The Bar Stool

Better than a good thing baby.

I've stepped away from Tanner my front still facing the wall of countless trophies. I have no idea why I'm shocked. He was with that woman for five years. I shouldn't be as surprised, yet some what hurt.

"Hi pumpkin, I thought you were taking a nap?" he questions his little girl.

"I was, but I heard your voice." I turn around, Tanner now has Emerson I think her name is, hugged to his hip. Her curly blonde hair is a mess, her cute Frozen PJs snug to her small frame. Then her eyes, she has his eyes. I can't be mad at her, or him for that matter.

When she spots me, her little smile she once had grows wider.

"Is she my new mommy, daddy?" She questions her father. Her bright blue eyes staring up at him.

Tanner just laughs.

I want to gasp at her outrageous question, but she has to be no more than five, she's curious you can't blame her for asking.

"I'm--"

"Tayzwe, daddy told me," she says in excitement. She looks exactly like Tanner, even her jaw is a little more prominent than most five year olds.

"Auntie sis is making us lunch are you hungry?" Tanner asks his daughter as I stand back in amazement and shock for the most part.

I really have no idea how to act. I can't be mad because his daughter ruined a moment between us, because look at her. She's the spitting image of her father, yet her hair is much longer and she is just down right adorable.

Not that Tanner can't be adorable, but still.

Now here goes my mind. When I see Bella with her son Evan, I imagine myself with a child. You'd think since I did nothing but babysit my whole high school career I'd be a fantastic mother. I believe I would be.

I do picture it sometimes. Especially when I'm reading one of my favorite romance novels and they have a child together. I picture myself with a curly haired, brown eyed boy or girl. The luck of my child having brown eyes is slim to none but still a girl can dream right.

"Hey go help Aunt Sis in the kitchen." I hear Tanner say, and the small pads of Emerson's feet hit the floor as she makes her way down the hall.

"What's wrong?" He ask taking a cautious step towards me. I don't back away, I don't say anything. "Was this too soon?"

I shake my head, somewhat at him, but mainly to rid my imaginary world where Tayzley is a mother. "I just didn't think Emerson was yours, but when I saw her that blew that assumption out the window."

"So you're not mad?" he steps closer, closing the gap between us. His hands running up and down my forearms.

"I have no reason to be, I mean I more shocked than anything. Do you have custody?" That's okay to ask right?

He sighs, with relief. His broad shoulders slumping back to normal. "I was scared for a second. But no, she only stays on the weekends and Wednesday's," He pulls me into his arms, his sudden gesture catching me off guard, but I hug him back. "She already likes you, you know?"

"That's a good thing right?"

"Better than a good thing baby."

***

After lunch Emerson discovered I was a hairdresser. She immediately dragged me to her purple color painted room and asked me sweetly to sit upon her bed while I played with her hair and we watched Frozen.

By the end of the movie, she was asleep on the floor by my feet. Her hair braided to the side much like Elsa's.

I pick her up off the floor and lie her on her bed tucking her in. Here I go again. The fact I want a child so bad scares me, yet excites me at the same time. Just seeing little kids and their mothers make me emotional. I cry at the most random times, thinking to myself; what if I never have the opportunity to be something my mother never was to me?

I leave her room after shutting off her TV, finding Tanner in the living room passed out on the couch. Sicily must have left because I don't find her anywhere.

I don't wake Tanner, because if I do he'll ask why my eyes are red and why my cheeks are stained with tears.

I'd try to lie my way out of it but he wouldn't buy it. I sneak out the way we came in grabbing my jacket from Tanner's truck.

The weather has slightly warmed up for it only being the middle of January, but that won't last long. The wind picks up around me sending snow from the ground up in a whirl.

I remember the last thing my mother said to me before she left us, the words always haunt me on my darkest of days.

Take care of your father...

That's all she said before she grabbed her bags and left. Not even an I love you or goodbye.

I'm scared that if I were to ever have children I'll do the same, run out and never come back.

As the cold air hits my warms tears they become crystals against my cheeks, but the come down harder hitting the surface of the ground below me.

Hell, I miss my mother. I miss her so f*****g much it kills me. But I know she wants nothing to do with us kids.

She hasn't called or even tried to contact us to wish us a happy birthday. Be there for Aly's first day of freshman year. I know for damn sure she'll miss Carson's graduation.

It's so hard.

"Tayzley, baby what are you doing out here?" Tanners touch startles me.

Closing my eyes, I sigh. Taking in the cold air around me. Sometimes I just want to be left alone. But I'm not home I'm here at Tanner's.

His arms wrap around my waist, his warm sleepy body sends shivers up my spine.

"You were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you. So I thought if get some fresh air."

"Well let's get inside. We can take a nap. Then when we wake I can make dinner." I nod, turning in his arm, hiding my head in his chest as he walks us inside.

Back in his room I lay back on his bed. My arms tucked against my chest as Tanner hovers above me. His eye search my face for sometime before he finally kisses my lips.

I'm glad my tears have dried up and I'm glad he didn't notice. Because how was I suppose to explain the reasoning behind those tears.

As his mouth moves slowly with mine, my hands form around his neck. My toes dancing up and down his legs. I want him closer, but with his daughter in the other room that's a no go.

My hands find their way into his hair as his does the same. The kiss deepens for only a moment, but he pulls away when the bedroom door flies open.

This time to my horror its not the little blonde headed girl I met hours ago.