Siobhán’s Wrath

Chapter14: Déjà vu

Since that dinner night, my father has been sending me flowers. Sa TalentFuse pa since I think he didn’t know where my address is. He’s sending me these white tulips, I just stare at the tulips right now na nasa mga kamay ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako bago hinanap ang pinaka malapit na trash can. What’s the point of these flowers?

“Someone sent you a white tulips again?” Dwayne appeared out of nowhere.

“Yeah,” tipid kong sagot bago tuluyang naglakad papunta sa auditorium. Isa lang naman ang sadya ko sa tuwing pumupunta ako ng auditorium, ang manood ng evaluation.

“Hate na hate mo siguro ang nagpadala sa’yo non,” nakapamulsa siya habang naglalakad. Hindi ako sumagot.

“White tulips also represent forgiveness, so the person who has been sending you those is asking for your forgiveness.”

Oh…I didn’t know, I am not into flowers kaya hindi ko alam ang meaning ng mga bulaklak na ‘yan.

“You didn’t know?” Nanatili akong tahimik hanggang sa nakaupo na ako, tumabi si Dwayne sa akin. Hinayaan ko na lang.

“Hindi ko alam, pero kahit alam ko pa ay itatapon ko pa rin naman.” After all these years– bakit ngayon lang? At hindi dapat ako ang una niyang hingan ng tawad kundi si mama.

“Then you must loathe that person,” siya na nag desisyon.

But it’s more than that, walang eksaktong salita ang makakapag pahayag sa nararamdaman ko sa kinikilala kong ama.

“아마도(maybe)” I uttered.

“What?”

“I said maybe, bingi ka ba?” Medyo nainis tuloy ako.

“How am I supposed to know? You spoke in a different language.”

Did I?

Nag-umpisa na ang performance kaya hindi ko na siya sinagot. Itinuon ko ang buong atensyon ko sa stage. So far, may kaunting improvement naman sila.

“Same place, I guess?” Agad kong tanong pagkatapos ng performance.

“Yes,” sagot ni Dwayne. Nauna na akong naglakad palabas.

Oh, right. Wala nga pala akong sasakyang dala.

“Hello, ate Eliza. I’m here sa lobby po, pakisundo po ako. May pupuntahan po tayo.” I called Eliza, my PA.

“Copy, Vawn.” Sagot niya mula sa kabilang linya.

My driver and Eliza drop me off sa lobby lang din ng meeting place namin ni Dwayne. I gave them money to buy a coffee or kung ano mang merienda na gusto nilang bilhin.

“They’ve improved. This time ay nagfocus naman sila sa moves, hindi na ramdam ang pagkanta nila. Halos background music lang ang narinig ko buong performance, means– they are lip syncing. Pero normal lang naman ‘yon, reason why they are still trainees.” Tumango-tango ako habang nagsasalita.

“Alright,’ unlike our previous meetings, he seemed quiet now and didn’t ask any follow up questions.

“Are you okay?” He asked out of nowhere.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Your father– I mean, step father…do y–” hindi niya naituloy ang dapat niyang sabihin because a young lady barged in.

“Dwayne! Why are you avoiding me?!” Inis ang babae, wait– don’t tell me this girl is his girlfriend?

“Sir, pasensya na ho. Sinubukan po naming pigilan si ma’am kaso–” Dwayne waved his hand to dismiss the guard.

“Fiona, get out.” Mahinahon ngunit ma-awtoridad na sabi ni Dwayne.

“Huh, so you’ve been ignoring me because of this girl?” Itinuro ako ng nagngangalang Fiona.

“No, Fiona.”

“Then why the hell are you ignoring me? Are you back to your old habit now? Pang ilan siya? Ilan na naman ang nakolekta mong babae, ha Dwayne?!” I looked at them disgustingly.

“Fiona! Y-you…we broke up. Nope- you broke up with me. Do not act as if I cheated on you because we are not together anymore!” Dwayne loses his cool. Oh…an ex.

