"Where are you going this time?" sigaw ko at mabilis na hinawakan ang braso niya bago pa man makalabas ng pinto.
Masama niya iyong dinungaw bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. I stared back at him the same way he's staring at me, brows furrowed and lips firmly closed.
"Race ano ba?" sigaw kong muli nang akmang bubuksan niya ang pinto. Gamit ang dalawang kamay ay hinila ko siya palayo roon at humarang. Napangiwi ako nang muling naramdaman ang epekto ng alak dahil sa biglaang pag-ikot.
"Let me go out, Kate," he snarled with authority. I almost, almost obeyed him.
Marahan akong umiling at humakbang palapit sa kanya ngunit agad siyang umatras at tinalikuran ako, heading to what supposed to be my room here in his condo.
Muli ay tinapunan niya ako ng masama tingin nang harangan ko rin siya sa pagpasok sa loob ng kwarto. "What now, Kate? You don't want me out and you don't even want me to go in my room and have a rest instead?"
Huminga ako nang malalim, trying to imitate his calmness pero kahit kailan yata talaga ay hindi ko siya magagaya. He knows very well how to handle his own emotion. "Race, please. Can we please talk? I want a proper talk. Tigilan mo muna ang pag-iwas."
He gave me another cold stare. Damn, I almost melt in my place! "And stop throwing me those kind of f*****g look! Race, nagbago ka na talaga!"
Umiwas siya ng tingin at bahagyang natawa. Tawa na hindi mo gugustuhing marinig lalo na kung ganyan siya. I can smell mixed alcohol and mint from his breath. I don't think it's just the wine on the center table. He probably drink somewhere else and I don't wanna know where that somewhere is.
"I changed?"
Tumango ako, bahagyang napaatras sa tinging ibinibigay niya. "You changed, Kate. I want my old Kate back!"
"Don't turn tables here!" sigaw ko nang talikuran niya. "Ikaw ang nagbago! Sobrang lamig na nang pakikutungo mo sa akin! Hindi na ikaw ang dating Race na nakilala ko."
Marahas niyang kinuha ang baso ng alak sa center table at inubos ang alak na laman noon. He harshly wiped his mouth before facing me. "Things changed, Kate. What about you? Clubbing, drinking, partying, and cursing? Kate would never do such thing."
Napakurap-kurap ako, hindi inaasahan ang sinabi niyang iyon. Just like before, his words are like daggers. Ngunit alam ko namang tama siya. "Race..." nanghihinang tawag ko, wishing I'm suddenly knocked out because of the alcohol so I don't have to face this one. Ngunit isinantabi ko ang kirot na naramdaman at taas noo siyang hinarap. "This is not about me- it's about you. What? Ano kung hayaan kitang umalis? Ikakama mo ba ang sinumang babaeng makita mo?"
Umatras ako at kumapit sa upuan nang maramdaman ang sakit sa sarili kong mga salita. Thinking about it, hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin mapaniwalaan.
Marahas ang bawat galaw niya nang nagsalinng alak sa bote. Muli niya iyong inubos. I waited for him, hoping he'd say something but he walked towards the front door. I quickly followed suit and blocked his way.
"So, you're really going to f**k those dirty bitches, huh!" matapang na sigaw ko subalit nanginig pa rin ang boses. Kailan ba kami matatapos sa ganito?
"Stop!" he shouted to my face. Nang napansin ang pagkagulat ko ay mariin siyang napapikit. His eyes were red when he opened them again. "Stop saying those words. Kate won't be happy hearing that."
"Race, it's me. May nagbago man pero ako pa rin ito." Hindi ko na naiwasan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Mariin akong napapikit nang marahan niya iyong pinunasan. "I want my Race back too."
His eyes were soft for moment. And as if controlling himself, his jaw tightly clenched. "That's not necessary."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
What does it mean that it's not necessary? Talaga bang hindi na maibabalik ang dati sa amin ngayon? Masyado na bang huli ang lahat?
