Becoming The Billionaire's Desire

I lost my daughter too...

Amy’s POV

“Mrs Carter, how are you feeling today?’ the therapist asked me, finally breaking the silence.

We’ve been sitting in silence facing each other almost an hour ago.

“I am fine,” I stood up and strolled to the window, and peered at the garden overlooking it. This room was my favourite room when I was still pregnant with my baby. I was fond of sitting for hours staring at the yellow daisies or hibiscus in the garden, it had a calming effect on me.

“You know,” I turned abruptly to the therapist “this is going to be a futile exercise,” I said with a smile.

Her eyes widened in confusion as she regarded me “I am sorry ma, could you be clearer with your speculations?”.

“What’s your name?” I walked towards the couch opposite her and settled myself on it.

She hesitated before replying to me “Gail – Gail Connor,” she added.

“Gail,” I smiled slightly “This will not work. I don’t know for a reason the whole world wants me to just move on after losing my child. Is it even possible?”.

“Ma’am, I know…”.

“This isn’t about me dying in grief,” I stopped her before she could speak, this is about me trying to live without something very dear to my heart. Can you live without oxygen? I lost my child, I lost my daughter, I am not supposed to be all smiles and laughter all day. I am not supposed to just do the things I used to do before. This is me trying very hard to maintain my mental sanity but No, no one bothers to understand these things, they all think I need therapy,” I sighed.

“Mrs Carter,” Gail started “this may sound a little strange or a tad unprofessional but I am not here to Therapeutae you and I also want to let you know, that I understand. I understand how hurt you feel, I understand how often you wake in the middle of the night thinking the baby is still there. How you still lie on the left side of your body and how difficult it is for you to slip into life before the baby…It’s difficult and I understand what you’re going through but I need you to know the importance of expressing yourself,”.

“I do that, well enough,” I snapped.

“No, you don’t” Gail smiled pitifully “Grief is the button you hit before the depression. You’re grieving Mrs Carter and this is where you need my help. May I tell you, that your child’s death may not be the major cause of your grief right now,”.

“What?” I roared as I stood up “Who the hell do you think you are to speak to me in such manner?” I was standing now “You have some guts to come to my house and talk rubbish to me. Why would you disrespect me and my daughter in such manner?” my eyes were blazing in anger and I was practically shouting at this point.

Sebastian must have heard the noise because the next minute he barged into the room.

“What’s going on?” his eyes darted from Gail to me and back to Gail.

“What happened Miss Connor?” he questioned with a frown on her brow.

“It’s quite difficult to explain too because I do not understand how things escalated. I was just asking her some questions and trying to establish some facts too,”.

“She was being disrespectful to me and our daughter,” I turned to Sebastian drowning Gail’s voice with my shout “I don’t want her in this place anymore, Seb, send her away,” I heard myself saying.

Sebastian motioned with his head for Gail to leave as he came towards me and opened his arms wide for me to enter.

“Save your act for the crowd, Sebastian Carter. I am done with this little charade you have going on. So, you think you can ask just about anyone to come and disrespectfully talk about my daughter. Is this a ploy to get me into another of your scheming?” I continued bitterly.

“C’mon babe,” it hasn’t gotten to that,” Sebastian tried to reach for me again.

“You know what, Sebastian Carter, I am done with this marriage,” I was crying now “I am done with this sham, this rubbish called marriage and I am going to leave with or without your permission,”.

“C’mon, Amy. I know you’re angry and upset, you should calm down and think things through,”.

“No,” I screamed “No, Mr Carter, I never signed up for this. I never wanted all of this emotional trauma and all the mess I’ve managed to get myself into since this marriage. I never wanted a child, I never wanted s*x Mr Carter everything that has happened to me is your fault, your f*****g fault and you act as though I am the crazy one. You’re toxic, you’re bad news and I never want any woman to suffer the same fate as me,” that I started walking towards the door.

Almost there, I heard Sebastian’s voice from behind me,

“You know, you never stopped being the selfish b***h you are,” his voice rang out in anger “You act as if the child meant nothing to me. I made that child with you, Amy. It was a combination of me and you that formed that child and I wanted her more than anything in this life. I fell in love with her and I already had lots of activities lined up to do with her but every godamn time you open your mouth; you make it sound as though you’re the only one grieving here. I lost my daughter too,” he growled. His eyes were beginning to redden with unshed tears, he was angry.

