UNDAUNTED (One step at a time)

4

"Did you finish?," Mrs Jane asked her as she wiped her mouth after the meal.

Claire must have been a fool for thinking her mother would give her even the slightest compliment. She had not said anything to her since she returned and even when Claire had greeted her, she barely gave an answer. It was clear she wanted her out of her hair and Tom had absolutely no say in the matter. Claire paused in the act of clearing the table to look at her. The woman was not even sparing her a look and Tom got up without saying anything.

"Yes ma. I have packed up." she said simply.

She was still feeling bad about the thing with greeting earlier as she had expected more from her mother. She recalled she had asked her to call her Mrs Jane the previous day when she was angry and thought now that it was not such a bad idea after all seeing the woman no longer wanted her around. She was old enough to understand that bit.

The woman she had once called mother got up and her last words to her that night was that Claire should make certain she had enough rest as she was going to leave California for Oklahoma the next day. Claire felt really weak in the knees and managed to keep still least she throws the dishes down. All along she had been in San Francisco, she had not taken time to explore California to the fullest. It was almost like she had been living like a ghost all along. The thought of having to say goodbye now seemed to really hurt her but there was nothing she could say.

She was a dullard with neither money nor a job. She did not even have a school certificate to begin with and she was rather timid. She finished what she was doing in the kitchen and went over to her room. It was on the way to her room that she heard a joyful laugh in her parents bedroom. Claire should have ignored but her curiosity got the better of her. She walked over to their door and leaned in close to listen. Tom was talking overjoyed obviously.

"..... going to be a father. Oh darling you complete me so...," he was saying.

Claire caught a gasp in her throat and got hiccups. She put her hand over her mouth and walked down to the kitchen area. Opening the refrigerator,she took a can of water and gulped down the entire contents yet it would not stop. Claire took another and slammed the fridge door as she made for her room. She could now understand why her mother no longer thought her useful. She had a replacement already. Claire sat on her bed as tears streamed down her cheeks, she continued to drink the water but it intensified. She gave up drinking eventually as she knew she needed to be calm.

Sitting up on her bed, she crossed her hands over her shoulders so that her hands rested on her shoulders and began patting each shoulder. It was something she had learnt from a particular television show and it had helped her a great deal. For a couple of minutes she repeated the exercise whilst telling herself that she would be alright. Truth be told, Claire was rather uncertain that she was getting anywhere close to being fine. She managed to get herself to calm down respite of the turmoil she felt inside of her. She knew what she needed to do at the moment and that was definitely to get prepared for bed.

To think that this was the same woman who had battled with her father over child custody in court and made certain she won. She was more than willing to spend everything to keep her child with her but all had changed now that she no longer felt the girl useful. Claire was a disappointment and always would be. It had bore down to her returning her to her miserable father. One could only wonder where was the motherly love and vigour with which she had fought for the girl. One lesson became clear to Claire, no one wanted anything to do with a person who had nothing to offer.

Sleep eventually came and she opened her eyes to a new day. She had woken up early with a rather troubled mind. The first thought on her mind was that she was travelling that day. Claire got up from bed and walked into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed how pale she looked. Her cheeks were dry and her blonde hair hung on her head like a rough bed nest. This was her time to get herself into shape before her mother began calling for her and Claire knew it. She began the job of tidying up and by the time she finished packing her hair into a bun on her head, it was daylight already. She now looked presentable and ready to get moving.

Claire walked downstairs to get herself breakfast. She was disappointed when she met Tom there already drinking his morning milk dose. Before she could turn back, he caught sight of her and called her over. Claire decided that there was no point going back and walked over to him. She greeted him as she went about her duties of getting herself breakfast. Tom was there watching her and she was not oblivious of the fact.

"Do you hate me Claire?," he suddenly asked making her pause for a bit.

Claire had not expected the question and thought for a suitable answer. Finding one, she spoke.

"I do not hate you Tom. But I certainly do not like you either," she spat.

"That is understandable. Well, I am sorry you have to go this way." he said.

She looked at him briefly and saw he did mean it. She scoffed.

"No need to be sorry Tom. You never cared." she spat back at him.

He wanted to tell her something obviously but was having a rather hard time with finding the right words to say what was on his mind. He continued watching her as she began toasting her bread.

"I thought you should know but your mom and I, we're....," he began but could not finish

"I know already Tom. Congratulations." Claire said and began finishing toasting the bread. She finished and then prepared to start eating when her mother called her name.

She walked over to look up at her where she stood above and said nothing. Mrs Jane asked if she was set and Claire answered. She told the girl that she would be down in a short while and walked back inside. Claire thought she had better start finishing her last breakfast in the house while her mother made ready. Tom walked past her and mouthed an apology to her. That was the least thing she needed at the moment. Miller found her and she went to feed the cat one last time in her mother's house.