Danny's Dragon

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

The surest test if a man be sane is if he accepts life whole, as it is, without needing by measure or touch to understand the measureless untouchable source of its images, the measureless untouchable source of its substances, the source which, while it appears dark emptiness, brims with a quick force farthest away and yet nearest at hand from oldest time unto this day, charging its images with origin: What more need I know of the origin than this? – Lao Tzu

At sunrise, Dave finally gave up trying to sleep and rolled out of bed. All night his entire body had remained in a state of heightened awareness and anticipation. Danny’s scent, a mixture of male musk and clean laundry, haunted him, as did the memory of his taste and his brown-eyed, sincere gaze.

Dave threw on his sweats and running shoes and went downstairs, ignoring his father’s snoring form on the living room sofa as he passed to the front door. He’d heard Tom Pearce stagger into the house around one-thirty in the morning, after O’Malley’s Pub on the corner closed. Unable to get up the stairs, he’d crashed on the sofa, as he’d done every weekend since Dave could remember.

The freezing air of the quiet early morning filled Dave’s lungs and stung his unshaven skin. Small heaps of dirty snow clung to the ground here and there, piled around the bases of hydrants and the chain link fences bordering the neighbors’ patches of bare yard.

He held onto the porch post as he stretched. The world before him looked far different than it ever had. The bleak landscape of dirty cars, old duplex houses, and scraggly, winter-bitten trees had a shine he’d never noticed before, as if an invisible ray of light were softening the hard edges. Usually a few fitful hours of sleep left him exhausted the next day. This morning energy zinged through his body. He felt like he could run ten miles easily. Even passing by his father’s drunken, passed-out body on the way to the front door didn’t leave him with the same sense of hopelessness it always had, as if his heart had a source of comfort for the pain it hadn’t had before.

He jogged down the front porch steps, then down the front walk to the sidewalk, his body in motion and his mind completely elsewhere. Completely absorbed in thinking of the night before, remembering what Danny felt like, the smooth warmth of his caramel-hued skin and the way his thick sleek hair caressed Dave’s fingertips.

Dave’s stomach jittered. Never before had he felt so absolutely nervous. He didn’t want to do or say the wrong thing and screw up his chance with this guy. It disturbed him to care so much about something like that. After John’s death, he hadn’t cared. His heart had retreated into a cave so deep he believed it would never come out. He’d always imagined it would take someone quite extraordinary to make him want to emerge again. When Danny had stepped between him and the fleeing mugger, something inside Dave knew he’d met that someone.

After a four-mile run, the pale sun had risen a bit higher. Dave walked a couple of blocks to cool down, then went into the house. His father was still unconscious on the sofa, fully clothed, the quiet room filled with the sawing noise of his snoring. On his way to the kitchen, Dave stopped by the sofa and looked down at him.

His father lay with one arm across his eyes, as if to shield them from the bit of wan sunlight filtering through the lace curtains. Dave sighed. His father was seventy now, and it was hard to believe this old man was the same guy who went on drunken rampages and beat up on him, his younger sister, and mother. That is, until Dave reached sixteen and started lifting weights. As soon as he was big enough and strong enough, he’d put an end to the beatings. But he hadn’t been able to stop his father’s drinking. He never could. Just like he hadn’t been able to stop John from using. Or from dying.

He shook his head and went into the kitchen. If Mom were alive now, God rest her soul, he wondered what she would have been thinking. He measured some coffee into the filter and filled the pot. A wave of longing passed through him. He wished she were here. He’d been angry with her for a long time for not standing up to their father and defending herself and her children. But as he grew into adulthood and defended himself, he’d managed to forge a friendship with her. He would have told her about Danny. He would have even spoken to her about the awakening of emotions he was going through because of this unusual human being. He could have used some motherly advice on the subject as well. She wouldn’t have judged him. He knew that.

The smell of freshly brewing coffee began to fill up the kitchen, an aroma he associated with his mother. He started breaking eggs into a bowl, enough for him and his father. An ache tugged at his heart as he worked. He sure wished she were here so he could tell her about Danny. And about the reawakening of his heart.

***

At six o’clock, Danny helped Meg drag in the produce stands she kept on the sidewalk against the storefront windows. His heart pounded. He’d spent the entire day worrying about seeing Dave, his stomach jittery. He’d even made sure he was prepared, having gone into town to the pharmacy and gotten the necessary protection.

He turned the deadbolt on the front doors and switched the sign to Closed, peering through the plate glass to the sidewalk every two seconds. He swept the floor, then put the broom away. Coming to stand in front of the counter that held the cash register, he positioned himself so he could see outside and then waited while Meg went through the receipts and closed the register.

