THE MAN WHO TEMPT ME (Taglish)

Chapter 16.2 (Trust and Chances)

WHEN HE CUT HER WORDS after he heard her say the word ‘forever’ ay nakita niya na nasaktan ito sa ginawa niya. He hated himself with what he did.

His words silenced her, her eyes turned confused and hurt dahil sa sinabi niya. He just wanted to say he could love her forever pero hindi niya magawa dahil alanganin pa siya dahil sa kaguluhan na pwedeng mangyari sa mga Petrov at Belsky.

He already had information that he could use to his plan. Ang mga natanggap na information galing sa kaibigan na hiningian ng pabor ay makakatulong, but the guarantee that he will be successful on that is still a big question mark, lalo na at kailangan niya gumawa ng paraan para matulungan ang kaibigan na maipasok ito sa organisasyon ni Hail, ng mga Petrov, kagaya ng ipinangako niya kapait ng mga impormasyon na nakalap nito.

"Then..."

He heard Ali started talking and he gave her a look, makikita sa mga mata nito ang pagdaramdam. Then she asked him kung ano ang garantiya na magtatagal sila. Ali was asking him with insecurities in her voice.

"I always say that I believe in chances, love. A promise for us to never let the chance slip us away,” he emphasized the word ‘chances’ to Ali. “Na kahit ano dumating as long as both of us give each other a chance to fight for this love ay siguradong magiging okay pa rin ang lahat, na magiging okay pa rin tayo hanggang dulo," he added to support what he said first.

She stared at him, nasa mata nito ang pagtatanong. Nasa mga mata nito ang uncertainty na nararamdaman sa sinabi niya. Nasa mata nito ang pag-aalangan sa sitwasyon na pinasok.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay nito. He obviously made her feel insecure. How he hates himself for he can't promise her the word forever... yet. Not now. Not even kahit pabiro. He always kept his promises at ayaw niya mangako ng walang kasiguraduhan.

"You..." she whispered hesitantly. "You are talking like you are already expecting bad things to happen."

"That's part of a relationship, Ali. Every relationship has its own ups and downs."

"Yeah... I know that too but..." she said with her still hesitant voice, mahina ang boses nito at parang pinipilit na lang ang sarili makipag-usap sa kaniya. Napapailing.

"You just need to trust me, love."

"I... I'm honestly getting confused, Brix."

"Promise me that you will always trust me. No matter even if you don't want to believe in chances but just trust me."

"What if you made a mistake, like you cheat on me, would I still need to give you a chance? What if paulit-ulit? Do I need to still trust you if that ever happens?"

"It depends on you," he said with a shrug on his shoulders, wala siya plano lokohin ito, iba ang problemang iniisip niya na ayaw niya malaman ng dalaga.

"Depends on me? You seem uncertain too..."

"I am asking for chances as I can only promise you that no matter what happens, you are the only one that made me feel this way. You are the only one I want, I need, I... I love," he paused, "at ipaglalaban kita kahit paulit-ulit mo pa akong ayawan hanggang sa magbago ang isip mo and you will realized that you always belong to me."

She turned silent, nakatitig lamang ito sa kaniya and he occasionally gave her a glance while driving. He saw unsureness in Ali's eyes. The insecurity and instability that was caused by his words.

Damn! How I love you yet I couldn't make you feel secure. F*ck my life! F*ck the Petrovs and Belskys!!!

He gave her another glance and he saw her with a furrowed brow. Napailing siya, then said to her...

"Just remember, Ali. This is one thing for sure... Cheating is not my game, love."

SHE ANALYZED WHAT HE SAID. He said na kahit anong mangyari ay ipaglalaban siya nito. That's weird.

He's asking about trust and chances.

Why I seem not liking those words anymore? Why I felt that those two words will hurt me? Ayaw niya ng forever, puro chances. Bakit sa tuwing nagsasalita siya about chances ay parang may gagawin siyang mali sa relasyon namin? Tama ba ako ng lalaking minahal? Tama ba ako sa naging desisyon ko? Trust? Can I really trust him? But I do trust him already... How I wish na hindi ako nagkakamali...

She did react after he said that if he ever cheats on her, it will depend on her if she could still trust him and give him a chance. What the–! Parang mali naman!

