Bear's to Mate

Chapter 1-1

Chapter 1

*

It had been, unequivocally, the worst day of Tarsha’s life.

An average trip to the doctor had ended with her being told that she could never have children of her own. Her doctor had been sympathetic, of course, but nothing she had said made her feel any better. As he started talking about surrogacy and adoption, she tuned him out, thinking back to her girlhood dreams of being a mother. When she left the office, she promised the doctor that she would find someone to talk to about it. She was fairly sure he meant a therapist, but she made a beeline right for her friend Gwen’s apartment.

Gwen had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. Tarsha was artistic and free, while Gwen had become a lawyer and lived in a fancy apartment in Manhattan. Still, that apartment was the only place other than her own where she really felt at home. The doorman knew her well enough to let her go right up, which was very good because Tarsha was not sure that she could have spoken one word to anyone without crying her eyes out. It was all that she could do to keep it together as she rode up in the elevator.

Gwen took one look at her and wrapped her in a bear hug. She could not speak right away, instead, she just let herself cry as Gwen led her to the couch. It was a solid five minutes before she calmed down enough to speak. Gwen knew her well and waited until the tears finally quieted before she began to speak.

“My sweet friend, what is wrong?” Gwen asked, unsure what could be so wrong that it threw her normally strong friend into such despair.

“I can’t have a baby,” Tarsha managed to say before the tears returned. She had never been much of a crier but now that the tears had begun she did not seem to be able to stop them.

“Are you trying to have a baby? Sweetie, you are a part-time student and full time artist. Neither of those pay enough for you to have a child right now. Besides, your apartment is tiny and you have no boyfriend. Why on earth are you thinking about having a baby?” she asked in shock. She was not sure what had gotten in to Tarsha. She was a free spirit, to be sure, but she was also a practical person. She was in no position to have a baby.

“No, I am explaining it all wrong,” she said as she struggled to regain her composure.

“Then start from the beginning,” Gwen encouraged as she walked to the kitchen to get Tarsha a cup of tea to help relax her.

“I went to my doctor. He ran tests, just routine things. Still, when the results came back he said that I will not be able to have children. I know I am in no place to have them now. I can barely keep myself and my cat alive. I should not be grieving for it now but I cannot help it. You know I have always dreamed that I would be a mother and have a family of my own,” she said mournfully as she wrapped her arms around herself to try and keep calm.

“Ever since you lost your own family,” Gwen sighed as she placed the tea on the coffee table in front of Tarsha.

“Yes. When mother and father died, my only real comfort was that I was only temporarily alone in the world. One day, I would have a house full of little ones, with mother’s eyes and father’s smile. They would live on through me and my children. Now, I am letting them down. Now, I am really alone,” she said as the tears began to fall again.

She had been 19 when they both died in a car accident while vacationing in Florida. It had torn her world apart and the only one who had been there for her and really helped her get through it was Gwen. Without her, Tarsha was not at all sure what she would have done or who she would be.

“You listen to me,” Gwen ordered. “You are not alone in this world. You and I might not be blood, but we are family. Do you understand me?”

“Yes and I am so grateful for you, but I always thought that I would have a family of my own. Your children and mine would grow up together. I had a very pretty picture painted in my head, you know,” she said with a sad smile.

“You dreams are not gone. They merely have to change a little and we will deal with that change together, whatever it might be,” Gwen promised as she wrapped her dearest friend tightly in a hug.

“I knew you would make me feel better. I should get going. I just want to curl up in my apartment and hide there for a week,” Tarsha said as she began to stand.

“You are not going anywhere in this condition,” Gwen argued.

“What are you talking about?” Tarsha asked, unsure what Gwen was up to, but the glint in her eye told Tarsha that her friend had cooked up a scheme to make her feel better.

“You are clearly in no condition to go anywhere right now. You are distraught and exhausted. You are likely to pass out on the subway halfway home,” Gwen argued, giving Tarsha the distinct impression that she was trying to manipulate her as part of a larger strategy, but she was right, of course. She was in no shape to make it back to her Brooklyn apartment.

“Of course, you are right as usual. Can I stay here until I have rested a bit?” she asked, knowing before she even finished the question that the answer was yes. Gwen loved having her there. She had been trying, unsuccessfully, to get Tarsha to give up her grungy Brooklyn apartment to live with her, rent free. She always argued that she had the space and the money. All she really wanted was company. Tarsha, though, loved her little apartment and her neighborhood. Manhattan was not for her, as she had argued many times.

“Good girl,” she said with a smug smile. “But I will do you one better than that. We will get you something to eat and a hot shower, then I want you to go and lie down in the guest room and get some sleep. I know you do not want to move here, but you can at least use the room until you are rested up.”

“That is too much,” Tarsha argued, though the thought of the big bed in Gwen’s spare room and the down comforter on it was very appealing at the moment.

“Nonsense, I am going to call and get some Chinese take-out. I even have some lovely new bath oil. Maybe you could take a nice bubble bath before you go to sleep. There is not much in this life that cannot be made at least a little better by a bubble bath and a nap,” she said as though she were offering Tarsha the deepest of philosophical advice. “Think of that big Jacuzzi tub of mine. It would be a shame not to take advantage of it.”

