The Guardians of Light

Life Is Messy

' Here I am. '

' Hey, welcome back, Ryan. '

' Couldn't get enough of me, eh? Cancelled a movie for me? '

' That's a part of the experiment. Don't flatter yourself and forget about that. Let's talk about you. '

' What else do you want to know? '

' Do you think that the murder you witnessed had an impact on you? '

' I am terrified by the thought of it. The murderer is the reason I don't sleep anymore. '

' So, apart from the murder, you are okay with everything down there? '

' Pretty much, yeah. '

' Okay. What else are you afraid of from childhood. '

' I was afraid of my dad, big rides, some reptiles. That's it, I guess. '

' How did you deal with them? How did you overcome your fear? '

' My father used to yell at me many a times and for no reason sometimes. At first, it was scary, but they seemed routine with time. Coming to the rides, I experienced Roller coasters and some pretty petrifying rides. The more times I tried them, the less scary they got.  At last, the fear turned into a thrill. Trying all the rides felt like an adventure to me. The excitement that I had overcame the fear. '

' So you decided to try them all on your own. '

' Nah. My dad forced me. I cried and screamed most of the time in the beginning. Sometimes, I shrieked so loud that I felt I would become dumb. '

' So what you mean to say is, after you faced your fears, you weren't afraid of them anymore. '

' If you put it that way, then yes. '

' Listen to me carefully. Action cures fear, and inaction creates terror. If you don't face your fears now, your brain exaggerates it to a level that you would never gather the courage to face it later. '

' I know I tried to convince myself that it would be okay, but whenever I see him, every cell of my body wants me to just run. '

' Did he ever try to attack you or thrust a move that made you feel endangered? '

' No, he chased me for the first time, but he stood idle subsequently. '

' Let me tell you a story about a boy who was afraid of darkness. There was a boy, 5-year-old, every night he used to cry. His parents used to come to his room, and when they asked him why, he told them that there's a demon inside his closet. When his parents opened the closet, there was nothing except for his clothes. This repeated for almost a month. The parents couldn't convince their child that there is no such thing as a demon. One day, the boy's father got an idea. He decided to play along with his son's assumption that there's a demon in the closet. The father told him that, son, let's catch the demon red-handedly today. Tonight, you open the closet and then call us. We'll give the demon a good beating, and it would never bother you again. The boy, even though afraid to open the closet on his own, agreed. Later that night, the boy approached the closet to open it. His hands trembled, and eyes filled with water as his hands reached towards the knob. His body turned hot, and sweat trickled down his neck. He still believed that something was behind there and it was anything but good.  With every move he made, he got more and more terrified. His breath quickened as he heard the creaking of the door. Suddenly everything was silent, and behind the door was just darkness. Once he saw that there's nothing there, his tense body relaxed. This is what facing your fear feels like, Ryan. Facing the murderer is your fear and your demon to slay. It's better today rather than tomorrow. '

' That's really a good story, Emma. But my fear is a lot bigger when compared to darkness. '

' Do you know the terms Heliophobia and  Aquaphobia? '

'  Heliophobia is the fear of sunlight, and Aquaphobia is fear of water. '

' Impressive. Now, can you even imagine yourself being afraid of sunlight? Or a pool of water terrifying you? This may seem irrational to you, but it genuinely causes anxiety in the patients suffering from them. I am saying you this because fear is incomparable. You never know the scale of terror a person has for a particular thing or aspect. '

' I wasn't this afraid about anything as I am now. Every time I think about it, I lose confidence. '

' Exactly. Fear is shackles, fear is a knife in the gut slowly twisted, fear is a constant hammer on the head. It keeps growing in your head, and your mind gets festered. '

' I think I am going to face my fears in a couple of days. '

' No. You do it tonight. Because if you leave your fear unchecked, it will destroy your life, Ryan. Fear is one of the many enemies lurking inside us. I promise you if you deal with it today, you'll feel a lot better tomorrow. '

' I will try to do it tonight, Emma. But I can't promise you anything. '

' Alright. But say it out loud, Ryan. '

' I will do it tonight, Emma. '

' You are a smart kid, Ryan. Your parents and your friends need you. Keep them in your mind, and I'll meet you tomorrow. '

' Thank you so much, Emma. '

I developed a warm feeling towards her. I imagined our session would end with a hug, but never mind. I left the room.

I couldn't see my mother outside. While I was looking for her, I spotted Mia.

' You haven't left yet? '

' I have bunked my school for you, psycho. Where would I go? '

' Anyway, where is my mother? '

' She said something had come up. So she left. '

' Oh.. '

It was heavily raining outside, so we decided to sit in the cafeteria for a while.

' I don't want to bore you by asking the same questions, so tell me about the psychiatrist. How does she look? Hot and sexy or old and dim. '

' I didn't know you had a naughty side, Mia. '

' Everybody has one, but they are too shy to accept and exhibit it. '

' I suggest you to open a therapy centre. You are great with words and also loaded with stuff. '

' Stop deviating from the question and answer it already, will ya? '

' Fine. The psychiatrist was a brown woman in her late 30's. She was wearing a well-tailored grey skirt, which seemed reasonable for her pay-grade. She sounded confident, fluent, and she made me feel like she had a sense of clarity. We can call her as a Pantomath. '

' Why do you have to use words like that, Ryan? You enjoy it when I ask you about it, right? '

' I'm sorry. But that word seemed like a fit for her personality. And it means that a person who has learnt all, who has extensive knowledge of everything. '

' You haven't replied to my naughty question. '

' Yes, she can be appealing. '

' I didn't know you observe woman that close, huh Ryan. It's interesting. Okay then, with the same flow, describe me. '

' What? '

' Go on. Don't be such a girl. '

' Alright. Mia, a schoolgirl with the maturity of a woman. A sensible white girl. She is smart, funny, pretty, sporty, and emotionally warm. She is the kind of person who will make you proud to exist as a human. As if in any period of emotional turmoil, you could just point to her and say, "You see that human, she could fix you." '

' Wow. It's very flattering, psycho. I didn't expect this much from you. '

' Well, I am beyond expectations. '

Our conversation broke when Mia got a call from her mother. She went aside and answered the call. She came back in like 20 seconds.

' That was quick. '

' Yeah. '

' Is everything alright? '

' Forget I even got a call, Ryan. Let's resume our convo. '

' Hold on. I am empathetic now, remember? Please share, Mia. You seem tensed. '

' My parents are getting divorced. '

' What? Seriously? '

' Why would I possibly joke about it, Ryan? '

' Oh! My God. That's huge. I'm sorry. Did your mother just inform you of this on the phone? '

' No. It's been going on for the past few weeks. '

' It must be so hard for you. How are you even smiling and being funny right now? '

' Nothing is perfect, Ryan. Life is messy. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational. Relationships are complex. But you have to move on. The news stung like a bee, but there's nothing I could about it. '

' I am amazed by your personality, Mia. I mean that. I am so fortunate that I met you. No matter how much you mask your pain, it doesn't fade any faster. Whenever you feel depressed or alone, I am just a call away. Remember that. '

' Thank you, psycho. It means a lot. '

' My mom has called me because she didn't want to be alone right now. She needs me. '

'Let's get you home then. '

She didn't want me to go with her. I insisted, but failed. So, I booked a cab for her.

I also reached my home by cab.

After knowing about Mia's parents, I felt all gloomy. 

The news troubled me. Her problem seemed like my problem.

Being sad sucks.

I decided right then that I am going to sleep tonight and face my fears. This time, I am not going to run away. I wanted to sort out all my problems so that I could be there for her in times of need.

 I wasn't afraid of consequences anymore.