Florida Heat: Book One in the Clearwater Pack Series

Chapter 3: Everything seems simple until you think about it

Cassandra’s Point of View:

I have to continue to keep peering up from my laptop watching Landen who is working from his own lap top on my couch. I’m sitting at the Island and looking up different venues of open mic nights around the mid to southern Florida region to begin my hunt in looking for talent for Disney. I decide to put in my earbuds and listen to a podcast, my typical podcasts are Crime Junkie or Morbid, so I’ll tune into those. I frankly enjoy listening to true crime podcasts because it makes me a more cautious person not just when I am running but in my life in general.

As I listen, I think about one of the Crime Junkie life rules, “You really never know anyone.” I look up again and take note of Landen. Do I really know him? Sure, we’ve been together for three years, but do I know what he is capable of, and furthermore why I’ve subconsciously distances myself from him over the last year or so? I mean, Ted Bundy appeared perfect from the outside world and his significant other had no idea he was a killer – could I be sitting across the room from one right now? I mean, I doubt it but there is an underlying push of self-doubt that I’ve never had about him that is creeping into the depths of my soul.

Long term, he is not what I want. I mean, I don’t think so. God, what is happening to me? I used to conduct pro / con lists for all major events within my life and prepare my research and thoroughly understand the significance of the options I had in order to make the right decision. Is that what love is? Conducting pro / con lists on your significant other to determine if you should stay with them or break up with them?

In general, I believe lines are drawn for a reason. For your own personal protection and more so for clarity. We all have limits to what allows one to cross over the line and what keeps them from approaching it. We know crossing the line is essentially entering at your own risk territory and staying back is playing it safe. For my entire life, I’ve played it safe – stayed in my lane, other than coming to Florida. But I did that with a safety vest on, my grandparents were here. Landen feels more and more like a thicker line that is drawn in the sand and the line continues to grow in girth toward my direction. The closer it comes, the more I want to step over the line and see what’s on the other side.

Is the grass greener on the other side? If I cross the line is the glass half full or half empty – I suppose what the premise of my self-doubt is, would I find anyone better than Landen himself? Am I worthy of someone better than him? I’ve labeled Landen as “perfect” – but what does that even mean, is allowing someone to hold the holy grail of perfect actually a thing, or am I stuck in one of my romance novels where the guy is the knight in shining armor? Today is one of those days where the world feels upside down, and no matter the way I try and adjust I just cannot seem to upright myself upon this globe.

I’m broke from my drowning thoughts by the door opening, Harper. Thank god. She looks to me and then to the couch then back to me again. Landen chirps up, “Hey Harp!” She responds with a wave and brings herself closer to me. “I thought you were going to break up with him?” Huh, is that what I had decided to do, I don’t remember actually saying it out loud. I just shake my head no because once again I am stuck in my own mind and cannot simply make a decision that could hurt him and furthermore take away my safety blanket.

Taking risks and seizing the moment are not atop of my list of favorite things to do, I’m well planned out and detailed oriented. Landen, he is good looking, funny, motivated and not terrible in bed. I laugh at the last part as if I would have much to compare it to being that he is my first and part of me in the beginning hoped he would be my last, call me old fashioned I suppose. When we first met and were together it was like a spark ignited in my soul and there was nothing more I ever wanted – I felt whole. Lately, it’s been different. Honestly, since my junior year that one night in Cape Coral at that stupid high end bar that I refuse to go near now. I literally drive out my way to avoid this place. Something strange happened to me that night, I literally had two beers and got violently sick outside the establishment, well not before I got sick on the inside, but that’s neither here nor there.

That night instead of comforting me and taking care of me Landen, he made fun of me and mocked me. He had been drinking pretty heavily that night, it felt like verbal abuse when he continued to taunt and terrorize me for not being able to hold my alcohol, or for getting sick in front of everyone there. Not one time did he ask me if I were ok or hold my hair back to allow me to vomit without getting nasty. Nope, and since that day when we go out and he drinks I tend to sip on water, mostly because I have a fear of drinking in front of him now till this day.

