Florida Heat: Book One in the Clearwater Pack Series

Chapter 11: The Night is dark and full of terrors

Cassandra's Point of View:

The last couple weeks have been so incredibly fun! In fact, I think I finally figured out my calling in the weirdest fun way possible. A girl at one of the bars I was singing at a couple weeks ago flagged me down and asked me to sing at her daughter’s birthday party. She begged me practically to come to their “Frozen” themed party and well, Harper made the outfits and I put on the show of a lifetime for that 5-year-old girl and her friends. Not to mention, it was fun and paid GREAT!

So, I’ve been doing a birthday party for the last 3 weekends because rumor got out, we made a website and well – now we are booking time slots left and right. Harper comes with me thankfully because she too can sing and play the guitar so, if there are duets or songs that involve more than one person, we have gotten creative with our performances. Harper too left her position at Disney not too long ago to start with the Tampa Bay ABC newscast in makeup and wardrobe.

So, it’s actually much simpler for her, she doesn’t do the hair, but applies the makeup for the morning anchors and wardrobe for the newscasters for every time slot. She is pretty busy during the mornings but in the evenings she and I rehearse and have even taken our Disney gig to some of the local bars and provided that for feedback. We usually start with, “Okay, I normally only perform this for the 5-year-olds a princess party – but We’d love to hear your feedback.” Then Id sing Moana or something Disney princess-y.

Landon, surprisingly has stayed away and I’ve only received one text message from him, “He’s not who you think he is.” That left me to believe he was referring to the brooding man that is Mason. It doesn’t matter anyways it’s not like that was going to go anywhere, so might as well drop it. Ironically as fast as I say it, I’m back to thinking about it him – again. I swear, its like every other thought and then a follow up thought of why I’m wasting my time thinking about a guy who I don’t stand a chance with.

Ironically this moment I am sitting on the edge of my bed looking at my closet door mirror thinking about how I look similar to Rapunzel in Tangled and how he could be my Flynn Ryder he has dark hair and dark eyes that continue to float around in the bubble of my brain for what seems to be like all too long. I sigh and leap off the bed and hit play on my iPhone allowing the music to blast through the speaker and of course it is playing, “When will my life begin” by Mandy Moore from tangled. The song speaks true to me…I keep wondering when my life will begin. Am I going to sing at kid’s birthday parties for the rest of my life, nah? But, for now I have no idea where my life is headed. I wanted to become a music manager and find someone I could help get signed to a major label – I mean, I essentially was already doing that, and I know good talent when I see it. But I know because I don’t have a name for myself yet, I can’t really make that happen without an agency to work for and that is the one thing I do not want in this life – to work for a major corporation ever again.

When I find myself staring at myself in the mirror, I see sadness in my eyes that hasn’t been there as of late. I see pity for the girl I am looking at. The one who had an amazing job and boyfriend and yet – couldn’t figure out how to be happy. I look down toward my feet, perhaps I’m not destined to be loved or maybe I am not destined to love someone else? Everything seemed so simple until I started actually thinking about it and when I started doing that, that’s when my life blew up. What if I just let things continue on the path they were, would I have eventually become happy? I laugh at that, no… Landon, no he’s not the right person for me. Is it fair I just wish he were happy despite everything he has put me through- I just want to know that he is okay somewhere, but I know the second I reach out to him – it wont end there, so I know I cannot ask him how he is doing or reach out to make sure he is ok?

I mean, life is all about specific moments of impact. It’s how we deal with those moments that define us for the rest of our days. Right now, I see myself a survivor and a quitter all in the same sentence. I survived a domestic assault where I do believe he would have at least got me to pass out and I fear what more he could have done. I still don’t go running with out my pepper spray. I also see myself as a quitter, I quit my job. Am I happy I did that, in some ways but in others I miss the stability and structure that surrounded it? Is it safe to assume that I’m a mess? I’m literally off my rocker in terms of crazy right now… because again, I am back to thinking about Mason.

