As I lugged myself up the stairs to the apartment, I felt heavy, yet weightless at the same time. All I had really done was traded one stressor for another and although I couldn't be happier knowing I'd never have to return to that dreadful job again, the increasing pressure of responsibility pressed down on me the more I climbed.
I slid my hand up the banister and lifted myself up the final step which stopped right in front of our door. I put the keys in and turned the knob, leaning my back against the frame to close the door shut. My head fell back as I let out a huff. I can't believe I did it. There was no going back now: this was my reality and h*ll, did I wish that I had thought this through.
A bubbling sensation brewed deep in the pit of my stomach and the events of my exit replayed over and over again in my mind. I was so overcome with emotion, both good and bad, that I was resigning before my brain could catch up with my mouth. And now that it had, I could feel the anxiety creeping in as it pieced together my past, present, and future all at once. Let's just say, at this point in time, none of those options were looking so hot.
I threw my keys into the bowl and immediately made my way to my bedroom, undressing as I entered and closed the door behind me. One of the perks of walking out on your job? You get most of your day back. The daylight peaked through the slit of the white curtains that covered my window as I grabbed an old sweater and joggers from closet and nestled into them as they slid over me.
I stared at a spot on my carpet as I unconsciously played with my ring. This wasn't the first time in my life I didn't know what to do, but it was the only time I had ever made a decision so impactful that it could affect my entire future, and that scared the living sh*t out of me. I just prayed it would become the best decision of my life, rather than the worst.
When I finally noticed that I had been staring at the same location for longer than intended, I shook my head free of any intrusive thoughts and opened my door to find Aubrey mid knock.
“Oh," she said, startled. She looked me up and down. “You look—"
“Don't even," I said, raising a hand to stop her.
“I heard you come in. I thought I'd see if you wanted to watch some cr*ppy reality TV and complain about your trashy job."
“If only I still had my trashy job," I said, letting go of the door frame and sitting down on the edge of my bed.
Aubrey's body perked up and her blue eyes widened. “You didn't."
“Oh, I did."
“What—?" she stated in disbelief, entering my room, and sitting down beside me. “What happened?"
I protruded my lip and shrugged. “I don't know, I guess what you said to me took effect."
Aubrey examined me for long enough that I eventually curled my arm around myself and impulsively set some distance between us.
“You regret it, don't you?"
My posture loosened. I could never get away with lying to Aubrey. She understood everything about me: my attitude, mannerisms, and habits. My eyes fell down to the ring on my hand.
“I don't know what we're going to do. It'll take months to find another job—and even if I do, it'll most likely be the same situation." I sighed. “I should've just stayed there. If I planned properly, I could've—"
“No," Aubrey interrupted. “Don't do that. Do not take this from yourself." She placed a hand on my knee. “Staying there would've destroyed you and you know that."
I did, but I refused to admit it to her or myself. I kept quiet as my mind started to preform acrobatics, renumerating on my obligations, with one thought leading into another.
“You need to lighten up," Aubrey continued. “This is a new opportunity! A new lease on life." She paused and then gasped as she grabbed a hold of my arm. “Let's go on a trip."
She had to be joking. There was absolutely no way in h*ll she was serious right now, and I believed it so much that I let out a small chuckle. Only when she didn't let go or stop gaping at me, it clicked that she wasn't in any respect.
“Are you just hopeful, or widely insane?" I questioned, pulling my arm back. “Do you not listen to anything I say?"
“Oh, come on, Liv!" she exclaimed, standing and grabbing the laptop that sat on my bedside table. Her eyes scanned the screen left and right as her fingers typed multiple locations into a random search engine. “I have summer vacation in a week, and like you said yesterday, we have a combined $5,000 in savings. Look, it's all coming together!"
She stopped and turned the laptop towards me so I could see what she was doing. On the screen was a website with a white and blue colour scheme and an image of a hillside town on rocky waters at sunset, drawing the eye in immediately. Placed across the top of the webpage in the same coloured, handwritten font, was the words 'Greece.'
It was a nice idea—really. But that's all it could be—a dream. “I appreciate the thought, Bree. I do. But what happens once we return and realize we have no money to survive?" The pressure I had been putting myself under for so long was punching me directly in the gut and in response, I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled.
I heard the sound of the laptop lid shut, and soon after, felt her hand touch mine. I lifted my head and sniffed back any emotion that had bubbled to the surface.
“You need to stop worrying so much about the consequences. Ever since I met you, you have been so concerned with doing the right thing. Now's the chance to do something so wild, you can only imagine it. It's time to live a little."
I looked at Aubrey, who had so much sincerity and hope built inside of her. Most people would think she's insane, with no idea of how the real world works. You can't just up and leave with no idea of what comes next. But maybe she was onto something. For as long as I can remember, I've had to fend for myself. Maybe I did deserve the chance to be reckless and live the life that so many people my age already have and seize any opportunity that came my way. I mean, it could always lead to something better, right?
I took one final breath and smiled at Aubrey. As soon as my expression shifted, she radiated with excitement.
It was decided. We were going to Greece. And I had nothing left to lose.