“Don’t worry, Danny. Didn’t he say six-thirty? That still gives you almost half an hour.”

He looked up to see Meg smiling at him. In that moment, he remembered to breathe. “Yes. But I don’t want him to see the Closed sign and think I’m not here.”

“You can call him.”

“I don’t have his number. We forgot to exchange numbers.” The thought caused a prickle of fear to cascade down his arms. If Dave didn’t show up, he couldn’t even call him to find out why. Of course, he’d see him on campus, but that would mean waiting another forty-eight hours. God! He was less nervous going before his Ph.D. committee.

Meg smiled gently. “He’ll be here. And you look great, by the way.”

Danny surveyed his sweater and jeans, then his shoes. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Positive. Besides, you have the kind of build that makes you look good no matter what you wear.”

Danny felt himself blush. “Thanks.”

She winked at him. “No problem. I’m really excited for you.” She put down the receipts and leaned over the counter toward him. “And don’t forget what I said last night about not showing up here tomorrow morning. Do you remember?”

His stomach flipped. “I remember. But aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself? He’s not even here yet.”

Meg chuckled. “Perhaps, but I’m just making sure to remind you in advance.”

“I consider myself reminded.” He watched Meg, feeling suddenly guilty that he had a date and she didn’t. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going over to Auntie Yee’s. She wanted to make dinner for me.”

He nodded. Auntie Yee had been Master Chen’s girlfriend for many years and loved Meg like a daughter. The older woman was also very motherly with him, which he’d always appreciated since his own mother was tough and difficult to please. “That’s good.”

She looked at him, a knowing expression in her eyes. “Danny, listen. I couldn’t be happier for you. You’ve struggled your whole life to please everyone and be a dutiful son.” She paused and sighed, visibly preparing herself for her next words. “I know your family, and... well... I’m not sure all your striving has worked.”

He shook his head. “No, it hasn’t.”

“Well, maybe it’s time that you have some happiness.”

His heart thumped in his chest. Meg was spelling out a harsh reality, but not something he hadn’t already known. “I do have happiness. I’m happy with our friendship.”

“Thank you, Danny. So am I. But you know what I mean.”

He nodded, bowing his head. “Yes, I do.”

She smiled. “And also, there’s a tall, gorgeous, Irish-looking guy standing at the door, peering in. Could that be him?”

Danny let out a small gasp and turned around. His heart did what felt like a back flip in his chest as he waved. “Yes, that’s him. He’s very early.”

Dave was peering right at him through the glass and returned his gesture.

“Better let him in. It’s cold out there.”

Danny felt his legs carry him across the market to the front door, in spite of how wobbly they suddenly felt. His stomach careened. He turned the lock and opened the door, letting in a rush of cold air.

Dave’s large frame filled the doorway, blocking the cold. The smell of winter mixed with a spicy aftershave carried to Danny’s nostrils. “Sorry I’m so early. I always am.”

“No problem at all. Come in,” Danny said, standing aside. He closed and locked the door behind him. “I’m... glad to see you.”

Dave’s rugged face was red from the cold, but the blue of his eyes seemed to glow. “Same here.”

It took another moment of staring at Dave before Danny came back to the present. “How are you?”

“Not bad. How about you?”

“Fine, thanks. Um, this is Meg.” He turned and caught Meg smiling mischievously at him. “Meg, David Pearce... I mean Dave.”

Meg came around the counter and extended her hand to him. “It’s nice to meet you, Dave.”

“You too, Meg.”

***

“What do you guys have planned?” Meg asked when Dave had released her hand.

Dave turned to Danny. He’d been so wrapped up in thinking about seeing him that he’d failed to consider what they’d do or where they’d go once they were together. What was more, he didn’t know Danny at all. He had no idea what he did in his spare time or what his interests were.

However, if he were to voice what he wanted to do, it would be to hole up in a cozy room somewhere and taste every inch of Danny’s body, right to his toes. He just didn’t feel comfortable making such a suggestion at this point, especially in front of Meg. His stomach flopped like a landed fish. “Um, well, truthfully, I didn’t make a plan. I don’t know what you like to do.”

To his surprise, Danny’s cheeks darkened. He was blushing. “I don’t do much. I... I paint.”

“Really?”

“He paints beautifully,” Meg agreed.

Dave looked at him. This man was complex and fascinating. He never thought nerdy computer guys had an artistic side. “What do you paint?”

A sheepish expression filled Danny’s large eyes. Damn, those eyes had him melting. He’d never thought it would happen to him, a tough Irish kid from South Boston. But here he was, his insides getting all melty from gazing into Danny’s eyes.

