A Luna's Power

Chapter 1: Not Getting Better

Note: This series is a darker werewolf series not following the usual "plot" of fated mates.

Be aware of darker elements such a described violence and death.

-Lara-

“Happy birthday … to me,” I said as I watched the numbers on the clock turn.

I put my phone down and turned my eyes back to the fire. It was exactly one minute after midnight. It was at this exact time I had been born nineteen years ago … Who would have thought I would become the luna of my father’s pack, refusing to rule it beside an alpha? I was not weak, and I refused to think my only power came from the alpha I decided to get mated to. No, my power came from me, and that power was mine alone. I refused to just hand it over. It was why I would never have a mate. No, I would never surrender to an alpha. Ever!

Ding

A notification appeared on my phone, and I lifted it to see a message from my sister. I was surprised she was still up, considering she was a mother now, and while I was happy for her and what she had found, I refused to ever be like her. I would never be someone’s mate or mother. I would be my own.

Happy birthday little sis!

I know you aren’t much for celebrating and attending parties, so how about this year we have dinner at the castle on Friday?

I looked at the text, just staring at the words. I did not want to attend a dinner either. I had no desire to celebrate whatsoever. It was just another day. Besides, what was there even to celebrate? So, I was turning a year older. It was not like anything spectacular would be happening this year … or … it was then I realized what an opportunity my sister had just given me.

If I came to dinner at the castle, then that meant I could talk to the king without having to wait weeks! The king had started having these audiences letting everyone and anyone come to him with their concerns. I heard Isabella was a part of those audiences and I bet she was the one who had suggested them, but there was a long waiting period, since everyone always had something to ask of him. Now I did too, but I did not have the patience to wait. This way, I could go straight to him.

I smiled as I placed the phone in both my hands.

I’m in.

That was all I wrote before I grabbed my leather jacket and killed the fire before walking out of the little cottage. Was it strange I hated being at home even if I was the pack’s luna? It probably was, but whenever I wasn’t needed there, like at night, I would come here. It had been my place to escape to, and a place no one knew about. Not even Selene.

I walked out into the late night and went over to my bike. I swung my leg over it and turned it on. Its powerful engine roared into the night and the big forest where the cottage was. I then turned around and sped out of there. I had a lot to prepare before meeting with the king.

-James-

I was enjoying a cigarette on the balcony that was connected to my room. I knew it was a bad habit I had gotten, but these moments … just these small moments when I stood out here watching the sun come up, I felt calm. It felt like I wasn’t drowning in my own misery and thoughts. I felt … a little better, but it only lasted shortly. As soon as the sun had risen, I had smoked the cigarette, and a new day had begun, my thoughts came back. Those torturous feelings came back …

I sighed deeply, as I placed my hands on the railing. It almost felt like a wave crashing against me and pulling me under, trying to make me drown under its power. I could barely breathe. I could barely get my head above water again. I just didn’t know what to do …

After a little while, of course, it lessened and I was able to shower, put on some clothes, before I armed myself and then put on my mask while pushing the pain further down. I walked over to the door leading outside, but before I even opened it, I heard a familiar scratching sound.

I sighed and opened the door, only to be met by the orange furball that had taken quite a liking to me after Evan had moved.

“I am not your new boytoy,” I told her, as she rubbed herself against my leg and purred loudly. “I mean it! Go annoy someone else.”

She just continued to purr loudly, as she snaked herself between my legs. I sighed deeply and leaned my head back.

“Why me?” I whispered.

I walked into the hallway and the cat followed me, but just then I heard a loud barking. Little Diva hissed at the sight of Koda running towards us, and then she was off in a hurry, while Koda jumped me and tried licking me in the face.

“You are now my new best friend,” I told him, happy he scared the little cat off.

“Hurtful,” I heard someone say.

I looked down the hallway, seeing Damian smiling a little before he did a small head nod to the side, telling me to follow. The king was probably already about to start the day, and it was often Damian and I who were the first ones in his office. I walked up to him, and we walked up the stairs leading to the floor where the king’s office was.

“So how are you feeling?” Damian asked.

“Fine,” I said, wondering why he would ask me.

“Don’t lie to me,” Damian said and grabbed my arm.

We stopped and I looked at him confused. What the hell?

“Let me go!” I said and pulled my arm back, but Damian wasn’t done.

“You are not doing fine,” he said in a low voice.

“Yeah?”

“You think just because you live on the floor beneath me, I don’t hear your screams? Your calling for her? Or that I don’t see you wandering the hallways?”

I looked away from him, knowing he saw right through me, if I looked him in the eyes and told him that that was not true. That I was doing none of those things I would be lying. Just tonight I was dreaming about her death … I saw it all again. While I had not been there to see her be killed, my mind would make up images of it. I would always try to get to her, and I would always be too late. It was like my own mind wanted to torture me.

“Listen, we already tried dealing with Evan’s darkness, we can’t have you spiraling as well,” he said.

“I am not,” I sneered at him and looked at him.

“But you are, James. We can all see it. When was the last time you actually slept?”

“And tell me, when you lost your Amelia, how much did you sleep? Because if I remember correctly, you were once the one wandering the hallways at night!”

I knew I was being a d*ck for bringing up his dead mate and using her against him. But I needed him to stay the f*ck out of my business. I did not want to talk about it. I was trying to put it past me, and he was not helping by calling me out on my nightmares and the wandering around at night. Yet I hated myself that I had even mentioned Amelia. It was incredibly unfair, especially because I understood that pain better than anyone here. Losing Jane … my heart broke just thinking about her, just hearing her name or saying it.

“James, you need help,” he said.

“I am fine!”

I knew I wasn’t, and still I refused to admit it.

“I thought we agreed you were going to do better than me,” he said.

“Yes?”

“This isn’t doing better! You are doing the exact same thing.”

“And what do you want me to do? Huh? You want me to just stop having nightmares? To just stop thinking about her? I can’t! I loved her with all my heart … with my very soul, how do you expect me to move on from that?” I snapped.

Damian watched me for a little while, and was just about to say something when a third voice suddenly spoke out:

“Are we interrupting something?”

I turned around seeing Garrett and Chris on the stairs now as well, and I groaned irritated before turning away, just needing a second to gather myself. Then I sighed deeply, letting some of the anger go before turning to the two of them and saying:

“No, you aren’t.”

I turned to look at Damian, who had crossed his arms and shook his head at me, but I did not care if he was disappointed in me or even angry at me. I could do what I wanted to, as long as it did not interfere with our missions or the work we were doing, and so far, it hadn’t.

I started to walk away, and the rest followed, yet it was a tense energy we brought with us, as we walked to the king’s office and knocked. He told us to enter, and we did, scattering around the room and preparing for the first meeting of the day.

“What is going on here?” the king asked as we all found a place in the room.

His yellow eyes ran over all of us. He could without a doubt sense something was very wrong and did not like it.

“Nothing,” I said.

The others glanced at me, but I gave them a warning with my eyes. I was certain Chris and Garrett had heard our conversation, and I did not want them to bring it up. It seemed they understood my silent words and turned away, focusing on the king again. His yellow eyes met mine though, and I could see he was already putting things together himself, yet he knew better than trying to say something and simply began the meeting.