Tank

6 - Total shame

Nova

He holds me close to him for a few moments, my father. I won’t pretend I ever had any ill feelings toward him because I didn’t. I thought he was dead until my mother told me he wasn’t. He didn’t walk out on me; he wanted me as much as he wanted my brother. I was stolen from him. He did nothing wrong, and I won’t punish him for something he didn’t do.

It feels good to be here finally. After all these months of searching, I have finally found my father and big brother. Who doesn’t seem to be happy to see me at all. I thought he would be happy to see me. I remember how much he loved me when we were kids.

Right now, as I look at him, all I see is a man who hates me. I know that has a lot to do with our mother and the fact she abandoned him. If only he knew he got the better end of the deal. Living with Celia was no picnic; everything was about her.

Okay, she ensured I was fed and clothed and always had a roof over my head, even if it was some hotel or motel room, even a friend’s couch when she ran out of money or was off with one of her dangerous men.

But did she allow anyone to hurt me?

No.

Did she tell me that she loved me?

Once in a while.

I don’t want to make her sound like a bad mom, but sometimes, I wish she could have been better. I wish we could have stayed in one place for more than two weeks.

I also wish I’d never wished for that because as soon as she met Brett or Butch, as he went by, we did stay in one place. We had a small two-bedroom house. It belonged to Butch, and he made damn sure my mother didn’t forget it. Not that she cared. She did everything he told her to, even speaking to his whore.s with grace. How on this earth she could do that with a straight face was beyond me. Because if that were me, I would have killed the bitche.s for daring to so much as look at my man.

Him?

I’d have cut his dic.k off and shoved it down his own throat and made sure he choked on it!

However, Celia wasn’t as strong as I am. She never even tried to be. She was a doormat. It was as simple as that.

Whenever I called her out on the way she allowed Butch to treat her, she would do nothing but say, ‘Oh, Anna, stop whining. We have a nice place to live and a man who takes care of us. Can’t you be a little more grateful?’ I hated having to pretend to be this Anna girl. Mom hoped I would forget I was ever Nova Jackson, but I didn’t. Of course, I would say nothing. Butch was not a good man in any sense of the word, and I didn’t want to anger him. Bad things happened when he was angry.

Of course, after my mother shot and killed him, she took off, left me, and never looked back. When I managed to find her months later, she told me that she was terrified of what Butch’s club would do to get back at her. The death threats were unreal. She wanted to keep me from all of that to protect me.

By leaving me in the line of fire?

Bitc.h!

I didn’t let her get away with it.

Why should I?

It’s not like she gave a damn about me. I’m a vengeful person, and my mother did not escape my wrath.

A member of Butch's MC, Shank, his son, grabbed me one afternoon. I wasn’t aware of my surroundings; my mind was focused on other things, which was stupid. Rule number one is always to be mindful of your surroundings. Shank never would have gotten within a mile of me if I had been.

I knew it could possibly be the end of my life. But he didn’t kill me, he just took great pleasure in... Never mind, that stuff doesn’t matter now. All that matters is the fact I’ve finally found my father after months of searching.

You’d be surprised how hard it can be to track down a man who hasn't gone by his given name in over thirty years. Even harder when you knew nothing about him. Hell, I didn’t know his Christian name or his road name. All I knew was the last name Jackson.

Do you have any idea how many people have the surname Jackson?

Yeah, a lot.

I guess it would have been a lot easier if I hadn’t been so down this past year or so. A lot has happened to me. I’ve done a lot of bad things in retaliation. I’ve left behind the child I have tried so hard to forget. The child I will never forget. But I had my reasons for it.

My dad and I have spent a little while talking in private. It was needed. I needed to know things about his life, and he asked me about mine. There are many things I could never tell him, things no one can know. But speaking with him and smiling while doing it was so nice.

My father has now brought me into the clubhouse’s main room. He wants to introduce me to the rest of the guys, just in case one of them tries anything with me without knowing who I am. If they hit on me while knowing I’m the daughter of Shepard, the Prez, then he’ll kill them. Literally. The thing is, I believed him when he said that, although I had to hide my amusement. I’ve been in his life for five minutes, and he’s already doing the overprotective father thing.

It didn’t even occur to me to mind.

Strangely, it feels nice. No one has ever been protective of me before. I used to dream of my dad being this way, ensuring I was safe and keeping men away from me. Not literally but making sure only a good man stole my heart.

Not that any of these men will ever have my heart.

I must admit, there are so many men here, almost all of the club, at least forty of them. That’s not a lot for a charter this big, believe me, or maybe it is. After all, they get spread out and sent all over the country.

My dad told me they usually have quite a few girls here, but tonight, he’s banned them all from being here. They’re not needed tonight.

The place really isn’t what I expected. It looks like one of those posh country clubs I’ve seen in magazines. The main room has many tables dotted around the place and a massive bar with many bottles of spirits on show beneath a huge mirror. An oversized, plush couch is beside an even bigger open fire, surrounded by a beautifully carved mantle. I don’t know how many rooms there are in this place altogether. I’ve seen the office and the main room, but I imagine that with this many bikers, there are a few bedrooms.