Harper nudges me, “Hey, earth to Cassie! We’re still on for tonight, right?” I look up at her and then look back to the couch, “We are,” I say with a no teeth smile that doesn’t make much of a dent upon my face. She looks at me disgusted but shakes her shoulders and heads toward her room. That’s the beautiful thing about Harper, I watch as she walks away – she doesn’t hover. She doesn’t push envelopes she doesn’t want opened. If I were into girls, Harper would be stellar. Honest to God the woman is a bomb shell. She and I both share blonde hair; she is taller than me with dark brown eyes and brown highlights into her lovely blonde beautiful hair. She works just as hard as I do if not harder. She not only works for Disney but also on the weekends once a month will work at different bars as a bartender. She and I both took a stint in that while interning in Orlando – only she was really good at it, me, not so much.

I’m thankful its Friday and allow my hand to hoover over the space bar on my computer dreaming of the future and what it might hold for me. For the first time in forever I can only see bits and pieces – where I used to be able to see the full picture. The only thing I can focus on is the simple fact that I am going to an open mic night tonight in Clearwater, tomorrow in St. Pete and then I might head down to Sarasota to a brewery that is holding an all-day event for comics, singers and dramatic performances. It has always made me giggle when I think of how far “coffee houses” have come. Now, you can drink beer while burning the anxiety off and getting up in front of people to perform.

I know natural talent though when I see it. I was trained vocally and musically – I am a decent singer, but I can play the s**t out of most instruments or at least enough to be dangerous. In Sandusky there wasn’t much to do in the winter months, in the summer months everyone worked at Cedar Point but – in the winter every year starting at the age of 6 I dove deep into music all aspects of it. Music is my love language; the way I understand my mood and the way I truly feel. I can tell my the music I select within my Spotify playlist. But, that’s not all I love incorporating music to my life sure, but I also love Television and Film - adapting to characters and following them while falling in love with them is part of my love language too. I want to conduct something like that, my goal in this life is to be a lead producer behind a movie of a script I select and choose. It’s what I want.

I’ve moved on from my podcasts and currently I’m listening to My Chemical Romance – "I’m not okay", and I realize music is my love language and specifically my language in general. Harper comes out and grabs something out of the fridge but not before she grabs an ear bud and pulls it close to her ear, “I knew it, I knew it would be Emo Cass that sits here.” I look up to her, “shh keep it down, seriously Harper I’m trying to figure this all out.”

Thankfully, my Zoom icon lights up and someone is calling my work phone – I quickly click the answer button,

“Hello”

“Hi Miss. Diez, the board would like to ensure that you will be visiting Jamminz this evening to view the open mic night?”

“I planned on it, yes.”

“Good, we have confirmation that a gentleman who attended New York Tish University is residing in Clearwater and is a frequent guest appearance at the local bar scene.”

“Wait, really? Clearwater? What’s the guy’s name, I’ve probably heard of him.”

“That’s the thing Miss. Diez, we don’t know – he never provides a name but only sings when there is no one else willing to get up on stage. He’s been approached by a handful of our agents in New York but always found the slip some way or another. He’s really good. Like, really good. I think you will enjoy him.”

“Great, I look forward to it.”

“I know tomorrow is Saturday but report back to me and try and get some footage of this guy, he might just be what we are looking for.”

“Understood.”

The phone call ends before I can even say goodbye. Harper looks at me as if she is waiting for me to spill what that was all about, I shrunk my shoulders. “Some dude is a really good singer and might be at the bar we are going to tonight so, I gotta watch out for him.” She smiles a big cheesy smile, “What’s his name so I can help look out?” I smile at her and again shrug my shoulders, “that’s the thing, he’s nameless or at least to Disney he is. He’s flew the coop every time someone gets close, but they basically told me I would enjoy his singing and know it when I see it kind of a deal.” Her smile gets even bigger, “OH Yes, if sleaze ball wasn’t coming with us, I would say this would be fun. However, I’m leaving that up to you on whether or not you will have fun tonight. Drinks between you and me are on me,” she tells me with a side wink on her face.

She’s right, I shouldn’t have to tip toe around Landen.