Fragile Happiness (MxM)

Going To His Place (1)

Chapter 7: Going To His Place (1)

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“I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable, I clean very often so it shouldn’t be that bad…” Kane said as he opened the door and let me in. Surprisingly enough his apartment is in fact very clean. I was impressed even…

“You’re very quiet… Maybe it was a bad idea after all.” Kane continued after several moments of silence. He was obviously expecting me to say something, but I just didn’t know what.

“Not at all. I was just lost in thought.” I said in hopes of his misunderstandings not to grow any further.

“I’m glad.” Kane had an ever so slight smile on his face as he said that. I know he said he liked me, but… why am I the one feeling embarrassed here?

“I’ll begin cooking then…” He said and headed for the kitchen.

“Can I help out?” I asked, the reason being because I wanted to watch him cook. Otherwise I will have great anxiety about whether or not he’s cleaned everything properly.

“Of course, that will be great.” Kane said and the gentle smile seemed to appear on his face again.

As we prepared the food, he seemed to pay special attention to washing everything several times. Kane was turning to observe my reactions constantly… Somehow I feel like he really cares about my opinion, it’s almost strange.

I took off my gloves as we cooked since it wasn’t comfortable or hygienic to cook with the same gloves I’ve been with all day. But I also didn’t feel like the things in his place were too dirty… It was just a bit comfortable even.

“How long have you been living on your own?” Kane suddenly asked me as he turned to look at my direction. I can feel his eyes on the back of my neck.

“Since I was seventeen...” I answered him truthfully and continued to cook without minding the suddenness of his question. At least I would be able to do that if he didn’t ask me more…

“Do your parents also live in S city?” Kane asked while he was chopping up the cucumbers.

“No, father’s still in my hometown.” I quickly replied.

“How about your mother?” Kane asked right afterwards.

“She died when I was very young.” I replied with a calm voice. Genuinely I’m a grown man so I don’t really become emotional over these things any more. Even though when I was a kid if someone were to ask me about this, I’d probably cry my eyes out.

“I’m sorry.” Kane said in a sincere voice.

“There is nothing you should be apologizing for.” I replied and went back to cooking.

“You’re a very strong individual.” Kane suddenly praised me, I have no idea why he started doing it out of the blue.

“I wouldn’t really call myself strong.” I said and then turned my back to the man. This situation really is uncomfortable in so many ways…

“I’ve always admired the way you’ve worked… I felt like I had to work harder as well, so that I’ll be able to reach you someday…” Kane continued in the same sincere voice that he used to apologize to me earlier. But his words serve for nothing more than to make me feel bad. Is this really the man I have hated for so long? Why is he being so nice all of a sudden? Somehow I feel like a really rude person…

“When I confessed to you, I knew I didn’t have a chance… but I shot my shot anyway and missed…” Kane said while turning to look at me, I didn’t turn to meet his eyes though. I felt like if I do turn and look at him, I might actually believe him.

“I understand you wouldn’t like someone like me… I’m nothing special so it’s obvious…” Kane continued to shoot praise my way and insults at himself. How messed up is this guy anyway?! I couldn’t take it anymore and I opened my mouth. Which might have been my mistake…

“You’re basically perfect. So stop with the pity party. The reason I dislike you so much if because you seem to be good at everything. You do your work well, you’re helpful, humble, everybody likes you. There is nothing wrong with you. I rejected you because I’m envious of everything you have, it’s everything that I don’t…” As I said those words I realized exactly how miserable my life had been up until that point.

I had always strived to do my best but was secretly envious of everyone else around me and especially Kane. He was the one person I could never hope to reach, both in work ethic and interpersonal skills. So in a way I actually admire him…

But it’s so painful to admit… it’s so strange to finally say it out loud, and now that I have I silently wait for the other’s response…

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Huh? What is this? Kane has been completely silent for a solid minute and a half. Did he not understand anything I just told him?

I turned to look at him but I was met with his lips. “Mph! Mmm…” I struggle to breath as I feel his warm lips pressed onto mine. Somehow I feel lightheaded, I don’t even know how long the kiss continued for but afterwards I felt strange.

I hurried to wipe my lips with the back on my hand but it wasn’t enough. So I washed my hands and then my mouth on the sink. All of it in front of Kane… I simply couldn’t hold back the urge to do so…

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have kissed you…” Kane said as he watched me wash myself frantically.

“Is that all you know what to do? Apologize?!” I was angry, this was my first kiss and it was with the man I couldn’t stand. I turned to look at him, my entire face and hands completely wet, water had started dripping on my clothes as well.

“I’m really sorry…” Kane didn’t retort back with anything, he simply apologized once more. The worst part is that because of the expression he made I actually forgave him.

“Let’s just cook and eat…” I said quietly, I didn’t have the strength to fight with him, nor the energy to do so…

As we ate neither of us said anything, the silence was both unnerving and also a better option than having him continue to apologize.

Afterwards I got up and left wishing him a good night before I exited the door. All that Kane said was “Get back home safe…” He seemed to want to send me off but was still feeling guilty because of what happened earlier.

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I really don’t know what to do anymore… Out of everyone in the office why did it have to be him?

Falling in love with me? Yeah right… Like that would ever happen.

This must be some kind of twisted joke… I don’t believe this…