“It’s difficult to explain. I would have to show you.”

Dave’s stomach did that fish flop again. Man, if he’d thought for hours of a way to invite himself into Danny’s apartment, he couldn’t have found a better one. Funny, though, that it had turned out to be the classic “can I show you my etchings?” line. “I’d really like to see your work. I mean, if that’s okay.”

A shadow of apprehension passed through Danny’s eyes. Dave saw it and wondered if he’d said the wrong thing. But then he figured that Danny was probably as nervous as he was.

Danny nodded. “Yes. But I thought maybe you would want dinner first.”

The mention of food reminded Dave he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The closer it drew to the time to see Danny, the tighter his stomach had become. Having dinner somewhere first would be better than just rushing upstairs. He didn’t want to appear too anxious to go up to Danny’s place. Thankfully, he knew the restaurants of Chinatown quite well. He suggested a place around the corner.

“That sounds good. I’ll just get my coat.” Danny went into the back and returned after a few moments, bundled up to go outside.

Dave said so long to Meg and followed Danny out the door, hoping that dinner wouldn’t take too long.

***

Couched in a corner booth on the second floor of Shin Tao’s, Danny felt the jitters again.

Truly, this was his first date. When he’d gone out with Amy Chin back in college, they’d been study partners in a computer science course and had gone straight from studying together to sleeping together. Amy had been openly bisexual and had been the one to approach him. They were both inexperienced, lonely, and horny. Even though they’d both enjoyed the lovemaking, it had still been awkward, and it hadn’t taken long for them both to admit they weren’t meant to be more than friends. After graduation, Amy had gone to live on the West Coast, where she settled down with a woman she’d fallen in love with, and he’d remained here, still shy and closeted.

The restaurant was quiet, the hour being too early for the Saturday night college students and people-on-dates crowd that would come in around eight. There was little to distract either his or Dave’s attention from each other. Danny fought not to stare at the way Dave’s dark blue sweater outlined his broad chest, or the way the soft lighting glinted off the gold in his hair.

The waiter put a pot of tea on the table, and Danny was glad for the distraction of pouring a cup for Dave, then one for himself.

“I was concerned about you today.” Dave’s voice cut the awkward silence. “You know, after what happened last night.”

Danny’s stomach clenched. “You don’t need to worry. I... enjoyed what happened.”

Dave stared back at him, his blue eyes puzzled. Suddenly, his expression broke and he chuckled, a light flush creeping into his pale cheeks. “Oh, you thought I meant....” He gestured with a motion between them over the table. “No. I’m sorry. My bad communication skills at work again. I meant what happened with the mugger. I was asking if you’d had any aftershocks from it.”

Danny considered for a moment. Yes, it had been horrible, but the sweet pleasure Dave had given him afterward had gone a long way to help him recover. “Well, I’m okay. Actually, you helped me a lot.” He glanced down at his placemat, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

“I’m glad.”

When Danny looked back up, Dave was smiling at him, his eyes soft. The way Dave was watching him caused a warm curl of heat through his middle. If his intuition was speaking correctly, he had the feeling Dave was taken with him. He could never have imagined such a gorgeous guy feeling that way about him. When Danny looked in the mirror, he still saw that awkward teenager who hadn’t matured until his mid-twenties.

The waiter came to the table, his pad and pencil out.

“Geez,” Dave said, “I haven’t even thought about what I want.”

“We’re not ready,” Danny told the waiter in Mandarin.

The waiter bowed his head courteously. “I’ll come back.”

“Xie xie.” Danny thanked him, and the man retreated. When he turned back, he found Dave looking at him as if he’d just performed the most incredible feat in the world. Or something to that effect. His cheeks tingled with warmth.

“That’s amazing,” Dave breathed.

Danny felt a shy smile creep onto his face. “What’s amazing?”

Dave gestured to Danny and to the empty space where the waiter had been. “You know, the way you spoke... in Chinese.” His voice was full of admiration. He shook his head. “I could barely learn the few words of Spanish I know.”

Danny glanced away. He appreciated the praise, even though it was completely misplaced. “I’m sure you’d speak it fine if you’d been raised with it, like I was with Mandarin. My parents are from Beijing.”

Dave shook his head again, more slowly. “I don’t know. Not like that. I can’t even imagine it.”

Something about the way Dave said that made Danny feel bad for him. Dave seemed like an intelligent, kind man, and the way he doubted his own mental ability was painful. Danny didn’t know what to say. Fortunately, they got busy studying the menu and discussing what to order.