“Excuse me,” bago pa ako makarinig ng hindi ko dapat marinig ay aalis na dapat ako ngunit hinawakan ni Dwayne ang palapulsuhan ko kaya napatingin ako roon.

“No, I’m s-sorry, just stay here. I’ll handl–”

Hindi na natapos ni Dwayne ang sasabihin niya dahil sumingit si Fiona, “So you two have a thing?” She laughed sarcastically.

“Kung sabagay,” she looked at me from head to toes, “ano pa nga bang bago sa mga baguhan? They would do anything just to climb up. Cheap!” D-did she just call me cheap?!

“If someone’s being cheap here, isn’t it you Ms. Fiona? People at your age are still considering me as a kid. So, why are you trying to bully a kid?” If she’s Dwayne’s ex then I assumed they are around the same age. Turning 25 while I’m just a teenager.

“How dare you!” But before she could lay her hand on me, Dwayne stopped her. Stay triggered, girl. I gave her a playful smirk.

Sinunod ko ang sinabi ni Dwayne, I stayed. Besides, I do not want to be seen outside habang nagkakagulo– kahit pribado itong lugar na ‘to ay mayroong mga waiter at waitress ang makakakita. Impossibleng walang ni-isa sa mga ‘yon ang magkukwento sa kakilala nila tungkol sa nangyari.

“I’m really sorry for this, Vawn.” Dwayne apologized as soon as he was back.

“I do not know about your relationship with anyone but I think you should settle your relationship properly so this will not happen again,” I told him.

“I did,” he answered.

“She wouldn’t be there if it was done properly,” itinaas ko ang isang kilay ko.

And the girl even mentioned old habits so he was a womanizer? Disgusting!

That was the last time Dwayne and I talked. I was busy with my shooting with Damon and aside from shooting ay may endorsement din akong tinaggap kaya busy.

“Amazing,” I couldn’t help but to smile and clapped my hands kahit sa screen ko lang sila pinapanood ngayon.

The Dreamer, they finally debuted. I just finished watching their debut Music Video. I was trying to figure out their Inkigayo performance so that I could book a ticket to watch live. I’m so proud of them.

“Mem, pwede bang auditionan ko ang teleserye na ‘to?” I showed Mickey the movie that I was aiming for while we are on our way now to the shooting.

“This is Heather’s ongoing afternoon show. A-and as her long lost sister?” Hindi maipinta ang mukha ni Mickey, ibig sabihin ay hindi niya gusto.

“You know, it would be beneficial if I’ll be part of the show. Exposure for my upcoming movie and the character is not that bad,” I gave Mickey a smile.

“I’ll think about this,” means there’s a chance. Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag.

“Yes, please.” Marahan kong sagot.

“May kissing scene kayo ni Damon ngayon, are you mentally prepared?” Pag-iiba ni Mickey ng topic.

“Oh…y-yes.” I pursed my lips. Wala pa akong nakahalikan na kahit sino, kaya medyo kinakabahan ako.

“Have you kissed someone before? Maybe your ex?” Usisa ni Mickey.

Bahagya akong nanlamig, “U-uh…hindi pa and NBSB ako,” I bit my lower lip.

“Sa hitsura mong ‘yan? Wala?” Minsan OA rin itong si Mickey eh. “Sundan mo lang ang galaw ni Damon siguro since mas experienced siya sa’yo.”

Ngayon lang nag sink in sa akin ng tuluyan na maghahalikan kami ni Damon, argh. I hope I won't be so awkward!

“1, 2, 3, action!” Sigaw ni Direk. In this scene, nasa gitna kami ng ulan. We didn’t have to make an effort para sa ulan because it is really raining today.

“H-hindi ko alam, Dylan. I’m confused– I’m sorry.” I looked into Damon’s eyes, nakakahawa ang kalungkutan sa mga mata niya.

“You said you like me the other day, Aella. Come on baby– you confessed to me. W-why…why are you being like this?” Damon as Dylan was holding up his frustration against Aella.

