chocolate wraps. I did not understand it then. I just knew I lacked something. When I was five, I realized what I lacked was parents.

She told me I was picked from the bin. She called me Adnan Bin. The children called me Trash boy and made a cartoon of me, a super hero who carried trash and my super power was gotten from rotten bread.

The maid hated me so much. I was meant to be under her care and she saw me as a source of pain. She would beat me while bathing me. I dared not say I want to pooh. She would curse; beat me and complaining that I was stressing her.I was put in a cheap primary school unlike their children. I was never given money for break. And my journey to hunger land began. I was always hungry and would do anything to get food. I would wake up at night, just at the age of seven, sneak to kitchen, steal food and eat.

In school, I would go round during break  begging for food. I would see you eating and then spread my palm. Some would give while some would chase me. I never knew this was gradually implanting a negative impact on me that begging and stealing were means of getting something.

One day, I was caught stealing food at home. The woman tied me up for two days without food or water. I fainted and was rushed to hospital. She said, I had a fever and had refused to eat. She threatened me that if I ever told anyone, she was going to kill me.

When I went back home, I took my picture which they gave to me to always remind myself that I was picked from the bin,  my cradle,and then hid it in my sack. My school bag was made of sack. I made it.

The next day, I left and went on the street. I was nine. And I started living on my own. I used to sleep inside abandoned cars, door mouths, uncompleted buildings and I saw a lot in my life.

My worse periods were rainy and cold seasons. Sometimes I would be sleeping in the open and it would start raining. And I would wake up, having nowhere to hide. I would sit down and let the rain pour on me, feeling cold and having no clothes to change.

I used to go to the stream to wash my clothes every day. I hated dirty clothes. So when my clothes became three pairs, I was very happy.” He paused. “My only problem was food. I did not bother much about other things like food.”

She now understood why he had so much value for food.

“ And  I have been like that ever since.” He said.

“ But you got a very sound education.”

He smiled. She could see pain in that smile.

“ Remember when I said I attended Miracle University?”

“ Yes.”

“ I meant the miracle aspect of it. I stopped attending school in primary three.”

“ What? Look at these books, the science you have been talking about. I can’t believe that!”

“ That is a miracle. I never attended a class after primary three.”

She looked at him, at his books, his speech, the enigmatic epistemology he displayed.

“ How did you do it?”