“That does sound wonderful. I could use a little relaxation to help me fall asleep,” she admitted reluctantly, because she knew her friend well enough to realize that she was leading up to something else entirely.

“Then it’s all settled. After you wake up from your nap, though, there will be no wallowing. We are not going to let life get us down,” Gwen said, a sly smile on her face.

“What are you talking about?” Tarsha asked, not sure if she was confused because of her emotional and physical exhaustion or if Gwen was purposefully being vague.

“You are not going to feel better hiding in your crummy apartment or even my beautiful apartment. The only thing that is going to make you feel better is if you embrace life. You need to realize how much you have going for you and how beautiful the life that you have right now is,” Gwen said, making much more sense than Tarsha had expected.

“What do you have in mind?” she asked, reluctantly. Gwen’s plans were always rather elaborate and always involved the kind of fancy places that Tarsha neither enjoyed nor could easily afford.

“Don’t worry a thing about it. I’ll plan everything while you get some rest. When you wake up, we are going to have the kind of night that will go on to become legend. We are going to have such an amazing, earth shattering time that you will be far too distracted to even remember to be sad,” Gwen said, smiling with pride at her solution to Tarsha’s problem.

“Yes, but the problem will still be there when I wake up tomorrow morning,” she said, slipping back towards the sadness that Gwen was fighting so hard to keep her from.

“Yes and it will be there every morning for the rest of your life,” Gwen said bluntly. “That does not mean that you should not live the life that you have. You have to embrace it and truly live it. You owe that to yourself. You deserve to be happy. Just because life hasn’t given you what you thought you were going to have doesn’t mean that there aren’t still wonderful adventures in store for you.”

“Alright,” she agreed, without as much reluctance as she expected to feel.

“Wonderful,” beamed Gwen, thrilled not to have to put up as much of a fight as she had expected to get Tarsha to go along with her plan.

Soon enough their food arrived and it did make Tarsha feel much better. She didn’t realize how ravenously hungry she was until the first bite slid down her throat. Afterwards, Gwen ran her a bath and left her in peace while she flitted off to make their plans.

As Tarsha slipped in to the warm bath, surrounded by the scent of the scent of black orchid bath oil, she tried to let go of all the sadness that she was holding on to. It would always be there with her, just as the dream of having her own child had always been there with her, but she had to live her life. If she was going to get through these first few days after getting the news, she knew that she needed to embrace Gwen’s plan, however crazy it might be, and throw herself into the beauty of life that already surrounded her.

As the warmth of the water and the luxurious scent began to take effect, Tarsha let herself feel only the sensations of the moment and began to earnestly feel better. By the time she stepped from the bath and slipped in to the borrowed silk pajamas that Gwen laid out for her, she was beginning to feel like herself again. Her last thoughts as she drifted off to sleep were that the night with Gwen might be just what she needed to help herself get through this.

That comfort was not long-lived, however. She awoke, well rested and rejuvenated, only to find Gwen perched in a chair in the corner, staring at her and waiting for her to wake. She loved Gwen dearly, but there was no denying that she could be quite single minded when she had chosen her path. It was what had helped her to become such a successful lawyer at such a young age. Tarsha could see now that her friend had chosen her newest path, cheering Tarsha up, and she would not be deterred until she achieved her mission.

“How long have you been sitting there,” she said groggily, clutching the sheet to her chest.

“Ages. I have never seen you sleep so soundly,” Gwen said as she danced across the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

“You are the one who told me I should rest,” she teased, though she could see in Gwen’s eyes that she was clearly very anxious to tell her something.

“I didn’t tell you to sleep your life away,” Gwen scolded as she took her arm and tugged her from the cocoon of blankets she had buried herself in.

“Let’s get this over with,” Tarsha said as she allowed herself to be led from the warmth and peace of the spare room.

“What do you mean?” Gwen asked innocently as she pulled her down the hall towards her own room.

“Tell me your plan,” she said, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes as Gwen continued to tug at her.

“I could tell you, or I could show you,” Gwen said as she threw open the door to her room.

“This can’t be good,” Tarsha said, shaking her head as they entered.

“Don’t be so cynical. You’re going to love it. We are going to have the best night,” Gwen said, looking like she was about to jump out of her skin with excitement.

“What did you do?” Tarsha gasped as she looked around the room. There were dozens of shopping bags lying around and two racks brimming with sparkling and shining fabrics. There was so much that she could barely take it all in.

“I went shopping while you were sleeping,” Gwen said with a shrug as she began pulling items form the bags closest to her.

“Is there anything left in the entire mall?” Tarsha cried, shocked at all that Gwen had accomplished while she slept. Still, she should not have been surprised. If necessary, she was very sure that Gwen could have moved a mountain with no tools.

“Who goes to malls? Really, Tarsha,” she said dismissively.

“That is the ridiculous thing out of all of this; that I thought you shopped at a mall?” she said, unable to keep herself from laughing. Her laughter clearly hurt Gwen, whose mouth turned down in to the pout that she often used to get her way.

