Crashing into Love

Chapter Sixteen

"Panget gising na!" Claire shouted and hit me with a pillow. I groaned while covering myself with the blanket. She irately hit me with the pillow repeatedly. "Wake up!"

I just sighed before pulling her arm and tugging her towards me. She collapsed on the bed and I hugged her tight before burying my face on her neck. "I love you panget. Wag ka ng masungit please?" Paglalambing ko. I was expecting her to squirm but she did not. Instead, she hugged me back and rested her head on my chest.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mahika meron si Claire at nagagawa niya saking iparamdam ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I was drowning in my love for her. It was too much, too intense. Nung una akong pumunta dito sa Laguna, ang gusto ko lang ay mahanap ang sarili ko. Pero hindi lang yun ang nangyari. In the process of searching for myself, I accidentally found something I wasn't expecting to find. I stumbled upon love for the second time.

At first I got scared of this feeling growing inside of me. Sino ba naman ang hindi matatakot? Kakagaling ko lang sa isang failed relationship ay may ganito na naman. I tried to ignore it but it's no use. She was a tease withour her knowing. Isa siyang kahalihalinang temptasyon. Na para bang sinasabi ng mga ngiti niya na 'I'm worth it'.

And when I was finally ready to man up, she started distancing herself from me. Which hurt. A lot. Hindi siya katulad ng sakit na naramdaman ko kay Cassidy dati. The pain Cassidy inflicted upon me was bearable that's why I was able to set her free. Pero ang sakit na naramdaman ko ng itulak ako palayo ni Claire? The pain was indescribable. It was agonizing.

I knew I was in for another heartbreak when she started pushing me away but how could you resist temptation when it's all around you? Her presence drives me crazy. Minsan tignan ko lang ang maamo niyang mukha ay buo na ang araw ko. She was indeed different from all the rest. I hope she stays with me for eternity.

I want her with me. Always. I don't want her out of my sight, ever. Call me possessive or paranoid but it won't even matter to me. The only thing I care about is that I've found love again and this time I'm gonna do everything to let this relationship work. I'm not gonna let her slip away. I love her that much.

Hinalikan ko ang ibabaw ng ulo niya. She stirred and looked up. I frowned. "Pumapayat ka yata, twisted creature?" Puna ko na ipinagkibit balikat niya.

"Yeah, I'm on a diet." She said casually. I frowned at her beautiful face. Diet? Why would she even need to go on a diet? She's already slim. And it's not like I'm gonna leave her when she gets fat.

"Di mo na kailangan yon, ano ka ba naman Claire? Humuhumpak ang pisngi mo. Do you even eat dinner?" Nag-aalalang tanong ko. Syempre hindi naman kami palaging magkasama tuwing gabi kaya hindi ko namomonitor ang eating habits niya.

"Minsan hindi na ako nagdidinner. Water nalang tapos I go to bed agad." She explained in a soft voice. I frowned even more. Ayokong ginugutom niya ang sarili niya.

"Hey babe look up." I said gently. She obeyed and raised her head so our gazes would meet. "I don't like the idea of you going on a diet. Masama sa kalusugan ang nagsiskip ng dinner, okay?"

Hindi siya agad sumagot. I knew that she was thinking it over but I won't let her object. She's not winning this argument. "Dito ka na tumira." I blurted out. Her eyes bulged at suddenly ay napatayo siya. I know that it's too sudden and my request is not that simple but the idea of her reducing just isn't as appealing to me as it was to her. Napabangon din ako sa kama at tumitig sa kanya.

"You're crazy. Hindi pwede, Raven Andrei. Tumigil ka nga sa kabaliwan mo." Hinampas niya uli ako ng unan tulad kanina. Umiling iling ako bago hinila ang unan at seryoso siyang tinignan. "Claire naman, sige na?" I pouted which made her snort. "Ilang araw mo na akong kinukulit tungkol diyan. Ginawa mo pang dahilan ang pamamayat ko para lang tumira ako dito and the answer is still.."

"No." Bagsak ang mga balikat na itinuloy ko ang sagot niya. I knew that was coming. Lagi niya nalang nirereject ang offer ko na yun! Minsan naiisip ko na talagang hindi niya ako mahal eh. Ako parang hindi ko na kayang mawala siya sa paningin ko, samantalang siya may times na ayaw niya akong makita. Ganun ba talaga ang mga babae?

Kapag naman mabait siya sakin at tatanungin ko kung bakit minsan masungit siya ang sagot lang niya dahil daw sa PMS. Anak ng teteng na pms yan oh.

"Ang panget mo, panget." She said after a short while. She crawled towards me and suddenly hugged me. And just like that... Just. Like. That. My anger subsided as quickly as light travels. Konting lambing niya lang okay na agad. Tunaw na agad ako. s**t. I know I'm really screwed. Habang lumilipas ang mga araw ay palalim na ng palalim ang nararamdaman ko, na kapag naisipan niyang iwan ako baka hindi ko na makaya pang umusad.

"Raven?" She asked. I smiled when I heard her say my name again. It's corny, I know. But she makes it sound so sweet when she says it. Parang ngayon lang. I sniffed her hair, it smelled like the shampoo we bought together at the grocery two days ago.

"Raven, uy." Pangungulit niya.