They settled on sharing a couple of dishes and an appetizer of crab rangoon. The waiter returned, took their order, and left again.

A moment of silence passed in which they both sipped their tea.

Dave set down his cup. “In any case,” he went on, “I’m just glad you’ve recovered.”

Danny looked down briefly. He had another chance to express himself and found it difficult, a stark contrast to Dave’s forthright way of speaking. “It wasn’t only bad,” he said softly, his fingers remaining on his teacup.

“How do you mean?”

“Well....” He paused, his timid smile returning. “We got to meet.” He glanced up at Dave.

The other man wore a grin, his eyes still showing a kind of wonder in them. “That’s true.” Dave shifted in his seat, resting his elbows on the table. “Actually, I’ve kind of been wanting to ask you about that, if you don’t mind.”

Danny’s stomach flipped over. “I don’t mind... I guess.”

Dave toyed with his water glass. “Well, you’re how old? About thirty?”

Danny nodded.

Dave smiled. “Good guess. In my line of work, you learn to observe people pretty well.”

“I would think so.”

“Yeah. Well, it just made me wonder. You don’t seem to be really out, but....” He paused, seeming to consider his words carefully. “I don’t know, you’re incredible-looking, and it was so hard to believe you weren’t with anyone. I guess that’s why I didn’t work up the nerve to talk to you sooner.”

Danny stared at him, his cheeks on fire, his heart pounding. “Incredible-looking?”

Dave nodded. “Yeah. Like a movie star or something. I just wondered why you weren’t already taken.”

For several moments, Danny stared, speechless. If Meg were here, he knew she’d be giving him a smug “I told you so” expression. He’d deserve it after how many times she tried to tell him basically the same thing. She’d even compared him to Tony Leung, the best-looking actor in Hong Kong. “Thank you,” he said softly.

Dave studied him another moment. “You’re just shy, aren’t you?”

Danny nodded. “Yes.”

Dave chuckled. “I guess I’m not helping. I know I can be overbearing at times.”

“You’re not overbearing.” The answer popped out. “I like how expressive you are.”

Dave shrugged, as if embarrassed by praise. “I’m glad you feel that way,” he murmured. “My big mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years.” He grinned suddenly and his eyes took on a slightly mischievous sparkle. “The nuns in high school didn’t always appreciate me telling them exactly what I thought of them.”

Danny laughed. He could only imagine what Dave had said to them.

“It’s nice to know not everyone feels that it’s bad,” Dave said.

Danny gazed at him, his laughter passing. “No, it’s certainly not bad.”

***

Dave’s stomach was dancing around like crazy. He thought he’d be feeling like a complete galoot, sitting at a table with this man who was so soft-spoken, intelligent, and fine as hell. To his own shock, Danny had a way of making him feel... well... equal. With John, this kind of thing hadn’t been a consideration. He and Dave had both been from the same blue-collar neighborhood with the same kind of violent, drunk fathers. John and he had done the same things, smoked the same joints, followed the same career. The only thing different about them was that John had had an artistic streak. He used to draw amazing sketches, most often of Dave in the nude, and Dave had always felt that John could have been an artist or something like that, but he’d never pursued art, and Dave hadn’t been mature enough himself to encourage that in his lover. He’d been too busy ensuring their survival.

Just then the waiter approached their table and set the appetizer in the middle. Dave looked at the golden puffs on the plate, realizing how hungry he actually was. Now that he and Danny had chatted a bit, his nervousness was under control, allowing him to feel like he could eat.

He watched Danny pick up his chopsticks and use them to pluck one of the rangoons off the plate and put it on his own. The simple movement astonished him, in the same way Danny’s speaking in Chinese to the waiter had. Danny’s hands were so... beautiful, graceful and yet masculine, the nails clean and trimmed. The most wicked urge to have those incredible hands roaming over his bare skin, stroking his c**k came over him. He cleared his throat.

“Don’t you want one?” Danny gestured to the plate with the hand that held the chopsticks.

The question shook Dave from his lustful reverie. “I’m sorry. I was just admiring the way you use those things.” He gestured to the chopsticks. “I’ve eaten a lot of Chinese food in my life, but I’ve never been able to get a handle on those.”

Danny smiled. “Well, a lifetime of practice hasn’t hurt,” he said. “I used chopsticks before I ever held a fork or spoon.”

Again, his response had the magical effect of making Dave feel like less of a brainless moron and more like a human being.

“Pick up yours and I’ll show you how simple it is.”