“Come on. I worked hard on this,” she said, gently encouraging Tarsha to join her in her excitement.

“And I really appreciate it. I am sorry. I really didn’t t mean to seem ungrateful,” Tarsha admitted, not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings.

“That is much better!” Gwen cried as she jumped up and danced about with glee.

“What do you have in mind?” Tarsha asked trying her best to look excited.

“I got us on the list at Pony for tonight,” she said with such pride that one might have thought she was announcing that she had found a cure for cancer.

“You want me to go to a bar named Pony?” Tarsha scoffed, unable to keep her displeasure at the plan from her face, no matter how hard she tried.

“Don’t judge. It’s a new club opening tonight. It is the absolute hottest event in the city and I had to call in some pretty big favors to get us on the guest list,” she said, dismissing Tarsha’s objection with a wave of her hand.

“I hate clubs,” she reminded Gwen, who always conveniently forgot that fact when it conflicted with what she wanted to do.

“I know, but you will love it. I promise. There will be so much going on that you won’t have time to be sad. Besides, the thing you hate about clubs is that they are too loud for you to even think. Our goal for tonight is to keep you from thinking,” Gwen said, her logic surprisingly on point. Tarsha tried to think of any argument that might lead to them spending the evening in Gwen’s apartment in their sweatpants, but she couldn’t come up with anything.

“Alright,” she said, trying again to be positive for Gwen’s sake. She was trying very hard to make her happy. The least she could do was pretend it was working.

“Alright?” Gwen cried, clearly thrilled.

“Yes, we will do this your way,” Tarsha confirmed with a smile.

“Perfect!” her friend cried as she turned again to the bags that surrounded them.

“What is in all these bags, though?” Tarsha asked, still suspicious.

“We can’t go to the opening of Pony is just anything,” she said as if Tarsha was the one who was being ridiculous.

“My goodness! Did you buy me a whole new wardrobe?” Tarsha gasped as Gwen began pulling article after article of clothing from the bags around them.

“No, I just got us each a few options,” she said innocently.

“A few? There is a boutique full of clothing here,” she said as she walked towards one of the racks and ran her hand along the row of exquisite dresses. Gwen liked nothing but the best.

“No there is not. We need outfits and jewelry, not to mention shoes and handbags. Plus, nothing makes a woman feel better about herself than some new, sexy lingerie!” she said as she pulled a particularly elaborate looking corset from the bag she had been holding.

“I am not wearing lingerie,” Tarsha argued, horrified by the pieces that Gwen kept pulling from the pretty pink bag in her hands.

“You don’t want to wear any underwear at all? I must say I am shocked,” Gwen teased as she threw a piece of lace at her that Tarsha assumed was meant to be a bra.

“You know that is not what I meant,” she argued, throwing it back at Gwen.

“Humor me tonight,” Gwen said gently.

“I will not even look like myself,” Tarsha continued to argue.

“You wound me. I worked hard to pick outfits that are very much you, just a little more polished. You need to choose quickly though, because our hair and makeup team will be here any minute to get started,” she said, trying to gloss over the last bit of information that she had shared.

“Hair and make-up team?” she gasped, not letting that detail slip past her.

“Fun, right?” Gwen said, pushing past her obvious objections.

“OK, we will do this your way,” Tarsha said, resigned to let Gwen have her way that night. She meant well and it would at least make for an interesting story for years to come.

“Fantastic. Look at these dresses! I picked you up a few classic party dresses. You can never go wrong with black or sequins and, of course, we both know how lovely you look in blue. There is one I think you will love above all the others,” she said as she dug through the rack of dresses that she had bought for the purpose of making her point. She knew, of course, which dress Tarsha would choose. They were, after all, best friends.

“And what is that?” Tarsha asked, looking skeptical.

“I stopped by that little vintage shop down the street that you like so much. They had just gotten this in,” she said with a smile as she held up a gold dress that looked to be from the 1920s. It flowed like liquid metal and Tarsha could not keep from reaching out to touch the fabric. Somehow, the seamstress had managed to cover the bodice in the most intricate beadwork that Tarsha had ever seen, yet the dress still looked light and flowing and it made her want to dance, a desire that she rarely ever had.

“It is the loveliest dress I have ever seen,” she admitted, awestruck as she gathered to from Gwen’s hands and clutched it to her chest.

“I knew you would like it. It came from an estate sale. It hasn’t been worn in nearly 90 years,” Gwen added, particularly proud of herself.

“It is such a shame for something so beautiful to be hidden away,” Tarsha said, in awe that anyone would allow such a thing of beauty to be tucked away, gathering dust.

“That’s why you are going to take it out on the town tonight,” Gwen said as she wrapped her arm around her shoulder. Tarsha remembered she had a light coat made of a glittering fabric that would go well with the dress.

“Thank you so much for everything,” Tarsha said, hugging her friend.

“What are friends for?” she asked. Just then, they heard a knock at the door. “Oh, that must be our glam squad. This is going to be fun!” Gwen cried as she went off to let them in.

*