What I’ve seen on the inside is impressive, but then there are the grounds outside, which right now are littered with motorcycles of all kinds. It’s just amazing; so much green beyond the clubhouse. Like I said before, it’s like a rich man's home.

The men here are huge, and I do mean Huge! Each one is giving me the eye, but I think the fact I have my arm looped through my father's is what’s keeping them at bay. Not that I think they’ll hurt me – try to – in any way. I’ve been assured by my father that any man belonging to this club who touches a woman without her permission will be punished for doing so.

Criminal bikers with morals when it comes to the sexua.l rights of a woman?

I almost choked on my own laughter.

My dad need not worry about me; bikers are so not my thing, and the God’s honest truth is, if one of them even thinks about touching me, I’ll end them!

However, that one guy, Tank. Damn, he’s hot. He’s well over six feet tall, probably six-four, with broad shoulders, massive biceps, a trim waist, and thick thighs. His collar-length, brown hair is tied up in a man bun. What I wouldn’t give to slide my fingers into that and pull while he’s fuckin.g me. Then there’s his face. Shi.t me, he’s handsome. Those big brown eyes of his, that chiseled jawline, and perfect smile... Head out of the gutter, Nova.

Hey, I said none of them would have my heart, never said I wouldn’t give one of them my puss.y for the night. Tank anyway.

The loud bang of the gavel makes me jump. I look at my brother and chuckle. He doesn’t. He raises his eyebrow at me.

How am I meant to make him understand that I’m not here to cause trouble?

I wish I knew how to get through to him.

But it’s only the first day, right?

“I know y’all are wondering why I’ve called you here this evening.” My father says. There are some mutters amongst the men before they fall silent again. “I want y’all to meet the new young lady in my life.”

I love my father's accent. It’s so different from mine. Mine is a little muddled from moving around so much, but my father is Southern through and through.

My eyes lock with the biggest guy I have ever seen in my life before. He has a scar across his cheek. It’s long and white. He also looks like one of his eyes is no longer in working order, but I could be mistaken. It might just be the light. Blade. That’s the name on his cut. He smirks at me. I don’t get an ill feeling from him, but he’d sure like to fuc.k me right now. You can’t mistake that look in a man’s eyes. He wishes!

I’m used to men wolf-whistling at me, not that I claim to be anything special. However, I’ve found men like these are not at all fussy. Women, to them, are nothing but puss.y to stick their dick.s in. I know full well that’s all they see me as right now. Not that one of them would get a chance with me. Ever. Maybe Tank...

“You claimin’ her, Prez?” Calls one of the less bulked-up guys.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Gunner! You know very well I’m married to my Old Lady, the love of my life, and I do not cheat on her. Ever.”

Well, that was final. I had no idea he was married.

I do wonder where in the hell they get these nicknames, however. Some of them are seriously ridiculous.

“This young lady is my daughter.” Every mouth is hanging open.

I swallow hard. I feel a little claustrophobic being the only girl in a room full of bikers. Last time that happened... Don’t go there, Nova.

My eyes lock with Tank’s. Man, he’s handsome. He winks at me, and I smile. There’s something about the way he’s looking at me that tells me nothing will happen to me here. He’d never let anything happen to me.

“I’d like for y’all to meet Nova. Nova?” My father holds his hand out to me, and I take it and walk closer to him.

“Shi.t, Prez, this is your daughter?”

“Yes, Ripper.” Ripper? Christ, I wonder how in the world he earned that nickname. No, I don’t want to know. “Nova has recently come back into my life.”

“You found her.” It wasn’t a question.

However, the kind smile on the older biker’s face is genuine, as if he’d been searching for me all these years along with my father. There’s a sense of relief in his tone. I don’t remember him at all. I don’t remember any of them. However, this guy has a kind face. His cut reads BlackJack. Road Captain... Strange name.

I notice my father smiling at him in return. They must be close friends.

“She’s hot, Prez.” The handsome, Hulk-looking guy shoots me a wink, but it doesn’t have the same effect as when Tank winked at me.

“Eyes back in your fuckin’ head, Roman!”

Hand to my mouth, I try to stifle the laughter, trying to get out. I’ve longed for this for so damn long, a father who threatens every man that shows interest in his little girl.

That’s crazy, right?

Most girls hate that shi.t, but I have never felt safe since the day my mother took me from my father. He’s making up for lost time, and I am not going to stop him.

“I know how beautiful she is, but I want y’all to know right now that she is off limits. I want y’all to treat her as your sister, your niece, whatever, but the first one to so much as look at her with lust, I will end, and no, that is not a joke.”

“Does that go for Tank, too?” The one my father called Gunner points out. All eyes turn to Tank. He’s still looking at me, not even caring that they’re talking about him. “Seems he’s got the hots for your little girl.” There’s humor in Gunner’s voice.

“It goes for each and every one of you. No matter your rank. Cross me, and I’ll end you. Do we all know where we stand?” There’s a collective Aye and a couple of groans, and I’m standing here wondering if I’ll ever get to see that man naked.

No, dumbass, your father will kill him.

Total shame.