“It was just a spur-of-the-moment decision, D-dylan. Maybe I said that because I find it comforting that you always stick on my side. Because for the first time in my life, someone is sticking by my side.” Pain, that’s all I could see in Damon’s eyes. It amazes me somehow, ano kayang pinanghuhugutan niya?

“Tama sila, I tend to suck the energy of the people around me. I’m such a sucker–”

“Then be it. Ibibigay ko ang lahat, Aella. I don’t care about them I–”

This time, it was me who cut Damon off, “but I do care, Dylan. You have a bright future ahead of you, do not be stuck with me from where I am right now.” I looked away as I bit my lower lip.

Hinawakan ni Damon ang mukha ko at iginaya paharap sa kanya, I did not dare to look up kaya ang mga mata ko ay nasa dibdib niya. Dahan-dahan niya akong pinatingala para magkasalubong ang paningin namin.

“I am willing to risk it all for you, baby.” He caressed my cheeks, “I’m sorry,” I was stunned and my eyes widened when he suddenly kissed me because hindi pa sa part na ito ang kiss! Napahawak ako sa sa braso niya as I slightly pushed him but he stayed still. Hindi nag cut si Direk– I didn’t know what to do so I just closed my eyes because ganoon naman dapat hindi ba? People close their eyes when they are kissing with their lover.

Napaawang ang bibig ko nang kumalas si Damon sa halikan namin, he was intently staring at me right now. Nakaramdam ako ng hiya kaya napa yuko ako.

“You want me,” napataas ang tingin ko sa kanya.

“CUT!” Sigaw ni Direk pero nakatulala pa rin ako kay Damon because I was confused!

“Sorry.” Napakamot siya sa ulo niya, “Sorry, Direk! Nakalimutan ko ang susunod na linya ko kanina,” oh…kaya pala.

“It was actually perfect!” Nakangisi si Direk Caishen.

Sa sobrang focus ko sa pag acting kanina ay ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang lamig ng ulan. Mabuti ay lumapit kaagad si Eliza sa akin at binigyan ako ng tuwalya at pinayungan.

“Thanks, ate.” Pasasalamat ko sa kanya.

“Omg! Kinilig ko sa kissing scene niyo.” Bulong ni Mickey nang makasilong na ako. Kailangan ba talaga niyang sabihin ‘yon sa mukha ko?

“Ang fresh ng reaction mo, bagay na bagay! Halatang first kiss mo,” Mickey even laughed. Inilagay ko ang towel ko sa mukha ko dahil sa kahihiyan.

“Stop, mem. Please,” pakiusap ko sa kanya na ikinatawa niya ulit.

“Ok ok, hindi na.” Pero natatawa pa rin siya. “Nga pala, next week ay movie premiere na ng first movie appearance mo. Sa MOA tayo, ipapahanda ko na ang susuotin mo on that day.”

Ang bilis ng panahon, pero pakiramdam ko ay wala pa akong panibagong hakhang para sa goal ko.

“Alright,”

It was a busy week for me, pumunta ako sa TalentFuse before the week ends because of the evaluation. Pero hindi na ako pumunta sa meeting place namin ni Dwayne, I just texted my observation about the performance to him. I’m sure maiintindihan niya dahil nga busy ako.

For the movie premiere, the stylist made me wear a badass outfit to represent my character in the movie. Nakakatuwa pa dahil may mga fans ako na nag-aabang sa labas. Sadly, I wasn’t able to take a photo with them. Dahil may hinabol ako na iba pang meeting. In the same week of the movie premiere ay lumipad ako pa Korea because I attended The Dreamer’s first ever stage performance. I wore a hoodie and a cap while watching them from afar, I even took some photos and videos as a remembrance. I badly want to post them in my social media but for what? I don’t want them to know that I was there anyway.

Pag balik ko ng Pinas ay kaliwaan ang trabaho ko. I know that being an artist is tiring but I didn’t expect it to be this tiring.

“Vawn, you passed the audition as Heather’s sister in the afternoon serye,” balita sa akin ni Mickey mula sa kabilang linya, yes– Mickey agreed in the end. I couldn’t be happier, finally!