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin na agad ko namang sinundan. "Hindi na natin mababago ang nabago na." He's broken too, I know. Pareho lamang kaming nasasaktan kaya bakit pa namin ito ginagawa sa isa't isa?
Hinawakan ko ang balikat niya nang akmang tatalikod siya sa akin. I held his face and made him look at me. "Race, I love you. Please, maniwala ka. Kahit noon pa man-"
"Bullshit!" sabay iwas niya sa akin.
Natigilan ako. I never heard him curse again until tonight. At kung kailan pa talaga sinabi ko sa kanya ang totoong nararamdaman ko ganoon pa?
"You don't, Kate. Don't push yourself. You're just saying that."
"No Race. I really do." pagmamakaawa ko. We're so broken kaya sana lamang ay tigilan na namin ito.
"You're just jealous. You're insecure. You feel like you've lost something- someone- me."
Tikom ang bibig ay maraha akong tumango. Siguro nga ay tama siya. Pero hindi lamang naman dahil doon iyon e!
"Race, yes b-but..."
Quickly, he cupped my face and kissed me harshly. So brutal I can almost taste the metal from his punishing kisses. Hinawakan ko ang dibdib niya. Sinubukan kong itinulak siya ngunit mabilis niya hinawakan ang mga braso ko. He placed both of my hands behind me, on my lower back with his left hands, the right one pulled my head closer to him, deepening his kisses.
"Race," I called between his kisses. The taste of alcohol from both of our mouths mixed but he is dominant, I feel like being tipsy again- or maybe it's not the alcohol but his kisses itself.
"This is what you want, Kate. I'm only giving it to you," h rasped with unsteady breathings. He then let go of my hands and held my waist. I gasped as he lifted my feet off the ground. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as his left hand guided my buttocks. My arms snaked around his nape as well. My hands moved through his hair. An unexpected moan escaped my lips when arousal surprised me.
Before I knew it, I'm already lying on the bed. We didn't break apart and he lay on top of me. Ni hindi ko alam kung kaylan n'ya binuksan ang pinto! And it's his own bedroom. Ang tagal na rin simula ng huli kaming nagkasama rito.
"Race!" if that's a protest or a moan, I don't know. Pero gulat talaga ako ng marahas n'yang sinira ang damit na suot ko!
"This looks like lingerie." he said with gritted teeth and hoarse voice. "And you're wearing this in that club?"
He attacks me with the same brutal kisses. It's insane, but I can't stop the arousal my system is going through right now.
"Race," I put my hands on his nape and tried to kiss him the same way he's doing. Tumigil s'ya sa paghalik at hinayaan akong humalik na mag-isa. I pulled him closer wanting to satisfy him with a kiss.
My tongue is itching to move. I bit his lower lip seductively and enter his mouth with my tongue. Ngunit bago ko pa masimulan ang misyon ko ay mabilis ko ring iniwas ang mukha ko sa kanya. Isinubsob n'ya ang mukha sa leeg ko, giving hot and wet kisses there instead. Ako naman ay mahigpit s'yang niyakap, crying as shocked flooded me as well as the pain when he unwarningly entered me.
"God Race!" I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow me. Without even resting a little, he thrusts in me so deep. I feel him so raw and hard and brutal.
His brutality should be wanting me to stop this. To stop both of our insanity but no. I want him. I want this. Hell, I don't even want him to stop!
"Don't act as if you're a virgin, baby."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil sa sinabi n'ya. Sandaling natigil ang pag-ungol ko dahil doon. Ngunit mas binilisan n'ya ang paggalaw kaya wala akong magawa kung hindi ang pakawalan ang labi ko. My screamed echoed around the corners of his room, making new and more unforgettable memories.
"f**k you!" I replied back, trying to catch my breath but he won't stop from doing the rhythm.
He groaned because of my words, he's both annoyed and in the middle of this damn pleasure. "I am baby."
I locked him in my arms and legs as he moves unbelievably fast. He nuzzled in the crook of my shoulder blade and feel him marking me there.
God! I really want him back. I want my Race back.