Falling for the Enemy

Beauty Within

                                                                                 Catherine

When the sun begins to set we begin our journey back to the plantation house.  Sitting outside the slaves' quarters are Samuel and his family.  Adam is catching fireflies and Sarah is singing a song by the fire.  She is singing a hymn of some sort and it is very somber.  I can’t help but think the song fits perfectly with the mood of the night.  Henry and I bid them all a goodnight and wish them a good night’s rest.  When we leave the fire is still burning brightly and Sarah has restarted her song. The fire lights up her face and shadows dance on her body, and it makes me miss my mother and the way she used to sing to Mary and me.  I now understand why Samuel and his family all moved back to the slave quarters last week against my father’s and my protests.  This is their home. This is where they have spent more than 30 years of their life.  Even if it is the slave quarters, it is still home to them in their hearts and souls.  

Henry guides me up the porch steps and into the house.  We slowly drag our legs up each step making our way to Mary’s bedroom.  Opening the door I walk over to the bed and slip my shoes off.  

“Thank you for the walk.  It felt good to get some fresh air.” I say smiling at Henry.  

“It was my pleasure.” Henry stokes the fire and places another log on.  

 It is not a very chilly night and all of the windows and doors are open on the second-floor veranda, but the fireplace provides us with much-needed light.  I can feel a cool breeze coming in from outside and it feels refreshing on my warmed skin.   

“Henry when you return to New Bern I want you to take Brennan with you.  New Bern is too far to walk and I want to be sure you arrive at your destination still in one piece.” I am aware that I just made his safety a priority to me.

 “Catherine, I couldn’t take one of your horses.  You only have two as it is.  Your family is barely getting by now.  It would be foolish to give one of your mares away.”  

“Henry, I am insisting that you take Brennan with you as p*****t for all the work you have done here on the farm, for all the work it took helping to nurse me back to health, and of course for saving my life.”     

Henry ignores the part of Brennan and focuses on the healing part of my statement. 

 “Speaking of nursing you back to health how does your back feel?”  

“It feels much better.  The last time Sarah changed my bandages she said it was almost healed.  That was two days ago.”   

“Catherine you should have your bandages changed once more.  Here let me take a look.” 

And with that Henry is on the bed sitting beside me.  I turn so my back is facing Henry and then I slowly unbutton each little white button on my blouse.  When I have finished unbuttoning my blouse, I slide it off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. I then place the pillow from the bed on my lap and with the help of Henry, I gently lift my chemise over my head and lay it on the bed beside me.  In the same movement of taking my chemise off, I place the pillow over my chest and abdomen.  My upper body is now completely bare and the cool breeze is blowing on my back.  Henry gently removes the bandages from my back, being ever so gentle as always.  His hands are just barely touching my skin if I close my eyes I swear I can envision butterfly wings lightly brushing over my skin.  When the last bandage is removed I am curious about the state my back is in.   Standing up and still holding the pillow in front of my body I walk towards the mirror on the other side of the room.  I turn my back towards the mirror and glance over my shoulder.  

In the mirror, I see pinkish lines streaming across my back again and again.  Each line represents a hit of the whip.  There are too many raised lines to count.   My cuts are no longer open but instead, they pucker up from my skin and look like rosy pink scars.   Disgusted with the way I look, I turn my head from the mirror. I am repulsed by what I see.  My face is almost completely back to normal, and all of the bruises have vanished. The only evidence that remains is a faint scar on my forehead but the destruction on my back will never be erased.  Henry stands and walks towards me.  

“I’m a monster,” I say looking into his eyes. 

 “You are not a monster Catherine. You are a strong, intelligent, brave, and stunning woman.  In fact, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes upon.”  

I grunt, completely disagreeing with everything he has just said.  Turning my body so that I am once again facing the mirror, I show my back to Henry.  

“Does this look beautiful to you?” I say my eyes staring into his in the mirror.  

“Yes, this is more than beautiful.  This is a sign of your strength” he gently places a finger on my back and begins tracing one of the many lines on my back.