I plan to attend the bonfire tonight, this will be the second year in a row of doing so and last time we had a ton of fun, Harper and I. This year we are bringing our guitars and plan on singing around the campfire until the dawn begins to show her pretty face in the East. It’s Friday night, thankfully Harper gets off work around 3 so we can eat an early dinner and head to the bonfire, maybe swim or play beach games that will be out there before the bonfire begins. Plus, there are multiple kegs, which all have my name on them tonight.

I find myself staring at the clock and its nearly 3 but I am brought into my own haze that is Mason, again. Jesus Christ. How can a man be so slender and yet so muscular, be so brooding yet be able to sing like velvet? I don’t understand him, and he leaves me more confused than anything. I suppose the biggest thing I’m intrigued with is honestly, being able to understand him. He doesn’t seem human to me, I mean God doesn’t give a man that voice, in that body with that hair and those eyes – he just doesn’t. It’s not fair to the other male population, right?

The door opens bringing me out of my dreamy state that is Mason and face to face with my crazy best friend Harper who is smiling ear to ear. She is holding flowers in her arm. I smile back at her, “Who’s the guy that got you those?” She looks down at the flowers and then back at me again, “Oh shut up, you know they are not for me slut!” I laugh, but then look at her, “Please tell me they are not from Landon.” She smiles, “Nope” really popping the ‘P’.

I jump up and run over to her and grab the flowers out of her hand, I see the letter on the front not labeled to anyone, but it has clearly been opened. I look back to her questioning the decision she made, and she responds with, “Hey, I didn’t know who they were for. I know now that they were not in fact for me.” She smiles and prances off toward her bedroom. I place the flowers into a beautiful clear vase that my grandmother had given to me a couple years ago it was a family heirloom, one that I dearly adore. After placing the flowers into the face with some water I open the card. “A Man Cannot Live by Two names…I’m trying to figure out who I am. I want you to know that whatever experiences you went through, well, I’m glad you did. Because they got you to become the person you are today…the person who walked into my life and onto the stage the one who has gotten me out of my element. But nine times out of ten; guys like me…they don’t get the girl.” -ACE

Mason. f**k me. How do written words in scratchy ass penmanship get me feeling all gooey inside. This is ridiculous all of it, he isn’t even saying anything truly meaningful. He hasn’t seen me in like a month and then attempts to write me a note that doesn’t make a lick of sense – what the f**k is this? Harper walks back into the living room, “So what did you make of all of that crazy ass s**t. It’s beautiful, weird and reminded me of how you think…so obviously you can speak his language what does that mean?” I look at her dumbfounded, “I have no fricken clue whatsoever.”

And I don’t. I have no idea, no clue… not even a bit of understanding of what Mason is thinking because, every time he speaks its like he is singing again and the world stops, I don’t hear anything but his heartbeat…it’s like his heartbeat and my soul are a tangled-up mess that neither can seem to get to the surface for air. Oddly enough though, I’m not suffocating – I’m excited.

We get ourselves looking, well better than we should and we venture out. I do make sure to add one of the Lilly’s from the bouquet of flowers to above my right year… want to make sure if he is there tonight, he sees that I got his flowers without having to talk to me, you know in case he doesn’t want to.

Sitting in the passenger seat Harper begins to dissect the last couple of episodes of Game Of Thrones that she has been watching for the first time, cute girl she is to get behind the world on – claim she will never watch it, wait three years and then emersed herself into it. Cute. Thankfully, I enjoyed the series and kind of love hearing it from her perspective and tend to allow myself to get re-lost in the series through her dialog. I stop her when we are entering the beach area parking, “The red woman, she was right about one thing though.” Harper looks to be confused, “The night is dark and full of terrors!” I give her a scary looking smile to which she slaps my arm, “Shut up, that lady put leeches all over Gendry and he is… he is just so cute and rightful heir to the throne.” I smile…. She really has no idea.