“Thank you, mem. Please have ate Eliza send me my sched,” I said before hanging up.

Despite my busy schedule I was still checking on my mother through auntie and her doctor, so far ay wala pa ring progress kay mama. Kapag may mahaba akong time ay dadalawin ko siya.

“Hi, ako nga pala si Heather,” nakipag kamay sa akin si Heather. This is the very first time I’ve ever met her in person.

“Hello po, I’m Siobhán– Vawn na lang,” I smiled at her. She seems gentle– but too bad, her image is already tarnished in my mind.

“Huwag kang magpigil mamaya kapag sasampalin mo na ako, ha. Para mas maayos ang result,” now she’s giving me advice. Baka hindi na siya mabuhay kapag hindi ako nagtimpi.

“Alam kong medyo nakakailang dahil unang eksena natin tapos ganito kaagad, but please be comfortable lang,” she added as she smiled.

Ay teh, hindi ako naiilang. Kung alam mo lang, pinapatay na kita sa isipan ko.

“Thank you po, ate Heather.” Pasasalamat ko sa kanya.

Ang eksena namin ay sa hagdanan ng isang mansion. May sampalan kaming eksena sa unang sabak pa lang.

“1, 2, 3, action!” Sigaw ng Direktor.

“Ah, ganon. Aangasan mo na kami ngayon Stella? Sino ba ang ang sumuporta sa iyo abroad? Hindi ba’t sila mommy at daddy?” We were both wearing a maong shorts and shirt lang dahil nasa bahay ang eksena namin.

“What do you know? Stop meddling!” Singhal ko sa kanya habang naglalakad kaming pareho sa hallway malapit sa hagdanan.

“What do I know? Alam kong binigay lahat ni mommy at daddy ang lahat para masuportahan ka abroad! Tapos ngayon na kailangan nila ang tulong mo– tatalikuran mo na? Wala kang utang na loob!” Inis na sabi ni Heather.

“Then you should’ve gone abroad instead of me! Because it was supposedly you hindi ba? Pero ano? Hindi mo maiwan-iwanan ‘yang walang kwenta mong boyfriend! Huwag mo akong maguilt trip d’yan dahil kung meron mang dapat ma-guilty sa atin ay ikaw ‘yon!” Halos hingalin ako matapos kong sabihin ang linya ko.

“Wala kang karapatan pagsalita–”

I cut her off, “Meron! Because had you been so responsible as an eldest then hindi magkakanda leche ang negosyo ni mommy at daddy. Puso kasi ang pinapairal mo, b*bita!” Tinalikuran ko siya, hinila niya ang damit ko kaya sinalubong ko s’ya ng sampal na sinuklian din niya ng sampal at sabunot. No joke, ang sakit din ng sampal niya, sana pala tinodo ko na ang sampal ko sa kanya.

“Mas’yado nang mahaba ‘yang sungay mo!” Tsaka niya ako itinulak, humawak ako sa stair handle but only to find out na madulas ‘yon. So I wasn’t able to get a grip.

“Ahh!” Napasigaw ako sa gulat, hindi ko na naibalanse ang sarili ko. Naramdaman ko na lang ang sarili kong gumugulong pababa ng hagdanan. I felt a severe pain on my forehead before everything went black.

I woke up seeing a white ceiling, this feels similar. Para bang nagka Déjà vu ako, my head is aching as I try to get up.

“Vawn!” si Mickey, I looked around the room– I was stunned when I saw Dwayne. What is he doing here?

Parang may masikip sa noo ko kaya hinawakan ko ‘yon, oh… may benda. Hindi ko rin maiwasang mahagip sa paningin ko ang mga pasa sa braso ko. I passed out fast, hanggang baba ba ng hagdan ang iginulong ko? Gumalaw ako pinakiramdaman ang sarili.

“Aww,” napahiga ako ulit dahil sa kirot na nanggagaling sa likuran ko.

“Huwag kang bumangon muna, Vawn.”

“Stay still,”

Magkasabay na sabi ni Mickey at Dwayne.