“Oh, suddenly she’s your daughter too,” I retorted in sarcasm, at this point I didn’t care anymore besides I think it’s time for a release of all our pent-up emotions.

“And we’re back to you being petty,” he threw his hands up in exasperation “You think I wanted to be a father too. I panicked, I was confused, I didn‘t know what to do when I saw the pregnancy test result that day and you keep throwing this at my face at the slightest of opportunities. I know the endless number of times when I had to put up with your excesses and I have never for once brought them up for discussion or contention. You never let go of any opportunity to call me bad names,”.

“Maybe there’s nothing to throw at my face,” I clapped my hands “I had a fling with Cole that stopped at arm’s length. Should I call to your attention how you brought a woman and f****d her right on our matrimonial bed?” I smirked.

“I was s*x-starved,” he roared with anger “and it was a stupid mistake and I learnt my lesson,”.

“Why can’t we move past the past?”.

“You don’t tell me how to move on, Mr Carter, I decide how and when I want to move on,” I snapped.

Sebastian opened his mouth to reply to me but he took a deep breath “Darling,” he said soothingly as he came towards me “You know how much I hate to fight with you, please let’s stop this,”.

At his words I collapsed on the couch as I trembled in tears, my life was slowly coming apart.

“Seb,” I sobbed his name as he settled on the couch and held me “I am so scared,” I cried.

His hands circled my body and held me until the worst of my crying passed. By the time I was done, I was tired, my throat was burning and I felt more miserable.

Sebastian produced a kerchief from his pocket and quietly wiped my face, starting from my eyes “What are you scared about?” he finally broke the silence.

“About us,” I answered enigmatically, stood on my feet and walked towards the window again.

The setting sun cast a golden hue on the plants that were swaying left and right reminding me quietly that Spring was upon us.  

Sebastian joined me at the window, hands in his pocket “Amy, please talk to me,” his face was void of every emotion as he turned towards me.

“I am not sure about how I feel about you, Seb,” I lowered my gaze.

“Go on,” he murmured.

“I feel like I no longer love you, Sebastian and believe me, I have tried, I have done my best to think of all the good times we had together and maybe it’ll help but each time I try, something else comes in the way. I don’t know,” I covered my face with my hands.

“Why do you blame me for the death of our child?” he asked taking me unawares.

I shrugged searching for the reason why I blamed him for our daughter’s death but none readily came to me.

“I don’t know,” I murmured finally.

“Amy,” he turned to face while reaching for my hands “When I told you I love you a year ago, I meant it in every way and when I said those vows to you at the altar, in front of our families, friends and the entire America,” he paused “I meant that too. I know everything is happening at once but I am willing to give our relationship a chance. I am willing to give us a chance and I hope you can too, please,”.

“I am trying, Seb,” I whispered fighting the tears that were on my eyelids “I want to but it’s not working,”.

“Will you at least try therapy and see if things would work out?”.

“Please,” I shook my head in disdain “I don’t think I can deal with any therapist now, Seb. I am not ready to have my brains picked apart in the name of therapy, so please, I will pass,” I squinted my eyes.

“Okay,” he nodded in affirmation.

“How about I move out or we separate for a while?” he asked again.

“No, no,” I shook my head “I can’t stand being apart from you besides, I wouldn’t want our families to be involved when they hear we’re separated. I think I’ve had enough grief recently to be put under such emotional trauma,”.

“Amy, please give us a chance. Give this marriage a chance and I know things seem like it’ll never get better but I am sure we’ll move past this. I love you, Amy Cheong, give me a chance,”.

“Yeah,” I nodded in affirmative as he closed the distance between us. Before I could understand what was going on, his lips locked on mine.

Too stunned to react, I allowed him to draw as much passion as he could as his lust heightened till I was flattened against his body while his free hand roamed all over me. Men would be men.

He realized too late that I wasn't interested in returning any of his affection and by this time, his lust had heightened making it almost impossible for him to hide it.

“I’m sorry,” face flustered he pulled away from me running his hand through his hair.

“I know you’re s*x-starved, Seb but as you know, there’s nothing I can do to help with your situation. I don’t think I am properly healed or ready, to say the truth,” I patted his hand soothingly.

“I understand,” he sighed “I just got lost in the moment and for a while back, you were looking so delicious and hot, I couldn’t help it,” he sighed.

“You’ll be fine,” I entered his arm in a hug.

“Yeah,” he whispered back.