Then he said his promise, he said that she's the only one he wants, he needs and he... love. She went speechless, nakaramdam ng kakaibang kasiyahan, kasiguruhan. Then the feeling of security vanished when he said that he will fight for her kahit ano ang mangyari. Ipaglalaban daw siya nito kahit paulit-ulit. She felt unsecured again. Paulit-ulit?

Napapikit siya sa negatibong nararamdaman na pilit inaalis sa isipan. Hindi maintindihan kung bakit sila napunta sa gano'n kaseryosong usapan. They were just started pero parang inihahanda na siya nito sa maari nilang harapin na mga problema.

"One thing for sure..." he said. Napatingin siya rito, inaabangan ang kasunod nitong sasabihin habang iniisip kung may mali ba siya sa dami ng tinatanong kaya kung saan-saan napupunta ang usapan nila, then he said...

"Cheating is not my game, love."

She nodded stupidly as she believed him instantly. Bumalik ulit ang positibong nararamdaman niya. She gave him a small smile and touched his right cheek lovingly. He was asking for chances and trust, then she would hold on to the words as those were the only things he could promise to her. She will hold on to the word until she can still feel being happy and in love for always.

How I love you and I can't think of what will happen if this love would fail me. How I wish that the chances and trust you are saying could lead me to be your end game. Forever is a cliche word and I know that I sound silly asking for that but... Am I wrong asking that? Am I stupid looking for that? Or am I being childish for saying that?

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

Muli niya itong tiningnan. Umiling siya, then she sighed, "I don't like you at first..." she said. And I wish that I'd never fall for you as it made me look like an idiot now.

He chuckled, "That's not new."

"Yeah..." she smiled, it looked more of a smirk, "but don't you want to ask why?"

"Why?"

"Because I had a crush on you from the very start," she shyly admitted. She sighed after saying that.

Napakunot-noo si Brix sa sinabi niya then he grinned, "kailan 'yong very start? No'ng sinusundan mo si Andrew sa Black Bricks or no'ng unang gabi na hinalikan kita?"

"I don't know... Siguro 'yong unang kita pa natin sa Black Bricks kasi hindi ka na nawala sa isip ko sa totoo lang. Then when I almost forgot you ay nagpakita ka na naman ulit. Naiinis ako sa'yo kasi sinisira mo 'yong pangako ko sa sarili ko."

"Wala ako sinirang pangako mo sa sarili mo," he said smiling while gave her another glance, "sisirain pa lang," he chuckled with what he said.

She smiled. Natuwa na kahit paano ay na-divert na sa iba ang topic nila. She don't want to continue the 'chances and trust' topic anymore. She doesn't want to feel unsure of her decision.

"Actually, that is the problem..." she gave him a wide grin while staring at his face, "as I am now a person that is between dream and reality. If this is only a dream, I would do everything with you but reality makes me aware that I should choose what is right."

"And I promise you na hindi kita pipilitin sa ayaw mo. At kahit ulitin mo pa kalokohan mo kanina ay pipilitin ko kontrolin sarili ko para wala ka pagsisihan."

Natawa naman siya sa sinabi nito na kalokohan niya kanina. She never thought that she could do that, that she could say those words that she said earlier.

"Sorry, I was just tempted..." she smiled teasingly when she said that, "but I'm not yet done with what I am saying between dream and reality."

"You already informed me that you will always choose what is right and I understand you. I don't want you to offer yourself to me just because you think you were tempted."

"But... but the problem now is that even in reality, I am really looking forward to the day you will fulfill what you said then."

"I am a man of my word. Whatever I say, I always do it."

"Naniniwala naman ako," she smiled, "any idea what you said that I am looking forward to?"

"That I won't do anything you don't like me to do?"

"Nah..." aniya, nakangiti na umiiling habang nakatingin sa kalsadang tinatahak.

"That I will fight for you no matter what?"

"Not that one too..." she chuckled, "I love how you said that at kinilig ako pero hindi 'yon ang nasa isip ko kanina."

"Then what?"

"Remember when you said that you will have me?"

He just gave her a glance, hindi na nagsalita at nakita niya na napalunok ito.

"I am looking forward to that day... really anticipating that moment," she said in her dreamy voice and gave him a glimpse, "the day that you will have me. As like what you said... the day you will take all my first."