"Hmm?" I answered with my eyes closed lazily as I was cherishing the moment. Minsan lang siya maglambing sakin kaya susulitin ko na. Madalas nagsusungit siya eh kaya dinadama ko pa ang pagiging sweet niya ngayon.

"Ayaw mo bang bumalik ng Maynila?" Biglaang tanong niya. Napadilat ako at napatingin sa kanya. She was searching my eyes for any hint of anything but I guess she couldn't find any. Hinaplos ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya. "You wanna go back? Just tell me, okay? Isang sabi mo lang babalik tayo dun. Isang salita lang mula sayo at babalik tayo para harapin ang mga buhay na tinakasan natin." I replied.

She looked hesitant but she gave me a half-smile which didn't look sincere. "Problem? Bakit bigla mong natanong yun? Ayaw mo na ba sakin agad?" I asked with such uncertainty that I couldn't even recognize my own voice. She shook her head. "No, no. Of course not. Gusto ko sayo. Wag mong isipin na magsasawa ako kasi hindi mangyayari yun. Madalas man kitang masungitan ngayon please tandaan mo lang na mahal kita Raven ha? Hindi yon mababago ng kahit na ano pang bagay sa mundo." She answered with a shaky tone.

Hinagkan ko ang labi niya. "Okay. I believe you." Yumakap siya agad sakin at inihilig ang ulo sa dibdib ko. My heart started beating eratically again. "Alam kong ilang beses na akong nagpasalamat pero magpapasalamat ako uli. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for happening." I mumbled softly next to her ear. Humiga kami at tahimik na tumingala nalang sa ceiling. Nakadantay ang isa niyang binti sa binti ko. It was nothing but to me I found it cute.

Hinagip ko ang kamay niya at hinalikan. "Alam mo panget, hindi ako aalis ng Laguna kung hindi ka kasama. Kung nasan si Claire Faith nandon din dapat si Raven Andrei. Congratulations, you just earned a lifetime companion." I beamed but she looked at me with tears pooling around the corner of her eyes. I chuckled before wiping those tears.

"Ang iyakin mo talaga." I commented. She smiled despite the tears. "Alam mo ba ang parents ko namatay sa aksidente. I was so devastated back then. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang maaga silang kunin sakin. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit nila ako iniwan."

She continued crying and all I could do was wipe her tears and be here for her.

"I just couldn't take it then, you know? Hirap na hirap akong bumangon nung wala na sila. Kasi sa kanila nakatali ang buhay ko eh. Sa kanila umiikot yung mundo ko. Kaya ng pumanaw sila pakiramdam ko dinaya ako. Pakiramdam ko nag-iisa nalang ako. Feeling ko noon wala nh dahilan para mabuhay." Her voice cracked. Lalo akong lumapit sa kanya at hinaplos ng marahan ang pisngi niya. I just hate seeing the people I love cry.

"Hush, my love. Your parents are in a better place now and I'm sure that they're watching over you." Hahaplusin ko sanang muli ang mukha niya para punasan ang mga luha ng pigilan niya ako. She held my hand and set it down.

"Pwede ka bang mangako sakin, Raven Andrei?" She asked unsteadily. I gave her a smile to make her feel better. "Sure. Ano ba yan?"

It took her a moment to reply, but when she did, her words rang repeatedly on my head like a church bell. "K-kung sakali mang mangyari satin yun, gusto kong mangako ka na kakayanin mo."

Naguguluhan at nagtatakang tintigan ko siya. "Claire, ano ba tong sinasabi mo?"

She cleared her throat and tried to speak without stammering. "In case, just in case I die.. I want you to accept my death, I want you to continue living the life you had before you met me. I want you to promise me that you would carry on."

"Tang ina Claire, ano ba! Hindi maganda yang sinasabi mo ha! Kinakabahan ako sayo! Bawiin mo yan! Baka magkatotoo!" Galit na giit ko. How could she speak like that?! Aaminin kong natakot ako bigla. I immediately grabbed her hand and literally forced her to knock on the wooden headboard. She cried. Ano ba ang nangyayari at bakit ganito ang sinasabi niya?

"Ayaw kong ulitin mo ang mga sinabi mo Claire. We are not gonna have this conversation again. Tinatakot mo ako. Para bang pinalalabas mong may sakit ka at mamatay na. I don't like the way you said that Claire. Seryoso ako, hindi na natin ito pag-uusapan uli." Mariin kong sabi ngunit ayaw niyang magpapigil.

"Ipangako mo, Raven. Ipangako mo. Please." She insisted.

"No." Nagmamatigas kong saad. She turned to me with pleading eyes. "Raven-"

"You listen to me, Claire Faith. Hindi mangyayari yang sinasabi mo. You're not gonna die. Not this early. Walang isa man sa ating ang mamatay ng ganito kaaga. We will live a long and happy life. We will grow old with each other and that's a promise." I said with conviction but it made her cry even more.

"Hindi yan ang gusto kong ipangako mo sakin, Raven. Please just do what I said. Mangako ka nalang na itutuloy mo ang buhay mo kung sakaling mawala man ako."

Inis na binalingan ko siya ng tingin. "I can't promise you that, Claire. I'm sorry. Kasi kapag nawala ka, wala narin ako. You are not just the air I breathe, you are also the blood that runs in my veins. Without Claire Faith, Raven Andrei won't exist anymore."