Never before in Dave’s life had such a small thing seemed like a matter of life or death, as if his ability to use chopsticks would determine whether Danny continued to like him or not. His heart pounded. Not wanting to look as dumb as he felt, he slowly picked up the pair of wooden chopsticks by his plate and slid them from their paper jacket. He positioned them between his fingers, feeling like a major jerk.

Danny set his own chopsticks down and put his hand on Dave’s. Danny’s gentle touch heated Dave’s whole body, especially his hardening c**k. Thank God for the cover of the table.

Danny positioned the chopsticks between Dave’s thumb and forefinger, resting them against his ring finger. “Here, then you just move them like this.” Holding Dave’s fingers, he demonstrated the movement. The way he’d placed Dave’s hold on the sticks made using them easy.

Dave swallowed hard. A lump had formed suddenly in his throat, equal in hardness only to the thumper in his jeans from Danny touching his hand. When Danny released him, he practiced picking up one of the rangoons from the plate.

“See?” Danny was smiling at him, his dark eyes a touch velvety, making Dave guess that perhaps the contact of their hands had affected Danny too. He hoped so.

Dave managed a smile. “Yeah, thanks. I was just using them wrong, I guess.”

Danny fell silent. He retrieved his own chopsticks and picked the food up off his plate.

Dave busied himself with eating his own food. The last thing he needed in this moment was to watch Danny’s full lips moving as he chewed. The mere thought brought on a host of other erotic images, none of which he was sure would happen. It depended on Danny.

Surprisingly, the rest of the meal was less awkward. Now that Dave could use the chopsticks, he spent the time asking Danny about his life, about his friendship with Meg and her grandfather, and about his studies. Dave volunteered little about himself in return. It wasn’t fair to Danny, but really, he wasn’t quite ready to divulge. What was he going to say? My lover and I grew up together, both physically abused by our drunk fathers, were inseparable, took naked Polaroids of each other in secret, and never came out to anyone. Then John got into heavy drugs and overdosed. No. He saw his life as kind of one, long, tragic play, and he didn’t want to frighten Danny off. Not when he liked the guy so much.

Between the two of them, they polished off every bit of the food they’d ordered, along with the dessert that went with it. By the time they’d cleaned their plates, Dave noticed they’d been there quite a while, judging by the way the entire restaurant had filled up with the Saturday night crowds that city restaurants always got. He didn’t want the evening to end.

The waiter cleared their plates away, refilled their teapot, then, after a few more minutes, deposited the check on the table.

Dave reached for it, only to be intercepted with a flash of movement of Danny’s hand. He looked up at Danny, almost as surprised by the speed and determination of his hand as he had been the night before when Danny had prevented him from chasing the mugger.

Danny’s large, doe-like eyes appeared liquid in the soft lighting. “I want to treat you,” he said.

“That’s kind of you, Danny, but I invited you.” He tugged lightly on the leather fold that held the bill, but Danny tightened his grip on it. Dave couldn’t help but chuckle. “Danny, are you fighting me for the check?”

Suddenly, Danny broke into a grin. “I’m sorry. I just realized.” He ran a hand through his hair, bringing Dave’s attention to the glossy thickness sifting through Danny’s beautifully shaped fingers. “In Chinese culture, generosity is considered one of the highest virtues. One of the ways it comes out is that in the restaurant, everyone fights to pay.” His smile widened, his beautiful almond eyes glowing. “I guess it’s just ingrained in me.”

Dave grinned at him. “I suppose I’d make a good Chinese person then,” he said, “because I was fighting you back pretty hard.”

Danny chuckled. “Yes.”

Both their hands still rested on the check, their fingertips brushing. The contact made Dave’s hand tingle. He gazed at Danny, feeling that unspoken energy zing between them again. “So,” he said after several quiet seconds, “are you going to fight me some more for this? Or will I emerge the victor?”

Danny’s lips curved in a shy smile. “I’ll stop fighting you for it if you let me treat you next time.”

Dave’s heart leaped in joy. Next time! That was what he’d wanted to hear. “Well,” he said, feeling like teasing Danny, “I might want to treat you next time, too.”

At first Danny’s brow furrowed, but then Dave saw the other man register the fact he was being teased. “In that case, you’ll get another fight.”

Dave grinned. “Hmm, I guess I’ll have to think about it.”

Danny smiled, the look in his eyes both shy and full of enjoyment at being teased, and he released the check. “I’ll let you think about it while you’re looking at my painting.”

Dave’s heart flipped again. Fortune was finally smiling on him a bit after all these years. “All right. I’ll give you my answer then.” Struggling not to let his hands shake, Dave pulled out his wallet and stuck some bills into the leather fold with the check. He was a bit over, even with the tip, but he didn’t want to wait for the change.